Virtuality
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- Nov 16, 2005
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I have been whining to many of my friends about this story for a good while now, and finally one of them told me to come on here for help. 
So here I am!
First of all, I’m a 16-year old boy living in Sweden, without any real experience with girls from earlier. I am actually completely pathetic with them, I get extremely nervous and I have a poor self-esteem.
This year I started in a new school. I noticed this girl the first day, but I didn't really talk to her until we were placed at the same table (yes, we have teacher-decided seats at our school).
I noticed we really have a lot in common, especially the way we look on the world... so to say, and she's definitely the only interesting girl in class.
We spoke for hours on MSN as well, about everything and nothing. And finally a Saturday (this was like a month ago now) I gathered up some guts and called her and asked what she was doing tonight. She said: “I am going to the movies with some friends, want to come?” This is important, SHE actually invited me, I never had to ask.
After I hang up, I freak out, of course. I have no idea about nothing, what to wear, etc, the classic stuff. But I end up going there of course. We see the movie, it all goes well, and she asks me to walk her home, so I do. We exchange numbers at her door (I had called her house number earlier that day), hug, say goodbye and I’m off home.
The next day, I’m very excited of course. My first real crush on a girl. And it wasn’t actually going bad. I was tipped not to call her that day, so I did not, which was probably a good idea, don’t want to be too pushy etc.
Monday then. She’s not in school, sick apparently. I wanted to call and ask how she was, but I didn’t have the guts. Next day she’s in school, we talk, everything’s normal etc. I call her this day after school; she says she’s with a friend she hasn’t seen for a long time. Here’s where I realize I made mistake. I was WAY too pushy here. I wasn’t satisfied with that, I kept asking, “But where are you doing later then?” etc… Didn’t let her go, I wanted to see her so much. Probably sounded rather sad/pissy when we hung up.
The next day, I felt she was acting weirdly. She hardly looked at me when we spoke, and seemed angry, or at least annoyed, with me.
After school, I called her multiple times, no answer. Spammed her with sentimental text messages that were way out of line for being that early in a “relation”.
I was sad, so my basic reaction was basically to stop talking to her at all. It hurt too much.
But after a week or two, I called. On hidden number, so she would pick up. I apologized for acting weirdly, and if I had done something to piss her off. She said I hadn’t. So I said what was wrong. She couldn’t explain. My heart was pounding way up my throat by now, and I couldn’t really continue the conversation, so I just we just said bye and hung up.
Lots of time passed, things neutral between us. I recently managed to get her closest friend involved in this, and she is actually trying to help me. What I need, is to have a real talk with her. Just tell her exactly how I feel, ask questions about what went wrong, explain stuff about my inexperience, etc etc. This talk needs to be IRL, no phone, no MSN. Her friend agreed, and is trying to help me set up the “perfect moment”. I mean, it’s kind of hard to just grab her in school with all the folks around…
But it’s just not that. There’s been more than few times where I could have spoken to her. Like yesterday, when we were alone outside school after French class (we’re the only one from our class that goes to it) and she asks to use my cell phone.
Here’s where I should have asked to talk to her. Asked if she wanted to go eat lunch for example. But I’m too much of a weakling. I just took my phone, said “Bye, see you tomorrow” and walked off. I was kicking trash cans on the way home, but for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to open my mouth.
That’s not the only screw-up, there’s been plenty. Another time I was walking home for school, and I see her sitting alone in the window of a café. I think “This is it. I should go in there now, and talk to her.”
But then she looks up, and sees me. My stomach turns up and down; I quickly look down and rush by her. That must have looked PATHETIC.
I guess I’m afraid of what she’ll say. Maybe she’ll reject to even talk, diss me off completely… or whatever. But if she does that, at least that’s better than how I am living and feeling now, the ONLY thing that is on my mind around the clock is her.
I think back, how things were going OK in the beginning, how f*cking PERFECT it would have been if it had become us… and how I ruined it. Okay, maybe I couldn’t have gotten her either way, but things were not looking bad. And I regret things. And I need to have that talk.
I don’t know what I expect to get from here… but some advice would be good. Heh. How do I get the guts to talk to her? And such… I really like this girl. A lot. Maybe more than healthy.
Thanks a lot in advance.
So here I am!First of all, I’m a 16-year old boy living in Sweden, without any real experience with girls from earlier. I am actually completely pathetic with them, I get extremely nervous and I have a poor self-esteem.
This year I started in a new school. I noticed this girl the first day, but I didn't really talk to her until we were placed at the same table (yes, we have teacher-decided seats at our school
). I noticed we really have a lot in common, especially the way we look on the world... so to say, and she's definitely the only interesting girl in class.
We spoke for hours on MSN as well, about everything and nothing. And finally a Saturday (this was like a month ago now) I gathered up some guts and called her and asked what she was doing tonight. She said: “I am going to the movies with some friends, want to come?” This is important, SHE actually invited me, I never had to ask.
After I hang up, I freak out, of course. I have no idea about nothing, what to wear, etc, the classic stuff. But I end up going there of course. We see the movie, it all goes well, and she asks me to walk her home, so I do. We exchange numbers at her door (I had called her house number earlier that day), hug, say goodbye and I’m off home.
The next day, I’m very excited of course. My first real crush on a girl. And it wasn’t actually going bad. I was tipped not to call her that day, so I did not, which was probably a good idea, don’t want to be too pushy etc.
Monday then. She’s not in school, sick apparently. I wanted to call and ask how she was, but I didn’t have the guts.
Next day she’s in school, we talk, everything’s normal etc. I call her this day after school; she says she’s with a friend she hasn’t seen for a long time. Here’s where I realize I made mistake. I was WAY too pushy here. I wasn’t satisfied with that, I kept asking, “But where are you doing later then?” etc… Didn’t let her go, I wanted to see her so much. Probably sounded rather sad/pissy when we hung up.The next day, I felt she was acting weirdly. She hardly looked at me when we spoke, and seemed angry, or at least annoyed, with me.
After school, I called her multiple times, no answer. Spammed her with sentimental text messages that were way out of line for being that early in a “relation”.
I was sad, so my basic reaction was basically to stop talking to her at all. It hurt too much.
But after a week or two, I called. On hidden number, so she would pick up. I apologized for acting weirdly, and if I had done something to piss her off. She said I hadn’t. So I said what was wrong. She couldn’t explain. My heart was pounding way up my throat by now, and I couldn’t really continue the conversation, so I just we just said bye and hung up.
Lots of time passed, things neutral between us. I recently managed to get her closest friend involved in this, and she is actually trying to help me. What I need, is to have a real talk with her. Just tell her exactly how I feel, ask questions about what went wrong, explain stuff about my inexperience, etc etc. This talk needs to be IRL, no phone, no MSN. Her friend agreed, and is trying to help me set up the “perfect moment”. I mean, it’s kind of hard to just grab her in school with all the folks around…
But it’s just not that. There’s been more than few times where I could have spoken to her. Like yesterday, when we were alone outside school after French class (we’re the only one from our class that goes to it) and she asks to use my cell phone.
Here’s where I should have asked to talk to her. Asked if she wanted to go eat lunch for example. But I’m too much of a weakling. I just took my phone, said “Bye, see you tomorrow” and walked off. I was kicking trash cans on the way home, but for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to open my mouth.
That’s not the only screw-up, there’s been plenty. Another time I was walking home for school, and I see her sitting alone in the window of a café. I think “This is it. I should go in there now, and talk to her.”
But then she looks up, and sees me. My stomach turns up and down; I quickly look down and rush by her. That must have looked PATHETIC.
I guess I’m afraid of what she’ll say. Maybe she’ll reject to even talk, diss me off completely… or whatever. But if she does that, at least that’s better than how I am living and feeling now, the ONLY thing that is on my mind around the clock is her.
I think back, how things were going OK in the beginning, how f*cking PERFECT it would have been if it had become us… and how I ruined it. Okay, maybe I couldn’t have gotten her either way, but things were not looking bad. And I regret things. And I need to have that talk.
I don’t know what I expect to get from here… but some advice would be good. Heh. How do I get the guts to talk to her? And such… I really like this girl. A lot. Maybe more than healthy.
Thanks a lot in advance.
