Oneitis in an LTR

[gav]

I’m in an ltr with a girl that I’ve been seeing for around 6 months now. For the first 4 or so months I managed to keep her not too attached to me; I had other things to do and so her interest level in me was sky high. As far as I was concerned, I saw her only for sex.

Two months ago I finished uni for the summer, so I had fewer things to do, less on my mind. I still managed to get to the gym and my part-time job, so I would still only see the girl once a week max, which was enough. Her interest level is still high at this point. I’m still only seeing her for sex.

Then a couple of weeks ago I made a massive mistake (as I see it now). I agreed to go down with her to England for a week so she could see her mum. A whole week! The most I’d ever seen her before this was 3 days and even that made me tired of seeing her. The thing is, I had a good time with her the whole week; too good a time in fact. I was shagging her about 3 times a day, every day, in a state of permanent horniness –to the extent that I’ve been conked out for the last couple of days.

But instead of leaving her so I could get on with my own shyt, I was with her for the rest of each day. Out of nowhere, I suddenly felt my interest level in her growing, to the point of one-itis. Now that I’m away from her for a few days, I still feel a heavy oneitis for her.

What used to be my passions, such as weightlifting and going out with my mates to clubs are now filled with much less intensity than before. I’m thinking about the girl way more than usual and I think it’s making me depressed. I’m becoming less social and thinking very negatively. At my job yesterday (the day after I got back from England) I was angry and confused for no reason at all, the most unsociable person in the world. Man, I never thought I’d be like this, I thought the relationship could just be about sex and little else.

At the moment, things need to change, I need to grow a pair and become more involved in my life without the girl. It’s a good thing that I know this; I mean of course I do, I used to be a fulltime student on this site lol. It’s just doing it that’s going to be hard.

Cheers for any comments, advice, kick up the arse etc guys

Gav

 

[Dublinsfinest]

what is the problem? you have oniteis for girl you are in LTR with.

am I missing something?

 

[Plain & Simple]

so how this all this change of mood suddenly happen, i dont see nothing wrong with what ive read.

 

[frivolousz21]

its called LOVE...

not 1-I-Tis

as long as she feels the same things are fine.

just dont give ur life up for a life with her.

still do the things you do.


when u fall in love..things will temporarily change in your life..she will become very important for a time.

it will go back to normal

 

[SexualDarkChocolate]

Yes it IS a problem

Of course this is a problem.

The guy has heavy feelings for a girl, and the feelings are interfering with the rest of his life.

What this guy understands, which the rest of you don't, is that he shouldn't be feeling this strong for a girl.

What if she leaves him? Then he's fawked! He won't be able to bounce back quickly.

What if she's out all night and doesn't answer her cell? Doesn't sound like you'll be able to study that night bro!

You messed up, Gav. You didn't stay on top of your emotions over a girl, now you're paying the price. It's effecting the rest of your life.

Your entire life is effected by A GIRL. I can't believe the rest of the guys who posted didn't catch this HUGE PROBLEM. But I feel ya, man.

Don't worry, we've all done it.

Force yourself not to think about her, not to obsess over her. Learn how to properly view women, and the perspective you need over a girl that you are dating.

I would suggest reading old posts by Player_Supreme. That's what I read to get my thinking back on track about women.

Good luck man,
SDC

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

That's infatuation buddy. You SHOULD be feeling this strong for a girl, and its especially good if she feels that way about you too.

Eventually this infatuation will give way to a more lasting love if you let it, if you toss it you'll be back to square 1 trying to pick up chicks at supermarkets.

 

[Desdinova]

It sounds as though you're 5hit scared of being attached to this girl, but what is happening is NORMAL for a LTR. Your personal time gets reduced so you can spend more time with the girl. You've been with her for six months, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing. If you were with her for 6 days, I'd say there's a problem.

If you deeply have an interest for this woman, go with it. Just make sure she doesn't use up ALL of your personal time, and you'll be fine. Keep having passions, but don't let them run your life. You're gut's telling you that you want to spend more life with this woman, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Just make sure your emotions aren't preventing you from tripping over her 5hit and you'll be fine.

 

[TedJustAdmitIt]

SexualDarkChocolate is correct.....the feelings you have for this female are having a detrimental effect on your life!

This is NEVER a good thing!

You say as far as you were concerned it was only sex.....is this still your take on the situation?
Have you been sexing other women while you've been sexing her?
If not then it's no surprise that this has happened.

It all depends what you want to happen next really.....if you want to enter into a LTR with this one woman then you need to make a determined effort to control these feelings...at the moment they seem to be controlling YOU.
If you don't want a committed realtionship with her then the answers simple.....go and fuk other women and these feelings will soon subside.

 

[seroph]

I'm goin with SexualDarkChoc and Ted..

Trying to get rid of oneitis doesn't mean the guy doesn't care about the girl.. or is coldhearted and ****.. it just means he has a grip on his own life such that he's the master of it.

I'm goin through the same thing right now with a old/new relationship. And i'm trying my best to extinguish the oneitis before i get myself hurt. or worse off.. turn into an AFC.

-JP

 

[Bobbles]

I think everyone here has said something valid and constructive.

My take on it is that your feelings are completely normal and healthy and you should not be afraid of getting attached to this girl. However, as people have said when it gets to the point that you feel you are not able to pursue things WHICH YOU WOULD LIKE TO PURSUE because of your feelings, then it becomes a HUGE problem.

The example of not being able to concentrate and study because you are worried about what she is doing or thinking, is perfect. In that situation your feelings are actively harming your life.

You must learn to control and rationalize your feelings. There is nothing like keeping busy and forcing yourself into your hobbies to do this.

 

[J.R.G.G]

Love has nothing to do with oneities

wtf is wrong with you all saying oneties has something to do with love. Thats bull5hit!!! Oneties is the process or the path to afc not to love. When you have oneties you dont feel good, you feel she has all the power and it seems if youre desperate to talk to her and all of that. So it is not something normal and its not what anybody should be feeling not even in a ltr.


As for gav, the good thing is that you are aware of whats happening bro youre on the right track.

 

[gav]

Originally posted by seroph
Trying to get rid of oneitis doesn't mean the guy doesn't care about the girl.. or is coldhearted and ****.. it just means he has a grip on his own life such that he's the master of it.

exactly

i've decided that things between us are good. it's a healthy ltr cuz we both have high ILs. What i need to do now is go back to the old way of seeing her once-twice a week max and get on with my own shyt. That way my IL will drop enough so i'm comfortable with things again.

and btw, please try avoid using the L word guys. it's just wrong. especially when i've been takin her up the ass several times each week

 

[JonJack]

I'm really confused as to the logic of "dropping" your interest level in her to preserve the relationship. I'm even more confused as to the reasons as to why you would want to have "control" over the relationship.

Is this a serious relationship or a "just for fun" one? What is it you want from this girl, and what is it you want to give her? It's all just very confusing and contradictory when you say your relationship has high IL from both sides but then at the same time you want to drop your IL for her. Which would mean that you actually don't want a healthy relationship.

One other thing. One-itis is actually the inability to cope with losing that one particular girl. Whether or not the guy is a DJ or an AFC, as long as that guy can't handle losing the girl, he has one-itis. They call it one-itis because the person is so entranced over ONE person. It has nothing to do with relinquishing power or giving in too much, although those actions tend to be done by people who cannot cope with losing their so-called "love".

 

[S0LID]

u dont want to be falling in love man, you know at the back of your mind it wont last forever, spending your youth with her, scary thought. If you have IL and she does too theres no way out of it man, you'll just get sucked in. Few guys can control it because your not thinking with your brain anymore. Love is a horrible drug man, it's harder than smoking to control.

 

[frivolousz21]

Love is a horrible drug man, it's harder than smoking to control.

AMEN- im running on 4 hours a sleep again today because my gf came over late...and I stayed up with her...because I love her.


if I didnt I wouldnt of let the women near me when I need sleep.

control love has on 1.

 

[S0LID]

for u guys who are in oneitis and aint in a relationship, the trick is o meet loads of other grls.