On Self Improvement?

[BPH]

Ok so today I had a very boring Saturday, and I'm not satisfied with how I'm living my life right now...

I feel like I should be going to parties every other weekend

I feel like I should be the guy that hooks up with the hottest girls and has the coolest guy friends

I feel like I should be the guy, no the MAN, that demands respect from everybody he meets

However I know these are tangible goals, they are external. And to fix how I am externally I must fix how I am internally. I do not know how to do that.

Can anybody offer input?

 

[backbreaker]

Funny you mention that.


I did absolutely nothing today, had sex 3 times, killed a bottle of Goose Island, watched the NCAA tournament and even had my fav meal cooked for me (chicken /shrimp Alfredo with scallop potatoes), and honestly I could not be any more miserable than I am right now. There is no way in hell I'm going to live to see 70 lol, i'm a workaholic. I have to be busy doing something. I can do the balance thing but I can't just not do anything. I can't take "me time" and not do ****. It's just not how I am wired. I'm not even going to bother with the NCAA tourney tomorrow

 

[QuodErat]

There is no way in hell I'm going to live to see 70 lol, i'm a workaholic. I have to be busy doing something. I can do the balance thing but I can't just not do anything.

Wish I could be more like you, I'm way over on the "lazy slobcunt" side of the spectrum.

 

[BPH]

Cool stories guys but could I get some tips on this please?

 

[Marvin Gaye]

Ok so today I had a very boring Saturday, and I'm not satisfied with how I'm living my life right now...

I feel like I should be going to parties every other weekend

I feel like I should be the guy that hooks up with the hottest girls and has the coolest guy friends

I feel like I should be the guy, no the MAN, that demands respect from everybody he meets

However I know these are tangible goals, they are external. And to fix how I am externally I must fix how I am internally. I do not know how to do that.

Can anybody offer input?

all this stuff is on the site.....you got a pretty hard entitlement mentality. if you did absolutely nothing with your life today, then really you dont deserve any of those things you mentioned.

I'm going to sound like a broken record but JOIN A GYM. Not just workout, but get a membership, flirt with the cute employees there, socialize socialize socialize

Join some external activites that will get you acclimated with other people, a sports team; karate class; help out at local church. Anything. Lazing around all day will not improve your life

 

[Atom Smasher]

Those are worthy goals, OP, and it seems that you are just now starting to realize that if you want to be warmed by the fire, you first must go out and chop the wood.

Give us an idea of how well or poorly you socialize. Tell us a little about your life circumstances and perhaps we can get you on track.

 

[Warrior74]

I feel like I should be the guy, no the MAN, that demands respect from everybody he meets

Can anybody offer input?

Dad told me respect is earned, not demanded. Men who demand respect are weak on the inside. Maybe that's not what you mean, so I apologize in advance if I misunderstood you.

 

[ArcBound]

Ok so today I had a very boring Saturday, and I'm not satisfied with how I'm living my life right now...

I feel like I should be going to parties every other weekend

I feel like I should be the guy that hooks up with the hottest girls and has the coolest guy friends

I feel like I should be the guy, no the MAN, that demands respect from everybody he meets

However I know these are tangible goals, they are external. And to fix how I am externally I must fix how I am internally. I do not know how to do that.

Can anybody offer input?

All of your goals can be summed up quite nicely: you want to be popular. You want the cool crew, you want the hot girls, the in parties blah blah.

You feel like you should be this popular dude, but let me ask you a serious question what sets you apart from other guys in that you will be this person?

-do you tell amazing stories?
-connect with people?
-have charisma?
-a role model that people look up to?
-have the personality or the looks to get people hooked?
-have a personality everyone wants to be around?
-do you make things happen instead of waiting for things to happen?
-are you always looking to others for the next fun thing to do, or do you get your friends together and choose the next fun thing to do?
-have something that people want?
-are you unique and have your own way of living life, and people love you for it?

If you want to be the person you are describing, you will have to start looking to fulfill the criteria above. Popular people aren't popular for no reason.

 

[BPH]

Socially I feel that I am OK, not great, but OK

I'm not a quiet person, I like to have fun and I mess around and make the most of each class I have in school.

I'm well-known having been a new student last year and playing on the football team. However, despite the fact that I have a good deal of friends I do not hear about them doing anything even remotely fun. Either they are in the same position I am or my school for the most part is quite boring.

I know I don't bring everything to the table, but I'm asking you all how I can start

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I found this website through a friend when I was 16 years old, and at 25 I can honestly say that it completely "changed" the trajectory of my life. The biggest help to me on this website was the information about conversation. From needing help with basic human interaction, through touching playfully and neg hits, now I'm spinning plates and never seem to go more than a few weeks without getting some poon and my weekends are filled with stuff to do in a variety of social circles (though I'm by no means the organizer - I just always get invited... takes too much work for me to be at the center).

Start by assessing some of your weaknesses. You'll only improve by first identifying where there's room for improvement. There are: conversational skills, clothing, humor, having a car, sleep habits, exercise habits, drinking habits, nutrition, academics, money, charm etc...

Watch people who have the kinds of experiences that you want. What, specifically, do they say or do that's different from how you act? This is HUGE because ultimately your improvement will come from practice, and your practice will be made a thousand times more useful if you become a student of human interaction and social dynamics. You need to learn what people respond to, and what they dislike.

Eventually, when you start to realize your goals, you'll have to take a step back and reassess whether or not it's really what you want. There's a lot of BS that goes into being a very popular person. It's a very, very high energy, demanding social 'position'.

 

[BPH]

Well I can identify the areas of my life that I'd like to improve in:

So far I've gotten a haircut to reflect my personality

I'm quitting boys volleyball to pursue weightlifting and bodybuilding in hopes of building a model body

However, there of the things I want to improve on, especially internally, I do now know how to approach them

There really aren't popular kids in my school. One of my close friends was a captain of our football team, is part of every social group, and is a natural leader. I admire those qualities, but nevertheless he does not go to parties, he does not lay the hot chicks, and he does not have a passionate dream to spend his lifetime on...

There are simply popular kids within their own cliques, and the fact that the most popular group I can think of is made up hot prude chicks, a homosexual, and a guy in a relationship with a virgin chick doesn't make me want to learn from their experiences.

Thus I do not know where to look, at least not within my own school

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I think what you're seeing around you is far more realistic than what you see on TV. Most popular people are not popular with everyone because people, especially in high school, tend to be cliquey, and therefore do not accept everyone.

The nearly-mythical ultra-popular jock who beds every woman, is loved by everyone, drinks like a fish, and gets straight A's, and is self-made rich, is fewer and farther between than 1/100000, and is not realistic to want to be. These people rarely, if ever, actually exist, and generally transiently because as they change throughout their lives their old habits die and new ones form and that kind of status is not always transferrable to different regions of the country etc...

Maybe I should have said "start with realistic goals." Shoot for incremental improvement rather than trying to become a pinnacle of achievement in all areas of your life.

No one will deny that having a model body makes it pretty easy to get laid. Playing a sport is, however, valuable and is a great source of self esteem and new friendships. That's a balance thing in your life that you have to decide whether or not you want. There are plenty of high school sports that promote intense athleticism i.e. indoor/outdoor track - sprinting and throwing, not distance running. Many student athletes in those sports (including football, wrestling, lacrosse, and rowing) have a nearly model body just by participating and training. Maximizing your contact with people is a big part of being popular and gaining more social skills, and dropping out of sports may have the opposite effect.

 

[BPH]

I've been thinking about the volleyball thing for quite a while...

Of course nobody wants me to quit

However, I want to use the time to effectively weight train without being left sore and tired from a practice

I like my sport

I am not a starter on my varsity team, so most of this time would be wasted anyway

I played volleyball last year and it didn't benefit me too much as far as friendships and balance, most of the guys on the team are not people I aspire to be more like, and a few of the higher-ups disrespect me so I don't think I need that

 

[BPH]

Bump

 

[comic_relief]

Join some clubs because I was in your situation after I had a huge falling out between myself and my old group. If you are in college, than join clubs

I joined three separate clubs in college AND never had a better time. That is how I met my new girl because I got myself out there. I've made so many new people because of it.

Clubs and activities seem to be the way to meet new like-minded people.

Deadly_Ripped seems a lot like me. His advice is sound and you should listen.

- comic_relief

 

[BPH]

Well right now I weightlift, and that's a group activity because members of the football team are in there doing the same thing...

Otherwise I'm open to suggestions?

 

[comic_relief]

Well right now I weightlift, and that's a group activity because members of the football team are in there doing the same thing...

Otherwise I'm open to suggestions?

I mean for example habitat for humanity, bicycle club, or Amnesty International. All three clubs are really good and women are always there. I enjoy all the clubs and I met many women through it.

- comic_relief