Ive been on this forum a while. I've improved a lot. Making a lot of money. Fun job. Muscular. Lots of friends. But still, have no interest from women. Maybe I'm not the best looking guy, but lots of guys worse then me are getting some. Body language and everything is good. Friend's girls like me. Just cant find a girl that likes me I guess? Before it was easier, when I knew I was a mess and thats what the problem was. Now, I don't even know which area to improve, and its embarrassing being the guy in the group of friends that isn't getting any. I just dont know what to do.
Now idea what the problem is
- Thread starter SamMalone
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SamMalone said:
N.E.I....
Not enough info.
There's not enough information here to give you any real helpful advice.
Unless you want to get the standard "just keep approaching/keep trying/go to the gym" type responses,you need to shell out some more info on how you interact with girls,and if you don't know what type of information to provide,just answer a few questions.....
What type of problems do you have?
When do you notice these problems? Is it during the approach,after the approach,but before the first date,or after the first date has already taken place?
When you approach girls,what do you normally say? What EXACTLY?
How do girls generally react when you approach/ask them out?
What is it you REALLY want? Is it a relationship,just to fool around from girl to girl,or is it something else?
How do you behave around girls you're interested in? What's you're emotional state like? Are you cool and calm,or nervous and uncomfortable?
The reason I ask is because women are emotional,and your emotional state can have an influence on them WITHOUT you even knowing it.
If you can answer these question DIRECTLY,then maybe we can give you some direction.
Usually I make a joke about the situation or something, then they'll joke back. Sometimes it's about sex even, I'm not uncomfortable talking about it even with strangers.
The problem comes after, when I probably should ask them out, but all that runs through my mind is "This girl is just using me for attention". Then I leave and feel like I've won since I've stopped giving her attention. Reallly I guess the jokes on me.
I actually did get a text back from that girl the night this was posted, she was drinking, we had a little convo. I was last to text and haven't talked to her since.
Lately though, besides this one girl, I haven't even been really approaching. My job requires me to be social so I do that, but my days off I'm at the bar drinking and not talking to girls because I think they just want attention
Another problem is that I have achieved everything I have wanted to accomplish to stop placing importance on girls. Got muscular, got a degree and a great job. I have a good social life as well so thats not an issue. Good car, my own place, motorcycle. The only thing I want that I dont have now is a girl.
I hate to say this, but post a picture of yourself and what you normally wear when you go out to meet women. 90% of getting girls is your looks and your style. Everything else is simply hitting the gas when you get a non-verbal green light from girls.
Maybe you're too sensitive? I'm not ripping not the piss, but if not getting a response on this board annoys you, how is rejection from some random girl going to go down?SamMalone said:
First off...why does almost everybody on this site say this? It's amazing how many people have everything together but the girl... I'm not saying you're not telling the truth but it's interesting.SamMalone said:
So you've got accomplished everything you wanted to, and yet you're still placing importance on girls. You've achieved X, Y and Z and yet you still need validation from a girl to make you feel important or special. You're first reaction to that is going to be to deny what I've just said. I know this because you've gone out of your way to say how great the rest of your life is... You know I'm right though. Otherwise why would you have written the post?
Now...if it's that obvious in text, imagine what it's like in person, when you meet someone? Do you immediately seek approval?
Let me ask you this - when was the last time you went up to group of random guys and chatted to them about, say, sports? Did you end up having a few drinks with them and making some new friends? If you can't chat to a bunch of guys just to meet people and socialise, how is it going to be when you do it to a girl - which adds in the sex factor?
My money is that you've being trying to compensate for something and it hasn't worked. You need to look at your confidence and become happy with yourself. When you're really don't need approval from anyone, that's when you'll be irresistible.
One last thing. What's wrong with girls wanting attention? Aren't you chatting to them because you want their attention (and maybe a bit more)? Try to relax a little and live in the moment. Next time you see a girl whilst you're out, just go and chat to her for 5-10 minutes. Tell yourself you're not going to impress her, and even if she's keen, you're going to walk away after those 5-10 minutes. Just get used to enjoying talking to girls - and more importantly, stop performing for them.SamMalone said:
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Did you notice that you never used the word "MAN" in any of this. Think about it.SamMalone said:
I would post a pic but I'm not computer savvy honestly. I'm not the greatest looking guy but I'm dressed nice and always groomed.
I've tried the "focus on yourself and let girls come to you" and it didn't seem to work. Apparently some girls liked me that I NEVER would have known if my girl at the time didnt tell me.
I get talked crap too all day (I'm a cop in a crappy area in New England). Talking to girls is a little different but the mindset is still the same.
I think probably because guys that have their stuff together except a women come here because they are the most frustrated. And when I first came I, I had NOTHING together. I was a mess, turned all of that around.
You are right. Before I had goals to distract me from it, but there isn't much in my immediate future I can accomplish. Plus the added pressure of getting older, friends getting married, less women available, ect are making me worry a bit.
Like I said, I'm a police officer so I have to talk to people constantly. Especially people at gas stations and fast food to get free stuff haha. Dont do it nearly as much in my personal life but would have no problem doing so.
I've tried the "focus on yourself and let girls come to you" and it didn't seem to work. Apparently some girls liked me that I NEVER would have known if my girl at the time didnt tell me.