Note to women out there: It's the little things that count

[WestCoaster]

Useless and off-topic rant here ...

Funny, I know some women who just pour it on with their boyfriends, they over-buy gifts, overdo romantic weekends and think that's the key to the relationship or building a relationship.

I was talking to a friend today lamenting on a couple of game-playing/chick things that went on last week with a couple of women, and we both agreed: It's the little things, not the big things that make a difference.

Quick example: I went to the Paul McCartney concert last week in Portland (it was amazing -- three hours of freaking awesome music) and told a couple women I've dated of late that I was going. They were both amazed that I had got tickets, was driving 400 miles to see him, and that I was going to see a legend.

Upon returning to work the next week, I didn't receive any call or e-mail to ask me how the concert was from either gal. Of course I got a bunch of e-mails and calls from guys wanting to know the songs played, the atmosphere, everything.

Serious here: If ONE of these gals had sent me a four-word e-mail that said, "How was the concert?" -- my IL would've gone through the roof. Four freaking words, or one simple phone call. Perhaps their IL isn't that high, though much later in the week they asked how it went ... way too late, IMO.

This is what steams me about American women: They always think guys want perfection in a woman when all we're asking for is something simple as a little note or phone call.

So to the women on this site: It's not the weekend getaway, it's the spontaneous walk after work; it's not the huge gift, it's the short e-mail; it's not the big "I Love You's" ... it's the consistent little things that add up.

I would say 1 out of 1,000 American women understand this.

* Sorry for the rant, but perhaps some women will be reading this and learn it. Guys, don't expect women to do these little things, and if they don't, it's probably best to move on.

 

[Immaculate]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Useless and off-topic rant here ...

Funny, I know some women who just pour it on with their boyfriends, they over-buy gifts, overdo romantic weekends and think that's the key to the relationship or building a relationship.

I was talking to a friend today lamenting on a couple of game-playing/chick things that went on last week with a couple of women, and we both agreed: It's the little things, not the big things that make a difference.

Quick example: I went to the Paul McCartney concert last week in Portland (it was amazing -- three hours of freaking awesome music) and told a couple women I've dated of late that I was going. They were both amazed that I had got tickets, was driving 400 miles to see him, and that I was going to see a legend.

Upon returning to work the next week, I didn't receive any call or e-mail to ask me how the concert was from either gal. Of course I got a bunch of e-mails and calls from guys wanting to know the songs played, the atmosphere, everything.

Serious here: If ONE of these gals had sent me a four-word e-mail that said, "How was the concert?" -- my IL would've gone through the roof. Four freaking words, or one simple phone call. Perhaps their IL isn't that high, though much later in the week they asked how it went ... way too late, IMO.

This is what steams me about American women: They always think guys want perfection in a woman when all we're asking for is something simple as a little note or phone call.

So to the women on this site: It's not the weekend getaway, it's the spontaneous walk after work; it's not the huge gift, it's the short e-mail; it's not the big "I Love You's" ... it's the consistent little things that add up.

I would say 1 out of 1,000 American women understand this.

* Sorry for the rant, but perhaps some women will be reading this and learn it. Guys, don't expect women to do these little things, and if they don't, it's probably best to move on.

You just described my week.

 

[joekerr31]

west,

heres what i think is going on with women (a little off topic from yoru off topic post )....

women think men desire perfection because thats what they've been lead to believe. its the same reason women judge men so harshly.

so basically women are beating themselves up and beating men up all over some silly idea that has been pumped into their heads about what a real woman is and what a real man is.

i mean, we've all seen it, the internal utterly absurd self criticism that women have of themselves and other women.

a lot of time men think that women are attack and criticize them. not true, they do it to themselves and to their friends. hence why women can't understand why we see their behavior as so unethical. in their mind how can it be unethical when they do it to themselves as well.

:crackup:

i went to the rolling stones a few months ago and same thing happened to me. all the guys took an interest in how i foudn the event, women said nothing until a week later.

i think women worry too much about looking needy, as though they dont have anything exciting going on and if they ask you about your exciting stuff youll somehow psychically know that they didnt do anything exciting.

give me a break.hehe.

J

 

[WestCoaster]

Couple more things

When I'm in a relationship I really don't demand a ton of sh-t. I want the woman to be nice and not b-tchy, hold hands now and then in public (if not, they're not proud of you), not be frigid, and be consistently thoughtful and nice. It's amazing how women don't get this.

Couple examples ...

In college I had this stupid on again, off again relationship. When (thankfully) it was off for the final time, we talked on the phone one final time and I said, "All I wanted was you to call me now and then or stop by." She said: "I don't know why I didn't do that." ... Why? Because she wasn't thoughtful.

Another gal I dated a bit, (single mom, said she didn't have time) when it was disolving I said, "Honestly, all I wanted to do was go for a walk down by the river and hold hands, and just b.s., and do that now and then. Honest, I really don't demand much." She was stunned and apologetic ... by then, too late, my IL had diminished.

I have lots of friends, mostly guys, and they all agree with me on this stuff. Men get a bad rap in American society, but honestly, it's the women who are way freaking clueless (blame society, AFCness, hollywood, etc.).

 

[Immaculate]

Re: Couple more things

Originally posted by WestCoaster
When I'm in a relationship I really don't demand a ton of sh-t. I want the woman to be nice and not b-tchy, hold hands now and then in public (if not, they're not proud of you), not be frigid, and be consistently thoughtful and nice. It's amazing how women don't get this.

Couple examples ...

In college I had this stupid on again, off again relationship. When (thankfully) it was off for the final time, we talked on the phone one final time and I said, "All I wanted was you to call me now and then or stop by." She said: "I don't know why I didn't do that." ... Why? Because she wasn't thoughtful.

Another gal I dated a bit, (single mom, said she didn't have time) when it was disolving I said, "Honestly, all I wanted to do was go for a walk down by the river and hold hands, and just b.s., and do that now and then. Honest, I really don't demand much." She was stunned and apologetic ... by then, too late, my IL had diminished.

I have lots of friends, mostly guys, and they all agree with me on this stuff. Men get a bad rap in American society, but honestly, it's the women who are way freaking clueless (blame society, AFCness, hollywood, etc.).

Foreign girls are looking better by the minute LOL!

 

[Kaine]

I acknowledge the rant

Perhaps you just need to reframe your thoughts and accept more responsibility when it comes to sedution matters.

Have you considered the lack of interest in your personal life and lack of affection as a symtom of lack of interest?

In my experience women with high IL are proactive in learning all the little details about you and really enjoy the little acts of affection. This is particularly true if you suceed in been the prize and retaining a sense of mystery and challenge.

Your mileage may vary, you may just be dating self centred women or girls with daddy issues. In that case you need to be a bit more selective.

Another thing is that by demanding things like "hand holding" you lose the dominant frame. Remember the more you chase something the more it trys to get away from you.

Is this an accurate reflection of your situation?


Kaine

 

[WestCoaster]

Kaine ... No, you're way off on your assessment of my situations, but nice try anyway. You're way, way, way, way off.

 

[penkitten]

i think it boils down to so many people are selfish these days

 

[Kaine]

Selfish?

Isn't it hard to be "selfish" and give chase to someone at the same time?

A women who is really interested in you would drag herself through broken glass to sleep with you, let alone asking questions about your weekend or wanting to hold your hand. In fact they would probably demand it.


Kaine

 

[al77]

Originally posted by WestCoaster


Upon returning to work the next week, I didn't receive any call or e-mail to ask me how the concert was from either gal. Of course I got a bunch of e-mails and calls from guys wanting to know the songs played, the atmosphere, everything.
...

This is what steams me about American women: They always think guys want perfection in a woman when all we're asking for is something simple as a little note or phone call.

All is correct. But why? Because women were told "not to be clingy", and be independent by other more feminist-like women.
Are there feminists in other countries? Sure, there are some.
But women there do not have that many job opportunities to pay the bills and raise kids by themselves. So they, many non-American women want a man. American women are trying to pretend they do not want a man and they are so preoccupied with it that they start to believe it is true: they dont want men anymore. What they want is men's attention and men's money.

 

[Jon E]

I think West Coaster is right on, but you didn't mention that these same things apply for guys too.

Depending on what type of person she is, you would be absolutely AMAZED at how simple little things like sending them a text message or an email on their birthday can mean so much to them. ESPECIALLY if you're just friends or haven't seen each other in a while.

It really shows your sincerity.

 

[bobbob]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Useless and off-topic rant here ...

Funny, I know some women who just pour it on with their boyfriends, they over-buy gifts, overdo romantic weekends and think that's the key to the relationship or building a relationship.

I was talking to a friend today lamenting on a couple of game-playing/chick things that went on last week with a couple of women, and we both agreed: It's the little things, not the big things that make a difference.

Quick example: I went to the Paul McCartney concert last week in Portland (it was amazing -- three hours of freaking awesome music) and told a couple women I've dated of late that I was going. They were both amazed that I had got tickets, was driving 400 miles to see him, and that I was going to see a legend.

Upon returning to work the next week, I didn't receive any call or e-mail to ask me how the concert was from either gal. Of course I got a bunch of e-mails and calls from guys wanting to know the songs played, the atmosphere, everything.

Serious here: If ONE of these gals had sent me a four-word e-mail that said, "How was the concert?" -- my IL would've gone through the roof. Four freaking words, or one simple phone call. Perhaps their IL isn't that high, though much later in the week they asked how it went ... way too late, IMO.

This is what steams me about American women: They always think guys want perfection in a woman when all we're asking for is something simple as a little note or phone call.

So to the women on this site: It's not the weekend getaway, it's the spontaneous walk after work; it's not the huge gift, it's the short e-mail; it's not the big "I Love You's" ... it's the consistent little things that add up.

I would say 1 out of 1,000 American women understand this.

* Sorry for the rant, but perhaps some women will be reading this and learn it. Guys, don't expect women to do these little things, and if they don't, it's probably best to move on.

You whine and ***** too much, seriously. If these women are under 30, they probably have never even heard of Paul McCartney anyways. And now that they know you drove 400 miles to see him, they probably think you're creepy (hell I think you're creepy, I wouldn't drive 400 miles to bone a supermodel, let alone listen to some 90 year old guy sing crappy songs).

 

[WestCoaster]

Bob, mellow out ...

... I can feel your anger through cyberspace, I can see the veins popping, I can feel you pounding your guys to dish out a cyber-slam.

Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax man, you are the anti-DJ, you're slamming other DJ's on a board where we're supposed to help out each other. Actually you sound like a woman, so you may be.

By the way, the concert was great, he's still a living legend and many people younger than me drove greater distances to see him. Your favorite girl Brittney Spears won't be but a blip in the music radar, while McCartney's music lives on.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

As much as I hate to acknowledge it I have to admit that BOBBOB and KAINE's post do have some merit. It's certainly within the realm of possibility that these women weren't all that interested in the concert. I wouldn't ask a girl how the Toby Keith concert was because I have no interest in his music whatsoever. It's not being rude, it's just a lack of interest.

And that's what I think is really at issue is filtering and judging interest. As I've stated before women who are into you will find ways to show this to you. Having said that though, I do agree with WESTCOASTER that once a woman is comfortable with you the 'little things' disappear. When I was dating my wife she had a habit of smoothing the back of my hand against her cheek, (no, not her ass ), she never does this now. I always have to initiate hand holding, hugging, etc. unless of course she is in some kind of emotional distress.

The problem then becomes this uniquely 'whiney' male issue. You get the KAINE response, "maybe the problem is you", and the questioning of manhood ensues. "If you were a real man this sh!t wouldn't bother you" or "Stop being such a Mamas Boy and buck up and accept it" or you could go the psychological route and ask whether or not Mommy loved you enough and maybe that's why YOU have these issues. I understand WEST's frustration, but none of this addresses the fact that women do in fact let stuff like this slip and guys notice it.

If you reversed the roles and had a woman complaining how her man doesn't do the 'little things' you get feature articles in Marie Claire or Readers Digest decrying the plight of these poor women and racks of self-help books on how to get him to behave right. A guy complains about it and he's less than a man.

 

[WestCoaster]

Actually you'd be wrong

Sorry Rollo, before the concert both told me they were huge fans and even listed off the albums they had of the guy and that they wish they had tickets. I don't mind analysis, but it's best to ask first instead of making assumptions, a huge flaw by many people on this board.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

My bad. Not getting the whole story is the given risk of posting on forums.

 

[WestCoaster]

No problemo ...

... I should've added more detail.

A post which was directed toward women on the "little things" has kind of deteriorated. I used examples of my own life as just that, examples, and Bob comes flaming in here. Seems kind of nutty. I do think the little things are important and I do think most women leave them out, high IL or not.

 

[comote]

I agree with some of what has been said in that I often use the "little things" as tests of whomever I'm dating. I went away this weekend myself and actually had it in my mind that the girl I'm dating "had better" have sent me a welcome home email or text or given me a call.(luckily for her she did).

I take a middle view, a girl/woman that really likes you will treat you well, a girl/woman that doesn't won't.

 

[MightyMate]

Paul McCartney concert - thats lame

 

[WestCoaster]

I've been a Beatles fan forever and the 20,000 people of all ages at the concert didn't think it was lame.

I've played instruments and in bands, anyone who knows anything about music knows that McCartney -- who can play some 50 or more instruments -- is a living legend. Every rock critic and every rock n' roll musician credits him for boosting rock n' roll.

You and bob know nothing about music. I've studied it, played it, and know people in the industry. You don't know sh-t about music so don't comment on it.