Opinions needed from you guys...once again

[StoneZA]

Hey guys,

Some of you might remember from about 2 months ago when I posted a thread entitled "Advice needed on what to do next" where some of you guys really gave me good advice on what to do with the chick that I had in that thread.Well, she was so busy with her studies, that I eventually gave up on her and went on to greener pastures.

Well time has passed and I met a new girl (through a chat program on my cell) that we have access to here in South Africa. Now I know it isn't appropriate, but I'm not the club kinda guy, so please don't judge me on that on where and how to meet girls etc.

OK, now a quick breakdown of what has transpired so far. She came out of a terrible relationship where her previous bf cheated on her with another girl and now he resides overseas. Well we started chatting, and after about two weeks, I met her, and I really fell for her. She is really the sweetest girl I have ever met and she was really impressed by me as well. Before I met her, she said I must write her a loveletter and in this love letter I confessed my love for her etc.

Now I know some of you might think, WTF!?... writing a love letter before I even meet a random a chick that I don't know anything of. Well it was a very deep letter and it swept her off her feet. I really have a way with words and it paid off. She also wrote me a letter back in which she also said that she is interested, but isn't quite ready for a relationship just yet, but wants me to way a bit for her.

I did, but within a 1.5 weeks or so, we were a couple and we hit it off. She decided to give it a chance. I really went out of my way to make things special for her. Emailed her everyday,at least twice, we would chat every morning, afternoon and evening. Went to visit her quite often as well.

As you can see I'm speaking in the past tense, eventually it all came to an end. About 1.5 weeks ago, she became very quiet and said she was going through a rough time. She didn't elaborate too much on it, but I could tell something was wrong. We ended up making love about 9 days ago, was really special for the both of us.

The this past week Monday, she asked to see me, but I had a feeling things weren't going to turn out well. She decided that she wanted to break up with me, not because I did anything wrong per se, but her heart feels dead she says. I keep giving 100% and she only gives 50%, and she felt that we should rather end the relationship now before she breaks my heart further down the line. Her reason being, she still has pain of the previous relationship where her ex cheated on her, and if I'm not mistaken he also hit her as well when they were still together. She also comes out of a broken home, and her family doesn't really support her emotionally in any way whatsoever, plus living on her own, also gets to her. She said she needs some time to work things out.

It was a real emotional evening for the both of us, and I was heart broken till Wednesday. She feels really bad for breaking my heart, but I have forgiven her since Monday.

Now...

She and a friend went dancing Friday evening and I chatted to her yesterday evening. She said that, it doesn't matter how much she goes out with friends, dance till the sun comes up, she still feels lonely with regards to not having a bf/ someone special in her life, I told her the same thing that I feel lonely without having a gf... (probably a bit dumb to say that, but its the truth)

Where do I go from here ?

This afternoon I went to visit her a bit (was 6 days since I last seen her), and we had a really great time together. We chatted via the chat program on our cells a little while ago. I told her, that I miss her, and she says that she misses me as well. I was really tempted to kiss her this afternoon, but decided not to, to see how things panned out. We made a lot of jokes and stuff, and we didn't really chat about what happened last week monday.

Did she mention on purpose that she feels lonely for not having a bf, and wants me to make a move again ? I still have immense feelings for her, and I really don't want to give up hope on her. Some of you might say, I should move on, let her be... but I can't. Being just friends with her, is going to be a bit tough, but if she needs time, I'll give her what she asks.

Is there anything I can do to help her get over her insecurity with regards to opening her heart up towards me, because she thinks she won't be able to do it. If I can just convince her somehow, or influence her in a way. She can't carry this burden with her forever, someday she'll have to accept the fact that she needs to love someone again otherwise she is going to end up alone indefinetely.

Ok... if you guys have read this far, I appreciate it.. Looking at the DJ Bible, there might be a few things that I have done wrong according to it... but I prefer it rather to ask you guys here directly.

Please, I don't want any hostile answers again like in my previous thread, only if its something worthwhile that I can use in my situation. Some of you might think that I'm really a noob/tool for letting things turn out the way they did. Well this was my first real "mini"-relationship. I did learn alot, but not quite keen just to give up on the girl just yet.

Your thoughts and advice will be appreciated.

Thanks

Stone

 

[jophil28]

Before I met her, she said I must write her a loveletter and in this love letter I confessed my love for her etc.

..it paid off. She also wrote me a letter back in which she also said that she is interested, but isn't quite ready for a relationship just yet, but wants me to way ( wait?) a bit for her.

Read this quote again.

By writing her that letter, you offered yourself as merely her source of validation, not her potential boyfriend.
It was all over when you did that, but you did not know it because you assumed that your "way with words" was a killer move.
It was - it killed her attraction for you.

Look, there are so many elements in your story which are commentworthy.
Most of us have made most of the same mistakes that you made with this woman , with similar results to you, but most of us have learned .

RT said that pulling guys out of the matrix is dirty work . It is, there will be casualties.

Are you ready for some tough talking here?

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Better be ready to listen, too. This is "AFC Bible" worthy.

 

[PeeGee]

My opinion is that you go back to the DJ Bible

 

[sodbuster]

Never should have written a love letter to a woman-much less one you haven't even dated yet. SHe sounds like an attention W. needing a letter and youjumped right through that hoop. not sure how you got lucky on this deal

 

[trajhenkhet02]

What people want and what they need can be different things. She may want you to write a letter, but it won't raise her attraction toward you. I highly recommend the DJ Bible to find out the why.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

It's late and I should be going to bed but I'm going to take this one on because you remind me of my old self and there were others on this forum who took the time to help me, so I will make an effort to return the favour.

OK, now a quick breakdown of what has transpired so far. She came out of a terrible relationship where her previous bf cheated on her with another girl and now he resides overseas.

And you care, why? The fact of the matter is, you want to have relationships with women who act and treat you a certain way. I'm not going to date someone with a roller-coaster past and put up with her bullsh!t just because she has good excuses. There is no need to play Captain Save-a-Ho, EVER.

Before I met her, she said I must write her a loveletter

This was a sh!t test and you failed. A worthy man does not have the time to write love letters to qualify himself for ANY woman. This is where you say, "sorry honey, I don't have time for high school games. Nice chatting with you and good luck in the future."

...and in this love letter I confessed my love for her etc.

Remember this... women only want to hear "I love you" from men that they think they can't obtain or from men that have many women competing for them. They don't want to hear "I love you" from someone who isn't a challenge. If you went fishing, would you be more proud of the fish that jumped into your boat or the fish that you spent 30 minutes trying to reel in?

Now I know some of you might think, WTF!?...

All of us are thinking "WTF!?"

Well it was a very deep letter and it swept her off her feet.

Are you sure?

She also wrote me a letter back in which she also said that she is interested, but isn't quite ready for a relationship just yet, but wants me to way a bit for her.

That doesn't sound like being "swept off her feet."

I really went out of my way to make things special for her. Emailed her everyday,at least twice, we would chat every morning, afternoon and evening. Went to visit her quite often as well.

"I have nothing else going on in my life, no other opportunities, no other women. There is no mystery, no challenge, no value. Here I am, love me!!"

As you can see I'm speaking in the past tense, eventually it all came to an end.

We didn't see this coming.

About 1.5 weeks ago, she became very quiet and said she was going through a rough time.

"I'm having a difficult time dealing with the fact that you're smothering me to death and if I tell you how turned off I am, I'm afraid I'll hurt your feelings so badly that you'll slit your wrists."

We ended up making love about 9 days ago, was really special for the both of us.

It was special for her? Are you sure?

She decided that she wanted to break up with me, not because I did anything wrong per se, but her heart feels dead she says.

Women will never tell you there's anything wrong with you. They'll say anything they can do avoid looking like the bad guy.

I keep giving 100% and she only gives 50%,

Why would she have to give more than 50% if you're voluntarily doing all the work?

She said she needs some time to work things out.

Okay. Sounds like she's been through a lot. I guess she needs a few months to seek counseling and work out her issues.

Now...

She and a friend went dancing Friday evening...

Wow, sounds like she's an emotional wreck!!

She said that, it doesn't matter how much she goes out with friends, dance till the sun comes up, she still feels lonely with regards to not having a bf/ someone special in her life, I told her the same thing that I feel lonely without having a gf... (probably a bit dumb to say that, but its the truth)

"I'm going to go out to attract and sleep with more worthy men, but please believe me when I lie to you and tell you that I'm miserable so that you don't realize I was never interested in you and I really need a real MAN in my life."

Where do I go from here ?

Cease all communications. Never talk to this girl again.

This afternoon I went to visit her a bit (was 6 days since I last seen her), and we had a really great time together.

Dammit!! What did I tell you?

Did she mention on purpose that she feels lonely for not having a bf, and wants me to make a move again ?

She likes the attention she's getting from you and wants to string you along. She'll also tell you about the next man she meets and how badly he's treating her.

I still have immense feelings for her, and I really don't want to give up hope on her. Some of you might say, I should move on, let her be... but I can't. Being just friends with her, is going to be a bit tough, but if she needs time, I'll give her what she asks.

Every word coming out of her mouth is a lie. This story has played out millions of times before. This is the Matrix. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings, she wants to keep you around for your attention and because you'll do anything for her, but she will never sleep with you again.

Is there anything I can do to help her get over her insecurity with regards to opening her heart up towards me, because she thinks she won't be able to do it.

It's not insecurity. She doesn't like you and doesn't want to tell you the truth for fear of looking like the bad guy.

I apologize for my hostility. You need to wake up. You obviously haven't read any of the material on this site.

 

[speed dawg]

This has got to be a joke by some regular. I mean, it includes everything. The over-rationalizations, the obligatory "I only want replies I can use" and then the no-response by the OP.

Just too scripted for me to give a serious response.

Edited: Then again, I go back and look at his posts, maybe this poor lad is serious. But, he doesn't seem to want good advice, so I won't respond. StoneZA, do you want to be helped or not? And let me assure you, this Don Juan stuff is not just confined to Canada and the U.S., like you've stated before.