Parrots and Spandex. A pointless post.

[Dapper Don]

How do you really, truly change yourself and your perceptions?I've read everything and am getting bogged down with some conflicting answers.

I don't mean tactics and self-improvement and whatnot. I've done all that.

Learned to play blues guitar, started running 12 miles a week, dressed better, cleared up the complexion. Everything. I look and feel better, proud of myself. But really not while out in public. I forget all that.

I mean just letting it all slide and not caring about rejection or embarrasment, screwing the comfort zone, acting like I "own the place." How?

When I talk to most people I don't know I'm reserved and self-conscious. It really isn't noticeable, and I've smoothed it over with dj stuff. Talking slower, laidback posture, etc. But all those things do is patch everything over. Its just posing. I'm still not who I want to be.

I want to be able to truly not care about anything, and do what I want and really not care what others think of me. Say whatever I want to whoever I want, and not worry about embarrasment.

Intellectually I know I can do anything. I am capable of easily accomplishing the ultimate laidbackness that I'm looking for. But when it comes down to it out in public, it means nothing.

I become quiet, looking for things to say instead of just easily flowing with a conversation. I'm not the off-the-wall lunatic I am with people I already know.

In a word, I'm inhibited. Constraints that I invent for myself are holding me back. How do I lose 'em?


And as I typed this, this is where I realize:

I'll fawkin tell you. I intentionally embarrass myself. Not intentionally, but I go out and talk and say whatever I want and look like an ass.

Eventually I'm so used to being around people that I can do whatever.

Its like acclamating to a different climate. You're from Haiti, you go up to Canada and are cold. Every time you go outside you practically die.

Then, as you spend more time outside, you get used to it. The cold doesn't bother you anymore. The rejection doesn't bother you anymore. The embarrassment doesn't bother you anymore.

The only way to become who you want to be after reading this forum is to constantly implement everything. I know you all know this. I'm saying it for myself.

Can you believe I was actually going to post that first bit? Asking how to stop being such a loser? As I typed it I answered my question.

The only way to beat failure is to fail so much you get used to it, and then realize there is no such thing as failure. Or success. The only time you fail is when you are too chickensheet to attempt failure.

So go out and do whatever the hell you feel like. Failure is impossible.

 

[gav]

i think we're pretty similar people dapper, judging by the content of your post

i too tried to deliberately embarrass myself infront of others so much that i simply did not and still find it very difficult to get embarrassed in front of other people. i did some crazy things and said some crazy stuff (things that are generally not socially acceptable) because i felt i needed to lose those inhibitions and become free. certainly, my sense of humour is different from the majority since it involves a lot of creativity and wit. i don't honestly care if others find it funny or not, so long as i do, i'll continue to use it

for example, i'd say something about hippopotomuses having sex with metal dildos (i can't remember the joke) and instantly everyone thought i was mental, even though i knew myself that i had complete control of my words and that i was not "stupid", but in fact had thought about things in a different way.

as for changing character, i was the same with pretending to be laid back and confident with the suiting body language, yet i felt somewhat lacking in mental attitude. i too got my body in shape (bulked muscle from 135lbs to 155lbs) and got a decent hairstyle to boost my appearance. i imagine that if your body language and appearance is confident enough, you will actually feel confident and laidback too. certainly just being out a lot and getting field experience lets you run on autopilot and you begin to think "what the fvck was i worried about?" Has that every happened to you because it seems to happen to me just about every month. i think it's lack of self-belief or something that i develop everytime i'm on my own for about a day and haven't talked to anyone. then everytime i am socialising, i feel comfortable with myself and wonder what the problem was.

as for failure, that's a great attitude to have. try to fail and don't give a shyt what other people think. Let them think you're an idiot, but that doesn't matter, because you know in your head you're a great and stable person.

as for being quiet and looking for things to say in conversation, i honestly think that everyone's the same. i believe i'm on the other side of the ropes now and can say whatever i want. i think the key to it is having opinions and expressing them. the more you have, the more you can express. simple. you still have to think before you speak. one of my current role models is this gay guy who goes to my gym (obviously not the gay bit that i admire). he had this ability to talk to absolutely everybody about anything, even though he knows some of them hate him for his camp voice. it's a good thing to have a role model to help you change.

glad you posted this dapper.

 

[Disconnect]

I am almost opposite... people tell me that I lack any form of inhibition whatsoever, which brings out the kind of openness that borders on obscenity. No, I am not the loud-mouthed party dude. I simply don't care what others think.

What brought this out in me? (Yes, I wasn't like that since the beginning of time). I am not entirely sure, but it is probably the mass of perverted content which is currently floating around on the net.

Read sites like www.b0g.org and www.sexylosers.com . They helped me I guess. lol.





Yes, I know I've been no help, but these sites are truly great. Especially the Offensive Sh1t section on b0g.

 

[Dapper Don]

Thanks for the replies and input, guys.

We're that much closer to getting this DJ stuff down.

 

[Nocturnal]

Originally posted by Dapper Don
Learned to play blues guitar, started running 12 miles a week, dressed better, cleared up the complexion. Everything. I look and feel better, proud of myself. But really not while out in public. I forget all that.

The answer to your question is quite simple. Whether you are socially adept or not, I cannot judge. However, there is a reason for the term "social skills." Just like guitar, running, etc, being socially adept is a skill. How do you improve upon your skills? Practice. It sounds like you wouldn't walk right up to someone and start a conversation. If not, that's what you need to do. You will have to be on your toes and engage people without regard for how nervous you are and how bad you might sound. You cannot become a master golfer without taking your first swing. The good thing is, you already have some social skills just because you're a member of society. What you need to do is when you're standing in a line by yourself, mention something to the person standing next to you (even better if its a girl). When you're getting your hair cut, talk to the barber. When you're buying something, make small talk with the cashier. Eventually your brain will work things out and it will become habit.