Oneitis wants me back?

[Santos]

Seems me cutting contact with my oneitis to the bare minimum has peaked her interest. After I confessed that I liked her (about a month and a half ago), and she wasn't interested, I made it clear that I was moving on. I don't SMS (cellphone instant messaging) her at all anymore and I don't call her. I started to get the feeling she was becoming interested in me again.
I haven't seen her in 3 weeks because we are off university on study leave. Shes SMSes me AT LEAST once a week. Normally just stuff about projects, etc. Last week she sent one saying "hope you having a great holiday".

She sent me a cute SMS today (uni starts again on Monday) that says: "When I'm not textin u. it doesn't mean that i've forgotten u. I'm just givin you time to miss me."

WTF? She's either:

a) missing the attention
b) missing me
or c) Wants to use me (I've helped her with assignments before)

This doesn't strike me as the kind of SMS you send a "friend" especially considering I haven't recieved ANYTHING affectionate from her since she lost interest. And now this?

Her interest was high when we met. SHE APPROACHED ME! She got MY NUMBER first. Then I became an AFC and her interest dropped. She lost all respect for me.

What do you guys make of this? I'm aware I musn't get caught up in this emotionally. I wouldn't mind a "fling" with this one. It seems my ignoring her is working . I'm ignoring her SMS, because to be honest - it pisses me off, she doesnt seem sure of what she wants. Or she's just too afraid to say it.

 

[Starman]

Ouch...Oneitus..as you know are bad for the ego..even with a fling..you will be in a worse case scenario than you were without the fling..because she would create the illusion she liked you..

I would stop all this second guessing...tell her to stop SMS'ing you until she was ready to have some fun (dont mention relationship or anything close)..she obviously thinks you are playing a "game" so she can miss you...well, are you?

 

[WatchMeWalk]

I've lived through this scenario before.
She's testing you to see if you are still available and a potential *****.
The second you reciprocate her "interest", you fail the test.

Typical mindgame that's popular with high-maintenance HBs.

 

[Lone_raider]

Bingo! I just went through this with an HB who I'm severing all contact with starting tonight! She was texting me almost every night with something or the other. Of course I asked for her number and then asked her out first. But the minute I began to show more interest she started playing games. Texting me all these "cute" little messages, but when I place a real phone call to set up a real date I get blown off.

WatchMeWalk is damn right! It's a little HB mind game, don't play it.

 

[violator]

I have my run ins with too many of these types of girls. They are usually the high maintenance attention wh0re types who thrive on attention. I suspect that she misses your attention and is testing the waters to see whether you are still under her spell.

It is merely an ego boost for her to see you turn AFC. Your cutting off contact is a good thing. Keep acting indifferent to her cause it can drive her crazy; perhaps even genuinely raise her interest level. But, I generally agree with Watchmewalk in that these types of girls are good only for a fyck. So if you can raise her IL to the point where you can get her in bed, great. Otherwise, she is probably not good LTR material.

 

[Starman]

agreed with Violator..women hate losing guys that fawn over them..The same thing happened to me....I would say ignore her communication for a while...once she sees you are still interested and have stroked her frail ego..she will go back to being b1tchqueen

 

[TesuqueRed]

The only thing I can add is that what you have you were giving away for free---attention.

Imagine if you got it like a rock-star----HBs giving you no-strings-attached sex without any effort on your part. That's what she was getting from you.

Every day's a Saturday to her. And it doesn't cost her a thing.

Now you pull it away. It's no longer free.

So she's testing you. 9 times out of 10 she'll give you a TASTE of what she can offer--a hint, an almost promise, of what you want: her attention, her sex.

Usually just a hint gets you to cave in and give what she wants for free.

Guys do it, too. Girl gives a guy lots of attention, sex, BJs, etc. Guy takes her for granted. She gets tired of it and moves on. Guy realizes how good he had it and gives her a taste of what she's wanted: some attention, tenderness, whatever. If he's lucky, she comes back. Usually, he's blown it by that time and the guy is left feeling like a whiplashed AFC. Nasty.

This is kinda where you are.

She's testing to see if she can get it back. You ABSOLUTELY cannot give in on this first test. If you do, she will be TRAINED to know how to jerk your chain for attention forever after.

You may get her IL back up and change the terms of the relationship, but you have to learn how to not give it away for free.

Oh, btw, you're going a little too much into the over-analyzing of her messages.

And you know you should ditch the SMS shyt, right?

 

[Lone_raider]

Good Post TesuqueRed and it will help me as well! Not to take the focus away from Santos's thread but my case looks salvageable if I want it to be. I never did any AFC things like tell her "how I feel" because frankly I never knew her well enough and I wouldn't say that untill many moons had passed anyway lol. I think that in the last week or so I perhaps made to much contact with her both at school and via the phone. So she got her attention all week and come date night she had her fill. Of course I must admit that I didn't contact her that much really, she definitly cantcted me more both in person and via that damn stupid text messenger. But again, this is my first HB9 ever, so I'm a little out of the loop on how they function.

Anyway, I made the choice on my own to severe all contact almost in the midst of that lame ass excuse she gave me. So now I will ignore her for an indefinite amount of time. But where does it end? Is there ever a conceivable time far in the future, far beyond her attention game phase, where a date can be set up again? Or is it best to just give up on said HB forever? I certainly plan on going out with a few other girls while this game plays on, but I wonder if the HB recovery can ever even happen? Anyone got a story about this?

 

[WatchMeWalk]

Originally posted by Lone_raider
But where does it end? Is there ever a conceivable time far in the future, far beyond her attention game phase, where a date can be set up again? Or is it best to just give up on said HB forever?

She will repeat this behavior with you and every other man in her life, until her looks start to fade.
The flaking point is entirely dependant on how good looking the poor sap is; an adonis could maintain a sham of an LTR, where she'll cheat on him on a heartbeat, while a mere mortal will have to jump thru hoops just to get a date.
Look at my username and follow the advice.

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
And you know you should ditch the SMS shyt, right?

Yep, I used to do that early on (part of my "AFC behaviour"). I don't do it anymore. When she SMSes me it's about projects - then I reply and get straight to the point. Cute ones like the one she sent me will be "ignored". If she asks me if I got the message I'll say "Yeah, thanks."

Well my instinct told me to ignore this message, and you guys all agree. When she's given me attention in the past I caved like an AFC, not anymore. I know that it will drive her carzy if I just act indifferent now - whether she misses the attention or just misses me. I want her to feel she's missed her chance. She must appreciate me. IF I have the chance to fvck her I will. I'm not looking fo a LTR at the moment anyway.

Thanks for all the replies guys I can see you all say the same thing "Don't given in, act indifferent."