Still working thru losing a friend after the botched LJBF attempt.
(previous post link: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=83814)
Along the way someone forwarded me some interesting information which really seems to describe this train wreck to a tee. Realizing some of this stuff has been 'interesting' to say the least.
I found myself wrapped up with a 'friend' I never really knew that well. Is that a friend?
Some of you guys (in the previous post) nailed the LSE issue.
But I think one other thing was going on too. She never got over the ex. And now I think she started looking for someone just like him. I believe this is called the Placebo syndrome?
http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/Placebo.htm
As I looked through the symptoms it just seemed to nail the behaviour:
- I believe she was doing this subconciously (perhaps irrelevant).
- I found out I look a lot like the ex
- Continually told me I reminded her of him (always said it was good but it creeped me out)
- She likened my character to his
- She commented our careers were exactly alike
- She commented our hobbies and interests were verymuch alike
- They too started out as friends.
Then there were the warning signs:
- I did feel pretty degraded around her later on.
- She always found it very easy to get angry with me.
- My getting her jealous with chicky # 2 might have played the old tape of her ex cheating so she may have tried to right a wrong with the facade (ie me).
- About 2 months into things she really started trying to change me, frustrated the crap out of both of us.
- She seemed timid about the intimacy and I think the instant it started up heavy she realized I wasn't that other fvcked up dude.
- Hardly a single conversation related to me.
- Most questions about her had answers with the ex/them in them.
- She was always talking about what she wanted and needed.
- In her home I always felt like a visitor (ie no s#xing at her place, didn't feel comfortable, rarely trusted me inside w/o her present).
- Never felt like I could do anything right.
- Never knew exactly where I stood, asking made it worse.
- Little or no appreciation on her part.
- A lot of Passive / Aggressive behaviors now that I think of it.
- I found out later that she started getting all buddy buddy with the ex for the first time in 5 years about the time she started winding me down!
Throw in some LSE warning signs:
- Zero trust and big security issues.
- Rather selfish and overly protective.
- Going for someone she felt would not 'next' her (ie a friend)
- Unusually frustrated when things don't go exactly her way
- Drama queen.
- A ton of blaming
- ...this list goes on...
Curious if anyone else out there has found themselves in the placebo role? In the article I read, they say once you realize this it doesn't generally take long to get over the other person. Now there's a perk!
The warning signs of being Placebo were all too obvious and I was a big time AFC for missing them. Actually, it never even crossed my mind.
Regarding the LSE, anyone have any great (ie quick) things to look for to weed out these basket cases before investing anything into a friendship or dating?
If anyone else out there identifies with the lists above I recommend just walking away no questions asked or answered.
(previous post link: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=83814)
Along the way someone forwarded me some interesting information which really seems to describe this train wreck to a tee. Realizing some of this stuff has been 'interesting' to say the least.
I found myself wrapped up with a 'friend' I never really knew that well. Is that a friend?
Some of you guys (in the previous post) nailed the LSE issue.
But I think one other thing was going on too. She never got over the ex. And now I think she started looking for someone just like him. I believe this is called the Placebo syndrome?
http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/Placebo.htm
As I looked through the symptoms it just seemed to nail the behaviour:
- I believe she was doing this subconciously (perhaps irrelevant).
- I found out I look a lot like the ex
- Continually told me I reminded her of him (always said it was good but it creeped me out)
- She likened my character to his
- She commented our careers were exactly alike
- She commented our hobbies and interests were verymuch alike
- They too started out as friends.
Then there were the warning signs:
- I did feel pretty degraded around her later on.
- She always found it very easy to get angry with me.
- My getting her jealous with chicky # 2 might have played the old tape of her ex cheating so she may have tried to right a wrong with the facade (ie me).
- About 2 months into things she really started trying to change me, frustrated the crap out of both of us.
- She seemed timid about the intimacy and I think the instant it started up heavy she realized I wasn't that other fvcked up dude.
- Hardly a single conversation related to me.
- Most questions about her had answers with the ex/them in them.
- She was always talking about what she wanted and needed.
- In her home I always felt like a visitor (ie no s#xing at her place, didn't feel comfortable, rarely trusted me inside w/o her present).
- Never felt like I could do anything right.
- Never knew exactly where I stood, asking made it worse.
- Little or no appreciation on her part.
- A lot of Passive / Aggressive behaviors now that I think of it.
- I found out later that she started getting all buddy buddy with the ex for the first time in 5 years about the time she started winding me down!
Throw in some LSE warning signs:
- Zero trust and big security issues.
- Rather selfish and overly protective.
- Going for someone she felt would not 'next' her (ie a friend)
- Unusually frustrated when things don't go exactly her way
- Drama queen.
- A ton of blaming
- ...this list goes on...
Curious if anyone else out there has found themselves in the placebo role? In the article I read, they say once you realize this it doesn't generally take long to get over the other person. Now there's a perk!
The warning signs of being Placebo were all too obvious and I was a big time AFC for missing them. Actually, it never even crossed my mind.
Regarding the LSE, anyone have any great (ie quick) things to look for to weed out these basket cases before investing anything into a friendship or dating?
If anyone else out there identifies with the lists above I recommend just walking away no questions asked or answered.