Ok work this for me please

[Outofexile]

Ok I know this woman from my gym. Shes probably around 26-28 if I had to guess although I havent asked for sure. Shes was kind of withdrawn at first, keeping to herself without talking to anyone and leaving after her workout. No wedding ring.

So about 6 weeks ago we work out together. Goes well and from the beginning shes running around with headlights on nearly the whole time we are together and its not cold in the gym. Well I make her laugh, she blushes, etc etc. We part ways and I dont see her for like a month. At all.

So I go to the gym last week and shes there but I act like I dont even see her. So withing 30 seconds of me being there, she walks up to me and starts talking. Been busy, needs to get back in the gym, yada yada usual.

Shes finishing her workout (legs) and Im doing cardio. We talk for a while, I give her a couple of suggestions to do, and she comes over and talks to me before she leaves. I get her email address and shes like email me and give me your number and Ill give you mine. Ok.

So I do. Basically playing the game of trading gym and diet knowledge for info on her.

Well she responds with saying that she is seeing someone currently, yada yada. Friends. Yada yada. I respond very casually with Im not hitting on you. If I was, it wouldnt be thru email.

Anyway so she texts and emails me about going to the gym, when Im going, let me know if shes not, etc.

So last email asked casually about her, how long shes been seeing dude...very flirty by very non threatening.

So question here. I know she has attraction. At least physically. I make her laugh quite a bit when we are together. I dont know how serious she is with the guy but she really comes off as a more serious minded girl and not a player. She does appear to be a real hottie or be one of those women that KNOW they are pretty type thing. Very girl next door thing. I mean jeez, she works in Human Resources...one of those positions no one ever sees.

So how do I approach this without being lumped into the "friends only" classification? I know she wont do anything as long as she is dating this other person, she just doesnt come off that way. However, I know its crossed her mind. I can tell with her body language.

I dont want to be the gym guy that helps her out with her workouts and diet and thats it. However, Im not going to chase this woman. Shes not a 8 or 9 by any degree although she has great potential with a little help.

So what do you think?

 

[NewMan]

ask her out - take her for coffee after the workout. Tell her you know a hike thats a great workout that you should both do this weekend.

I wouldn't waste time over email. do it all in person.

if she throws up serious resistance, then you know she's not interested.

 

[The Bat]

Hmm, it seems like you're dangerously close to the LJBF zone. Have you been calling her and synchronizing gym time with her? Do you answer her every single question and pay attention to every little thing she says or does?

What I'm trying to get at is: Are you ALWAYS available for her? You could be available in more than one ways: phone calls, text, e-mail, stopping your workout to show her how to do her abs, etc. You get the point.

And I'm not buying the "I'm not going to chase her" deal. If you weren't going to chase her, you wouldn't have made a thread about it in the first place.

I'd say cut her off. Not completely to the point that she despises you. But enough that it throws her in a whirlwind of "WTF...does he like me or not?"

Stop picking up every call from her, responding to her text, e-mailing her back right away, etc. Hell, stop synchronizing your workout time with her. Ideally, you should NOT be doing anything else in the gym BUT workout. You need to completely focus and shouldn't waste time BSing with anybody. But I know not everyone will agree with me on that part. And it's no big deal, that's why I said "Ideally".

Suggest an activity with her outside of the gym. It's going to be tricky because she might think of it as "two friends hanging out" rather than "two horny people hanging out". If she goes out with you, then know that it's on. Escalate with her on the date and make moves. If she puts up resistance, it's ok...just try again. Just keep trying until either you get some or she doesn't respond and stops speaking to you at the gym the next day.

Either way, you will know your answer.

 

[Outofexile]

Well shes already stated that she has a boyfriend. I dont think its ultra serious or anything. Im also not sure how long they have been a couple. She doesnt appear to be a woman of low morals that would run around on someone just because a better product came along. This is an admirable and desireable trait to have.

So no, Im thinking its a matter of waiting and seeing. What Im trying to avoid is the permacast to "friend" role or "gym guy" role.

So do I just play it cool and back way off or keep contact with her? There is risk in both choices. I stay close and if the relationship stays together for any length of time, I will become a friend. If I back off and dont have much to do with her, it becomes a forgotten thing.

Yes, she is a woman with the same flaws and traits every woman has. But she isnt flighty and she isnt a party girl/bar fly. So I dont think its a matter of the fact that I just look better than the guy she is with.

Obviously time with the guy is going to be a big factor. I mean, if she comes back and says shes been dating the guy 9+ months or more, Im outta there. No use messing with someone who is locked up.

 

[The Bat]

You just need to date others and spin more plates.

Issue with her will automatically resolve itself once you start spinning plates. (Hint: The answer is you back off and don't go out of your way to talk to her since you don't really want a friend out of her AND she is off limits so you have nothing to gain from this situation)

But honestly, you would've figured that out if you were spinning plates.

 

[Interceptor]

Are you sure you want her?
Sounds to me like you're only interested in her because she's the only woman that gave you attention.
That's not a good place to be in.

 

[DJDamage]

I dont know how serious she is with the guy but she really comes off as a more serious minded girl and not a player

She doesnt appear to be a woman of low morals that would run around on someone just because a better product came along

Be careful of misconceptions. Women are a walking contradiction's and often what appears to be their true form is actually an illusion.

I dont want to be the gym guy that helps her out with her workouts and diet and thats it.

Im trying to avoid is the permacast to "friend" role or "gym guy" role.

That is exectly what you will be if you don't amp up your game.

I respond very casually with Im not hitting on you

That was not a smart answer, you needed to come with something more C&F that would leave room for interpretations. She needs to feel anxious and have a little anxiety going around you and if she doesn't like it then tough.

You need to do what you desire. Fvck being the "nice guy" and "give her space" and helping her out in the gym while she is getting her own private excercise between the sheets with another guy. If she is at the gym with you, then you need to act like one of those "suave gym trainers" you always see around the gym, you know the type that always unnecessarily put their hands on their hot clients body in an excuse to help them achieve better "form" in their excercise routine. What they are actually doing is "kino" to increase interest and many trainers have ended up fvcking their clients as a result.

If she doesn't like your touching and you hitting on her then she can go find a girlfriend to work out with and leave you alone.

 

[decades]

I see you as being used by her for attention. Unless you AMP up your game that's what you will be. Used. One of the red flags I see here is you trying to curry favor with her by being the "nice guy" who "helps" her with her nutrition workout etc. That's how nice guys try to make themselves high value to women they are interested in. In fact you "covertly" backed into getting her email under the pretense that you would help her with her workouts and staying in shape. That's classic NG behavior because you weren't direct about your desires for her.

Second, you asked her about her status. That's AFC. You gave her the opportunity to tell you she had a BF, which is a rejection. You then further inquired about "how long" they have been together. That's another AFC move because you are trying to be the nice guy again and not "intrude" or step on any toes. All of this nice guy behavior is not increasing your attractiveness to her.

She now sees you as a nice dependable guy who will help her with things she needs help with like workout routines and nutrition, that sort of thing. She knows that as long as she has the BF excuse, she has nothing to fear from you. You won't bother her in that "way". She does not see you as the bad boy challenge that is attractive. The bad boy is at home and he has told her to get her ass to the gym and get in shape!

You have to pull back and not be the available nice guy. You have to let her see you with other chicks in the gym. You can't be her puppy dog asking if she is available or with someone already. Men if they see someone they like go for it and let the chips fall where they may. They don't ask if it's OK first. You have to be the prize to be attractive to women. She has made herself the prize and you her dutiful friend.

 

[Outofexile]

Makes sense, all of it.

I guess I wasnt looking at it that way. I guess Ive always been the type of guy that didnt want to mess with another mans woman because I wouldnt like it if it was done to me. Now if it was just a casual dating relationship, then I will proceed because I am quite the better catch than what she has now. If its serious, then Im not going to be a rat just to get some ass. Thats not the moralistic way I was raised.

But consider this a lesson learned guys. Im backing off it. She asked to work out with me last week but I told her I already have a workout partner, which I do.

Who knows. I will see her tonight but will avoid it mostly. I usually go around 830. Tonight I think I will make it 9 just to either make her wait or go without me. That way its going to take effort on her part to pull along side me.

Its just tough. I mean, Im not a player and Im not a rat. I believe you can be a great catch and not be an asshawk. So I do try to take others feelings into consideration. If that detracts from my DJism, I just dont know what to say. Its the way I am.

 

[decades]

outofexile, it sounds like you consider yourself a good looking guy who is a catch. If that's the case, and it probably is, then all you need are a few essential DJ skills and you can become really successful with the ladies. It's not about becoming a jerk. But we do need to change some of the ways we were taught to do things. You'll be fine. Just keep learning here.

 

[DJDamage]

. I guess Ive always been the type of guy that didnt want to mess with another mans woman because I wouldnt like it if it was done to me.

If its serious, then Im not going to be a rat just to get some ass. Thats not the moralistic way I was raised.

I mean, Im not a player and Im not a rat. I believe you can be a great catch and not be an asshawk. So I do try to take others feelings into consideration. If that detracts from my DJism, I just dont know what to say. Its the way I am.

I used to think just like you, until I understood women better.

The thing is that you are seeing yourself as the potential bad guy in all of this but you have nothing to do with her relationship with her man. If she has high morals and a solid relationship with her man then she would not stray.

However alot of women go into relationship's because they don't want to be label a slvt and sometimes they just wait it out until a better deal comes along. They hate being single and they rather be with someone on the short term until a better deal comes along then being alone. That's why they have the monkey on a tree branch mentality, they won't let go of one tree branch until they hold onto another.

Thus if she ends up so called "cheating" on her man its because she was already looking for a replacement and you came in at the right place and at the right time. That's why you don't hear alot of women cheating as opposed to men because they do everything covertly and they will just dump one man in favour of another without even a blink of an eye.

That's why when a woman tells me "she is in a relationship" today, it could mean that she is looking for a replacement tomorrow. All I need to do is just step up to the plate.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Out of Exile,
She sounds like a nice uncomplicated girl,don't play any silly little games with her,just ask her for a coffee after the Gym,she won't bite...then just chat make sure you have an agenda,some future date for the future...just see how it goes...

 

[Jitterbug]

So about 6 weeks ago we work out together. Goes well and from the beginning shes running around with headlights on nearly the whole time we are together and its not cold in the gym. Well I make her laugh, she blushes, etc etc. We part ways and I dont see her for like a month. At all.

......

I dont want to be the gym guy that helps her out with her workouts and diet and thats it. However, Im not going to chase this woman. Shes not a 8 or 9 by any degree although she has great potential with a little help.

So what do you think?

You helped her work out for 2 weeks, entertained her while she was there without getting her number nor asking her out. What did she do to you to deserve so much? Well, mate, you've already made yourself her "gym guy" whether you're aware of it or not.

Next time you need to take the initiative, show her some interest and take action quickly.

Btw next time don't bother asking about the guy she said she's seeing. She probably made it up to let you down gently. Unless you see the guy physically there, proceed as if he doesn't exist and you couldn't care less.

 

[window]

When you swapped contacts and she said she had a boyfriend you should have just told here then to give you a call when she's single and left it at that. This girl sounds like a branch swinger...Look at this way, if you were this girl boyfriend would you be happy with her giving out her details to guys at the gym ? :crazy:

 

[STR8UP]

This is why you emotionally detach yourself from women in the beginning stages of getting to know them.

How do you approach this without being LJBF'ed?

If you aren't gaga over this woman, you LJBF HER. You tell her that her job is to help you pick up other women. Treat her like a guy. If she has any sort of attraction for you this will at minimum keep it smoldering, and at most it will drive her nuts and she will want you BAD.

A couple of things to remember:

- Never burn bridges. You can easily tell her to buzz off cause you don't need any more chick friends, but what does that accomplish? Use her as social proof. Who knows...it might actually turn out that you don't like the way she chews with her mouth open, but her hot ass best friend is AMAZING (and single)

- All relationships have a shelf life. Most of them can be measured in weeks or months. Sometimes its a matter of being in the right place at the right time.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

That was not a smart answer, you needed to come with something more C&F that would leave room for interpretations. She needs to feel anxious and have a little anxiety going around you and if she doesn't like it then tough.

I was going to tell him the same thing. Never shy away from your intentions with females unless you DO want to end up in the friend zone. Also as others have already pointed out, don't label this chick, you don't even know her. For all you know she could be fuvkin' 2 other guys, has a bf and is entertaining the thought I hooking up with you too. Don't put the pu$$y on a pedestal bro.

I say up the ante when your at the gym. Push the envelope a bit, and see what kinda reaction you get from her. If you get a positive reception, take care of business. If not, then get rid of her.



PIMP