Overcoming shyness means you have to replace the emotions of FEAR with emotions of PLEASURE.
The way I did this is by changing the way I evaluate each situation. The way I chose my goals. If you're afraid of approaching a woman you shouldn't make your goal to get her number and get a date with her. Your goal should simply be to approach her, talk to her and then leave. You do this enough times and you'll no longer be nervous. That's when you start thinking about asking for numbers.
Actually I don't believe you should concern yourself with chasing women if you're very shy. Rather concern yourself with building confidence in areas such as approaching women (not to date them, but for practice) having a conversation, speaking out in a group, etc. When you're really confident you'll meet women easily. Apply DJ techniques and you're set.
The feelings of pleasure comes when you actually do the thing you're afraid of. I feel proud of myself when I ask a question in class, I can't help but smile and think "Well done, you did it."
Unfortunately it still comes down to you facing the fear. Take it one step at a time. Always have in mind what you want to acheive. Maybe this week its "I will work on my conversation skills." How will you do this? "I will meet 3 new people and talk to them."
Try not to think to much about the results. Once you've put yourself in that particular situation a lot of times, then you start thinking about how to improve it. Remember - IT'S ABOUT YOU FACING YOUR FEAR, NOT ABOUT THE RESULTS OF THAT PARTICULAR INTERACTION.
Each time you go out and face your fear, remeber that you are just challenging your fear. You're not really interested in what the results are. (e.g. If you answer a question in a lecture, don't worry about whether your answer was right or wrong - be proud of yourself because you spoke out in class. Or if you approach a woman, don't worry about how she reacted to your approach - be proud of yourself because you approached her in the first place). You have to accept that you will make mistakes. It is OK TO MAKE MISTAKES. EVERY ONE MAKES MISTAKES. You are learning. But it's more than worth it in the long-run.
It is important for you to WANT to change. You must realise just how much your fears are RESTRICTING you. They have you in a choke hold. They prevent you from being happy. Why let IRRATIONAL FEARS stop you from being who you want to be! Aren't you sick of being walked over? Sick of hearing "let's just be friends"!? You must FIGHT you're negative thoughts. Do you want to be CONFIDENT and HAPPY or AFRAID and MISERABLE for the rest of your life?
Accept that you are changing yourself and that there will be PLENTY of hurdles along the way. Accept that you will make mistakes, but you will NEVER regret them. You will LEARN from them. I have made literally hundreds of mistakes. I have been on incredible highs followed by incredible lows where I felt like giving up. But I got back on my feet. NO REGRETS, ONLY LESSONS! NO REGRESTS, ONLY LESSONS!
There will be times where you feel you have achieved nothing. Where you will feel as if the whole world is laughing at you. But you will persevere and stay FOCUSED on your GOAL. Envision who you want to be. Tell yourself every day, "I HATE BEING AFRAID!" and mean it! I want you to be ANGRY at yourself for being this way. You're ANGER and DISCONTENT is the FUEL that will feed the fire buring inside you!
How can you let yourself be someones doormat! How can you be afraid of EVERYTHING! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! STOP LETTING THAT VOICE IN YOUR HEAD PUT YOU DONE! STOP LETTING IT ABUSE YOU! YOUR FEAR IS PREVENTING YOU FROM BEING HAPPY!
Listen to music that motivates you. I love Emenim's "Lose Yourself". Or Jimmy Eats World. Find songs with words that have MEANING to you. Listen to them. Stop listening to those crappy songs about guys who are after girls who don't want them, etc. They fvck with your mind. Stop thinking negatively. Start respecting yourself. Remember your goals! Never give up. YOu only live once, make the most of it! Get MOTIVATED!
Go out there and face your fears. Do something that scares you a little today, and tommorrow it won't seem so bad. I promise you'll feel great onec youstart challenging your fears. If you need advice I am here for you. Post and I'll reply. I welcome any comments on what I've posted.
Regards
Santos
The way I did this is by changing the way I evaluate each situation. The way I chose my goals. If you're afraid of approaching a woman you shouldn't make your goal to get her number and get a date with her. Your goal should simply be to approach her, talk to her and then leave. You do this enough times and you'll no longer be nervous. That's when you start thinking about asking for numbers.
Actually I don't believe you should concern yourself with chasing women if you're very shy. Rather concern yourself with building confidence in areas such as approaching women (not to date them, but for practice) having a conversation, speaking out in a group, etc. When you're really confident you'll meet women easily. Apply DJ techniques and you're set.
The feelings of pleasure comes when you actually do the thing you're afraid of. I feel proud of myself when I ask a question in class, I can't help but smile and think "Well done, you did it."
Unfortunately it still comes down to you facing the fear. Take it one step at a time. Always have in mind what you want to acheive. Maybe this week its "I will work on my conversation skills." How will you do this? "I will meet 3 new people and talk to them."
Try not to think to much about the results. Once you've put yourself in that particular situation a lot of times, then you start thinking about how to improve it. Remember - IT'S ABOUT YOU FACING YOUR FEAR, NOT ABOUT THE RESULTS OF THAT PARTICULAR INTERACTION.
Each time you go out and face your fear, remeber that you are just challenging your fear. You're not really interested in what the results are. (e.g. If you answer a question in a lecture, don't worry about whether your answer was right or wrong - be proud of yourself because you spoke out in class. Or if you approach a woman, don't worry about how she reacted to your approach - be proud of yourself because you approached her in the first place). You have to accept that you will make mistakes. It is OK TO MAKE MISTAKES. EVERY ONE MAKES MISTAKES. You are learning. But it's more than worth it in the long-run.
It is important for you to WANT to change. You must realise just how much your fears are RESTRICTING you. They have you in a choke hold. They prevent you from being happy. Why let IRRATIONAL FEARS stop you from being who you want to be! Aren't you sick of being walked over? Sick of hearing "let's just be friends"!? You must FIGHT you're negative thoughts. Do you want to be CONFIDENT and HAPPY or AFRAID and MISERABLE for the rest of your life?
Accept that you are changing yourself and that there will be PLENTY of hurdles along the way. Accept that you will make mistakes, but you will NEVER regret them. You will LEARN from them. I have made literally hundreds of mistakes. I have been on incredible highs followed by incredible lows where I felt like giving up. But I got back on my feet. NO REGRETS, ONLY LESSONS! NO REGRESTS, ONLY LESSONS!
There will be times where you feel you have achieved nothing. Where you will feel as if the whole world is laughing at you. But you will persevere and stay FOCUSED on your GOAL. Envision who you want to be. Tell yourself every day, "I HATE BEING AFRAID!" and mean it! I want you to be ANGRY at yourself for being this way. You're ANGER and DISCONTENT is the FUEL that will feed the fire buring inside you!
How can you let yourself be someones doormat! How can you be afraid of EVERYTHING! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! STOP LETTING THAT VOICE IN YOUR HEAD PUT YOU DONE! STOP LETTING IT ABUSE YOU! YOUR FEAR IS PREVENTING YOU FROM BEING HAPPY!
Listen to music that motivates you. I love Emenim's "Lose Yourself". Or Jimmy Eats World. Find songs with words that have MEANING to you. Listen to them. Stop listening to those crappy songs about guys who are after girls who don't want them, etc. They fvck with your mind. Stop thinking negatively. Start respecting yourself. Remember your goals! Never give up. YOu only live once, make the most of it! Get MOTIVATED!
Go out there and face your fears. Do something that scares you a little today, and tommorrow it won't seem so bad. I promise you'll feel great onec youstart challenging your fears. If you need advice I am here for you. Post and I'll reply. I welcome any comments on what I've posted.
Regards
Santos
. One mistake(or learning experience) I made recently(two days ago), I was walking past a girl(an 8.5) giving strong EC and I was just about to say "hi" but then she says to me "how are you doing?" I wasn't ready for that and my mind was only thinking "just say hi," so I say "hi" and walk right past, first time ever a random girl said "how you doing" to me and I didn't take advantage of it. Anyways, I'll be ready next time, my main obstacle facing me now is, I'm still afraid to do cold approaches at college which I really want to overcome, but I can go up and talk to girls at parties, clubs, lines, etc, what do you think I should do to overcome this? Just approach random girls until it becomes a habit where I get more comfortable and then take the next step?