Not Getting Better

[BigWillyStyle]

Since my last thread I'd been really trying to institute change into my life; becoming proactive with actually trying to resolve my issues. But it seems as much as I try, as hard as I try, I only fail. So I take a different approach... and I still fail.

For those not in the know: In a nutshell, my problems of late have been centered around being treated like a piece of sh*t that people wouldn't piss on if I were on fire.

For some reason, I seem to arouse contempt in people. On reading this people here will probably be droning out some cliché, probably saying, "Who cares if some people don't like you? Not everyone will like you. That's life. What counts are the people who do like you..." Well, if it were only some people that treated me like this, it wouldn't be a problem. However, it is a problem as it's not just some people -- it's most people. Most people don't like me.

Someone else said, if most people are treating me this way, the common denominator must be me. Hence, as I said, over these last few weeks I've been really trying to institute change.

So, before trying to resolve the issue at hand I identified my problems (those of which relate to the topic, that is): I'm socially inept; I'm shy; and I lack confidence.

How I've tried to turn this around is simply by doing the opposite of what I felt was causing this crap.
I started to actually greet people; I started to smile when greeting people (whereas before I just looked impassive); I started small talk; I held eye contact; I showed interest in what they were saying... all this didn't help. People still gave me lopsided smiles (that's contempt, folks). People still slipped in their caustic humour aiming to bring me down. People still rolled their eyes at me...

I do not know what's going on. Anyway here got an idea? I quit drinking some time ago and now see how other people actually really don't like me. At least when I was drinking I was blissfully naíve to others' feelings.

Also, what makes you feel contempt for other people? (Hopefully I can get some cues as to what I might be doing wrong.)

Thanks all. Sorry for rambling.

 

[Zebedee]

My advice is be very honest with yourself and take stock as to why people view you this way. Think about all the positive and negative aspects of you as a person and think about practical solutions of how to eliminate the negatives and accentuate the positives.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

My advice is be very honest with yourself and take stock as to why people view you this way. Think about all the positive and negative aspects of you as a person and think about practical solutions of how to eliminate the negatives and accentuate the positives.

I think most of my negative aspects are just part of my personality and, consequently, eliminating would be impossible. I know this site is all about self-improvement, and of course, I can change my personality for the better; however, that's a long, slow process which is made even more difficult, if not impossible, in the face of such hostility from everyone.

I know, some of you will crucify me for appearing as reeking in self-pity. But I just find it so hard; and it's not like I haven't been trying to change, either.

 

[Warrior74]

Stop doing anything for a while.

You need to take a break from these people who treat you poorly. I would suggest cutting them out of your life all together if you can. If you can't, take a break from socializing with them for a while. You can't change overnight around people you know, they won't buy it. But if you take a break, focus on making your life better and come back, people notice it.

Next, what have you done physically?

Have you gotten a new haircut? Been to the gym? Bought some clothes that look better on you? These things can subtly affect your confidence. Treat yourself well first.

Second, how is your body language? You say you are shy and unconfident. It probably shows. Work on that.

Third. How needy are you? Do you have to have something to say or are you the kind of person who can be comfortable doing nothing and just chilling out? Be honest.

I would say focus on being in your own world. Focus on what you want and put yourself first. Everyone around you gets a nod or a hi and then back to what ever it is you want to focus on. Start conversations when you want to, not because you feel you have to. And to the people who have treated you poorly. Give them nothing. Cut conversations short with them. They don't deserve the gift of knowing about you or your life. You don't have to be rude, but you don't have to be eager to please them. They are not above you and you owe them nothing. Remember that. Good luck.

 

[Zebedee]

My advice in that case is still the same look at every personality defect you have and try to eliminate them while staying true to yourself and not being fake. Try new activities and try to meet new people and im sure that if you work hard on developing yourself they will be receptive to you. Its not easy though you need to change your way of thinking about certain situations and raise your level of self awareness to stop this from happening again.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

Honestly man, this stuff takes a LONG time to change.

In my life I have realized that there are cool people and not cool people. I realize that I could have some great friends but if they were to ever disrespect me I would tell them not to do that again and even if it were my best friend and they disrespected me again... I would be done with them. Yes I have done this before.

You need to take steps in order to improve your confidence. Keep starting conversations with people. It takes getting used to doing something before you can ever become good at doing it.

The best way to gain confidence is to do something to get something you want while overcoming your own emotions in order to do it. If you fail then your ego may take a hit.. but that will only make your ego stronger in the LONG RUN. The short term.. expect to feel a lot of pain. Just remember that everything your doing will pay off... everything is a building block.. and the great pyramid was not build in one day.

 

[rushing dude 123]

Dude i had similar things in past i can not say for sure how to make the situation better, but i know how to make u feel better. See these people treating u like ****, don't try to bfriend them, **** them! they are idiots. I use to try to please people who were idiots to me, till i said one day screw these guys and i just cut them out completly, why am i going to keep someone who pees me off in my life, (boots them in the ass into the distance) now that they r gone, meet NEW people and if they are idiots has well, boot them again.

I was anti social and i guess you can say shy to, so i just started talking to everyone i met and my social skills improved and now i have loads of people greet me off the street in all different areas some people i am with can not believe it. Also if i go some place, where no one knows me even better i get to meet new people.

Look in the mirror right now and just say "**** it" and change ur whole life round, cut all these losers out and go meet some new people and weed all the people who r going to treat u badly. ALSO MAN IF U DO NOT FIND ANY PEOPLE THAT R NICE TO U, JUST KEEP GOING DO NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS.

Ps. i am not trying to advertise anything, because to b honest i don't really care. I set a bootcamp that me and i think a dozen other people on this r doing with me. U got 4 days to complete the first task which in my honest opinion is very easily done. If u finish the whole thing i am sure ur problem will b solved. So now r u going to seek action or u going post another one of these bad boys in one month. ur choice my friend.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1603712#post1603712

 

[kingy]

huge post ill try my best to direct you.

reactions that u get are usually because you dont put out that u like them. Outgoings = Incomings on pretty much everything, just for an experiement try being really nice to everyone throughout your day for a week. you will be amazed.

when u get that good feedback then its a simple matter of removing old pain boddies, seeing what else is missing and stoping any value leekage.

 

[slaog]

I think most of my negative aspects are just part of my personality and, consequently, eliminating would be impossible.

Theres your problem. You believe that you are the things you talk about. You believe you were born that way. In reality you are the way you are as a result of your thoughts.


I had alot of negative thoughts too and used to think that was just my natural personality but then I began reading about it and saw through the matrix and now I'm much improved.


I too would recommend changing your body language. Most communication is done through BL and if you can change that into a more positive BL then people will pick up on that. The good thing about it is its simple to learn and it can be learned quickly.

How I've tried to turn this around is simply by doing the opposite of what I felt was causing this crap.
I started to actually greet people; I started to smile when greeting people (whereas before I just looked impassive); I started small talk; I held eye contact; I showed interest in what they were saying... all this didn't help. People still gave me lopsided smiles (that's contempt, folks). People still slipped in their caustic humour aiming to bring me down. People still rolled their eyes at me...

You care what they think because your happiness depends on other people liking you. Don't ever rely on others for that. Love yourself, build your confidence up, respect yourself and you'll notice that what others think becomes less important. Ironically the more you love yourself the more others will begin to like you.