Plain Jane (or slightly lower) looks vs Personality - can there be happiness?

[TheTraveller]

Hi there,

So this is a follow-up thread to the thread started here a year and half ago:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=94473

Its been a while since this thread (over a year), but I thought I'd give you an update since there as there is something new that has hashed up again from this:

So now it's July 2007, and I've been with this same girl since Sept 2005. At the time I wrote the original thread, I had some external stress from work and childhood stuff that came back to haunt me. That was dealt with through therapy and I feel great now. Yet, I decided to stick with my girlfriend. My love for her is still there, but now here is where I am today. Last August 2006 I moved away for 2 years of grad school. We both agreed to try long distance and have succeeded the past 7 months, with trips every other month to see each other.

Well, now she's here, with me for 6 weeks for her vacation while I'm in school. So when she was away I forget about her looks and my issues with her plain face and her gaining about 5-10 pounds in the past year (a lot for someone 5 feet tall).

Since she's here now, my mind says I can do better looks-wise. And I guess I've been more testy with her. We have a great time together, but the stress of this distance, where I will get a job after (hoping with her but who knows) and her plain looks is just getting to me.

What would you advise me to do? Should I get out there once she goes back to her home and in my final year here sarge and just meet other women? I don't mean to cheat, but just to see what's out there as a way to justify my logic of being bothered by her plain looks? It doesn't help that she hasn't orgasmed over these two years at all, or never. I am also immensely more confident with my looks than I was in the past.

I'm at a loss here. I was willing to give her a shot and I have thus far. To me, looks are definitely not everything and I by far prefer a great personality over looks. But there's something there, like me being embarrassed at times to introduce her to acquiantances or friends, and seeing most other girls who are more attractive and this hurts. I know I have a great girl, but how great? I think, "fine, get a better looking girl, but then will I still have these feelings of wanting better?"...

Thanks,
- T

 

[Interceptor]

Maybe you should think instead of "I can do better Looks Wise" to "Can I do better personality, loyalty, sweetness, consideration, thoughtfulness, sexuality, integrity, patience, trusting, understanding, and fidelity Wise???"

 

[TheTraveller]

Maybe you should think instead of "I can do better Looks Wise" to "Can I do better personality, loyalty, sweetness, consideration, thoughtfulness, sexuality, integrity, patience, trusting, understanding, and fidelity Wise???"

I agree. That could be viewed as also partially covering up the situation at hand, but yes, she can be an uptight girl, as I can be uptight as well, which doesn't mix well as I've seen at times.

She is very loyal, sweet, considerate, thoughtful girl. Very patient and trusting and all that.

Sexuality-wise, she's understanding completely but she has never had an orgasm - ever! She obviously has some sexuality issues, she doesn't find herself sexy, and the sex, albeit nice, is routine because of this.

So I could go through the motions over the next year or so of improving myself and her to get her to improve her healthy living habits and dressing styles (I'm a 7+ looks-wise, she isn't, and I'm into healthy living and exercise - she isn't, yet). Then after that year, when the LDR is done, hope I move back to where she is and find a job there or she does the same here, and try again. A tough decision indeed.

- T

 

[ChapStick]

Interceptor got it right on!

This girl seems to have been pretty loyal to you! Even stuck to her end of the LDR. Kinda hard to find girls like this. I'm telling ya...

Sure you can sarge hotter women who play games with you, and in the end you won't be happy.

If I were you, I'd look at the beautiful thing that you have! Cheating on her would be ****ed up man. I'm sure you know this! Just break up with her if you're planning on doing that to her. From what I can see, she doesn't deserve that!

My friend, just take into consideration what you have with this girl, and ask yourself if it's worth throwing all away just because she has a plain face. I'd take a loyal girl with a great personality over an unfaithful hottie (for LTR's).

You've been with this girl for a while! If her face truly bothers you, and you think you can do better than her, and want to... Be a man and let her go instead of cheating behind her back. Cheating in my opinion shows that you are weak! You are unable to let go of what you have because it's your "safety net" just in-case things don't last with the other.

Anyways, I hope you'll make the right decision! Sorry if it sounds like I'm implying that you're going to cheat. I just feel the need to stress not to do it.... What goes around comes around!

You seem to have found a great girl... Just take that into consideration!

Good luck my friend!

 

[ChapStick]

She is very loyal, sweet, considerate, thoughtful girl. Very patient and trusting and all that.

Look at those positives... Finding someone who has stood the test of time like that is hard to find!

Sexuality-wise, she's understanding completely but she has never had an orgasm - ever! She obviously has some sexuality issues, she doesn't find herself sexy, and the sex, albeit nice, is routine because of this.

YOU should be the one making her feel sexy and changing it up... You're the leader, right?

So I could go through the motions over the next year or so of improving myself and her to get her to improve her healthy living habits and dressing styles (I'm a 7+ looks-wise, she isn't, and I'm into healthy living and exercise - she isn't, yet). Then after that year, when the LDR is done, hope I move back to where she is and find a job there or she does the same here, and try again. A tough decision indeed.

Healthy habits can be made... Dressing styles can easily be changed! Once the LDR is over, you'll be able to motivate her.

I think it's a beautiful thing that you're together for this long. It kind of hurts to see when someone is unhappy with what they have, when what they have is what a lot of guys want. In your case, a relationship with a girl that has many positive attributes that you really won't find in many women...

Anyways, hehe.. I'm not you, so I don't know how you feel and how much it really bothers you. Just take into consideration the good when you contemplate the bad attributes about her..

Good luck!

 

[TheTraveller]

Interceptor got it right on!

This girl seems to have been pretty loyal to you! Even stuck to her end of the LDR. Kinda hard to find girls like this. I'm telling ya...

Sure you can sarge hotter women who play games with you, and in the end you won't be happy.

If I were you, I'd look at the beautiful thing that you have! Cheating on her would be ****ed up man. I'm sure you know this! Just break up with her if you're planning on doing that to her. From what I can see, she doesn't deserve that!

My friend, just take into consideration what you have with this girl, and ask yourself if it's worth throwing all away just because she has a plain face. I'd take a loyal girl with a great personality over an unfaithful hottie (for LTR's).

You've been with this girl for a while! If her face truly bothers you, and you think you can do better than her, and want to... Be a man and let her go instead of cheating behind her back. Cheating in my opinion shows that you are weak! You are unable to let go of what you have because it's your "safety net" just in-case things don't last with the other.

Anyways, I hope you'll make the right decision! Sorry if it sounds like I'm implying that you're going to cheat. I just feel the need to stress not to do it.... What goes around comes around!

You seem to have found a great girl... Just take that into consideration!

Good luck my friend!

You are right, she is definitely a great girl, yet it's just hard to get over her looks. Her chubbiness - I don't care about. Heck, most girls bodies turn me on unless they're a whale.

The face is what gets me when I'm out with her. It's like I'm not proud of her, of being with her in public sometimes because if she doesn't have make-up on or all dressed up, her face is plain/ugly. She does not have a nice smile, and has break-outs (acne) at times, and bad hair.

Perhaps I need to look at myself as well, but I'm a 7+ and have been told I can do better, *looks-wise* that the girl I have now. Everything-else wise, it would be hard to find better.

 

[mexican_player2]

i'd say dump the newborn wolf.

there are always hotter girls that are more compatible with you.

you see you are not happy with her. and it doesnt matter if all the guys in the world wants what you have, you are not happy.

you see to me i'd rather to die trying with at least knowing i could had come up, rather than have a mediocre life.
think about it bro.

 

[blackbelt2k]

I know what you mean, I'm seeing this really nice girl. I mean she is pretty, funny, very sweet, has self respect, and integrity, and we click on alot of stuff...the only thing is.. she's got no butt, and damn, sometimes its such a turn off. I don't know whether to keep seeing her, as she seems to be falling faster for me than I for her, or just end it and upgrade.

 

[ricorico]

I know what you mean, I'm seeing this really nice girl. I mean she is pretty, funny, very sweet, has self respect, and integrity, and we click on alot of stuff...the only thing is.. she's got no butt, and damn, sometimes its such a turn off.

How the hell does she have no butt? You mean like some Asian girls where it's totally flat it almost indents??? Can't be worse than that!

 

[Hitman10000]

I disagree with the guys that tell you to overlook looks and such. It's ingrained in our genes to seek out those we consider attractive to ourselves. For me it's the total package but she's got to have a doable face for me. I'm not shallow, I'm looking out for my self interest and that's what you gotta do. Don't be Captain Save-A-Ho like other guys and get stuck in a relationship your gut tells you that it's not meant to be.

Your Gut does not lie. Listen to it and do what you must to seek your happiness.

 

[blackbelt2k]

How the hell does she have no butt? You mean like some Asian girls where it's totally flat it almost indents??? Can't be worse than that!

dude, i don't even know how to explain it. She's full sicilian, but has like a pretty flat butt... and it just gets to me

 

[Scought]

If you have to ask this question I think you already have the answer.

Don't just stay with someone because of the "past." That's a pretty weak argument.

Stay with them because you find EVERYTHING sexy about them.

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship.

You don't have to settle.

And if you lost attraction--hey, it happens. It's just not there anymore, why continue to waste more time, only because what you have together is a lot of time.

 

[diizy]

If you really love her, then you would ask yourself, how can i solve these issues with her?