First and foremost, stop using pop-psychology catch phrases like "commitophobia" - this is a female social contrivance with the latent purpose of convincing men they aren't living up to society's (really women's) expectatons through the use of shame. Being 46 and unmarried gives you a depth of experience and overall view that few men ever achieve. That said, being prudent and selective in your life's choices doesn't necessitate or imply fear. So my message to you and all middle age men is to pull your head out of this Dr. Phil, Men are from Mars, Carl Jung nonsense and get down to brass tacks.
Neither are you an unattainable challenge, quite the contrary. You wouldn't have posted this thread if you fit this, yet again, pop-culture fueled archetype. No man is an island, but being cautious about who you hitch your cart to (particularly the cart you've developed over 46 years) doesn't make you unattainable. One of the great crimes perpetrated against men is this premature fear, that's constantly reinforced by society and popular culture, that if a man doesn't marry ASAP he'll be doomed to a life of solitude and lonely dispair in his 60's. Never is the counterpoint explored in any detail that, even if this crap were true, living in misery in a premature marriage and all of the responsiblities and accountabilites associated with it make unattached life-long bachelorhood preferable.
BILL, you're dealing in idealisms, which is really the root of innane social contrivances, and it's time to throw these out of your thinking. They serve a function as being a good blueprint for your own expectations, but taken to the extreme they become escapisms that women, society, pop-culture and commercialism will put to their own uses. The hard fact is that life is visceral and requires persistence of habit. I have what most would describe as an ideal marriage, but I can tell you that the bulk of my time for the last 10 years I've spent with my wife has centered on paying bills, working towards goals, raising our daughter and simple, dirty, life issues. That's not to say we don't get our warm fuzzy feelings or special times together, but this is all that an idealization will promise you - never the day to day stuff. This is exactly why it pays to be prudent and selective. When we're young AFCs we want to get married because we believe the idealization that it'll be great 'meaningfull' sex and good times for a lifetime, and when we're older we're fearful of being alone and old - neither of these should ever be the basis for making a lifelong committment.
At the end of all this, I'd say this woman did you a favor. Now you're free to explore your options at your own leisure. You are the envy of married men, not because you're single and can tap whomever you choose, but because you have the one commodity we don't - you have time of your own, unencumbered with the responsibilities and accountabilities that comes with marriage and 'committment'.
