Not getting the girl:is it her mistake or yours?

[jbbrain]

So many of us, along this journey of suaveness enlightenment, take this "I am the prize" rhetoric thing too far. I am asking writing this post, knowing very well that it may appear as very basic and "AFC", but nontheless, curiosity has took a firm grasp once again...

I was curious, when you make the approach, go for the close (be it number, kiss, fvck etc etc) and you get turned down, how do you truly decide (not necessarily knowing what u did wrong) if you fvcked up somehow or she was just being a snob who missed out on a "great time with a great guy".. Is this discerned on a circumstantial basis?

For one, I think this is a great attitude to have when dealing with the ladies, but I think too many of us are killing any valuable learning experience we might be getting from various rejections when we assume that it's always she who is in the wrong..(we've heard it all b4, YOU MUST BE LESBIAN!)
Then again, always putting the blame on yourself carries serious implications, IMO, for how you truly see yourself...

In the end, am I just simply asking...CAN A DJ GET ANY WOMAN HE WANTS?

comments welcome

 

[DJ_Dork]

No he can't.

 

[Duke]

Great question, and one I'm wrestling with after my close encounter of the bytchy kind. I had written her off as a bytch, then my "friend" tells me I suck with women and they think I'm creepy! WTF?! He is the voice inside my head that I struggled to kill. Nonetheless, it got me thinking and feelin' all insecure again.
Sucks ass.

He claims to be good at talking to all women and making them feel comfortable.

Whereas I acknowledge that some people will hate me and some people will love me. But still, it got me thinking.

Help meh

 

[Duke]

Oh yeah, by the way, my "friend" says I go online to get a "morale boost." He was referring to sosuave...

 

[trajhenkhet]

I'd say my failures were two edged. My insecurities, their hang ups.

 

[Howie Farkes]

My opinion is that learning the way of the DJ isn't always about learning to seduce and woo women, but more as a way of evaluating more women and choosing your targets more carefully. Often an AFC will fall in love with a girl who has no interest in him, but for a DJ, girls who aren't interested in him drop below the radar and only the girls who are interested in him come into view.

 

[jbbrain]

bump this

i like the last post..but i kind os disagree. I mean, how is one supposed to categorize a woman into one he should go for or one he shouldnt when he just sees a fly ass honey, alone, who SHOULD be approached?

As for you Duke, proceed with caution. I would say that if youre on this baord and putting this knowledge to good use, you arent half as bad as your friend says you are. I wouldnt be suprised if that girl you appraoched was a bytch..whos to say she wasnt?? Your friend?

What im saying is take what he said with a grain of salt, but next time youre out with him, try and observe his methods and see how good he truly is with da womenz.

 

[Mr. Mystery]

jbbrain:

Good question.

When dealing with the whole I am the prize bit the only flaw seems to be when people take it too far and assume since they are the prize they can't make mistakes.

I look at everything I do as a learning experience. Its safe this way, I can't possibly fail at anything if I walk away with a lesson learned. This comes in especially handy with women.

Cold PU is a tough cookie. I look at it as trying to convey your personality to her in short amount of time while trying to get to know her alittle and walking away with a close. Not easy. I haven't run across a technique yet that yeilds great results in terms of percentage of success. But you guys gotta remember that this is a game of numbers not percentages.

Don't take it personal if a girl doesn't warm up to you, it could be a million different things. But try and think about things from her perspective also. She is trying to do whatever and someone interupts her and starts trying to hit on her. She will be complimented by this but that doesn't mean she will be attracted to you. And then she has the fun job of letting you down easily.

Cold PU is purely a numbers game, so don't let any failure stop you, if you can try and learn from your mistakes the best you can.

Duke:

You may want to listen to your friend. Its tough sometimes to take constructive criticism, but if hes a friend telling you this and not just a jealous guy you know, then ask him for some details on what he thinks makes you weird.

Don't let your ego get in the way of your success.

Don't let him talk you into pretending or anything, you need to be yourself but maybe tailor that self of yours a little so it doesn't come off as being too weird.

But maybe hes wrong, who knows its trial and error.

Mr. Mystery

 

[suavedave]

in response to the subject line:

'The man who would be benevolent is like the archer. The archer adjusts himself and then shoots. If he misses, he does not murmur against those who surpass himself. He simply turns round and seeks the cause of his failure in himself.' (mencius 371 BC,)

 

[DankNuggs]

its a meshing of two personalities that determines whether there is a good fit. In reality, it isn't a 'mistake' per se, like there is a magical key phrase you could have said but didn't. Its just a static moment in time. Her esteem might have been really high at that moment, she may have just gotten a bad phone call from someone she was going after.

Don't worry about fault, the only fault is not trying. She could have ended up being a huge psycho and saved you months of torment had she said yes. If she says no, then shes doing you a favor...

 

[squirrels]

Not getting a girl is not a FAILURE in all cases. Sometimes two people just are NOT compatible. You can try all day and all night to hammer a square peg into a round hole, but even if you DO, by some miracle, get it, what do you have? A busted peg and a f--ked up hole.

If you examine the unsuccessful encounter, you should be able to tell whether it was a failure on your part, a failure on her part, or just a sheer mismatch. Beyond that, don't dwell on it. Just learn and move on.

 

[comote]

I don't think we should view this as a tally of faliures vs successes. Every interaction with a woman, or for that matter a person is simply that, an interactiopn. I personally am more concerned with the questions.
1) Did I have a good time in this interaction
2) Did it seem like the other person had a good time in this interaction.
3) Would I like to interact with this person again.
If you keep it on this level I think it will take some of the pressure off and you won't have to be "on" all the time.