one confused doc

doctor evil

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Hey guys, I got a long one here , but I really need some reflection on my situation. I just found this site and haven't got really much time to read that bible but I will read it ASAP when I am not tired.

Anyway,I am two years into my medical residency in New York and really got burned by this nurse two months ago but like a soldier I kept on doing my job and tried to avoid her as much as possible when she sees me in the hallways. Anycase I met this new girl outside of work.


To start off..... I met this girl via a mutual friend,Angelo, who is a banker at Morgan Stanley in New York. She's from Taiwan and was studying in the States for four to five years majoring in psychology and marketing. She is a model from the Type 1 Agency and showed me her portfolio one time. My friend and her were in a relationship two years ago in Taiwan and since then they broke up and my friend is seeing many other women now.

Well, I just got burned by this one filipino girl at work who broke up with me since I work too long hours and she complained that my break times or vacation times or not enough to give her all the attention she wants. So imagine this setting, I call up my friend Angelo to hang out on Saturday after being on call Friday night in the hospital and being awake for 30 hours straight with two 10 minute naps. Angelo's ex-girlfriend was visiting from her college in New Jersey. So I assumed I was the third wheel but Angelo still accomodated me fine since he said I needed to be around friends after my break up.

Angelo, is a big time player, but he supposedly knows women like the back of his hand-which I am questioning since I am now asking you for your point of view. He gave me a few bits of console and advice. At 29 years old, one would expect I should be an expert on dating/relationships but NO I barely had time to dabble or deal with a serious girlfriend during school so I am definitely a newbie. Anyway during dinner and the party, Angelo talks with me about how to get myself together and how to handle women.

His advice went like this. I am too nice of a guy and I let women walk all over and push me over. He said women hate that and prefer an exciting bad boy type to keep the interest going. He then predicted I will luckily change from nice guy to pseudo bad boy or jerk since I got really burned by this girl. Well in a way he was right, I just felt bitter and sort of "who gives a **** about women" attitude just do my own **** and move on.

So after the party I crash at Angelo's place and invite Angelo and Elaine, his ex, to Dim Sum in Chinatown. We all wanted to see a movie Lord of the Rings 3 but at the last minute, Angelo's old business school buddy calls him to see Lord of the Rings 3 and ditches me and Elaine since he felt we should be getting back earlier. Well I asked Elaine that I needed to do some quick Christmas shopping before I drive her back to her school and she said sure. After shopping, my car gets towed and guess what I laughed my ass off when I saw the price to get it back was 200 bucks. Elaine asked me if I was mad or pissed off since Angelo would definitely blow a fuse. At this point, hospital work and a bad relationship gone sour had already pushed me to the breaking point so I said"That's life Elaine. 200 bucks so what?? I've seen worse ****. Let's get you back before it gets dark and very cold" Well, I got the car back (after we both got lost on the Subway for an hour) and told the fee collector lady "Merry Christmas!" Elaine thought I was on crack. Anyway, she blurted that I definitely should not have to worry about women since I am very calm and collected and know how to handle bad situations. Then she said she knows "a dozen girls who would love to be with a nice guy esp. a doctor" So I thought to myself whatever. Then she said "You are definitely staying at my place tonight. I can't let you drive back very late." I didn't complain so I said "Okay" Anyway, we decided to see Lord of the Rings 3 that night in her college town and I crashed at her place later. I talked to her til 5AM but nothing happened just flipping through my photo album on the net and junk and fell asleep on the couch-she tucked me in by the way. Well the next day she had a doc appointment or health check up and I volunteered to take her to the university hospital and treat her to lunch as a thank you for staying at her place.Another crazy thing happened on the way to the medical center but in all I began to see that I had some "amazing" chemistry with her. After the apptment she decides instead of going to an outside restaurant she rather treat me to her school cafeteria food which I reluctantly agreed since I am still recovering from hospital cafeteria food. Anyway we finish lunch and she steals a plate and fork and packs it with some brownies and cakes for me to eat on the way home. She told me to hurry home and said "Should get going now. I'm sure your mom misses you." Just before I leave, she hugs me and kisses me on the cheek and said"Call me sometime". Before I could call Elaine two or three days later, she beats me to the punch and called me to see how I was doing. That's when I thought about how interested she is since she already took the initiative to contact me.
Well after spending Christmas in Virginia with the family, I head back to New York for work and saw that New Year's I could spend some time visiting Elaine again. Well I spent one day shopping with Elaine in New Jersey and drove back to work. The next day the hospital let me off for New Year's Eve and I took the tunnel to New Jersey to pick up Elaine for lunch and some "****blocker" shows up wanting to eat Chinese food/buffet. Before I got to Elaine's place, she calls me to ask if I like chinese food-I was like "Does a fat kid like cake??!!" sure I do...then she says a "friend" just called her to eat lunch too.
To end this and come to a conclusion so I can finally ask you questions, I spent New Year's Eve with Elaine and this ****blocker who acted like a complete puppy dog or doormat. The dude opened every door and carried her coat and bath and body works bag and even was convinced by Elaine to buy some gay peaches n cream hand lotion-she asked me if I wanted hand lotion and I said no thank you-"I use the hospital's industrial chemical hand sanitizer". During the New Year's party at a friend's house, Mr. Puppy Dog carries her drink and coat and is there at her every beckon....so what did I do?? I said f_ck it!!. If Elaine wants to play some attention game then I will just talk to every other girl at the party and do my own sh_t. So each time I talked to Heather or Lisa or sat on the couch talking to Shelly, Elaine walked by to ask me if my old med school friends are coming to hit some bars after midnite. I said they sure are but when they call I will fly like a bat out of hell and she would have to move fast too. Well midnight comes and Mr. Puppy Dog is sitting next to Elaine to grab a kiss I guess. I thought if she kisses him on the lips then damn I will blow her off for good since I am not into playing her attention game. 2004 arrives on Time Square and Mr. Puppy Dog only gets a peck on the cheek and I went into automatic and grabbed Heather and kissed her on the lips and started proceeding down every other girl I met down the hall and even tried to kiss a guy on the lips....so guess who stood behind me??? Elaine waited and tapped me once.. as soon as I turn she lands a kiss on my lips out of the blue. I held her for a minute and told her Happy New Year... and walked off. I was still kind of mad with her and Mr. Puppy Dog. 1AM arrives and my crew called me to lock my GPS on this one bar in New Jersey since they were taking the tunnel into the mainland Jersey and I told her briefly that if she wanted to come we leave now but Elaine was tired and told me to go without her, I offered to take her home but Mr. Puppy Dog already made plans to take her home instead. Just before I leave, she called me back to the house on my cell phone and meet her at the door and she hugs me and kisses me on the cheek and told me to call me when I get home from my bar run.
Well I am sitting here in the call room, checking my email and she emailed me to ask me some medical advice and then asks how I am doing since I mentioned I would be on call tonite and up for 30 hours straight at most. She playfully calls me Dr Evil when she emails me after I sent her pictures from the New Year's party from my camera phone.
My question is what is going on with Elaine's mind?? I assumed she likes attention and being a model she looks after herself very well and likes getting attention from men who supposedly pursue her. It's amazing how fast I forgot my ex but then again I have been thru so much traumatic stress I really have seldom time to worry and care about one person. I actually think I haven't been responsive or treated Elaine that well or nicely since I got burned by my ex two months. I have been somewhat bitter about women and just focus on my job. Angelo told me that most guys or guyfriends who have pursued her are major puppy dogs and give her all the attention she craves but I am one of the few who doesn't care to give her that much attention and yet she seems to be nice to me more. Is she really interested in me or is she just going to dump me like the other guys once I give in and finally give her attention?? And is she just calling me up cause I am a medical resident?? (this thought always crosses my mind with each girl I meet).I mean I don't like gold diggers but I can't blame her ...after all I can see that as a model knowing someone whose family contains a plastics surgeon and a dental oral surgeon is a nice way of getting some next to cheap or free surgery.
 

NewMan

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Wow - and you expect us to make sense of that?

Firstly - this girl is your buddies ex right?

It's in my opinion that before you make a move on her you talk to him about it - and how he feels - unless you don't give a sh#t about him.

Nextly - What are you looking for? Do you want the girl as LTR material - or just as a hook-up?

Also, I didn't get the impression from your post that you don't give a sh#t about this girl - or that your not giving her attention. Didn't you hang arounf with her and go shopping with her?

In my opinion, you don't want to go shopping with a chick until you've at least established a physical connection - because in my view thats a sure way of bring LJBF'd.


What you need to do is to go out with her 1 on 1. You really haven't done that - so call he up and ask her out - action date. Play pool - Gallery - anything except sitting around watching a movie.

Read the DJ bible when you have time.
 

OddTech

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Listen to Angelo, he knows what's he talking about. You are too nice. Your ex dumped you because you are working too hard to save people. You should have dumped her the moment she started to complain about the lack of attention. You MAKE the rules, not her.

Regarding Elaine, this could sound like an attention wh*re, but if you like her, make a move and go from there. It doesn't sound like you're really into her and you seem to like her just for the sake of dating. Overall, you're over-analyzing. Does she likes me? Does she like me not? For goodness sake, grow some balls.

And this is slightly off topic, but I work in the medical field, and my overall attitude is that you doctors aren't going to be happy balancing love life and work. The work and pressure are too draining as you already know. Adding a girlfriend is just more drama. It doesn't work.
 

doctor evil

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thanks

been reading the DJ bible while everything is quiet now-knock on wood. Sh_t where was this book when I needed it??!!!! Should of read this freaking bible during my psychiatry rotation in med school. Would have avoided much heart break while I was dating. Funny how you learn to preserve and prolong life in med school but they don't f_cking teach you how to live life well.
Later
keep up with the advice. I have to send myself back to school with this bible.
 

Alonso

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So -- ask her to meet you for a drink (or breakfast, or whatever) after your shift ends. You can keep it short and casual on the grounds that you're exhausted. Heck, she may even end up pitying your stoical manly endurance. But why waste time wondering or being confused about if she likes you or not when there's an easy way to find out?

By the way -- and this isn't a dig at your profession -- have you really had problems with gold-diggers based on your medical career (esp. as you haven't started really earning yet)? No offense, but my limited experience in big cities like N.Y. is that even guys making $200-$300k (doctors, lawyers, etc.) are a dime a dozen and really don't stand out as "catches" (or gold-digger targets) the way they would in most other cities; there are so many other guys making ten times that amount in a financial capital like N.Y.C. or London that the real gold-diggers (and I know they're out there) seem to scorn the mere doctors, etc. and go straight for the investment bankers. YMMV, though.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

doctor evil

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you're right Alonso but

my friend Angelo who's an investment banker is making good money but his job security which he admits is sh_t. He signs no contract and if he doesn't pull in his quota as an associate banker out of b school they will fire him. He is lucky that he is a suave salesman thus he's a excellent player but he worries everyday that if he can't keep up his hard work and salesmanship for 5 years when they may promote him to senior status or VP he won't make the big million dollar bucks that the movies always glamorize. Thus associate investment bankers are a dime a dozen but the most money raking investment bankers who come home with 2 million dollars salaries, are actually very few. Next to that they live life too fast to have a love life and actually my friend knows the chief leading Investment banker at Morgan stanley hires 7,000 dollar prostitutes to get his rocks off before he comes back to the office and work 24 to 48 hours straight sometimes.

Yeah ER tv shows show doctors with screwed up love lives and crazy work hours but most docs are required to work 12 hour shifts and they can leave...but most docs volunteer to stay longer. Residents, interns and medical students sometimes get crap shot with time and spend the most time in the hospital. Attending and senior docs teach and go home by 5pm and drive their porsches after they finally manage to pay off med school loans. Next to that, medicine has excellent job security and we sign contracts for work and cannot get fired unless we hurt people or sleep with the director's wife.

thanks for the heads up and your opinion. sometimes I wish I could like Angelo and at least have weekends off completely but then I like my job security and I really thrive on helping people and even chasing the nurses when I feel lonely.
 
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