Not sure how to play it - need help!

[BOOKS88]

Need some help/perspective on this guys.

Its a bit of a long story so bear with me. So I've been out of the game for a while,happily single after a long term relationship, now im in my early 30s; I end up meeting this incredibly hot 21 year old; anyway I figure she's bad news cos she's pretty much hit up everyone and has a reputation for being a bit of a slut...great girl to hang out with but I think real trouble as a gf...anyway, we're good friends, hanging out...but one day we have a "moment" and she tells me she's interested - but I can sense I'm gonna get burnt by this so I keep telling her no, 4 times or something...from what my friends all say she's likes guys for sex but for me she wants a "relationship"; anyway I played it all cool until eventually we ended up at a friend's bday and made out.

The next day we kinda had a heart to heart and agreed it wouldn't be a good idea to pursue it further, we're better as friends, etc.etc. but even then we're all over each other and it takes a lot self control for both of us not to have sex. next couple of day's we're just mailnig each other like crazy about how hot we're feeling; etc. anyway it kinda dies down...anyway lots of stuff in between - including her making out with another guy on my birthday!!!....and then us making up etc.etc.

to cut the long story short, it keeps sorta getting on and then off. She says she loves me as a brother, and I really like her too, but neither of us want a relationship with each other; but we both just really are attracted to each other. We've not had sex but come real close to it; even had the "do you want to be casual" conversation but she doesn't want it, she says I'd end up getting more attached to her...

She says I'm special - normally she has guys she likes and guys who are friends, and they never mix - except for me (the usual female bull****); and she's like that typical naive 21 year old - belives in true love and all that romance stuff, but still happy to hop like a bunny with whoever she fancies.

I'm not really sure how to play this and it's really starting to fukk me up. I dont know if I'm getting played or not - I mean, I just have to mention how much I want her sexually on the phone and she starts to get wet and begs me to stop, but then she tells me "I dont want to lead you on, you're going to keep wanting sex and that's going to make me want it but it's not going to happen".

I don't know if its worth me trying to seal the deal or if I should just walk away. Only problem is I think I'm still burnt with a bit of oneitis - not really interested in anyone else; and the thought of her being with someone else - which is only a matter of time - kills me. It just really gets me that she has a history of giving it our on a plate to every guy, but because I'm special, I don't get anything..

Anyway, I've been out of the game a long time so I can see how I've played it like an amateur...probably good experience to get back into it again. Any help would be appreciated guys.

 

[j0n24]

Need some help/perspective on this guys.

from what my friends all say she's likes guys for sex
Most people like sex ok
.anyway lots of stuff in between - including her making out with another guy on my birthday!!!....and then us making up etc.etc.
Shows how much she respects you by making out with another guy on your birthday
to cut the long story short, it keeps sorta getting on and then off. She says she loves me as a brother, and I really like her too,
"do you want to be casual" conversation but she doesn't want it, she says I'd end up getting more attached to her...
She loves you as a brother, and doesnt want to have sex to keep YOU from getting attached weird.
She says I'm special she's like that typical naive 21 year old - belives in true love and all that romance stuff, but still happy to hop like a bunny with whoever she fancies.
Sounds like a floozy to mee
she tells me "I dont want to lead you on, you're going to keep wanting sex and that's going to make me want it but it's not going to happen".
Why wont it happen? Because she doesnt want it to happen.
should just walk away.
agree

The girl has you by the balls and is calling the shots, she makes out with dudes instead of hanging with you even though SHE says she likes you. Then she says that sex is a no-no because she doesnt want to lead you on and hurt you because you will get attached.

That makes no sense and seems like she is just using you as attention and not going to give you her vagina because hey she calls the shots.

I say stop talking to her or give her 1% of the attention you do now and find other girls that ACTUALLY like you and isnt using you.

goodluck.

 

[Damian]

I see several issues here, bear with me... lol

1- The fact that you discount yourself first leads me to believe you have some self-confidence issues. You seem to hide behind your age as if it were some kind of handicap. The fact that you are in your early thirties should not be used as a source of insecurity, but instead as a source of stability. You are older, wiser, and stronger as a human being because of your experience. If you've been happily single, it means that you should be happy with your life as-is, which leads me to my second point.

2- From what I've read, it seems that you are struck with the one-itis. I personally don't think it's a bad thing. Looking for stability and having a sense of monagamy are traits that distinguish a true man from what would be a juvenile seducer. Integrity is important. However, your one-itis does seem to be hindering your ability to attract anybody, much less just this one girl. The fact is that if you are going to elicit feelings of attraction from this girl, you will have to first get over your fear of losing her. It is a difficult thing to do, but over the years I have developed a method that has worked for me and plenty others. It's a meditative tool that works to actually let emotions out instead of trying to suppress them.

My method involves actually dealing with the emotions that are evoked when you visualize her with other girls. It may be resentment, jealousy, or betrayal.
1- Actually visualize the worst possible scenario. Use your imagination and make it as real as you can, as if you are watching it happen in front of you.
2- Let the emotions bubble up and really feel them. Try not to break anything or hurt yourself.
3- Count to thirty and take a deep breath in.
4- Identify the emotion (Hate, Jealousy, Heartbreak, etc.) Be as specific as you can get. For the sake of an example, I will use Anger
5- Say it aloud "This is Anger"
6- Take another deep breath in. Fill your lungs completely
7- Exhale as slowly as possible, emptying out your lungs completely and visualize the emotions in your chest rising up and out of your body as if they were being carried away with the breath you're letting out.

Try it out. It may take a few tries, but I've used this method on a lot of my trainees and it works wonders. I personally an abbreviated version of this meditative exercise to handle approach anxiety when it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Without the multitude of emotions arguing with each other in your mind, you might find some lucidity to make a decision as to how you might want to handle the situation. Do you attract her anyways and explore the potential that the two of you might have? Or does the risk outweigh the reward?

Keep in mind, that while I would try to get such conflicting and confusing emotions out and dealt with, I do NOT advocate a sociopathic approach. Emotions are important. Give it a try and tell me what happens, I always look forward to feedback.

Good luck, brother. Hope you can find some lucidity.

 

[Damian]

Double post, whoops

 

[BOOKS88]

Brilliant guys, exactly what I needed! Thanks for your advice; nothing like a cold water slap to bring you back to reality and stop being a wuss.