TheMonkeyKing
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2014
- Messages
- 2,337
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For my 1000th post I have taken the time over several weeks to compile some observations, citations and examples that I have made over the last couple of years.
I will be taking sabbatical (from SoSuave) for the next year, going out in to the field to apply things that I have learnt and re-learnt. I will be keeping an account of my year which I will post here in 12 months time. Like so many others have done, I feel it a duty to pass on experience and information to those not yet enlightened, just as my predecessors did for me and my peers; hopefully adding to the evolution of the perspective.
I have split this down in to a few topic-specific headings, which, starting from the first through to the last heading, I personally consider to be in ascending order of importance to a man's life. You may agree, you may disagree in part, you may feel I have neglected certain topics. This is not designed to be 100% accurate, applicable or relevant to everyone else, rather just the benefit of one man's experience. In the last two years, I have seen too many arguments/rantings on sites like these where guys get in to the minutiae of hard and fast 'rules' of the game. Probably one of the hardest lessons to learn and truly understand is that a rule for one, doesn't necessarily apply to all others, in any context.
In essence, you might work either from the top of the list if you are recovering, or alternative start at the bottom if you have no idea where to even begin. The general concept is that you can start anywhere in the list and go in a full cycle, fail and succeed over and over again but ultimately arrive at success.
Here it is then, I will attempt to cultivate this list in to a full, circular story, as such.
The 'One'
The One. The 'one' woman/person that brought 99% of guys to this site. She may have been an acquaintance, a stranger, girlfriend, ex girlfriend. sh!t she may even have have been a wife.
This person is the Disney fairy tale princess that we were/are all conditioned in to believing we'd meet and live with happily ever after, before she changed her mind/got bored/met someone else. This is the person that we were/are conditioned to believe would complete the self. This is the person that is hated by some, still revered by most, but now inconsequential to the fortunate few.
The answer being, this 'one' person simply doesn't exist. There is such a thing as a 'best one', but never just one. One of the best quotes I ever heard on the subject is, 'One woman is too close to no women'.
When I was a kid, I used to hate cheese. I had a very sweet tooth and would pile the condiments on to my toast in the mornings. Nowadays, I rarely have a sweet. I will usually choose a savory starter over dessert. I love cheese and have it grated over nearly every hot dish.
The point is, my tastes have changed. Just as they have for my women. In fact the types of people I hang around with now are very different from 10-15 years ago.
I've never had a particular type, physically. But I have always liked smart women. Not necessarily book smart, but at least street smart; in fact I would still normally take the latter over the former. My taste has changed, or may be just matured in so far as emotional competence is concerned. I suppose that has been in direct correlation with the development of my own emotional capability.
What you think you love now, will change over time. You may think you can't live without this 'one' woman right now. But the harsh reality is, you're going to have to. But, the next one you meet will bring something else that you may be prefer. This process will happen over and over again until you learn what your tastes are and how you should behave around women, especially women you like. It's nothing to do with you, but everything to do with how you have been conditioned to react to and seduce women.
After such time as a man learns what their own tastes are, and how to deal with their emotions and reactions, then there is a point where, should they meet the right women, he might consider forming a monogamous bond with her; maintaining the understanding all the while that the bond is not permanent. Just like everything else in the universe; albeit, possibly only broken at the point of death.
There is a one. A 'best' one. But she, like every other one, is not the only one. To paraphrase another SS member, if you are posting in SS for advice on a chick, she is not the best one for you.
Abundance
Abundance is not simply a mindset, rather a way of life. Family, peers, women, money, self worth. These are all things that will contribute to the way you perceive yourself, which in turn, contributes to the way others perceive you. This mind set is support by personal attributes which are worked upon on an ongoing basis through out life - personal development, purpose and the sense of self.
The abundance mentality will be what supports you when someone lets you down. It is your safety net, formed by you sense of self, the health of your body and mind, and the monologue you have with yourself. It ultimately dictates your success in every facet of life, including dating women.
The First Date
We treat every date as a first date. Even after 25years of marriage, we are perpetually courting our women. Otherwise we become complacent. Unless we are putting 90-100 percent in to any activity, what's the point. If we finish courting, our women become bored, and we know what that means - they will seek a fix elsewhere. Should there come a time where you do not feel like making an effort for a woman, ask yourself if you can be bothered with that particular person anymore, albeit temporarily.
Prepare well for dates, plan conversation starters, be in the right mindset and the responses will be appropriate. Attempting to date when you are stressed by work, hung up on another woman, feeling down for whatever reason is a fool's errand. We give off the wrong energy in those circumstances.
Emotional Responses
The long and the short of it is, a man should not be responding to a woman with emotion. The only state of mind he ever need be in is amused mastery. I'm not going to google that for you.
Success and Failure
Successes and failures inevitably happen. The character of a man is not denoted by how hard he can punch, but by how many he can take, how many times he gets back up.
With regard to emotional responses above, if you find yourself failing miserably with a woman, it's time to walk away. Do not lower her opinion of you even further by emotionally 'reaching out'. A perfect example of this is in the Charles ****ens novel 'Great Expectations', when Pip attempts to appeal to Estella's emotions, which she has plainly told him she doesn't feel. For those that haven't read that book, it is highly recommended as a coming of age reference.
Success and failure with women, harks back to the points made above in 'The One'. For every woman who doesn't feel you, there are five out there who will. So long as you have the individual sense of purpose outside of the relationship.
...
I will be taking sabbatical (from SoSuave) for the next year, going out in to the field to apply things that I have learnt and re-learnt. I will be keeping an account of my year which I will post here in 12 months time. Like so many others have done, I feel it a duty to pass on experience and information to those not yet enlightened, just as my predecessors did for me and my peers; hopefully adding to the evolution of the perspective.
I have split this down in to a few topic-specific headings, which, starting from the first through to the last heading, I personally consider to be in ascending order of importance to a man's life. You may agree, you may disagree in part, you may feel I have neglected certain topics. This is not designed to be 100% accurate, applicable or relevant to everyone else, rather just the benefit of one man's experience. In the last two years, I have seen too many arguments/rantings on sites like these where guys get in to the minutiae of hard and fast 'rules' of the game. Probably one of the hardest lessons to learn and truly understand is that a rule for one, doesn't necessarily apply to all others, in any context.
In essence, you might work either from the top of the list if you are recovering, or alternative start at the bottom if you have no idea where to even begin. The general concept is that you can start anywhere in the list and go in a full cycle, fail and succeed over and over again but ultimately arrive at success.
Here it is then, I will attempt to cultivate this list in to a full, circular story, as such.
The 'One'
The One. The 'one' woman/person that brought 99% of guys to this site. She may have been an acquaintance, a stranger, girlfriend, ex girlfriend. sh!t she may even have have been a wife.
This person is the Disney fairy tale princess that we were/are all conditioned in to believing we'd meet and live with happily ever after, before she changed her mind/got bored/met someone else. This is the person that we were/are conditioned to believe would complete the self. This is the person that is hated by some, still revered by most, but now inconsequential to the fortunate few.
The answer being, this 'one' person simply doesn't exist. There is such a thing as a 'best one', but never just one. One of the best quotes I ever heard on the subject is, 'One woman is too close to no women'.
When I was a kid, I used to hate cheese. I had a very sweet tooth and would pile the condiments on to my toast in the mornings. Nowadays, I rarely have a sweet. I will usually choose a savory starter over dessert. I love cheese and have it grated over nearly every hot dish.
The point is, my tastes have changed. Just as they have for my women. In fact the types of people I hang around with now are very different from 10-15 years ago.
I've never had a particular type, physically. But I have always liked smart women. Not necessarily book smart, but at least street smart; in fact I would still normally take the latter over the former. My taste has changed, or may be just matured in so far as emotional competence is concerned. I suppose that has been in direct correlation with the development of my own emotional capability.
What you think you love now, will change over time. You may think you can't live without this 'one' woman right now. But the harsh reality is, you're going to have to. But, the next one you meet will bring something else that you may be prefer. This process will happen over and over again until you learn what your tastes are and how you should behave around women, especially women you like. It's nothing to do with you, but everything to do with how you have been conditioned to react to and seduce women.
After such time as a man learns what their own tastes are, and how to deal with their emotions and reactions, then there is a point where, should they meet the right women, he might consider forming a monogamous bond with her; maintaining the understanding all the while that the bond is not permanent. Just like everything else in the universe; albeit, possibly only broken at the point of death.
There is a one. A 'best' one. But she, like every other one, is not the only one. To paraphrase another SS member, if you are posting in SS for advice on a chick, she is not the best one for you.
Abundance
Abundance is not simply a mindset, rather a way of life. Family, peers, women, money, self worth. These are all things that will contribute to the way you perceive yourself, which in turn, contributes to the way others perceive you. This mind set is support by personal attributes which are worked upon on an ongoing basis through out life - personal development, purpose and the sense of self.
The abundance mentality will be what supports you when someone lets you down. It is your safety net, formed by you sense of self, the health of your body and mind, and the monologue you have with yourself. It ultimately dictates your success in every facet of life, including dating women.
The First Date
We treat every date as a first date. Even after 25years of marriage, we are perpetually courting our women. Otherwise we become complacent. Unless we are putting 90-100 percent in to any activity, what's the point. If we finish courting, our women become bored, and we know what that means - they will seek a fix elsewhere. Should there come a time where you do not feel like making an effort for a woman, ask yourself if you can be bothered with that particular person anymore, albeit temporarily.
Prepare well for dates, plan conversation starters, be in the right mindset and the responses will be appropriate. Attempting to date when you are stressed by work, hung up on another woman, feeling down for whatever reason is a fool's errand. We give off the wrong energy in those circumstances.
Emotional Responses
The long and the short of it is, a man should not be responding to a woman with emotion. The only state of mind he ever need be in is amused mastery. I'm not going to google that for you.
Success and Failure
Successes and failures inevitably happen. The character of a man is not denoted by how hard he can punch, but by how many he can take, how many times he gets back up.
With regard to emotional responses above, if you find yourself failing miserably with a woman, it's time to walk away. Do not lower her opinion of you even further by emotionally 'reaching out'. A perfect example of this is in the Charles ****ens novel 'Great Expectations', when Pip attempts to appeal to Estella's emotions, which she has plainly told him she doesn't feel. For those that haven't read that book, it is highly recommended as a coming of age reference.
Success and failure with women, harks back to the points made above in 'The One'. For every woman who doesn't feel you, there are five out there who will. So long as you have the individual sense of purpose outside of the relationship.
...
