I?ve taken a break from this site for the last 2 months, mostly because I didn?t seem to be making much progress. As they say, if it doesn?t work, try something else.
This site displays an interesting phenomena in that there are 4 different groups of people hanging around and posting.
1. The ?REAL? DJ?s. The guys who were AFC, and managed to get themselves out of the hole. This is where we all wanna be right?
2. The natural DJ turned around. All that this guy needed was some direction. He is in fact a natural DJ, just had a couple of AFC traits which were easily eradicated by applying the DJ rules, eg. Don?t call too often, end conversations first, hit on every chick you feel like. This person does in general not have any psychological hang-ups, fits well into most social groups (except women) and generally does not have much of a confidence problem. And next?
3. The normal guy (Mr AFC?). Yeah yeah, you might say, that?s just an excuse for not getting chicks. Some personalities are inherently more attractive to women (eg humour versus quiet/strong). Don?t know about you but humour takes the spot easily here. Anyway, the normal guy does not have the way with words as does a salesman. He needs more than simply DJ techniques to reel in the women. He needs character building. God only knows how to do that.
4. The normal guy with psychological problems (me, any other takers?). These people have problems outside of women which interfere with their capabilities of attracting the right person. Quite clearly this has to be fixed first before we can even think of graduating to women. I?ll bring this point up again later.
That?s the way I see it. So, off I went to library to try and earn my DIY Psych major degree in bullsh1tting. And I came up with a book that kinda opened my eyes. Simply because so many of the points hit home straight away.
This book is called ?Obsessive Love, when it hurts too much to let go? by Susan Forward. Yeah I know it?s a woman but hear me out
. Obviously this has much to do with the dreaded one-it is epidemic which seems to be sweeping the world. Fvck SARS, this is more serious.
Read the following paragraphs. Think. Read again. See if you identify with some of it. If you have one-itis, and this makes sense to you, raise your hand.
?Rejection opens a Pandora?s box inside every obsessive lover, unleashing all of your worst anxieties about being unloved and unlovable: the toxic twins of low self-worth. Rejection makes you feel horribly flawed ? not pretty enough, not smart enough, not sexy enough, not witty enough, not talented enough, not enough of anything.
As we?ve seen , the power of these negative feelings about yourself stems, for the most part, from the pain of having felt rejected as a child. This is what drives your connection compulsion. When you get rejected as an adult, your deepest childhood fears and anxieties are reactivated, so you must deal with 2 rejections at once: present and past. The pain of rejection comes not only from how a lover feels about you, but also from how you feel about yourself. This is an emotional one-two punch that makes rejection seems so unbearable.?
This is the lack of ?safety net? that I was talking about in my life. Whenever I get rejected, there is no place for me to feel safe and loved. Familiar?
?I know that some of you will insist that your parents were generally loving and never rejected you as a child. And in many cases, I?m sure this is true. But that doesn?t mean you never experienced childhood rejection. As we?ve seen, children do not need to be actually rejected in order to feel rejected.
You are not accountable for any form of rejection that you experienced as a child. I can?t emphasize this strongly or often enough. You are in no way responsible for any form of childhood rejection that you experienced as a child. This is a basic truth that can have an enormous impact on how you feel about yourself and on the way you treat yourself and others.
No lover can heal the wounds of childhood rejection. You, and only YOU have the ability, motivation, and the responsibility to accomplish that task.?
So your parents rejected you?
Here?s an example, a personal one. The only reason I use it is because I am (hopefully) anonymous on the net.
I?ve been a cyclist for the past 15 years. Started when I was 11. Went through the normal teenage faze of being capable of bonking a good looking telephone pole. And then suddenly, at the age of 21 I started getting weak erections. At this time I was doing maybe 20 hours a week cycling.
Went to a doctor, got checked up with ultra sound, etc, and they said nothing wrong. Then started getting more aware of the situation on my bike. After 4 hours riding I could hardly feel my feet, let alone my ****. Through medical records my father found out about this. He asked me 2 questions or so and then didn?t say anything for the next couple of years.
I was completely alone through all of this. Let alone the pain of not being capable of getting a women (because I am a **** head AFC), it started dawning on me, that I may very well not be able to fvck her.
So excuse me for blowing my own trumpet, but I think this is quite a lot to handle for a 21 year old guy. What is the point of all of this? And through this entire haze there is still that feeling that every guy gets, the need to hold and protect a women. I think I would have been MUCH better off without ANY women in this world. Then at least I would not know what I would be missing.
Back to the point. My parents are so fvcking scared to talk about anything sexual that they were not capable to do anything for me. Although the rejection was not intentional, to me it felt, and still does like the worst thing that they could have done to me.
Was my father not young as well? Does he not realize how it feels to be 21, or 23 or 26 for that matter and thinking that he may never be capable of claiming a woman? I?m broken, and I?m broken because of this. And I keep on wondering whether it?s all worthwhile.
This site displays an interesting phenomena in that there are 4 different groups of people hanging around and posting.
1. The ?REAL? DJ?s. The guys who were AFC, and managed to get themselves out of the hole. This is where we all wanna be right?
2. The natural DJ turned around. All that this guy needed was some direction. He is in fact a natural DJ, just had a couple of AFC traits which were easily eradicated by applying the DJ rules, eg. Don?t call too often, end conversations first, hit on every chick you feel like. This person does in general not have any psychological hang-ups, fits well into most social groups (except women) and generally does not have much of a confidence problem. And next?
3. The normal guy (Mr AFC?). Yeah yeah, you might say, that?s just an excuse for not getting chicks. Some personalities are inherently more attractive to women (eg humour versus quiet/strong). Don?t know about you but humour takes the spot easily here. Anyway, the normal guy does not have the way with words as does a salesman. He needs more than simply DJ techniques to reel in the women. He needs character building. God only knows how to do that.
4. The normal guy with psychological problems (me, any other takers?). These people have problems outside of women which interfere with their capabilities of attracting the right person. Quite clearly this has to be fixed first before we can even think of graduating to women. I?ll bring this point up again later.
That?s the way I see it. So, off I went to library to try and earn my DIY Psych major degree in bullsh1tting. And I came up with a book that kinda opened my eyes. Simply because so many of the points hit home straight away.
This book is called ?Obsessive Love, when it hurts too much to let go? by Susan Forward. Yeah I know it?s a woman but hear me out
. Obviously this has much to do with the dreaded one-it is epidemic which seems to be sweeping the world. Fvck SARS, this is more serious.Read the following paragraphs. Think. Read again. See if you identify with some of it. If you have one-itis, and this makes sense to you, raise your hand.
?Rejection opens a Pandora?s box inside every obsessive lover, unleashing all of your worst anxieties about being unloved and unlovable: the toxic twins of low self-worth. Rejection makes you feel horribly flawed ? not pretty enough, not smart enough, not sexy enough, not witty enough, not talented enough, not enough of anything.
As we?ve seen , the power of these negative feelings about yourself stems, for the most part, from the pain of having felt rejected as a child. This is what drives your connection compulsion. When you get rejected as an adult, your deepest childhood fears and anxieties are reactivated, so you must deal with 2 rejections at once: present and past. The pain of rejection comes not only from how a lover feels about you, but also from how you feel about yourself. This is an emotional one-two punch that makes rejection seems so unbearable.?
This is the lack of ?safety net? that I was talking about in my life. Whenever I get rejected, there is no place for me to feel safe and loved. Familiar?
?I know that some of you will insist that your parents were generally loving and never rejected you as a child. And in many cases, I?m sure this is true. But that doesn?t mean you never experienced childhood rejection. As we?ve seen, children do not need to be actually rejected in order to feel rejected.
You are not accountable for any form of rejection that you experienced as a child. I can?t emphasize this strongly or often enough. You are in no way responsible for any form of childhood rejection that you experienced as a child. This is a basic truth that can have an enormous impact on how you feel about yourself and on the way you treat yourself and others.
No lover can heal the wounds of childhood rejection. You, and only YOU have the ability, motivation, and the responsibility to accomplish that task.?
So your parents rejected you?
Here?s an example, a personal one. The only reason I use it is because I am (hopefully) anonymous on the net.
I?ve been a cyclist for the past 15 years. Started when I was 11. Went through the normal teenage faze of being capable of bonking a good looking telephone pole. And then suddenly, at the age of 21 I started getting weak erections. At this time I was doing maybe 20 hours a week cycling.
Went to a doctor, got checked up with ultra sound, etc, and they said nothing wrong. Then started getting more aware of the situation on my bike. After 4 hours riding I could hardly feel my feet, let alone my ****. Through medical records my father found out about this. He asked me 2 questions or so and then didn?t say anything for the next couple of years.
I was completely alone through all of this. Let alone the pain of not being capable of getting a women (because I am a **** head AFC), it started dawning on me, that I may very well not be able to fvck her.
So excuse me for blowing my own trumpet, but I think this is quite a lot to handle for a 21 year old guy. What is the point of all of this? And through this entire haze there is still that feeling that every guy gets, the need to hold and protect a women. I think I would have been MUCH better off without ANY women in this world. Then at least I would not know what I would be missing.
Back to the point. My parents are so fvcking scared to talk about anything sexual that they were not capable to do anything for me. Although the rejection was not intentional, to me it felt, and still does like the worst thing that they could have done to me.
Was my father not young as well? Does he not realize how it feels to be 21, or 23 or 26 for that matter and thinking that he may never be capable of claiming a woman? I?m broken, and I?m broken because of this. And I keep on wondering whether it?s all worthwhile.
