One on one

[Brooks]

Impressive.

That night I chased her down the street, I lost myself. It was one of my loneliest nights. I broke my principles and shattered my own self respect. I walked back to my house in the middle of the night with no girl and no esteem. One of those deeply quiet moments when you don’t even hear a sound because your deafened by your own darkness.

I’ve built myself since that night. I love this woman. Because without her I wouldn’t have come to this point. She is a part of me. Someone who witnessed me at my weakest. So she deserves my strongest now that she’s still here. So she’s worth fighting for.
But I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it for me. To claim myself as a superior man.
One who has values, principles, frame, self respect and a good heart and head.

So being dumped or her walking, or me doing those, I don’t care. Because I know what it’s like to lose the self. And that’s 100 times worse than an external loss.
I’m not trying to make her happy; I’m trying to create myself and inturn provide safety and love for someone else. And I think that’s worthwhile.

This game of women is really just a game of self.

This is about love. It’s not about a woman. And people here are blind to think that it’s just about some pvssy.

 

[Spaz]

That night I chased her down the street, I lost myself. It was one of my loneliest nights. I broke my principles and shattered my own self respect. I walked back to my house in the middle of the night with no girl and no esteem. One of those deeply quiet moments when you don’t even hear a sound because your deafened by your own darkness.

I’ve built myself since that night. I love this woman. Because without her I wouldn’t have come to this point. She is a part of me. Someone who witnessed me at my weakest. So she deserves my strongest now that she’s still here. So she’s worth fighting for.
But I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it for me. To claim myself as a superior man.
One who has values, principles, frame, self respect and a good heart and head.

So being dumped or her walking, or me doing those, I don’t care. Because I know what it’s like to lose the self. And that’s 100 times worse than an external loss.
I’m not trying to make her happy; I’m trying to create myself and inturn provide safety and love for someone else. And I think that’s worthwhile.

This game of women is really just a game of self.

This is about love. It’s not about a woman. And people here are blind to think that it’s just about some pvssy.

Funny that this story is related to another thread about ego, which I'm having discussions with others there as I find most westerners have this skewed idea of being egoless but i shall use this opportunity to make sense for you what is happening to you at this moment in time.

I will make it simple for you.

Ego is a narrative.

And a narrative is a story.

It's just so happens this story defines ur life and how you want to live in it.

But ego can also merge with another to contribute to that story you see urself in.

So when a story ends, many can't accept it or just don't know how to continue living in that narrative.

How does one then continue living?

Make a new narrative or story in which is acceptable.

But don't make it complicated, make it easy, the more easier the more happy you'll be.

 

[Jager]

That night I chased her down the street, I lost myself. It was one of my loneliest nights. I broke my principles and shattered my own self respect. I walked back to my house in the middle of the night with no girl and no esteem. One of those deeply quiet moments when you don’t even hear a sound because your deafened by your own darkness.

I’ve built myself since that night. I love this woman. Because without her I wouldn’t have come to this point. She is a part of me. Someone who witnessed me at my weakest. So she deserves my strongest now that she’s still here. So she’s worth fighting for.
But I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it for me. To claim myself as a superior man.
One who has values, principles, frame, self respect and a good heart and head.

So being dumped or her walking, or me doing those, I don’t care. Because I know what it’s like to lose the self. And that’s 100 times worse than an external loss.
I’m not trying to make her happy; I’m trying to create myself and inturn provide safety and love for someone else. And I think that’s worthwhile.

This game of women is really just a game of self.

This is about love. It’s not about a woman. And people here are blind to think that it’s just about some pvssy.

..........

What? Are you a ballerina?

 

[Brooks]

..........

What? Are you a ballerina?

No. Just on a different level than you. Not higher or lower. We’re just in this life for different things.

 

[Brooks]

How does one then continue living?

It was a chapter in the book.

They are a part of the overall narrative which ultimately shapes the individual.

People and experiences guide us to what we really want and who we need to become if we accept the challenge

 

[Spaz]

It was a chapter in the book.

They are a part of the overall narrative which ultimately shapes the individual.

People and experiences guide us to what we really want and who we need to become if we accept the challenge

Okay Brooks, this is acceptable, you seem determined to go down this path which is actually really good as it reflects ur maturity as you recognised the pitfalls and take it as a learning experience for further growth.

But just remember, with a death of a story there will be sadness, don't let it define you but embrace it as a learning curve in ur life.

Most of the members here were just basically looking out for ur wellbeing using a general trend we see amongst newbies that goes on a particularly path as the benchmark.

 

[Brooks]

Okay Brooks, this is acceptable, you seem determined to go down this path which is actually really good as it reflects ur maturity as you recognised the pitfalls and take it as a learning experience for further growth.

But just remember, with a death of a story there will be sadness, don't let it define you but embrace it as a learning curve in ur life.

Most of the members here were just basically looking out for ur wellbeing using a general trend we see amongst newbies that goes on a particularly path as the benchmark.

a lot of relationships bite the bullet even when there are no signs. They are completely blindsided.

We can never be sure anything in life, especially relationships, will last.

At least in this situation I know what I’m dealing with.

 

[Brooks]

a lot of relationships bite the bullet even when there are no signs. They are completely blindsided.

We can never be sure anything in life, especially relationships, will last.

At least in this situation I know what I’m dealing with.

Ever read David Diedas ‘way of the superior man?’

 

[Spaz]

Ever read David Diedas ‘way of the superior man?’

If that question is directed to me, then I will say never did and never will.

I only read books for entertainment, adventure books.

Most reading material is made up by intellectuals who studied it but not actually or actively lived in it.

 

[Brooks]

Uodate: she had coffee with him today. Told me about it over the phone. Said she would never entertain a guy one on one if she had any sort of attraction or feelings for him and it’s purely just friendship 100%

I want to trust her though.
Will see what comes of it.
Relationships are difficult for this reason. Hard to not let the jadedness steer us to wreckage and accusations

 

[Brooks]

Am I wrong?

This is where for me it becomes very complicated and difficult to navigate.

This is why I dug through her phone - to see if she was pulling the wool over my eyes. Because usually what she tells me is the exact truth. Many times ive looked through her phone and her words match up in both our conversations and on her private texts.

She said she is COMPLETELY friends with this guy. They had an hour coffee after her school. She views him as a nice person. She friendzoned him on their second hangout last year.

Said if she felt attraction to another guy she would tell me and would also not engage in a hangouts with that individual. If there was someone else she would tell me. Now, I believe this to be true which makes me believe the rest is true.
On the phone yesterday she said she doesn’t think it’s normal that we don’t text throughout the day everyday. So she’s in essence saying she wants to talk more with me but her actions are that of holding back and placing responsibility on me to do that.

I think I will be open to one on ones with other people now. But if I find one piece of evidence that she did it out of anything but a friendly coffee like she’s stated I will walk away. Trip or not.

 

[Spaz]

A date is a date no matter how anyone frame's it.

If a man invites a women out for the purpose of business or professional then it's fine and normal but other then that it's not.

In all my time, I've never even once allowed any women to disrespect me in such a fashion.

By allowing it, you are in fact giving her permission.

Women appreciates order.

Women appreciates dominance of masculine leadership.

Women appreciates a man with firm boundaries.

Plenty of women has tried this with me and my reply has always been consistently the same = Sure, no problem. I guess this is the end of us. I wish you luck in all ur future endeavours.

She = Whaaat? WHY?!

Me = Its not you, its just me. There can only be 1 captain in a boat and one of the cardinal rules is that under no circumstances can my executive officer board on an enemy ship unless its for the business of my ship and with my permission.

See I'm a sucker for rules.

She = (what can she say?).

And none has left me, fact is, every single one despite their protestations would cling on me like a magnet afterwards.

 

[Brooks]

If it is ok for her to do coffee dates, it is certainly OK for you! Go do one right away. Bet she gets pissed off. But I am curious.

Oh I know she would.

I wouldn't text through the day. If you are in continuous contact there is no reason/less reason to get together. There is no mystery, no chance for her to miss you. I have personally observed this and fallen into the trap time and again.

I don’t. But she raises flags like “I’ve never had this before. It feels like we’re mentally disconnected when we don’t talk. It even feels like ‘are we together anymore?’”
And my response is always well if you want to message, you know you always can.

I know it’s a tactic for me to message her and always be the one to initiate contact so she doesn’t have to. So she can sit back and just relax her way through having to message or make the first move. It’s silly

They THINK they want you to text more to be "closer" . What is actually does is remove the "need" to see you.

When she reaches out, I usually set a plan for us to go out. I’m not a huge back and forth texter.
I don’t know why she’s saying the above

 

[Brooks]

I can’t continue on like this. This is messed up.
I can’t get good sleep. It’s stupid.

So I’m thinking when we meetup today that I’m going to say ‘I’m not in to us having one-on-ones with the opposite sex. I find them unacceptable if it’s not work related. It’s too close for comfort and it doesn’t build trust. I think if anything it brings it in to question. So I don’t know if I want to be apart of constant tests of that.”

Thoughts?

 

[Brooks]

I would. Especially if it causing you stress and worry. Then you know, ground rules are set.

If she doesn't agree, part ways and look for someone who wants the same as you.

IMHO, she is ****ing with your head on purpose, and has some issues/damaged. Sometimes it takes 3-6 months of dating someone before their mask slips and the real person appears.

I feel like she’s purposely doing it too. Which makes me feel pretty hurt.

She always talks how girls check me out and all that and I think this is a way to balance it out, but in a petty way; in a controlling way.

Either way, I can’t live like this. This isn’t a healthy relationship if she wants to go one on ones with people who aren’t work related. She said he leaves the country at the end of the year and is probably going to have a friendship with him?

But I know if the shoe was on the other foot, it would not be okay. She picks and chooses what’s okay based on her feelings and can literally justify anything for it not looking like she’s doing something wrong or across the line

 

[Brooks]

bet when you tell her she gets all indignant, says you are controlling, etc.

That's ok - expect that.

If she does ? You have your answer. She is not willing to change unacceptable behavior to stay in a relationship with you.

I bet she will too. She wants to have her cake and eat it too; with everything. But if it’s done to her she throws a fit and is always willing to walk away.
It’s actually impossible. Maybe the only option is to walk away. It’s just a CONSTANT battle with her. She battles everything. For control and power.

Even the reaching out. If I don’t, she will let it go for like two days no contact and then if I call her to set up a plan.. she will be like ‘why didn’t you text me?’ And I’ll ask her why she didn’t text me and she says ‘it felt like you were upset or something. And I’ve never had this in any relationship. Usually we message every day.’ So it’s all on me.
And I don’t even know what to do with that?

So it’s almost like I’m dealing with someone who is hands off the wheel in her own relationship; except when she’s doing things to try get a rise out of me. Like she KNEW how I felt about this guy. She KNOWS what she’s doing.

 

[lamath]

I bet she will too. She wants to have her cake and eat it too; with everything. But if it’s done to her she throws a fit and is always willing to walk away.
It’s actually impossible. Maybe the only option is to walk away. It’s just a CONSTANT battle with her. She battles everything. For control and power.

Even the reaching out. If I don’t, she will let it go for like two days no contact and then if I call her to set up a plan.. she will be like ‘why didn’t you text me?’ And I’ll ask her why she didn’t text me and she says ‘it felt like you were upset or something. And I’ve never had this in any relationship. Usually we message every day.’ So it’s all on me.
And I don’t even know what to do with that?

So it’s almost like I’m dealing with someone who is hands off the wheel in her own relationship; except when she’s doing things to try get a rise out of me. Like she KNEW how I felt about this guy. She KNOWS what she’s doing.

Think about glassguy suggestion.
Things will not get any better, imo she is not ltr material.

Take your power back and dump her.

 

[Brooks]

Okay I’m still going to try keep this on track. Ugh.

When I see her today I’m going to tell her: ‘the coffee hangout you had with John is still not sitting well with me. But I’m going to trust you. However, when I go on one on ones with women for coffee or walks, I hope you can trust me .’

Then conversation done. No arguments or anything if the like.

And from there I will have my answer, then I’ve also stated my current thoughts, I’m opening myself up to other possible friends

 

[Glassguy]

But if it’s done to her she throws a fit and is always willing to walk away.

Because she doesnt care. You do care. So she has you by the balls.

I’m not in to us having one-on-ones with the opposite sex. I find them unacceptable if it’s not work related. It’s too close for comfort and it doesn’t build trust. I think if anything it brings it in to question. So I don’t know if I want to be apart of constant tests of that.”

Why would you say that much? If I can see what you're trying to do to her, so will she. It's an empty threat. It makes you look butthurt because you are.

If you just say "this isnt working out and I'm going to do my own thing. Take care" and truly walk away, that's how you gain respect (for yourself....her respect for you is unobtainable at this point).

Why use empty threats? It's useless and it's a beta move. Then when she does it again and you do nothing (again), you'll really look like a cuck.

Okay I’m still going to try keep this on track. Ugh.

When I see her today I’m going to tell her: ‘the coffee hangout you had with John is still not sitting well with me. But I’m going to trust you. However, when I go on one on ones with women for coffee or walks, I hope you can trust me .’

Then conversation done. No arguments or anything if the like.

And from there I will have my answer, then I’ve also stated my current thoughts, I’m opening myself up to other possible friends

You already have your answer but you dont want to acknowledge it. That's what you dont understand. Conversations with women about them disrespecting you DONT work. Walking away is always the only option. And I mean walking away...not an empty threat given in ultimatums knowing you arent really going to walk away.

hands off the wheel in her own relationship; except when she’s doing things to try get a rise out of me. Like she KNEW how I felt about this guy. She KNOWS what she’s doing.

Whalla! She is telling you. You arent listening. There is no relationship. You just still think there is.

She knows what she is doing....lining up her next guys.

Based on your grammar you seem like a smart guy. When are you going to finally figure out what everyone is telling you? I think you know what is happening but you dont want to believe it.

don’t. But she raises flags like “I’ve never had this before. It feels like we’re mentally disconnected when we don’t talk. It even feels like ‘are we together anymore?’”
And my response is always well if you want to message, you know you always can.

I know it’s a tactic for me to message her and always be the one to initiate contact so she doesn’t have to. So she can sit back and just relax her way through having to message or make the first move. It’s silly

Its not a test. She is clearly saying she doesnt want you anymore. You again just fail to accept it. Women are covert with their communication.

She picks and chooses what’s okay based on her feelings and can literally justify anything for it not looking like she’s doing something wrong or across the line

She puts herself first. Something you should try and dump her @ss. She takes advantage of you because you allow it .

She wants to have her cake and eat it too; with everything. But if it’s done to her she throws a fit and is always willing to walk away.
It’s actually impossible. Maybe the only option is to walk away. It’s just a CONSTANT battle with her. She battles everything. For control and power.

Read your own words. The read it again. Over and over.

She never submitted herself to you. After 6 months do you really think this train is ever going to go a different direction than it is now?

She is willing to walk away anytime and throws fits when you communicate how her disrespect makes you feel (common reaction from a woman who has lost ALL respect and attraction for a man btw).

So this is someone who is worth more of your time when things are like this after 6 months?

What exact are you losing by walking away?

Do yourself a favor and tell her "this isnt working FOR ME anymore and I'm going to start seeing other people. Take care". Text it to her. She doesnt even deserve an actual convo and you for sure dont need her trying to rebuttal you and use you as she continues to monkey branch.

Then dont respond to her again. Then go start hitting up new chicks. I can help you with that if youd like.

I dont like seeing guys in a situation like you are in. That's why I'm pointing this stuff out. But you have to take the first step and dump this bytch ice cold and get your balls back. Then roll up your sleeves and work on yourself so it doesnt happen again.

Glassguy

 

[Glassguy]

I have to get ready for a 1st date with a new potential plate. 3rd date with the 3rd new girl this week. Let's call it plate interviews.

Brooks it's an easy game when you learn how to play.