People who cheat and lie

[darkstarrr]

Why do people who cheat and lie take it out on the party they have hurt? I've been told before that people who do that are feeling guilty for their own actions, but wtf are they blaming the people who they have done wrong subconsciously? Is it something that they actually understand or is it a self defense mechanism?

Like for example say your gf cheats on you and then starts to exacerbate any little thing about you that she can find a flaw about, as if it is your fault that she cheated. She begins to pick fights with you, etc and just be an overall cvnt. As if you did something wrong, right? Is she doing that to protect herself from feeling like the piece of worthless sh1t she really is?

People who lie and cheat seem to be helpless. Do they really not have control over their actions and then as I stated above they make excuses to shift the shame off from themselves?

Don't get me wrong I've lied before but it was more geared towards situations where I thought my pop was gonna whoop my a$$ if he knew where the bottle of tequila went or why my eyes were red.

But the real cheaters and liers... they may claim in their own infanitle minds that they wouldn't want to put you through "that"..... what they are really more concerned with is how disgusting they would feel if you were to find out and be heart broken or whatever. Its always about them, isn't it. So selfish.

 

[jophil28]

Like for example say your gf cheats on you and then starts to exacerbate any little thing about you that she can find a flaw about, as if it is your fault that she cheated. She begins to pick fights with you, etc and just be an overall cvnt. As if you did something wrong, right? Is she doing that to protect herself from feeling like the piece of worthless sh1t she really is?

Dude, if your G/f cheats, your relationship is OVER. It does not really matter how she picks and harps at you, you need to bail.

WOmen have always used the tactic, " You made me do it." It is called blame shifting.
Yes, it is the mindset of an 8 year old who just got caught out, but that is how women respond to all inconvenient consequences which are about to bite them on the a$$.

YOur choice is NOT to let it succeed by being "understanding", or by continuing to be in a relationship with a female child in an adult body.

 

[darkstarrr]

YEs it makes sense. I linked the lying part of it for the reson that if an individial lies about it. For example, are they afriad that you will leave them and therefor need to set the stage so to speak for the relationship to end (as in your example).

Lying in general though and this blame shifting is very interesting. I will do some mroe reading on it but would greatly appreciate any feedback on the subject(s) linked or unlinked.

Thanks!

 

[COD]

well duh..........a person character reveals the capacity to cheat/lie.

cheating and lying go hand in hand........its a way to one up the other guy to make themselves feel superior. From the day man was put on this planet there WILL ALWAYS be pathetic liars and cheaters.

Cheating is common place today.....school exams, online tests, interviews, cheat sheets, cliff notes, it makes life a lot easier but in the end it creates more stress if you are caught. People lie for all sorts of reasons, mostly to weasle out of confrontation from others. Why tell then the truth and risk drama when U can lie your way out if it instantly. The parodox LIES within the end result........if you are caught you now invite more drama, the same drama you were trying to avoid in the first palce.

telling the truth 100% of the time causes heartache in some people as the truth hurts sometimes, the truth may set you free but only after it cuts to the heart of the matter. The solution is to inject a little white lie......more of an exageration. IF I said why do u want to be the next american Idol......the truth would be for the money and fame that goes along with it. But that does not always score points with the judge.

Have U ever been convicted of a crime, arrested, fired from a job.......the truth most certainly warrants questionable character flaws. A white lie bypasses the issue and gives them what they want to hear.

Same thing applies to dating women.....WHY DO U want to meet me, what makes me so special......the truth---SEX might not be the best answer.

So don't rule out anyone who injects a lie or two into their lives, rather embrace it with temperance and act or don't react accordingly. Saying a blanket statement like I cant stand liars and want nothing to do with them is unrealistic and hypocritical.

Habitual liars are ones that hate confrontation, they made their choice and will seldom reform.

 

[jophil28]

Is it something that they actually understand or is it a self defense mechanism?

NO, it is a character defect and one you do not need in your life.
Find a higher quality woman and quit looking for "explanations".

 

[COD]

Why do most people want to cheat? A few reasons come into play here. Sometimes monogamy leads to monotony, people get bored with the way things are. Variety is the spice of life-one day you crave meat the next you desire fish. The thrill of being adventurous, a little naughty can be addictive to some people. Loneliness is also a big motivator. If a person feels they are being neglected then, they might seek someone else to fill that void. Psychologists believe that some are born with the INFEDELITY GENE and they can't help it, others state that men by nature are not suited for monogamy and if he had his choice he would never settle with just one girl.

You can call it selfish but for a ton of people getting their needs met is a top priority. I am sure there are some psychological reasons why certain types find it difficult to stay faithful. I will not go there for two reasons. One) I am not qualified to go into details and Two) there are a ton of books out there that go into intricate details of how the mind works…….boring yet fascinating.

The Internet & cell phones makes it all to easy to seek out adventure and TV makes it an acceptable form of behavior.. If a person has their mind set on cheating on you, then there is not much you can do to prevent them from doing so. If you want to avoid dating married people just tell potential dates if you find out they are married you will inform there spouse.

Trust and respect have to be the foundation for relationships to survive. The downsides to cheating on someone are obvious-risk of getting caught, making the other person jealous and angry, getting labeled a player or slut, home wrecker, std’s, the feeling of emptiness, losing everything and everyone involved and all the consequences that arise.

A quick solution to this is to change your concept of dating. Date a few people, do not get too serious initially, hit it, and leave. Informing people from the start is honest and may seem noble, but most will not want to play that game. In this case, a little mystery can prevent a lot of explaining later on.

From a player’s perspective; keeping names straight, hiding telephone numbers, having the perfect excuse are essential but do require some work, can get costly and time consuming. When I first started out dating, I had to put names, numbers, and brief notes on a date calendar to recall who was who. Women that troll for men on dating sites are bombarded with email offers. So some print out a person’s profile before they meet them. Most people don’t keep this up for very long, eventually they seek out the one. In today’s society I think there are those types of people that adopt the “having a man/chic on the side” is acceptable. I have met a ton of married women that are on the Internet seeking some sexual excitement.

The swinger’s lifestyle is very open and very rampant on a few web sites. It’s no longer the sex-crazed nymphomaniac stereotype. Most people in this category have an extremely high sex drive and their partners are willing to participate. Once you start to swing, going back to traditional, monogamous sex seems to lack thrills. If you are single this can be fun but the novelty does get old after awhile.

The F-buddy concept seems to work for some people. They get their sexual needs met and can still go out on regular dates. It is like exclusive sex until something better comes along. This is a quick fix alternative to cheating and is much more acceptable. Some obvious advice is needed here---protection (condoms), be attentive of a person’s feelings, keep it on a need to know basis……if they don’t ask don’t volunteer any info. Try to keep emotions out of the equation, don’t get involved too much or you run the risk of one person developing feelings and wanting it to progress to something more than just sex. Don’t make it out for more than it is…………SEX!!!

 

[darkstarrr]

I see. I suppose my looking for explanations is just part of my healing process and desire to absorb as much wisdom as possible so as to better equip and protect myself. Being able to say the engine in my car is broken as opposed to recognizing the smell of burning transmission fuel and the tranny having been slipping for example. I guess I have always been that way.

I have an interest to get to the root of how things happen. As far as this discussion goes, particularly what COD said: its not the white lies I am refering to, as with your very well said exampes that occur everyday that we all are succueptible to (like if you get pulled over speeding and you say jeez I didn't realize I was going as fast as you say).. I'm talking about the psychology behind when people cheat and more so when they habitually lie in general and then sort of take it out on you, which jophil taught me above is a form of blame shifting.

The deepest level of the lie is when the liar's brain functions in a way that causes them to either consciously or subconsciouly over time (as you are unaware of the lie) to pick out little things about you they could potentially use as flaws, to blame shift, as if they did it because of you.

The lying piece of it is particulalry interesting because it can become a process they go through that can oddly enough in the end make you feel like there is something wrong with you. For example they will over analyze every little thing you do to the point where nothing you do is good enough anymore.

I know, that would be the time to bail. The point of this thread is to bring to the surface the psychological processes and principles of how their little minds work. I'm liking what I hear so far.

 

[Mr. Me]

wtf are they blaming the people who they have done wrong subconsciously? Is it something that they actually understand or is it a self defense mechanism?

The psychology is this: people magnify the behaviors of others and discount their own. They don't feel the effects of their own behavior because they live in their own skin. You hear people verbalize this all the time when they say things like, "I may not be perfect but..." where they minimize their imperfections in the first part of that statement and then zero in on the faults of the other person in the second part of that statement.

Also, most people don't want to accept responsibility for their "crimes". That would make them feel terrible. Hey, every convict in prison swears they're not guilty, right? It's far easier for a person to assign blame to another person or circumstance then it is for that person to acknowledge that they're in the wrong, as acknowledging their transgressions would make them feel guilt, risk punishment of some kind and they'd have to make changes in themselves and rectify matters and that, my friend, is just too big a deal for most people. It's far, far easier for them not to become better people and just utter a few words and point to someone else as the cause, just like when they were little kids, because emotionally, they are still immature.

Another thing that happens is: what they did is truly what they wanted to do, it's clearly a decision they make, it doesn't "just happen" as they claim. They knew they were crossing a line and kept going intentionally. Therefore, they're rationalizing what they really wish to do by trying to justify it via blaming something or someone else for its cause. That rationalization is again part of making it painless for them. Likely, you won't hear such a person say, "Oh, I knew it was very, very wrong but I wanted to do it so I did it anyway", but you will more often then not hear them say, "I had no choice" or "it just happened" or "I didn't mean for it to happen" or "What was I supposed to do" and the ever popular "I couldn't help myself".

 

[jophil28]

Another thing that happens is: what they did is truly what they wanted to do, it's clearly a decision they make, it doesn't "just happen" as they claim. They knew they were crossing a line and kept going intentionally. Therefore, they're rationalizing what they really wish to do by trying to justify it via blaming something or someone else for its cause.

Ding !

I am surpised that lying cheating women have not jumped onto the frequently heard pulp psych babble, " I slept with him because of the power of my genetic imperative to seek a provisioner."

They must have missed that excuse.
Sheesh !

 

[decades]

walk away from these people. the answer to many of our problems is Walk Away at the earliest point of recognition.

 

[Janez]

Everyone lies. We are human beings.

 

[darkstarrr]

Everyone lies. We are human beings.

maybe you didn't read the thread and only the title and maybe a few sentences bro. how you doing by the way? its been a while

Another thing that happens is: what they did is truly what they wanted to do, it's clearly a decision they make, it doesn't "just happen" as they claim. They knew they were crossing a line and kept going intentionally. Therefore, they're rationalizing what they really wish to do by trying to justify it via blaming something or someone else for its cause. That rationalization is again part of making it painless for them. Likely, you won't hear such a person say, "Oh, I knew it was very, very wrong but I wanted to do it so I did it anyway", but you will more often then not hear them say, "I had no choice" or "it just happened" or "I didn't mean for it to happen" or "What was I supposed to do" and the ever popular "I couldn't help myself".

very good points. i remember hearing a scum bag try to pull that off. they were so disgusted with themselves it was almost unbearable to listen to the piece of sh1t almost weep that it only take 5 minutes to get to the point where you are having sex. oh yea? and a knuckle bump the noggen barely takes a bat of an eyelash. does that mean its ok too

From a player’s perspective:

what jumps out at me in reading that is how the real liars (you know the sick in the head ones that ironically end up making you look like you are sick in the head) what they do is act like they are in a relationship with you. even going so far as saing things like: if you ever cheated on me or this or that i would punch you in the face. i've heard it all before. yet they are really the most hypocritical players out there.

The F-buddy concept seems to work for some people. They get their sexual needs met and can still go out on regular dates. It is like exclusive sex until something better comes along. This is a quick fix alternative to cheating and is much more acceptable.

another great point that helps me to understand the phenomenon that occur in the world. i've seen it, just never seen it put in writing or heard it described so eloquently.

NO, it is a character defect and one you do not need in your life.
Find a higher quality woman and quit looking for "explanations".

walk away from these people. the answer to many of our problems is Walk Away at the earliest point of recognition.

first i read jophils post and thought well dude i think educating myself will empower me. then i read PE's post and it struck me how ying and yang they are. sometimes its better to not know who what where why and when. when its time to go its time to go.

Thanks guys.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Why do people who cheat and lie take it out on the party they have hurt? I've been told before that people who do that are feeling guilty for their own actions, but wtf are they blaming the people who they have done wrong subconsciously? Is it something that they actually understand or is it a self defense mechanism?

Like for example say your gf cheats on you and then starts to exacerbate any little thing about you that she can find a flaw about, as if it is your fault that she cheated. She begins to pick fights with you, etc and just be an overall cvnt. As if you did something wrong, right? Is she doing that to protect herself from feeling like the piece of worthless sh1t she really is?

People who lie and cheat seem to be helpless. Do they really not have control over their actions and then as I stated above they make excuses to shift the shame off from themselves?

Don't get me wrong I've lied before but it was more geared towards situations where I thought my pop was gonna whoop my a$$ if he knew where the bottle of tequila went or why my eyes were red.

But the real cheaters and liers... they may claim in their own infanitle minds that they wouldn't want to put you through "that"..... what they are really more concerned with is how disgusting they would feel if you were to find out and be heart broken or whatever. Its always about them, isn't it. So selfish.

People who act the way you describe are dangerous sociopaths, unworthy of love. Don't listen to anyone who says "oh everyone does this" <-- that's just an excuse for bad behavior.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Another thing that happens is: what they did is truly what they wanted to do, it's clearly a decision they make, it doesn't "just happen" as they claim. They knew they were crossing a line and kept going intentionally. Therefore, they're rationalizing what they really wish to do by trying to justify it via blaming something or someone else for its cause. That rationalization is again part of making it painless for them. Likely, you won't hear such a person say, "Oh, I knew it was very, very wrong but I wanted to do it so I did it anyway", but you will more often then not hear them say, "I had no choice" or "it just happened" or "I didn't mean for it to happen" or "What was I supposed to do" and the ever popular "I couldn't help myself".

This is a very good summary from Mr. Me.

Most people you will ever meet in your life will be MASSIVELY self-delusional. The peasants... I mean plebeians... I mean 'normal Joe's' are borderline retards who wouldn't survive if it were not for the comforts of civilizations.

Don't get sucked into that world, face things as they are and learn to deal; your life will be better for it in the long run. Let the rest drown.

 

[dbot]

Not that cheating is acceptable behavior in the least, but I find it funny how men never consider cheating to be a result of their own behavior. GUESS WHAT GUYS... IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND CHEATS ON YOU, IT'S PROBABLY YOUR FAULT. There, I said it.

Once men get into relationships, they have a tendency to turn into lazy, boring, pussies. If the man still has some redeemable quality (money, emotional availability, etc) the woman may choose to hang onto him, but sleep with another man on the side... one who isn't a pussy (yet).

And don't even get me started about the term "high quality women." What the hell is a high quality woman? A woman who continues to be sexually attracted to you after you turn into a big boring pussy? In that case, keep looking!

When I was little, I had a dog named Chowder. My dad used to get so upset because every time he'd try to take Chowder's bone from her, she would growl at him. It never made sense to me. That's what dogs do, and you couldn't blame Chowder for being a dog. If my dad didn't want Chowder to growl at him, then he shouldn't have been trying to take her fucking bone away.

So women do stupid shit, and come up with even stupider excuses for doing it. You can't blame women for acting like women. But if you don't want them to cheat on you, then you better not lose the excitement in your relationship, or she'll find it somewhere else. Got it?

 

[jophil28]

GUESS WHAT GUYS... IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND CHEATS ON YOU, IT'S PROBABLY YOUR FAULT. There, I said it.

I was going to write a well considered rebuttal but changed my mind.

You need to post your age in your profile if you want to play.

 

[dbot]

I was going to write a well considered rebuttal but changed my mind.

Good. My post was not intended to start an argument. I'm just hoping some of you will read it and start inspecting the source of the problem instead of simply pointing your fingers at the result.

Women can be deceitful for thousands of reasons, some of which have nothing to do with the man's behavior and are completely out of his control. The rest, however, are a different story. But so many people on this forum insist they were innocent victims, mercilessly destroyed by the wrath of some cold-blooded, sociopathic female, fixated on lies and corruption. Give me a fucking break.

 

[skEwb]

I'll be short and sweet, fvck em... no not literally, figuratively. Why are you stressing over a done and done issue?

Show that you don't give a damn and give the boot. There is no such thing as cheaters, only human made promises. We all know how much those are worth....

 

[jophil28]

Good.
Give me a fucking break.

OK you got it. Now how about amending your profile. Posting your age is mandatory here . IF you dont follow the rules, RT is going come over to your house and speak to you.

 

[Janez]

hello darkstarrr

I am fine, thank you for asking. I am actually really really well.

As it goes about lying and cheating..
I believe it is just the way some people learned to cope with life and life difficulties. Sometimes people lie to avoid pain, other times they lie to gain something.

I am honest person and I rarely lie. But I must admit I did learned some lying lately because one of the girls I am hanging out alot with is a liar herself and she has hard times to spot me lying. I am getting better at this skill lol.

But as an honest person I prefer the raw power that the truth can bring. As the truth sometimes hurts a lot more than a lie, but at least you let the other person know what he is dealing with. "Don't stand my way as I know the truth about you" kind of power. I don't need to lie to enjoy some drama