over-emotional girlfriend

[RealEstate]

Hey all,

I'm a long time reader, but I never had a problem before that warranted posting.

I've been with my girlfriend, Sarah, for some time now. I've been around the block a few times, but I have never felt about anybody the way I feel about Sarah. My friends tell me it's uncanny how well she and I get along, they love her, and everybody who sees me remarks on how happy I am.

And it's true. Generally. She's a wonderful person, very caring, and has an amazing sense of humor, a rockin' body and a big heart.

The only complaint I have about the relationship, and her in general, is that anytime we have an argument, she blows it way, way out of proportion. Where a few words would suffice (I like to think of myself as a reasonable person who can talk problems out in a few minutes), she instead cries and tells me that she's afraid she's ruining things, and that she can't help but cry because she's very emotional.

This is very, very aggravating. I don't want to spend 20 minutes comforting her everytime she gets upset. It doesn't happen very often, but once every couple of weeks is too much. I mean, she frickin' cries sometimes when we have sex and I don't ***. We have sex 3, 4, or more times a week and it's fine, but sometimes I'm really drunk, or tired, or a million other reasons and I don't get off. And it's still great until the waterworks begin, and I'd feel crummy telling a girl I just made love to to shut the fvck up and stop ruining the moment.

She used to be upset all of the time because she said she didn't feel like I really loved her. I do, guys. I�ve never been in love before, but I'm pretty positive that this is it, and I feel like I do a good job of showing it to her in addition to telling her. Eventually though, I got tired (really tired) of her getting randomly upset and crying because she was afraid of me leaving her, so I began to tell her more often. Everyday. often more than once. I wasn't changing my habits in other ways, I haven't supplicated to her or changed how I act otherwise, but I did greatly increase how often I told her I loved her.

Of course, we all know what happens (oftentimes) when a girl knows for a fact that you love her. Her interest level drops, she stops saying I love you as much, and eventually the relationship comes crashing down, the guy gets screwed, etc etc. I don't think I'm at this point yet, but I also don't intend to get there before changing how I act. Her last two serious relationships featured huge AFCs who bought her presents and complimented her constantly, and I refuse to play into that role (nor does she want me to, but at the same time I know she does).

There must be a better way for me to handle these situations other than just holding her and saying soothing things, but I'm not sure of the best way to do it. I want to avoid a conversation that leaves her weeping and me feeling like an *******, but this current situation is not one I am happy with. I know if I'm too strict with her it will blow up into a huge battle, and that's what I want to avoid.

Any help would be much appreciated.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Well you've been with her long enough that you know which buttons to push that will put her in tears. Don't argue with this girl. That's what I did in my last long-term relationship. Women can't fight with someone that doesn't put up a fight.

 

[RealEstate]

well, she isn't trying to fight with me. I'm as skeptical as any man and I am 100% convinced that she doesn't cry in order to garner sympathy or to provoke an argument, but because she really is just ridiculously emotional where I'm concerned . I'd like her to grow out of it without me forcing her to.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

That's a tough situation. You can't really change her personality in an instant, but it can be done. It took me about 5 years of sosuave.com to convert my emotional chaos into a stone cold poker face.

I would never waste my time changing someone though. I'm sure it's possible, but why bother. There's always a girl that's got her sh*t together right around the corner. I know you don't want to here this and you're probably looking for a more positive solution. But, you get what you saw on the showroom floor. You were the one who put up with her at the beginning and you were the one who stuck around. Now you have to either deal with the consequences or move on.

 

[IronFar]

You forgot to mention the most important thing in your post: her age.

 

[Egoist]

ok i've had some experience with this.

my ex was one of those girls. overly emotional, a bit of a drama queen in taking things over the top, etc.

I guess i got used to it, and never got used to it in the same time. I mean it really gets annoying and there is no way in dealing with it other than just going with the flow and doing the best you can based on your previous experience.

at the same time, i think it was the emotional side of my ex that made her love me so much and be a relly good girlfriend at the same time. Hard to explain, but it was that side of her that made her so innocently pure at the same time. And like my sister said one time "we emotional drama queens are the best in bed" :crackup: but seriously i think there is some truth to this.

 

[slamthedoor]

Have you considered that she might have an emotional or psychological disorder that causes her to react this way? You didn't go into very many details but what you said reminds me of my ex who had borderline personality disorder. TheTrimReaper in the "Banging My Head..." thread described his girlfriend who had BPD also.