Overshared. Pretty Sure I Messed This Up.

[jebrooks1988]

So I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months (not exclusively) and he's been pretty consistent. Well was. He took me out for Valentines Day and ever since then he's asked to see me every week and even multiple times during the week so I think it's safe to say he's interested. Any who while hanging out he was asking about my ex and why we broke up and if we had ever lived together. I was a little too honest and said "no I like my space" *smacks forehead*. Then I just kept going when he asked about previous guys I told this guy that I have issues with getting close (people getting too close and I push them away). I guess you can label it intimacy issues? My dumba** even gave him examples when he asked what do you mean instead of just leaving it alone.

I'm not sure if I spooked the poor guy or not. When he got close to me later on he made a joke and ask if that was too intimate for me. Even when he walked me to my car he kissed me then went in for a hug and said, "oh another intimate moment".

I'm not sure if he was joking because he was okay with what I said or if he was bothered by it.

Just before seeing him and oversharing he had asked to see me 3 days in a row but I hadn't heard from him all week. My friends said it sounded like I was hinting for him to back off (which isn't the case).

I wasn't sure what to do so I finally reached out. I'm a nurse and had crazy hours this past week and wanted to call but I had to shoot him a text. I mentioned an inside joke then mentioned the oversharing moment. Pretty much said to forget what I said because that's not how it is now. He laughed at the joke and commented on it but didn't even acknowledge what I said to clear the air. Not sure why he did that. I'm still confused.

I do want him to close though I just didn't know when to shut up.

So was he bothered by what I said and that's why he made the jokes? Thoughts?

 

[Von]

He seems affection dependant and piss, so he's probably going NC to make your hamster spin

If he's interested he'll come back.

 

[Vivacity]

Hmm that's really interesting because my girlfriends said he's doing this as a "power play", much like what you said, because the way he acted when we saw each other (making the jokes & asking questions about the ex) is someone who's pretty interested.

Women commenting on men's "power play?" Really? When are women more powerful than men, historically? Men are more decisive than women and therefore, men hold the power. Women trying to take that power away from men is unnatural and unrealistic.

Why don't you ask him out? Is there a law written somewhere that only men need to ask women out? Be specific about time and place. "Hey ABC, I am going to a concert, walk in the park, a church on Sunday, why don't you join me?" If he is interested, he will join you or reply with an alternative time/place. If he doesn't, he is not interested and you look for someone else. It is that simple.

See, this is what and how we all men go through.

 

[marmel75]

Have you had sex with him?

 

[dustmuffin]

Ask him out and sex him up. You are thinking about this to much like a woman.......wait......

 

[dustmuffin]

You really think I'm over thinking this? You're telling me if a woman said this to you, you wouldn't back off/be spooked?

No....but I have only one objective. To f uck you. I don't care about red flags unless it is disrespectful behavior. Just stop the worry. Ask him out and sex him up. He might have been put off by what you said. Easiest way to get him interested again is do what I suggested.

 

[Trump]

You really think I'm over thinking this? You're telling me if a woman said this to you, you wouldn't back off/be spooked?

Depends on how good looking and young the woman was.

Like marmel said, you have to have sex with him before you have any value to him. If he hasn't had sex with you and is already asking if you lived together with your ex, then he is a little off too.

 

[Yewki]

I don't understand why you're worrying and overthinking so much. If he's no longer interested because you said "too much," then he can f*ck off. Next.

If you want to see him, contact him.

 

[grayclif]

We can make y'all jump through hoops and do whatever is that we want if we give you a nibble here and there to keep stringing you along so to me that's a ton of power.

This is the foolishness now. Noobies please take note of the above comment.

 

[marmel75]

Oh come on you know it's true lol. What's the saying? P***y is power? All these sugar daddies and just complete fools who will do anything for a pretty face and a nice body. Messed up but it's true.

But yet you have no respect for these men that you have "power" over so what good does it ultimately do you, other than getting them to buy you things and wasting your time?

 

[Fugitive]

A girl with "intimacy issues" is a red flag and major turn off. Having said that he still kissed you and you backtracked your comments later so here's the point...I highly doubt this is the reason he's gone cold. I also doubt he is playing "power" games or whatever you want to call it. Guys are much more straightforward than women and generally don't go cold for a week for "power" unless the girl herself if playing those games (very interesting that your mates think it was this, that says something about them and their games!)

I'd say in your scenario it's more likely that he has some interest in you but not high interest and it's quite possible that something else is going on in his life. Possibly another woman who he is into or a life changing event that has made him lose sight of you. Another likely possibility is that he isn't sure you're interested and therefore decided to go cold to see if you would contact. After a day or two of no contact he may have resigned himself to thinking you're not interested.

Your best way forward is to indicate your interest i.e. you had a good time last time you went out and to ask him when he's free to go on another date. His response will tell you everything. If you get another date you need to turn up the sexual flirting.

 

[marmel75]

And see, here is why things are so hard between men and women.

He doesn't know what's going on. You don't know what's going on. But neither wants to be the first to "show their cards" and "lose" the stare down so to speak and so instead the end result is that you both lose.

OP, if you truly think what you said is putting him off, then I would say it's your place to clarify things, and I would say put away the texting fingers and use the phone dialing fingers and talk over the phone.

If he is important enough to you, and you want to make things right then do so. If not then I'm not sure what you are posting about. The guy is simply believing what you've said about yourself like any normal person would, he isn't a mind reader and you didn't clarify yourself when he gave you the chance, so what do you expect him to think?

 

[marmel75]

I would normally agree except he asked to see me the previous Sunday, called me early in the morning on Thursday and asked for me to skip work so that I could spend the day with him, asked to see me on Friday, on Saturday, and I finally saw him on Monday.

On Saturday he asked for me to come out and I said I would. An hour had passed and he reached out again to see if I was still coming, I said no (my girlfriend and I were at a party and she drove). I reached out the next day and explained to him that I couldn't drive to see him to which he replied, "Oh yea you know Uber is so expensive now". So he made a passive aggressive joke because he was butt hurt that I didn't come. To me if he had low interest he wouldn't have been upset that I didn't come see him at least I would think so. Any who I finally saw him that Tuesday and that's when I said all those things mentioned above and didn't hear from him.

A guy asking a girl to see her 5 times in 7 days sound like someone with low interest? So I think it's that he didn't think I was interested.After I overshared I didn't reach out until almost a week later. When we started out I wasn't interested at all. He took me out for Valentines day and did the whole roses, dinner, the whole 9 and I was pretty overwhelmed so I backed off. He contacted me after and I completely ignored him (terrible thing to do I know) but he tried again the next week and ever since Valentines Day he's asked to see me every week and multiple times at that until I said what I said. Too me it's just too much of a coincidence that he was so hot for 2.5 months and then when I open my mouth he went cold.

I reached out this afternoon because I knew he was starting a new job that he's super excited about so I said good luck. He responded "thank you sweetheart" with a kissing emoji so he still seems receptive. Either way like you said my best bet is to try and set something up. Thanks.

OP, the description you give makes him sound very beta. Are you sure that's what you even want? Typically what ends up happening in these situations is you find his attention and affection "cute" for a while but then it becomes overbearing and smothering and you being losing respect for his "unmanly" behavior until the point you dump him and/or cheat on him with someone you find more manly...typically a muscular guy in the more "alpha" mode. Trust me, I know, I've been on the receiving end of those women enough to pretty much lay out the entire process.

Not saying this to try and change your mind, some women like beta guys and maybe your previous statement about how you like to control guys is why you like him so much,..because you know he puts your pvssy on a pedestal. In fact, I could look at your posts as you being afraid you are losing control of the relationship and are trying to figure out how to regain the upper hand. Just giving you the long view of what likely will happen if this behavior continues from him and what this appears to be from a guy who has seen it and been through it before.

 

[Tictac]

If one mistake causes anyone to walk away, you were already on thin ice.

 

[mojones1990]

If one mistake causes anyone to walk away, you were already on thin ice.

Not necessarily. If a guy that I had really liked told me that I wouldn't back of a lot. To the point where I wouldn't even put in any effort. She pretty much told the guy she doesn't like people to get close because she pushes them away and she doesn't want to be bothered. If I were him I would think does that include me as well? I want to get close but if I do wills he push me away? I would want the guy to prove with his actions that he does want me around and tread carefully.

Plus if he just wasn't interested in her and especially if he just wanted sex then he would've been happy to hear that instead of making jokes about it because it bothered him.

 

[marmel75]

Hmm interesting I didn't think about that. You think he's beta because he didn't cut me off after Valentines Day?

No I think he's beta because is is trying to spend tons of money on you right off the bat without knowing if you are even worth it. Whether he is intending to or not, he is showing "provider" behavior whereas a more dominant, alpha type man would take her out for a drink, or somewhere that was no or low cost and exhibit "sexual" behavior and make the woman work hard for you to exhibit "provider" behavior. In effect, his exhibiting "provider" behavior immediately gives you the power in the relationship, shows he believes you are of higher value than he is and that he needs to "win you over" whether he actively is thinking this or not, and leads to you making HIM work hard for "sexual" behavior in response.

Basically what I am saying is he ceded power to you early the relationship setting him up to work hard to get what he ultimately wanted(sex), instead of keeping power and setting YOU up to work hard for what you wanted but only after he had already gotten what he wanted(sex). Women instinctively view that as "manly" behavior and what he did as "unmanly" behavior, again, not always on a conscious level but on a more base, instinctive level.

This is why women love "bad boys", because the bad boy takes what he wants but makes the woman work hard to get what they want. It says "I'm of higher value than you, and you'll get what you want when I decide you are worth it". Psychologically anything that a person has to work hard for and is not just handed to them is viewed as being more valuable. When a beta gives first and then is dependent on the woman to "give" back they end up in the role of supplicator, chaser, and are viewed as being of much lower value because the woman had to do no work to receive anything of value. That which is readily available has less value, that which is rare has more value. No different than Supply and Demand in economics...it's why Iron is worth very little and why gold and platinum are worth a lot...they are rare and harder to get.

Does that make any more sense?

 

[phillies]

Maybe he thinks you're a waste of time and doesn't want to invest anymore in you. The reason might not be the one you think it is.

 

[marmel75]

Maybe he thinks you're a waste of time and doesn't want to invest anymore in you. The reason might not be the one you think it is.

Maybe the dude realized he was acting desperate and stopped? Lol

 

[17 shots]

He went No contact??!!!!!......dude has Game lol. Respect it and wait

 

[marmel75]

Well I told him good luck because he started a new job yesterday and he called me sweetheart with the kissing emoji. Said welcome then he went on to double text when I hadn't responded in an hr but then I fell asleep and woke up to another text so I think he's still interested and he was doing what Von said.

I'll give this one to two months max before you get tired and bored of it. Let us know how it ends up working out.