this is 100 percent correct....let it go..and it will go away..you dont have ONE-I-TIS....she is your gf who loves you.
Only after I read this thread and the guys comments, I realized that I might have a bit of a smaller issue here. I'm not on his level of paranoid, and my never "forgets to call me" or anythign like that. In fact, she's the one who calls 80% of the time and always gets paranoid that I don't call her. Whenever we get in any sort of argument, she ALWAYS calls back first and even says a lot of times how I must not care about the relatioship since she ALWAYS calls me back first after any arguments (to which I reply of course with: "I dotn' know what you're talking about, I always call you
") I do however, tend to overexamine things. I usually keep 'em to my self, but I think she's noticed it sometimes if I ask her a question and she goes "are you like getting any ideas? or she says "I can't believe you remembered that, I've never known anybody who pays attention like that".
I have slipped one time and told her that she was being a bit flirty in her response to some custumer at her store (she laughed in a really friendly way and said "oh whatever" to some dude who was saying something and she had called me and had me on the phone). I asked her if she knew the dude and she said "no why" and i told her "damn, sounded like he was your best friend or something". After that she acted really friendly that night and tried to do things to accomodate me as if she did something wrong, so it's pretty obvious that she knew what I was getting at, and maybe was just trying to make me feel better, I dunno.
But I do agree with your "let it go and it will go away". I've found this to be true, sometimes I annalyzed the smallest things and later even laughed at my self for analyizing them and was glad that I let it go. Usually you'll forget about 'em soon.
And TesuqueRed, I agree with most of your post as well. You sound very inteligent when it comes to this, and I am a FIRM believer that this can indeed be worked on and made better. Maybe this is because I allready had 2 cases and each time it got better and better. The fact is, those 2 other ones were such a horrible situation that it even makes me sick to my stomack when i think about it. My relatioship right now is probably the best I've had, I think most of my paranoia comes from the past and thinking that she'll be the same like the other ones, when she has allready exceeded them at every level.
ruthlessness practiced early pays big dividends down the road. the problem is that part of the pathology, so-to-speak, of this is that you ARE deeply hooked. you don't get that same bang out of others as you do from her. you'll try to make it work. you'll think about it incessantly and incesantly talk things out with her, you'll get into "trust" discussions etc. all perfectly normal and healthy things in other relationships, i suppose, but which only keep you in this longer and in pain. (kinda sounds like the guy lets his female side take over, doesn't it?) I haven't really worked out the differences here on this.
VERY interesting, you definitely describe how these sutuations have been for me in the past, (and today as well, but not that horrible). The thing is though, my first 3 months I have heard comments from her such as "you're such a rock" just randomly. She told all her friends how much of a man I was and always told me that I should be "more serious with relationships". ONCE she started telling people I'm her boyfriend, is when i started loosing some of this matcho attitude and being more observing and caring and liking her A LOT eventually. I still had my ****y and funny, and confident and all, but just a bit more caring. I wanted to ask you, can you talk more about the discussions, such as "trust" discussion that you say are "all perfectly normal and healthy in other relationships, but in this one only keep you longer and in pain.
What is a "normal and healthy" relationship and why is this fine in that case, and why in a "ONEITIS" case is it going to ruin you? Another thing, I still have not told her that I "LOVE HER" even after 11 months now, and a few times she even asked me about it and I answer with "not as much as you love me" or something else playfull like that, and she says "you just want me to say it first". I would probably say I'm the only guy who acted like this towards her, didnt' tell her that I love her, let her call me 80% of the time, but still deep down felt like I like her a lot but was smart enough about my game to keep it light and funny. Can you give us some examlpes what a normal relationship is really? Examles of "trust" discussions in a normal relationship? I'm pretty positive that she has NEVER cheated on me and doesnt' even have any guys numbers other then me anymore, yet I remember my self doing things with girls who had, boyfriends and ... what not. So when I think about it, I might have it pretty damn good.
Any other suggestions? I like your guys comments so far, I've been doing most of this. If it's not a big deal, I let it go and it usually DOES go away fairly quickly. Anyone out there currently married or in a LTR who used to have a "ONEITIS" but now is very much under control? Please comment.
