other people put you down

[toast]

i was at a party tonight and was talking with people. i was talking with this one girl for awhile then i come to find out she has a boyfriend there with her. i wasn't really hitting on her or anything, just talking. anyway i meet her boyfriend when i am talking with her and he automatically starts picking on me. he is picking on me about really stupid stuff too, like we were talking about cars, then he said my car was gay and was wondering why i had it. then he was telling me he feels sorry for me because of my car. then he goes off on my name and how patheitic i am, i mean it was just stupid. this guy doesn't even know me and he's talking shytt, granted he was drunk.

i just blew it off and tried to come up with something funny to say. i know i should just brush it off, but i'm one of those people that if if someone doesn't like me it bugs me. i thought maybe he was pissed b/c i was talking with his g/f, but like i said i don't even think i was hitting on her that bad and plus i didn't know she had a b/f at the time. its just a little thing but it kind of ruined my night. how do you handle situations like this?

 

[Bunk 040]

Basically, just DONT TAKE NO ****! Look him right in the face and say "Shut The **** Up, *****!" If he want some beef, it aint yo fault he drunk so knock his ass out.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You are probably coming across as a push over and easy to pick on. A weak man. My guess is that this happens often. There are people who "reek" weakness and insecurity. This will not help you with your low confidence and with the women. Get this area handled.

Once you have real confidence in yourself, people will pick up on it and will respect you because you are comanding respect. If you don't have it you can't demand respect. If you don't have it you must work on yourself and get to the point where you command it.

You will know you are confident when you no longer worry about what anybody says or thinks about you; because you know better and you just let it roll off your back. Until you are totally confident, I would not even worry about answering back, you will sound more insecure. This guy is an insecure fvck himself. He relies on pickin' on weaker men to look good himself. You definitely don't want to be in his shoes either.

Once you got your life together, you can become so confident, to the point where you could snap back with witty, arrogant comments, the equivalent to a bytch slap, and people, specially the hard headed morons, will get the point loud and clear.

My response automatically would have been:

"Really bro? Wow, If I needed to become cool and popular like you, I would just get a car like yours. Is that why the ladies like you? That's cool man!" In a semi sarcastic with with a small smirk.

You will only be able to pull this stuff off if you are congruent. You can't fake confidence and high self-esteem. Get it handled. You don't want to grow old and have people of all ages pick on you just because they can, or just because you are begging through your insecurities.

 

[epicurean]

This is no attack against you, but if you are a weakling, all the SoSuave posts in the world can't help you when you are AMOGed. I'm not saying you have to become Bruce Lee, but the other guy must know that if a fight were to break out, it would be about an even fight. Once you are at this point, you can engage in verbal combat with full confidence. Unless your adversary is a redneck or a criminal, no matter what you say, it will not lead to physical confrontation. Once you aren't afraid of him, your responses in an argument come pretty naturally. Just NEVER defend yourself, only attack him.

This is what I did:

Get a phone book, look up martial arts in the yellow pages, call ALL of them, ask how much class time they spend doing forms, how much sparring, and if they teach traditional, competition, or street fighting techniques.

What you're looking for:
No forms period, they are stupid
Lots of sparring
NOT traditional, competition is acceptable, preferably street fighting

I found a guy with black belts in 4 different methods who hates forms, lets us spar whenever we want, and after teaching us competition techniques to spar with, focuses only on grappling, throwing, and attacking pressure points for use in street situations. I love it

 

[squirrels]

The fact that you had to bring it up on this forum indicates that he got to you. You should recognize a fool when he's acting the fool and not acknowledge the foolishness. The fact that you didn't, as GOL said, indicates low self-esteem.

If you're confident in yourself, counter-mocking, laughing with him, laughing AT him, etc...are all "acceptable" social tactics. It should be a nonissue. Personally, I would've just blown him off. After all, you were just macking his girl. What's he got on you?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Ever notice how any guy that gives you grief is usually AFC to the hilt?

You gotta toughen up - I had, and still do, to a certain extent, a problem with this. I'll tell you one thing, 9 times out of 10, and definitly in this situation, it's either out of jealousy or insecurity on this other guys part. Basically, he saw you as a threat, didn't like the way it made him feel, and tried to make himself feel better by dissing on you. Happens to me all the f*cking time. Usually by loser AFC's who can't stand me or are threatened by me because of my looks, physical fitness level, job, smarts etc.

This guy is sh*t on your shoes, and obviously has a low self esteem.

 

[frivolousz21]

agree with everything they said.

just remember you are better than him.

if you dont feel like the confrontation.

just give him a nice smile and nod and say goodnight and bye to his lady and walk away.

that would burn his ****.


and make sure u stare into her eyes while ur saying bye to her

 

[DJ_Dork]

Don't argue/fight back with someone trying to put you down like other people suggest.

Basically the guy that is putting you down has low self esteem. Someone who has healthy self esteem would find no reason to make fun of you because they are comfortable with their own self image. Kinda like when you see a fat person, insecure people feel the need to put down that fat person EVEN THOUGH it won't affect them.

What you did was be ****y/funny about it to turn the joke. You are telling the put-downer you don't take him seriously and find his mockery not affecting you.

One time a friend of mines made fun of shoes I had. I retorted wow, really? you think they're gay? coincidentally, there was a gay bar around the corner and stepped in. My friend became very fearful of his life (homophobe) and told him, what're you scared of? I thought you enjoy laughing at gay stuff.

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork
Kinda like when you see a fat person, insecure people feel the need to put down that fat person EVEN THOUGH it won't affect them.

Yep the first sign of person being insecure with themselve is when they put down other people (especially other peoples appearance) for no apparent reason.

 

[CLOONEY]

This is the kind of thing you have to learn to ignore. Just say to him "I hear insecure people try to belittle others they are afraid of". "Grow up man"!

Other than that, I agree with Gansta. You probably dont command enough respect, or like me, are usually very nice to everyone and he sees an opportunity to take advantage of it. Every once in a while I have jealous guys try to do this to me, lol, but it never lasts long. I usually always rip them far worse than they can possibly rip me. But that also comes from me being more successful in probably every area in life than the person trying to rip me. Once u have all your life in order and are happy with yourself, it will just make u laugh at how pathetic the person is trying to do this to you. I still dont understand this "bullying" thing that seems to be such an epidemic. People who are bullied are half to blame, as nobody needs to let themself be bullied or belittled. Although there are ways to handle it, if you are confident you will just laugh. If you are not (me years ago in school), u will just punch them in the face, lol. Either of which stops the bullying pretty quickly.

 

[McKindley]

confronting this guy is worthless. No clever quip would have made you look any cooler. I don't get in situations like that often, but when I do, I always let the first remark slide. You have to understand, you were talking to his girl, he's drunk, it's going to bother him.

However, if he starts pestering you and trying to put you down or get a rise out of you, address the group you're with as a whole and say something along the lines of "alright guys I need to get moving" or "I'm going to talk to my friend Steve over there (assuming its a party)" DIRECTLY after he makes one of his little put-downs. That'll make it abundantly clear that you are leaving because you don't want to be around him, but it makes you look like a better person than him because you don't feel the need to try and make some clever come-back after his pissy remarks.

You don't have to feel like you need to be badass. Just coming off classy is enough to make this guy look like a douche.

 

[epicurean]

maybe if they put someone down out of nowhere and for no reason it can be said that they are doing it because they have low self esteem. But this guy was laying a verbal smackdown b/c you were hitting on his girlfriend. I would have done the same thing.

People who can't recognize that some situations call for verbal confrontation, are spineless hippies.

LOL j/k

that was to make a point. It's called an Ad Hominem, one of the countless tools people use in arguments/confrontations with their competitors. If you stay within your social circle your whole life you probably won't need them. But when you're thrown in with a bunch of unknown AMOGs in a place where the sausages outnumber the holes (most clubs), you are going to need sharp wits to stay alive. And that is why you can't completely neglect developing adversarial social skills. You don't need to use them on everybody, but when in a situation like this, his frame of your being a loser is going to overpower your "you're just insecure" frame. Especially if he is persistent.

 

[Unforsaken]

I see it at a sparring match. He was testing you to see what you had. He used his ****y and funny routine and knocked you out the game. He made you look bad infront of his girlfriend. MaKing sure she knew who had the biggest balls.

now that you understand what happening, have you learn from ****y and funny jokes in the bible?...One of the most powerful things you can do to show your confident is make fun of yourself. You know his only weapon is to make fun of you, so you take it away from him. I would be like "****, I feel sorry for me too. Funny things is atleast I know a chick want me for me and not my car." If anything make him walk into one. Ask what he has so special and stuff. Then he talks about it and you start laughing and say "man, what a shame your going all out spending ALOT of money just to compensate for your flaws with women". If you see him getting pissed, you know you got him and just tell them you gotta go and bye (unless your look for a fight).

 

[Ken785]

lift weights, gain CONFIDENCE, he talks **** and tries to embarass you...THROW DOWN!! Even if you lose....every man has to get their ass beat at least once in their lifetime....standing up for yourself is just part of the progression of being a MAN!!

 

[Dapper Swindler]

He says your car is gay? My initial response was to say that it sounds like something a 17 year old would say. Then I saw that you are 17. So what I think you should do is show him you're mature and that thinking someone else's car is gay is something a kid would do. Tell him you weren't able to afford a better car what with paying rent and supporting yourself and living like a fvcking adult with adult concerns that are bigger than how gay a vehicle is. I guess you shouldn't say that if it isn't true. But I would try to make him feel like he was being a child and you are more mature.

 

[DJoystick DJango]

Originally posted by toast
... i'm one of those people that if if someone doesn't like me it bugs me.

Trust me on this one - You need to fix that !

There will always be someone who wont like you for what ever reason and you might not even be able to do anything about that person. So just accept the fact. Thats part of life. If 51% of the people you meet like you - you could even become the president. Dont care about the 49%.

-JJ

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

"The Gift of Insults."

Listen to this....

There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.

One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master. Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.

Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.

Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?"

"If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it," the master replied, "to whom does the gift belong?"

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Re: Re: other people put you down

Originally posted by DJoystick DJango
Trust me on this one - You need to fix that !

There will always be someone who wont like you for what ever reason and you might not even be able to do anything about that person. So just accept the fact. Thats part of life. If 51% of the people you meet like you - you could even become the president. Dont care about the 49%.

-JJ

This is so true. I get people disliking me all the time (usually guys, and usually for no good reason.)

Usually these guys are losers and are threatened by me. It bugs me from time to time, then I remember all of the worthwhile friends and girls that I have in my life and it doesn't bother me.