Online Dating: Coffee Dates (suck IMO)

[ER!C L!VE]

Alright, I don't know where the whole coffee date came from, but I've never had good luck with it. I first heard about the idea here at Sosuave.com. I was just getting back into the dating scene and tried it a few times. It didn't get me laid or any return dates.

In fact, one girl turned me down b/c I asked her out to coffee.. She was 21and I was 29. She later asked my friend, "does he really love coffee?"

Once I set up a meeting with a college girl who I met online at a chain coffee house. The place is on a busy college town main street where all the college kids hang out, but we left as soon as I got there. We didn't have coffee and talk. I immediately drove her to my house and banged the hell outta her.

So, to sum it all up, the times I've set up coffee dates to just have coffee, sit and talk have turned out with no repeat dates and no getting Eric laid.

Questions for the people who are pro-coffee date:

1. What experiences do you guys have where the coffee date turned out well?

2. How old are you guys who ask out girls on coffee dates?

3. How old are the girls who you ask out?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Until Starbucks starts serving Tequilla shots, Kamikazes and Draft Beer, I'd advise avoiding 'Coffee Dates' altogether.

 

[Desdinova]

I am for coffee dates when you haven't established much rapport with the woman. If you already have good rapport with her, skip the coffee date and go on a real date. Coffee dates are non-threatening to women who don't know you very well (or at least FEEL they don't).

1. What experiences do you guys have where the coffee date turned out well?

I got set up on a blind date. I met up with the chick, established rapport, and went bowling after we were done our coffee.

2. How old are you guys who ask out girls on coffee dates?

Mid-20s

3. How old are the girls who you ask out?

Around the same age as me (give or take a couple of years)

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ER!C L!VE

So, to sum it all up, the times I've set up coffee dates to just have coffee, sit and talk have turned out with no repeat dates and no getting Eric laid.

Questions for the people who are pro-coffee date:

1. What experiences do you guys have where the coffee date turned out well?

2. How old are you guys who ask out girls on coffee dates?

3. How old are the girls who you ask out?

I personally dont like to drink\eat anything on a first date. It is distracting for me.
Coffee dates are more like an established imagine of a safe date, especially among women who are familiar with online dating.
If I suggest - lets go have some drinks, not many women would agree, they may simply consider it as not safe enough - "to drink alcohol with a stranger from internet! Ohhh.. Ohhh..!! Now way! Decent women dont do that!"
I'd rather suggest just to meet and talk a walk, but well.. there is no nice places here really where we can walk.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

eh, I just thought it outta be reiterated since the coffee date ideas have been thrown around alot lately.

Some have success with it.. so, meh.. do what works for you.

The whole coffee dates just don't work for me...

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ER!C L!VE

The whole coffee dates just don't work for me...

So.. what kind of dates work for you? Can you also elaborate a bit on WHY they work?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

All I do are coffee dates for first meeting, haven't come across anything that is more time or cost effective nor more conducive to qualify a woman through pure conversation. If anyone has a better way to accomplish all of this, by all means post it!

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
All I do are coffee dates for first meeting, haven't come across anything that is more time or cost effective nor more conducive to qualify a woman through pure conversation. If anyone has a better way to accomplish all of this, by all means post it!

I do coffee dates for the first meeting too. But they seem a bit tough: all we do is sit and look at each other....
I would go for a stroll (with coffee or without it sure doesnt matter), but there is no places here just to stroll.

Francisco, how can you sit for half an hour\an hour doing nothing except drinking coffee and talking? Dont you want to move a bit, to stroll..? to see how she walks? Oh, I forgot... you just ask her to stand up and turn around

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
I do coffee dates for the first meeting too. But they seem a bit tough: all we do is sit and look at each other....
I would go for a stroll (with coffee or without it sure doesnt matter), but there is no places here just to stroll.

Francisco, how can you sit for half an hour\an hour doing nothing except drinking coffee and talking? Dont you want to move a bit, to stroll..? to see how she walks? Oh, I forgot... you just ask her to stand up and turn around

Half an hour? My record for coffee dates is SEVEN! I average a good two to three hours though. I will talk about anything and everything and that's my secret to my first meeting success.

We've all read about the importance of gaining rapport. I'll first define rapport as "I" personally understand it with DJism. Rapport is having the woman feel as if you have known one another to the point of familiarity and comfort. Of course this is easier said than done but if your qualifying skills are good, it's is not as hard as you would think.

All I do is treat a woman as an old close friend that I haven't seen in several months. This starts as soon as I lay eyes on her. It's how I greet her, how I emote my enthusiasm of her being there and how I talk about whatever subject that grabs my attention at that moment.

To get more specific, KINO right off the bat. I'm always at the coffee house first so she has to find me, don't ask me why but women like that better than sitting around waiting for you to show up. I think that they get nervous and tense while waiting. But anyway, when they walk up and ask if I'm Francisco (as if another could be mistaken for me) I stand up enthusiastically, say their name out loud, grab her arms and give them a hug. I pull away while still holding her arms, look her in the eyes and say "I'm glad that you're here" in a very resonate voice.

In that instant I've done KINO, made eye contact, familiarity and made my interest known. Nothing to hide here! But to make the first meeting work, you have to carry that enthusiasm through the entire meeting. I know, I know, it's said to be a challenge and aloof, you can still be that way too. Show her several facets of your personality. Show them all the things that make you charismatic.

In your conversations about movies, dating, work, pets, whatever... BE INTERESTED and ask questions while giving a little bet of yourself. You should be feeding her questions that will keep her talking 60-70% of the date, be sure that you give her at least 30-40% of yourself. Tell stories of mundane sh1t but tell it with a pallet as colorful as a Harry Potter book. Make jokes, embellish, use KINO and definitely use vocal tonality to show your serious, sexy, playful and charismatic nature.

I would avoid making it seem like an interview though. Would you do that with an old friend? Of course not, so don't do it with a woman you would want to gain instant rapport. Don't put her on the spot, let things flow with the ebb and flow of couple dancing a steamy salsa (yeah, you know how that looks), it's nothing less that undulating and rhythmic, and so should your conversations. It has nothing to do with topics, but it has everything to do with style.

 

[scordate]

only do coffee-dates with women that you barely know or have seen; i.e. met online-dating

if you've seen her / she's seen you; you both agree to a date because there is some kind of mutual liking, huh ?

online dating you've never met the person and dont know if there is any chemistry, huh

you dont want to spend whole long date with someone that you after 5 minutes know will never work, huh ?

therefore: the coffee-date

/ scordate

 

[Jaun_Don]

I think start with the coffee and if that goes okay ie you are chatting lots and laughing then move on to the liquor.

Dates are awful period, but somewhere along the way someone decided this was a good idea to help in the 'courting' process.

I have actually met some the coolest girls by saying lets just grab a coffee/tea and go for a walk, they like that...you aren't looking around your attention/focus is on her, why am I still single then?.

 

[iveyleeger]

coffee dates work if you can talk, as Francisco described, use EC and do a little kino.

first get them talking about their favorite things, and they get relaxed. keep up the eye contact and they get the sexual message. once you see them respond you can just take their hand and play with it for a bit or put your hand on their knee or whatever your move is and if you keep the EC and convo going at the same time they get really turned on.

now they are warmed up and ready for the next venue, and it cost you 3 or 4 bucks.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Jaun_Don
...Dates are awful period, but somewhere along the way someone decided this was a good idea to help in the 'courting' process.

I have actually met some the coolest girls by saying lets just grab a coffee/tea and go for a walk, they like that...you aren't looking around your attention/focus is on her, why am I still single then?.

It's your attitude...

 

[al77]

Francisco,

It was a great post, i.e. it show a lot about your skills and personality. Moreover you are talented with more social skills than most people have. And it seems you have a gift of outgoing personality.

Sure if you feel you like her, yes, then it is a good idea to talk to her a lot....I personally believe that eiether there is a mutual attraction or there is none. I obviously dont have an outgoing personality as you do, so I have to rely more on mutual chemistry, mutual attraction.
But.. sure if you have skills, yes, then it is a good idea to use them. Though if you were born not very outgoing and dont have 1000 and 1 topics (life is mostly work-home.. home-work for me) to talk about that might impose a problem.

I reply on questions, I fish for something that makes her tick... if I suceed she'll talk non-stop and I just have to "direct" the conversation with occasional questions.
Any tips how to be more outgoing? ie. to overcome an introvert inside?

 

[Ricky]

I think the coffee date idea was really promoted by David D. Maybe he has stock in Starbucks, but on the other hand he likes tea.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Ricky
I think the coffee date idea was really promoted by David D. Maybe he has stock in Starbucks, but on the other hand he likes tea.

yeah, the "tea" thing that DD spews out seems so fukking gay to me. maybe he's playing on the fact that chicks tend to like green tea?

"let's have a cup of tea"

could any of you guys bring yourself to actually say that? it's got homo written all over it.

as to the coffee date, it's cliche, but hey...it's a quick, painless, easy way to meet, in a public place, one on one, with minimal distractions.

it's worked well for me, but i don't say, "let's meet at Starbucks over a cup of coffee". rather, i'll say, "let's meet at Starbucks over a cool drink".

some have lasted 10 minutes, others an hour or more. it's a great qualifying arena. what else are you going to do that is a low investment of time and resources?

it would be nice to have a good alternative. nothing as efficient really comes to mind however. this is probably why Starbucks' stock is kickin azz--all those single people going there for a first meeting. brilliant!

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Perhaps its the age group of girls I go for who don't like the coffee idea... ages 18-22

Although, I do agree that a coffee shop is a good meeting place, but for the girls I go for, it's not a destination that is conducive to getting laid (in my experience).




:cheer: 'S!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by al77
...I reply on questions, I fish for something that makes her tick... if I suceed she'll talk non-stop and I just have to "direct" the conversation with occasional questions.
Any tips how to be more outgoing? ie. to overcome an introvert inside?

I was introverted most of my life mainly because I was an average guy doing the same boring things that average guys normally did. It didn't help that I was married at the time and believed in the old world ways, but that's another story.

What made me more outgoing was hanging out with outgoing people. Guys (and girls) that pushed the envelope, the ones that did things that "normal people" didn't do or couldn't imagine doing.

I tried several different things from rock climbing to moving to another country. I kept trying different things until I found a couple of things which I felt passionate about (yeah, things other than women). On the intellectual side, I found psychology and counseling as a major interest. On the physical side I found cycling. Between the two I found not only passion but also balance.

My friends who are neither ultra-intellectuals nor athletes enjoy my stories of bike racing or just chewing the fat about past relationships. Either way they enjoy my presentation of these things because of my passion for them.

My suggestion is to find your own passion(s) and dive in with both feet. Be excited about it and let people know what gets you excited. With practice you will begin finding yourself excited about other things too, things that may seem mundane to the rest of the world but when YOU bring up the subject, all ears and eyes are on you just because of your presentation.

Am I loud? Yes! Am I theatrical? DEFINITELY! Am I a ****y SOB that will pat myself on the back because of my escapades? ABSOLUTELY!!! Am I willing to share those aspects with other people and allow them to take part (or at least talk them into it)? AS OFTEN AS I CAN!!!!

It's just because I have a blast at what I do, and I'm willing to take anyone along for the ride. I put myself out there and I am no way a suave DJ all of the time, I fvck up and make mistakes like everyone else but I'm not going to love myself any less. It's because of how I feel about myself that allows me not to worry about putting myself out there with other people.

I could care less about how they feel about me, I can't change that but I can control how I feel about myself. To put it bluntly, I am a person that people who enjoy excitement would love knowing. Not because I was born that way (I wasn't), it's because I have chosen to be. The more that I emote this personality, the more it becomes a common part of me.

Make any sense?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by iveyleeger
...Once you see them respond you can just take their hand and play with it for a bit or put your hand on their knee or whatever your move is and if you keep the EC and convo going at the same time they get really turned on.

I do this often out of habit. A hand on their knee or hand for a prolonged moment, pulling them in close to tell them an important secret that no one else could hear, an abrupt complement just because I felt that they needed to know it at that specific moment... Things like this is not the norm with most guys on dates so if you can do it without it seeming forced, you'd be surprised at how receptive women are to such actions.

 

[Bonhomme]

One size does not fit all

That much is clear from the variety of posts on this thread.

Each to their own. I like to do things on a first get-together. Such as go to a concert, festival, sporting event, or whatever. Something that associates me with a fun time as a matter of course, and provides readymade converstation openers.