not impressed my date cancelled on me 2 hours before meeting, should i be p1ssed?

[pete101]

the HB i picked up this time last week i set up a date for today at least i think it's a date.. i could very much be friendzoned.. not impressed, we originally were suppose to meet at some cafe but i texted her on friday that on sundays it closes at 7 so we should go for a drink instead as she mentioned her mother was in town for xmas shopping so she had things planned with her.

what i didn't follow is why is she offering me sunday evening if she knows full well her mother is here and probably going to need to spend time with her?!

she was the 1 who offered sunday evening.. so we agree to go for a drink today at 8pm and where to meet.

fast forward to today no contact from her, it reaches 6pm so i use the i'm gona be late text to confirm the meeting (tbh had i not done this i'd been furious cos given what mighta happened she woulda cancelled on me last min with some BS excuse about needing to take her shopping back with her mother) so she calls me an hour later.. i dont answer, i call back 2 mins later and she says 'hey where are you?' im like 'im in x area' she goes 'um so are we still gona meet cos you said you're going to be late?' i was thinking wtf.. why does that matter, i didnt cancel.

she hints about something about going to the cafe.. i told her it was already closed, she goes on about needing to take the shopping back with her mother home, i dont know what the hell this girl is thinking, it even sounded like she was attempting to bring her mom with her on our supposed date. i dont give her a way out, i go ok so how long will it take u to get back here then? we can meet at 9 she goes 'oh its sunday night i dont want to be out so late for obvious reasons..' hence why i suggested 9, then she goes on to say that cos shes with her mother she'll want to cook dinner.. otherwise she'll have to go home and cook again.. i go 'how come u dont just reheat the food later?' she goes 'i dont eat that way..' im thinking wtf are you on.. so she semi counter offers by saying 'we can go another time..' my response is 'when?' she goes 'how are you set up for this week?' i go 'im busy tomorrow and i dont know what time i finish work' she keeps hinting about going to this cafe i say 'which do u prefer i dont care either way..' i dont think she's getting the point.. trying to make out i really want to go to this cafe. i was really annoyed by now, not saying anything just listening to her squirm. she says 'we'll text tomorrow to arrange it then' i go 'its better we plan it now otherwise i'll have made other plans' i sound very annoyed now, so she says 'how are you for tuesday?' i go 'yeah 8.30pm' she goes 'same place ok?' i go 'yeah' end of phone call.

did i handle this ok?


i feel disrespected that she didn't even let me know in advance she wasnt going to make it, that would be really disrespectful cos she'd be cancelling on me with some BS excuse about having to spend time with her mother.. she knew that f'ing on friday when she said she was staying for the weekend!!

im furious now, is this part and parcel of flaking and should i just accept this tuesday thing?

i feel like cancelling on her cos she's already turning out to be too much trouble and her behavior is disrespectful. she didn't even say sorry.

 

[Desdinova]

what i didn't follow is why is she offering me sunday evening if she knows full well her mother is here and probably going to need to spend time with her?!

Who the hell cares. Just go with the flow. Don't try understanding a woman's reasoning, plans, or schedule.

fast forward to today no contact from her, it reaches 6pm so i use the i'm gona be late text to confirm the meeting

If she likes you enough, she will show up. If she isn't all that interested, she'll stand you up and you'll be thankful she didn't waste more of your time on her. There's no need to confirm anything if the plans are already made.

i call back 2 mins later and she says 'hey where are you?' im like 'im in x area' she goes 'um so are we still gona meet cos you said you're going to be late?' i was thinking wtf.

She's just confirming much like you initially wanted to. Tell her "of course!" You lead, she follows.

This 5hit isn't rocket science, it's dating.

i told her it was already closed, she goes on about needing to take the shopping back with her mother home, i dont know what the hell this girl is thinking, it even sounded like she was attempting to bring her mom with her on our supposed date. i dont give her a way out, i go ok so how long will it take u to get back here then? we can meet at 9 she goes 'oh its sunday night i dont want to be out so late for obvious reasons..' hence why i suggested 9, then she goes on to say that cos shes with her mother she'll want to cook dinner.. otherwise she'll have to go home and cook again.. i go 'how come u dont just reheat the food later?' she goes 'i dont eat that way..'

At this point, you've both made things too complicated. If you would've shut up and let her show up for the date, you wouldn't have had this mess. Make plans and stick to them. Don't open doorways for her to dump out on you.

i feel disrespected that she didn't even let me know in advance she wasnt going to make it

At the beginning of ANY relationship, you cannot expect the woman to respect you automatically. The more she enjoys her time with you, the more she will respect you. At the beginning, be prepared for ANYTHING. Nothing is certain with a woman you don't know.

im furious now, is this part and parcel of flaking and should i just accept this tuesday thing?

You're taking this 5hit way too seriously. It's a first date. You don't know her very well and she doesn't know you. Go into this with an open mind and discover what she's really like as a person instead of judging her based on your slight difficulty in setting up a first date.

i feel like cancelling on her cos she's already turning out to be too much trouble and her behavior is disrespectful. she didn't even say sorry.

She doesn't owe you anything, not respect nor an apology. She barely knows you. This chick is still a stranger to you, and you're one to her. You're still working on the first impression here, so don't come to any conclusions until you get past the first date. After the date, THEN make your decision to keep her or ditch her.

I'm actually quite surprised that she's still wanting to go out with you. I'd figured your pissy attitude would have turned her off from wanting to do ANYTHING with you.

 

[pete101]

what i realize now is that in hindsight, i will have communicated 3 things, 1 i dont have other options, 2 i'm too available, 3 i get annoyed and pushy maybe looking desperate trying to push the time to later at 9.

if i had options, would i be still annoyed? probably yes cos i know what im like but at least i could just kick her to the curb.

me being annoyed on the phone isn't really helping me.. esp if my goal is to sleep with her, i just feel offended im being treated like a sap.

it probably was in her mind cos i noticed my original texts seem too eager and excited to see her so she prob felt she could cancel on me and i'd clammer to arrange another time.

i wouldnt be surprised now if she cancelled on tuesday as well cos of my bad reaction to it today. i just feel like if i had some self-respect i wouldnt put up with this, her reasoning is fine, my issue is why didnt she tell me sooner and why did she offer this time anyway knowing full well her mom was in town?

i get really angry when they try to pull the wool over my eyes over the phone tryna turn it around that it's me who does x y z and that's a reason to cancel. f'ing b1tch.

im not gona waste a journey going down on tues to see her so im obviously gona reconfirm.. it's just disrespectful that she didnt even have the decency to let me know.. i reckon she wouldn't have even showed tonight had i not texted her in advance.. that is not a predicament i'd want to be in as i still wanna have sex with her but i smell a very low quality girl with low IL in me now. i cant really afford to lose her as a plate as i only have 1 other esp seeing as yesterdays POF date cancelled.

i cant help but not go into the date on tuesday really annoyed and angry which is not the image you want to send out, it should definitely be 1 of im the 1 looking to reject her, i dont feel she deserves to see the best side of me she saw when we first met.

 

[pete101]

Who the hell cares. Just go with the flow. Don't try understanding a woman's reasoning, plans, or schedule.



If she likes you enough, she will show up. If she isn't all that interested, she'll stand you up and you'll be thankful she didn't waste more of your time on her. There's no need to confirm anything if the plans are already made.



She's just confirming much like you initially wanted to. Tell her "of course!" You lead, she follows.

This 5hit isn't rocket science, it's dating.



At this point, you've both made things too complicated. If you would've shut up and let her show up for the date, you wouldn't have had this mess. Make plans and stick to them. Don't open doorways for her to dump out on you.



At the beginning of ANY relationship, you cannot expect the woman to respect you automatically. The more she enjoys her time with you, the more she will respect you. At the beginning, be prepared for ANYTHING. Nothing is certain with a woman you don't know.



You're taking this 5hit way too seriously. It's a first date. You don't know her very well and she doesn't know you. Go into this with an open mind and discover what she's really like as a person instead of judging her based on your slight difficulty in setting up a first date.



She doesn't owe you anything, not respect nor an apology. She barely knows you. This chick is still a stranger to you, and you're one to her. You're still working on the first impression here, so don't come to any conclusions until you get past the first date. After the date, THEN make your decision to keep her or ditch her.

I'm actually quite surprised that she's still wanting to go out with you. I'd figured your pissy attitude would have turned her off from wanting to do ANYTHING with you.

i think you're taking things too lightly.. of course she should give me the decency of letting me know in advance she cant make it, all i sent was 'hey im running a little late make it 8.15pm'

that's all and she uses it as a excuse to cancel.. tbh i reckon she completely forgot and would have stood me up given how the phone convo went.. what s the point letting her show up.. she wasn't gona show up!! then she'll send me some BS text of 'oh im soo soo sorry blah blah' and i have to basically next her and dont get to f her.. that doesn't help me now does it.

what i did gave her an out so at least it doesnt look as if she forgot, u have to remember here my goal is to sleep with her without compromising my self respect and pride too much. it doesnt help me if she stands me up and i lose a plate.

 

[backbreaker]

i agree iwth the OP on this one.. though Desinova made some great points. you kinda put yourself in this mess by overcomplicating it. but at the same time..

look, there are no rules. you don't owe her anything and she doesn't owe you anything. if you feel disrespected, fvck it. next. it's not like you have to pay a fine or antyhing for nexting.

like pook says, trust the gut. in general, dating different girls are all variations of hte same pattern. a woman who likes you an will make a successful FB/LTR/whatever, will follow loosely a certain pattern. This isn't the pattern. It's kinda like selling, all clients who are not *******s/jerks/strokes, follow a certain pattern generally with the quesitons they ask, the way the think, the things they do. The instant someone does something that is not in that pattern my red flags go off, Not saying I bail, but I am on high alert. The first time a client tries to send me his business plan or keeps talking about his investors or what not, my red flags go off because i know what's coming, he's going to try to get us to do some work for either deferred compensation or even worse "stock in the company". every single time. never fails. so why should I "go with the flow" when I know good and damn wqell what's about to happen? why even waste my time?


i personally wouldn't put up with this. it's not so much that she didn 't show up.. i've forgiven no shows, even no shows for BS reasons, but.. it's like she isn't even trying. i'd just cut contact and move on honestly.

 

[ArcBound]

All I see is an insecure guy and an insecure girl.

The girl clearly would have been down to go to a date at that time but you basically rejected it. Why? Because she flaked on you once? The fact is the past is the past and you can't be so angry that she flaked on you once, when she's willing to come out to another date. Strike when the iron is hot.

After you rejected her then she gave the BS excuse of her going Christmas shopping with her month (1 month in advance yeah right) to save face.

Both of you were playing games and both of you were burnt, as Anti-Dump said, when 2 people are playing nobody wins.

 

[AllJackedUp]

Sorry dude, but your post screams of insecurity. If she liked you that much, she would've made things work. I wouldn't bet the farm on this little lady.

 

[pete101]

Sorry dude, but your post screams of insecurity. If she liked you that much, she would've made things work. I wouldn't bet the farm on this little lady.

you're exactly right, this is what i was thinking. if she was interested or liked me that much she would have at least told me in advance she couldnt make it adn offer another time.. why is it that 2 hours before we're suppose to meet I text her i'd be a little late that she then decides to say she cant make it.. it just smells like she forgot or wasn't going to show..

the mother thing was real though, i know her mom was in town she told me in advance when we were setting up the date, i maybe should have premeditated it and when she offered sunday eveningn i shoulda said that her mom was in town so that's not a good idea and she'd prob need to spend it with her so suggest another day.

either way SHE should have told me in advance if she wasn't going to make it not try to p1ss me about on the phone tryna suggest i'm the one who's not showing.. that's why im annoyed, and she should know why too.

i dont believe i should sit back and be a doormat, she should know why im annoyed.. if that's a turn off well so is her being flakey. i had a right to be annoyed cos of her conduct.. she should understand this right?

either way i think she's going to flake on tues too, im gona double book and have a date before her anyway just in case.

 

[st_99]

This thread is interesting because both arguments have merit.

On the one hand, us guys we get pissed, thats what we do, we dont cry we get pissed, i suppose its the testosterone. We feel disrespected, we get mad and want to tell a b*tch to f$ck off.

On the other hand, we don't get pissed about things we find trivial or amusing. Should we find a flaky girl trivial or amusing? Probably. As leaders, and confident men, wouldn't he be better off saying "well listen, go take care of your mom and what not and you call me when you get things figured out" and leave it at that? Probably.

I'll admit, my default has ALWAYS been to get pissed when things dont turn out like I would like when it comes to women
and I'll blow the whole thing up making it impossible for the girl to have a change of heart. I don't think this is a good method
and it basically says, easily shaken, insecurity, frustration, no options.

so bottom line is its not really about the girl but more about yourself in how you react. its not like she stole your credit card,
she's just being a flaky b*tch.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You have to let women act like women without drawing you into behaving the same way. And if she brings mom, then flirt with mom more than her.