Please Advise: When 2 Alphas Square Off

[PackDaddy]

Hi everyone, I am having a very serious problem that could eventually jeopardize my career. I am humbly asking the Don Juan community for help on this one. I am hoping that by giving you gentlemen the facts, we can reach a consensus on the preferred choice of action. This will be a long read, so any opinions will be much appreciated.

So here are the facts:

I'm about to start my internship at a very large/prestigious company. I have worked very hard for this internship. I am one of 8 interns from my school that will be interning with this firm within the next two weeks. However, I have been butting heads with a fellow soon-to-be colleague. We have been butting heads for the past year and I do not foresee him cutting out his antics any time soon. On a scale of "distrust," my rating for this particular individual flies off the scale; there is always an ulterior motive. So now let me describe this guy. He is power hungry, and I mean starving. He has no concept of respect, except for when there is an immediate reward for him. So he disrespects his fellow business students all the time. He purposefully puts others down, and will immediately expose their faults. He is however charismatic, outgoing, creative, and very smart. This has earned him huge points with our firm. Since he is also good at acting, he puts on a great poker face. However, his judgment is not the greatest. He has 2 DUIs already and is a loose canon. I also know this individual will start rumors in an attempt to take people down that he doesn't like. One thing that should stand out now by the way, is that not only do I have problems with him, but many others do as well. He is so damn good at covering his intentions and trails though. To sum it up, this guy is the charismatic and corrupt politician; he is a social engineer in the making.

Lately he has been trying to damage my reputation at the firm. He tried this once already when he and I had leadership positions in a school organization. What he does is calls out my mistakes whenever I make them (does this to others as well). Because he is charismatic, the people I will be working with will tend to believe him.

Not to say I don't have some degree of charisma too. I am outgoing and fun, like him. I command a strong will, and high degree of self-respect. I too am intelligent. However, I am not sure who is more cunning yet, between the two of us.

Here is the dilemma I face in making a choice on mode of action:

If I play this little game with him, he will be one persistent mother****er. He will keep tabs on me. This will force me to do the same. If this is kept up, it will eventually become visible to our colleagues that we are having problems. This is not something I want. I also do not want to put the damn effort in with him; I hate game playing. So I'm looking for a quick solution.

Here's a few ideas of my own:

1. Call upon a higher-up. Not only does he have DUIs, but I have been privy to a whole bunch of shady things he has done in the past that our future employer will not like to hear. I would think this would damage his reputation, and possibly have him terminated. However, if I do this I will also sell out a group of approximately 10 fellow students. Basically, we all promised each other we would never repeat anything we heard about him when we were deliberating upon his candidacy for a position in the aforementioned school organization. Some of these colleagues will also work alongside me at this firm. This could create a huge backfire. Yet, I'm thinking if I consult the campus recruiter, there's some chance they won't ever repeat what I tell them.

2. Call him out every time he publicly questions my mistakes and bring up some of his mistakes, reminding him that I have ammunition, and also showing everyone else that he is no angel. Again though, I think this will provoke him into incessantly keeping tabs on my mistakes and create a game playing war.

3. Confront him one on one and tell him to cut it out. However, when he disrespected me in the past, I did confront him when we were alone. He played stupid and no progress was made.

4. Confront him and threaten him. Tell him that I will expose him. However, this gives him time to devise a plan. Probably the worst option.

5. Confront and intimidate. If calling him out man to man doesn't work, then get physical. Beat him up a little bit and put the fear of god in him. However, if I leave any marks, and there's always a chance, then there's evidence for an attorney to take advantage of. In this scenario, I could face prison.

6. If confronting him and warning him doesn't work, then... Don't think any more words need to be said... However, this alternative if done incorrectly could also have a prison sentence.

I also have to assume that he will seek revenge. So my real options are: Leave the firm (run away from my problems), start a war with him, go to a higher up and damage his rep (might damage mine as well), or escalate to physical harm and possibly lose everything.

I'm guessing he's targeting me because he is afraid of me for some reason. Maybe he's jealous. I'll probably never know. I will not give up an opportunity for a successful career/life because of some little punk though.

I also have to assume he is, has, or will think of exactly what I'm thinking at some point. This will give him further motive to take me down. I also think given the opportunity he would beat me to a pulp or possibly kill me. Yes, this may seem like overreacting. But, again I have heard about his shady past and know his sociopath personality profile.

Lastly, I am cordial with him. So I believe i may have the element of surprise on my side.

 

[Who Dares Win]

You said that theres other people as well which dont like him right?

Altought involve other people in any plan is potentially dangerous, you could use any of them to give ammo to your action, if you dont wanna spread those rumors, you can find a way to leave evidences and let others spread them.

Leave the "violent option" to those who know what they are doing, an everyday normal guy living as a white collar cant plan and execute beatings, you lack the knowledge for the execution and the plan of action is case sh1t hits the fun, most of the time the police find out who is the responsbile but cant prove it so the they push someone untill he confess.

The question is, how long this state of things is gonna last?

Because if the game will be over in a couple of months and they will hire someone you can do some things, but if this situation is supposed to last a year or more you better think carefully what to do since he will have time to strike back.

 

[BlackBear]

You've lost the game already.

 

[PackDaddy]

Black Bear

explain how i have lost already black bear? seems like a pessimistic cop out to me. the good news is that i have a solid work ethic and am intelligent. i will become a valuable asset to this company. furthermore, just thought of this... i am building bridges with c-lvl type in the company.

i know that my performance and discipline at the internship this summer will be beneficial. if i don't screw up, i basically get the full-time offer. so i'm concerned with how to handle him a year from this summer when i start full-time.

by the way, he ran for president of our student organization. the 10 fellow students were on the board with me. this is the deliberation i was talking about. everything about this guy rose to the surface.

black bear, thank you for the challenge. several possibilities just came to me.

1. talk to the board members. tell them what is going on. and tell them i'm going to come out with his stuff if need be. however, this is contingent upon whether i can get their support. if not, i still might have a chance at pulling this alternative off.

2. talk to some professors, who know about him, and who like me, and ask them what to do.

3. shrug off his bull **** and bring up his past in front of others to make them start questioning him. "haha good one dave!" "the next time i need someone to critique me who has multiple DUIs, and used to be a drug addict, I'll call upon a felon." - say something along these lines.

 

[Alvafe]

ignore black bear he is a troll who like to dwell here.

things to do is kind hard, since several peeps don't like him already you can always let time go and let him bury himself, things like this is simple, he is smart but after sometime his arrogance will get best of him, only thing I can see here is you finding lot of info on the guy and see what you can use.

you can also do things like he does against him like he calls out a mistake of yours, you just say in a positive tone you like his feedback and will elarn from it, also calling him when you make a mistake you can remember a mistake close to yours like, "Oh like that time when you did that?"

simple put you will be mirroring his actions with you, deflecting everything bad back to him, and saying you are learning and telling him in front of everyone you like his help to make you a better leader normally put him in a furious state because he will start to wonder if what he is doing is really making you look bad and he can start to push hard to amke you look bad then in the end will make him look bad.

 

[Kbomb]

If it was me, I wouldn't tell anyone until it becomes really out of control. I think what is at issue is that this guy is undermining you at work. Regardless of his antics, or however you perceive them to be it basically boils down to one thing. Competition. Period. You could perceive it as a threat and report it to your superiors, leave etc etc. There is another option and that is to view it as a real life opportunity to develop and sharpen a skill set.

The main issues here are:

1: How to hedge against his continued assault on your reputation/status.

2: How to properly display positive characteristics in a myriad of situations at work

3: How to politicize/network connections in your favor in a group setting. How to create alliances and maintain them.

4: How to strategize broad outlines and objectives in his continued actions against you.

5: How to emotionally detach from reactionary emotions. How to use emotions in other people to achieve your desired goals.

I mean the list goes on but there is potentially a lot to learn here, as your rival seems to have learned/learning them as well. If you are outmatched, then admit it and continue to work towards the goal of developing these skills. Of course you might not have his natural ability to sociopathically pursue his goals at the expense of others, but you do have your strengths and cards to play as well don't you?

 

[Fruitbat]

Do option 1 if you can do it annonymously

he started the war, destroy his career. I know from bitter experience that you have to be utterly ruthless at work with people like this. Don't worry about going to his level, if you can get him terminated, do it. He brought it on himself.

Do NOT persue the violent options. Don't get mad, get even. You will be in a world of **** if you try and get him beaten up

 

[zekko]

I don't really have any advice, but I want to say I know the type of person you are talking about. Power hungry, machiavellian, manipulative, megalomaniac, and charismatic. Also very good at getting on the good side of key higher ups that can help them advance and aid his plans.

I think you are in for a fight if you take this guy on. My experience is that this type of person usually meets a bad end, but not before they've attained a fairly high degree of success. Best of luck to you.

 

[zinc4]

I admit to not having much experience with such a conniving co-worker or colleague in a competitive situation like this, but perhaps you should just ignore him and focus and doing your job to the best of your abilities...

And if it gets a lot worse...i mean if you believe he could single handedly stop you from getting hired, then i would do option 1 at that point if i felt i had no other choice.

 

[zekko]

I guess I should say when I worked with a guy like this, I just stayed chummy with him. There's a saying: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. I wasn't in any direct competition with him, however. But I'm sure he could have caused me some trouble if I would have made myself an actual threat to him.

 

[Slickster]

I know the exact type of guy as well. I have worked with an a$$hole like this for the past 10 years and have finally defeated him, hopefully once and for all.

 

[sharkbeat]

LOL. My girlfriend would love this game..

2. Call him out every time he publicly questions my mistakes and bring up some of his mistakes, reminding him that I have ammunition, and also showing everyone else that he is no angel. Again though, I think this will provoke him into incessantly keeping tabs on my mistakes and create a game playing war.

I think this is preferable, but you have to do it in a light-hearted way but also embarass him for those mistakes. Since he likes to point mistakes in others, it's most likely he can't take his own mistakes. If you point them out, he'd either back off, or act out and start a barrage of fingerpointing antics, in which if he does that, he lose the game. Make sure to do this in front of others.

Btw, I don't think he has alpha qualities, though as charming as he is.

 

[iamnobody]

The way I see it...
First thing you have to do is stop making mistakes. This way you take away his main weapon.
Second, and most important, be the best at what you do, be better than him. In fact this is a win-win situation: not only you disable the fvcker, but also manage to better yourself in your field of work. Don't resort to violence, don't let him see he can get to you. Treat him like he's a little biatch.

Sun Tzu said something brilliant: “For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.”

 

[PackDaddy]

Thanks for all of the input you guys. I'm figuring it out now.

I started thinking about this yesterday and could not figure out why I was allowing him to annoy me. Could not think of one reason.

So here's the game plan:

1. I'm going to ignore him, as there is no reason to pay any attention to him. And, if he pushes to get my attention, I'll brush him off and tell him I'm busy. This will piss him off because he loves attention.

2. Work diligently (as planned), and minimize mistakes so that he runs out of ammunition.

This plan disarms him. If I really feel the need to do so then I can look more into sabotaging him.

 

[JoeMarron]

It seems like you already have the right idea but follow law 36 of The 48 Laws of Power. It doesn't fit your situation exactly but it may still be helpful.

Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge

By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

 

[Mike32ct]

If this is temporary situation, like a few month internship, maybe consider this...

Be his best buddy/ally at work. Compliment his work. Talk guy stuff during break time. Pretend he's the coolest guy in the office. Invite him to lunch.

Maybe even ask him to do a small favor for you. Then thank him.

Act like he's helping you or joking with you rather than assuming he's putting you down when he makes a comment.

While I don't recommend gossip, get to the point where he feels comfortable b@tching about another coworker to you. Don't openly talk shyte about the other coworker, but passively and discretely AGREE with him and slowly feed him more.

You want to slowly shift his crosshairs from you to somebody else. Once he feels you are on his side, he will find another victim.

Workplace gossip is always the "You're ok, but so and so sucks" type. Use it.

 

[BudaBing]

However, I have been butting heads with a fellow soon-to-be colleague. We have been butting heads for the past year and I do not foresee him cutting out his antics any time soon. On a scale of "distrust," my rating for this particular individual flies off the scale; there is always an ulterior motive. So now let me describe this guy. He is power hungry, and I mean starving. He has no concept of respect, except for when there is an immediate reward for him. So he disrespects his fellow business students all the time. He purposefully puts others down, and will immediately expose their faults. He is however charismatic, outgoing, creative, and very smart. This has earned him huge points with our firm. Since he is also good at acting, he puts on a great poker face. However, his judgment is not the greatest. He has 2 DUIs already and is a loose canon. I also know this individual will start rumors in an attempt to take people down that he doesn't like. One thing that should stand out now by the way, is that not only do I have problems with him, but many others do as well. He is so damn good at covering his intentions and trails though. To sum it up, this guy is the charismatic and corrupt politician; he is a social engineer in the making..

Sounds like classic BPD only not a woman but a male. Reminds me of my ex. Seriously. Best of luck to you.

 

[BigSmooth]

Is this an investment banking internship?


If I were in your shoes, the way I would deal with this type of co-intern would be to

1. Treat him like a "little brother" type pest. Talk down on him, make fun of him, question everything he says, find holes in his arguments and logic, poke fun at any of his strange antics. Call him by condescending names like "slugger" and "champ".

2. While you are doing the above, also go and speak to your boss in private. Tell him nonchalantly that you and the rest of your team work great together, but X's attitude in terms of working in a team has not been ideal for the group. Say it sincerely, but you also want to come across as confident, not a whiny baby.


I would also be aware of his actions. Keep him in your sights at all times...these passive aggressive people that try to sabotage your career behind your back are the worst kind of people.


~BSmooth

 

[PackDaddy]

I like Joe Marron's idea of ignoring him. The explanation is sound. I also like Big Smooth's treating him like a little brother. So I think the ****tail will be a mix of ignoring him and subtly belittling him.

Also, @ Big Smooth, it is one of the Big4 Accounting firms.

 

[PackDaddy]

Again, the input is much appreciated guys.