Pausing a relationship

[albasiero]

Hey everyone. I had a relationship with a girl, she is into me, I like her to some extent and lately something happened and it annoyed me a lot. Unfortunately it is not the 1st time.
I read here several threads here and after considering it I decided it's best either to break the relationship or to pause it for 3 months.
If I pause the relationship (the first time I do such a thing), what does this mean? I want to not date her anymore in this time, should also stop texting? Anything elese? And - of course - in this time I will be free to date somebody else.
I don't have any problem to just walk away completely right now, but I actually like her a little bit and want to see what happens if I pause. At least to learn about this.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hey everyone. I had a relationship with a girl, she is into me, I like her to some extent and lately something happened and it annoyed me a lot. Unfortunately it is not the 1st time.
I read here several threads here and after considering it I decided it's best either to break the relationship or to pause it for 3 months.
If I pause the relationship (the first time I do such a thing), what does this mean? I want to not date her anymore in this time, should also stop texting? Anything elese? And - of course - in this time I will be free to date somebody else.
I don't have any problem to just walk away completely right now, but I actually like her a little bit and want to see what happens if I pause. At least to learn about this.

A little more context would help, what did she do to annoy you? Just want to make sure you are being reasonable. But generally speaking, good stuff for actually having the cojones and high standard to put the relationship in the freezer. Many guys would just ignore the red flags (granted they are real red flags and not just your insecurities) to get p***y.

Usually, this would consist of complete silence. Meaning cut contact completely. Don't block her, just simply desist from having any type of contact. This will either give you the upper hand, set a strong frame, have her analyze her actions and fully appreciate you, or simply you get to keep your high standards and strong frame and walk away completely. Either way, it is a win-win for you.

Modern Man Advice

 

[2Rocky]

Soft next is what you are talking about.

Read here:
https://calebjones.com/2016/07/11/several-real-life-examples-soft-nexts/
https://calebjones.com/2016/07/18/16297/

 

[Alvafe]

serious by rule I would never really pause a LTR, there is no such thing as a pause. you can tell her you will be busy for a long time. even so that is not a pause. now IF she did something then you break up and move on, serious guys why try to think in such strange ways? you are in or out there is not half way

 

[2Rocky]

In all seriousness, there really is NO way to but a pause on a relationship and restart. The whole Friends scene about Ross and Rachael "on a break" illustrates what I'm talking about.

If it is a distance thing, like one of you is moving away for 3 months, either make a clean cut with the option to try again when you are back together, or try the low percentage and totally unsatisfying LDR. Personally I prefer "when we are together we are TOGETHER. When apart we have to live our own lives." Meaning any impersonal hookups you experience in the interim is not mentioned or asked about. Of course there is always the risk of the other person finding someone else who is better than you as a relationship partner during that time.

 

[ubercat]

One chance per woman per lifetime

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Your relationships are all in pause at all times, people do what they want man, you can't control them

 

[bat soup]

I don't think you can pause a relationship. You can breakup and explore your options, but if you do that nothing can guarantee that she'll still be there for you if you decide to come back.

 

[SW15]

I don't think you can pause a relationship. You can breakup and explore your options, but if you do that nothing can guarantee that she'll still be there for you if you decide to come back.

This is accurate. My closest friend went through something similar to this with his college era girlfriend. They were both around their 25th birthdays. My friend wanted to explore his options. He was about 3 years into a relationship with a cute range woman. He wasn't sure at that time where to go from there.

Another mutual friend correctly advised my closest friend that if he were to break up with his college sweetheart girlfriend, she would be gone forever. Based on her being in the cute range to most men, she would get snapped up quickly as a 25 year old childless woman. That would be the case if she remained in the city. If my closest friend had broken up with her, her likely next move would have been to leave this city and go to another large city where her parents lived and dated there just as effectively as this city. Zero chance that they would have re-started in any scenario.

While my closest friend wanted to explore his options, he couldn't do it. He didn't want to leave a cute, 25 year old in her prime. Her looks slowly declined for the next few years until the wedding day. I saw her in a bathing suit a few months before he proposed and noticed her getting thicker and trending in the wrong direction. Her mom is overweight. A few years into the marriage, the pandemic hit and she put on substantial weight, accelerating her slow-ish/borderline acceptable decline to subpar looking.

If I noticed before the engagement a thickening and a downward trend, that might have been the exit point. While I think he made a good decision not to "pause" when she was 25, I can't say the same thing when she was 27-28. Now, in her mid-30s, she is a far cry from what she was when they started in college and when she was a few years post college at 25. My closest friend has stayed in similar shape all these years.