OLD women, they just want pen pals, not boyfriends

[ThisNThat]

I have to say, I must have had the best responses from women, but, when it comes to following through with actually meeting after a few volleys of emails, they are like "I still need more time to chat."

I'm like, "Listen, I'm not here to be your pen-pal, I'm here to make a real life connection, if you cannot do that...then I wish you luck on your search."

This last woman said she's just gotten back into online dating, and just because she isn't "ready to meet yet" doesn't' mean she's not interested. She's just unsure about meeting anyone...just yet.

I through out a real life suggestion, like Meetup.com and she said she cannot see herself hanging with a group of strangers trying to get to know each other.

I light bulb clicked figuring she's probably socially awkward and hermit-like.

I told her, " If Meetup isn't your thing, then online dating definately isn't for you. I wish you luck in your search"

And ended the contact.

But I must've been spinning plates with 3 or 4 women who all were responsive, but hardly engaging either. They'd answer my questions, but would rarely ask anything about me. I mean, if you have to pull teeth to get a conversation out of them, who knows what kind of silence it'll lend to in a road trip together. lol

 

[ThisNThat]

This is the problem with being a seducer. In reality, you have chemistry with less than 5% of women out there. Sure, there will attraction, but chemistry is an entirely different thing. There is no such thing as approaching random women online or otherwise, and expect serendipity. Some women may even sleep with you but won't have much of a connection outside of sex.

The best places to find chemistry are activities you would normally do anyway if you weren't looking for women. Places like the gym, yoga class, salsa dancing, rock climbling. Of course, the more interesting your lifestyle, the more likely you will find women with similar interests.

What a lot of guys don't know is that women have their own social circles. They have hobbies. They have guys already trying to have sex with them. Guys they probably have more chemistry with.

I am not saying you can't get laid on OLD. But don't expect anything more than that. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't just press some buttons and have your EXACT perfect type show up to your doorstep. The most you'll get is a woman with issues you have nothing in common with. And she might have sex with you if she's in the mood.

If you want actual chemistry and connection, you need to have a social life/hobbies with attractive women in it.

Lifestyle is something no one talks about. It's because most DJ's have no life outside of work and bar hopping/tinder swiping.

I started exploring more Meetup events in my area and had more successful at scoring dates with women I've met in person than in online dating. It was quite effortless. The ironic thing is....the women i've met in person were sometimes more attractive than the women that ignored me online...of course those online. Funny, that when I took a break from POF, about a year...and came back to try it out again...I see the same faces of the same women on there still active. Quite a few of them in their 40s, without kids. never married. Spinsters I guess you could say. They've become permanent fixtures of the site. And in this smaller community, they'll likely be single forever.

So I just use online dating as a supplemental to what I do in real life with the Meetup groups. I typically do board game nights and with outdoors/kayaking groups. I could do the "Social Club" events, but all that is is drinking and mingling...no real interactivity and to me it's not interesting.

You also have to define what is "interesting" to some, not being interesting to others.

 

[ThisNThat]

you need to have a social life/hobbies with attractive women in it.

You know...I don't meet too many women out and about at these events that would be considered universally attractive. Most are baby boomer aged or plain looking. Some were relatively cute enough for ME to ask out. But if you want 9s or 10s, they typically hang out at night venues/upscale night clubs. You won't see them getting their hands dirty on hikes and outdoor related stuff like pool parties, outdoor BBQ's, beach parties, etc.

I had a friend of mine that had a ton of hot female friends on FB, he'd put out a FB invite to his annual BBQ/Volleyball party at the local swimming area, and I'd always wondered why the real hot ones would never come.

HE told me that they weren't into those kinds of things. They are mostly into night spots, upscale venues, etc.

 

[ThisNThat]

It really depends on what city you live in . In LA I could put on a blind fold, walk around aimlessly, and run into a 10. In fact, I once got 15 dates on OLD out of all places for a trip to LA. I underestimated how easy the women were, so I took a preemptive strike and hit on women online 1 week before my trip. I was there for a week and did not have time to see them all. Another time, I pulled 3 times in one night. There is a literal hook up culture in LA providing you are a good looking guy and have some money to spend to take women out.

In San Francisco, it was more of a high society type of culture. The women were hidden in mazes and social circles. Only ugly women went out to the clubs. The hot ones were at boat parties, underground raves noone has ever heard of, and venues where you need a passcode. It was like a secret society. And all hot chicks knew each other. If you had access to one and you were deemed "cool," that was your ticket in. Also, some of the finest Asian women (that never age) are in the bay area. But they are more of the wine country/ yoga/ rock climbing type. So I kinda did both. I infiltrated high society and started rock climbing and being in nature.

I live in a smaller community that's about an hour away from a major city. What's interesting is, for the 9s and 10s that live in a smaller community, they typically use this area to hang their hats...reside and nothing more. They don't interact much with the community.

There's this one yoga chick I date, pretty hot for a 50 year old...very firm body....though she spent too many years in the sun she's still attractive. But she's an earthy, sandals wearing chick. Its odd seeing her in a little black dress than in hippie clothes. lol

Anyways, she's a former airline attendant. Now just does massage therapy. Very good at it. Anyways, MOST of her friends our from outside of the state, and if not that, a few hours away from where she lives in the same state.

She does a lot of yoga retreats and what not. So her FB friends are full of people from not within her state.

She told me one time when she had a friend form out of state come visit and crash at her place, her friend remarked that the area businesses closes their doors too early for a Sat. night. She kind of felt apologetic to her friend that she was embarassed by the community.

Don't get me wrong, the small communities are GREAT fits for families if you living there, and great if you're a big city person wanting to visit small town surburbia during certain festivals, but other than that...for her it's kind of hum drumm. Plus...I think she also mentioned that too many people know you. lol

So you have some of these women that drive great distances away from where they live to meet men far away. I met this one woman in Meetup that drove 2 hours because I guess...she thought too many people knew her or the area was lacking in options. It was weird, because her city stated in her Meetup profile wasn't her actual city of residence.

I guess some women feel if even their city, there's no opportunity to meet men (that they are attracted to) so they travel distances.