Been with my gf for over 4 years now and it's been long distance I live in NY and she lives in California. So a lot of trips and visits. We've always planned to eventually move together but the timing in never right. Anyways she has major trust issues. She blames in on the 1st few months into our relationship. 1st couple months into our relationship I was still spinning plates and communicated with my ex but never cheated. She went thru my phone and saw and it was never the same. 4 years later it's gotten better but I can still sense the issues. its gotten to the point that we argue over any and everything. I feel like every time she ask me a question Its like she digging to find out if I'm cheating on her or something. For ex: I tell her I'm going to the mall. Her typical response is "with who? Any else gonna be there that you know?" (Hinting @ ex, etc).Then it'll lead to an argument because I hate being questioned.
I've tried talking to her about it, tried telling her that early into our relationship i was still tryna figure what I wanted. Part of me feels like I haven't done much to gain her trust, I mean I don't talk to other females at all but sometimes I'm vague when I sense her prying because it annoys me so much. So then I can come off as I'm hiding something. The other side feels like she needs to get over it. If she wants to be with me she needs to get over the past. I never cheated. Sometimes I think her prying can be her trying to justify her cheating. I never went thru her phone and never will. Never really got that vibe could be she's great hiding it. I know women can cheat emotionally especially when they argue a lot with their SO
But I just don't know if it'll work. I tried to list out the pros and cons. There's a lot of **** I don't want in a gf. I can honestly tell that she cares about me a lot and would do anything for me but that's not enough, plus my parents love her. I'm just not sure if I wanna continue. I know if we break up I'll miss her. I want someone who can be independent and not so clingy, someone who isn't so investigative. Not that I'm up to anything but I wanna be able to leave my phone in the same room as her and know she won't go thru. I feel her doing that is showing she doesn't respect me or my privacy. I don't go thru her stuff.
She's clingy, doesn't trust me, can be selfish, can often act like a kid. Insecure. Seems like she wants to text so much and I get burnt out. When I tell her I don't wanna text or talk at the moment cause I'm tired she becomes short with me and it leads to a "are you bored with me?" Type conversation. Sometimes I just need time apart. If we don't talk on the phone every night it leads to the same questioning. I'm just don't wanna deal with that.
I've tried telling her I don't like those things but it's just part of her makeup I suppose. We argue and she promises to change but we all
Know people don't change and they revert back to their old self. And that's exactly what happened. I think we both deserve to be happy and I don't think neither of us are as happy as we were in the beginning stage. I sense myself becoming a **** to her because I'm frustrated and just want her to fix her **** and I can sense her becoming more clingy, like she's almost scared to lose me but at the same time she's pushing me away.
We've been thru so much in these 4 years I don't wanna waste her time anymore. Part of it could be due to the long distance relationship.
She's 28 and I'm 31. No kids in the picture.
What would you guys do?
Hopefully this makes sense
I've tried talking to her about it, tried telling her that early into our relationship i was still tryna figure what I wanted. Part of me feels like I haven't done much to gain her trust, I mean I don't talk to other females at all but sometimes I'm vague when I sense her prying because it annoys me so much. So then I can come off as I'm hiding something. The other side feels like she needs to get over it. If she wants to be with me she needs to get over the past. I never cheated. Sometimes I think her prying can be her trying to justify her cheating. I never went thru her phone and never will. Never really got that vibe could be she's great hiding it. I know women can cheat emotionally especially when they argue a lot with their SO
But I just don't know if it'll work. I tried to list out the pros and cons. There's a lot of **** I don't want in a gf. I can honestly tell that she cares about me a lot and would do anything for me but that's not enough, plus my parents love her. I'm just not sure if I wanna continue. I know if we break up I'll miss her. I want someone who can be independent and not so clingy, someone who isn't so investigative. Not that I'm up to anything but I wanna be able to leave my phone in the same room as her and know she won't go thru. I feel her doing that is showing she doesn't respect me or my privacy. I don't go thru her stuff.
She's clingy, doesn't trust me, can be selfish, can often act like a kid. Insecure. Seems like she wants to text so much and I get burnt out. When I tell her I don't wanna text or talk at the moment cause I'm tired she becomes short with me and it leads to a "are you bored with me?" Type conversation. Sometimes I just need time apart. If we don't talk on the phone every night it leads to the same questioning. I'm just don't wanna deal with that.
I've tried telling her I don't like those things but it's just part of her makeup I suppose. We argue and she promises to change but we all
Know people don't change and they revert back to their old self. And that's exactly what happened. I think we both deserve to be happy and I don't think neither of us are as happy as we were in the beginning stage. I sense myself becoming a **** to her because I'm frustrated and just want her to fix her **** and I can sense her becoming more clingy, like she's almost scared to lose me but at the same time she's pushing me away.
We've been thru so much in these 4 years I don't wanna waste her time anymore. Part of it could be due to the long distance relationship.
She's 28 and I'm 31. No kids in the picture.
What would you guys do?
Hopefully this makes sense
