Overcoming family obstacles

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Cincinnati
I grew up in a kind of weird house.

Family: A lot of people in my family have serious mental disorders
grandmother-extremely conservative, religious beliefs, extremely controlling
mom-bipolar (as in straight jacket/padded room), fundamental religious beliefs, extremely controlling
dad-depression, OCD, is an AFC
brother-SEVERE social anxiety, OCD, depression
uncle-depression

Social:
My mom and dad basically have never left the house, or "hung out", for the past 25 years. Alcohol is a sin, and you're going to hell if you drink it, they say. Bars are of the devil, "loose women" are at bars they say, lol. Etc. etc.
My father has been sarcastic/mr.unfunnyman about any topic you ask him about, for the past 10 years. He didn't care about how we were raised particularly, he let my mother run the family. AFC Prime.


Myself:
I'm 25, have a great career, and have been working out for the past 9 years.

Because I workout alot, I keep my alcohol consumption down to 1-2 beers per weekend night only. Alcohol and bodybuilding don't go well together!

I've cut off my biological family from my daily life entirely because of their toxic influence.

I got into computers when I was 15, and over the past decade have spun my love of computers into a great career. Spending all day in front of a screen is not good social exercising, though. :(

Because of my dad's EXCESSIVE sarcasm/mr.unfunnyman personality, I may have been de-sensitized on being ****y&Funny myself.

Hanging out:
I created another thread about my crappy conversational skills. My approach usually centers around asking the person what they do, to get an idea of what type of person I'm dealing with. What some of you guys suggest, is walking down a path of related questions, but that usually deadends pretty quickly for me. I just can't think of what to say, eventually.

Lately it's been hard going to clubs/bars, even with a close friend. How the hell can you communicate with somebody (let alone a group) when you can't hear them? Losing sleep (at night), losing money (expensive alcohol, parking, etc), getting damaged eardrums (too loud), drinking poison (technically; yes I love alcohol, but it is a depressant, at the end of the day), are alot of negative things.

My close friend keeps on telling me to "butt in" on group conversations more, but I really, really can't hear a damn thing that anybody is saying half of the time! And even if I did find out what they were saying ("What did you say?...What did you say? I would repeat...), and even then, I might not even have anything to add, myself.

Not being able to connect with people at clubs/bars is no big deal, at least I have it in perspective, you know. It's just hard to be the life of the party, when I can't even hear the party.

Things have gotten just a little better since I started reading this forum recently. Have any of you guys overcome similar problems? Should I ask my close friend to help me out a little more, at clubs, maybe?
 

Unbridled_Phoenix

Master Don Juan
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IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND.

Whenever I catch myself starting to make excuses, rationalize the past as a predictor of today, or generally think negative thoughts, I stop myself dead in my tracks. It's all in my mind.

Your family obstacles are only obstacles if YOU decide that they are. Our society loves to give people excuses for sh!tty behavior and mediocrity (upbringing, life events, etc.), but the people who determine their own course know that it is THEIR life to do with as they please, and any effect other people have on your decisions is a result of you giving them permission to do so.

It's all in your mind. Your thoughts are the ONLY thing in this world over which you have 100% control; everything else is subject to outside influence in various degrees. So make the DECISION that everything else does not affect you, DECIDE what your destiny is going to be, and sit back in amazement at the Power of Decision. Decision leaves no room for equivocation; how could it, for it has been DECIDED.

In response to your conversational development questions, you have the right idea there. In sales they train you to ask open-ended questions (questions that do not have a yes or no answer). The intent of open-ended questions is to get the person you are speaking with to open up. And for every question answered, you obtain three more to ask based on their answers!

Conversation ain't no thang man, just ask open-ended questions, throw in some teasing and don't say much about yourself, and you are golden.
 
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