not contacting girl after first date

[pyros]

I met this 23 years old chick a few days ago. I got her number etc, and the next day I texted her and we decided to go to party with some female friends of hers.

I went, picked them up, went to have dinner, went to a club...and there we made out, grinded, I grabbed her ass, pulled her hair...etc. After an hour or so she was holding my hand (like a couple) while walking, etc.
The makeout got pretty intense almost like porn so I said to go back to her place but she did not want to leave her female friends. Ok.
I drove them home, we made out a bit more in my car...and that was it.

The next day I texted her because last night she was feeling bad, had a bit of a cold etc, so I asked her how she was feeling, and wished her a good trip because she was going to another city with a girl friend for two days. She replied and seemed excited to hear from me, she wished me a good week etc. So far so good.


Anyway, its been two days and I was thinking about texting her tomorrow to ask her out but...you know, I always do the same, I mean, I always follow the same pattern and eventhough I'd like to see her...I wanna see if she reaches out.
You know, I've done a lot already: I got her number, I texted her, I took them to a club, I initiated the kissing...and the next day I texted her to see how she was feeling. I think it is her turn. I dont want to do all the effort and start chasing mode.

Did you succeed doing this approach?
Thoughts?

 

[Yewki]

Contacting again to set up a date 3 days later is slightly rushed. You know the situation best and you seem to have a fairly good grasp on things. But I think waiting another day or two would be better. After the third day of no contact she's more likely to miss you and wonder if she's made a mistake by not reaching out.

I wanna see if she reaches out.

Her willingness to reach out is usually proportional to her desperation and/or how far above her in value you are. It's not necessarily bad if she doesn't reach out. She also may be the type who expects to be chased and will make a point not to initiate anything no matter what.

 

[Maximus Rex]

You F*cked Dude

The next day I texted her because last night she was feeling bad, had a bit of a cold etc, so I asked her how she was feeling, and wished her a good trip because she was going to another city with a girl friend for two days. She replied and seemed excited to hear from me, she wished me a good week etc. So far so good.

F*ck you do that for? She isn't your girlfriend. What was your end goal by extending yourself to a stranger in such a manner?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I met this 23 years old chick a few days ago. I got her number etc, and the next day I texted her and we decided to go to party with some female friends of hers.

Mistake #1: Hitting her up one day after meeting her
Mistake #2: Having the first date be at a party where other blockers could interfere
Mistake #3: Making it a group date by bringing friends along

I went, picked them up, went to have dinner, went to a club...

Mistake #4: Doing multiple locations on the first meet up

...and there we made out, grinded, I grabbed her ass, pulled her hair...etc.

Mistake #5: Doing all these physical actions in public

After an hour or so she was holding my hand (like a couple) while walking, etc. The makeout got pretty intense almost like porn so I said to go back to her place but she did not want to leave her female friends.

Refer back to Mistake #3. This is one of the many reasons why you don't bring other people along on your dates, especially her friends.

I drove them home, we made out a bit more in my car...and that was it. The next day I texted her...

Mistake #6: Texting her a day right after the first "date." You've already put yourself in "boyfriend" mode, but she's not there yet. Thus, she doesn't need to be hearing from you everyday.

...because last night she was feeling bad, had a bit of a cold etc, so I asked her how she was feeling.

Mistake #7: Showing too much concern for a girl that's NOT YET YOUR GIRLFRIEND. This is something you could get an update on the next time you see her; in the meantime, although you mean well, doing "check up" calls is something a boyfriend does, and you're not there yet.

Anyway, its been two days and I was thinking about texting her tomorrow to ask her out but...you know, I always do the same, I mean, I always follow the same pattern and even though I'd like to see her...I wanna see if she reaches out.

Mistake #8: In the beginning, the guy is supposed to be the one to reach out more, not the girl. The problem, is not that she's not reaching out, but that you've been reaching out TOO much. You're only supposed to contact her for dates - not to have mindless banter, or to ask how she's feeling, or to tell her you had a good time the night before... were you not contacting her so much, you wouldn't be so worried about her contacting you in the first place. Realistically, if you were following the pattern of "Take her out, wait 4 days minimum, then contact her to go out again," you'd only be hitting her up a maximum of twice a week, and you wouldn't be concerned that you hit her up 4 times and she has yet to hit you up.

Did you succeed doing this approach? Thoughts?

No - which is why I'm telling you all this. Because I used to act JUST LIKE THIS - calling a girl all the time, trying to do nice things for her or check up on her if I heard she was sick, or agreeing to dates with friends... all this does is make her see you like one of her girl "friends" that she'll be nice to but never date seriously.

 

[pyros]

Hello all.

I agreed to that group "date?" because the night I met her, she was with a female friend that was visiting her (both are foreigners). So we were talking about what places are interesting to see in my city, which clubs to go etc, so after talking to me for 40 mins or so, her girl friend suddenly said: "so, how do we meet for tomorrow night?" In other words, they wanted to go to party with me. I agreed, so this is why I had to text her the next day. It was the last night her friend was gonna be in my city.

In the end it was me and four 23 years old females, (all from cute to hot) and I think all of them liked me, we had a lot of fun, so it turned out pretty well.

Now, about "mistake" #6...you know, if I spend all night with a chick, we have fun, makeout etc, and she hugs me and holds my hand and by the end of the night she's feeling sick...I think it is perfectly ok to text her the next day to ask her how she's feeling. For me it would not make any sense to not text her when you've seen she was feeling ill. Besides, she and her girl friend were going on a trip that evening so I did 2x1.

I did not show TOO MUCH CONCERN, I just text her:
me: "hey, how are you feeling today? still that funy voice? (she had stuffy nose) I hope you two have a good trip."
her: "hey!! I am feeling better today but not totally ok. My throat is sore so I cannot talk too much which is very difficult for me! thank you so much!! enjoy the week! )"


I am not dying to see her again or anything, I do not have any urge to text her. I'd like to see her again, that's all. If she doesnt want to meet so be it, if she does then great.

 

[Maximus Rex]

What Part of the Game are you not Understanding?

Hello all.

I agreed to that group "date?" because the night I met her, she was with a female friend that was visiting her (both are foreigners).

You said that to do say what?

so after talking to me for 40 mins or so, her girl friend suddenly said: "so, how do we meet for tomorrow night?" In other words, they wanted to go to party with me.

They didn't want to party with you, they wanted you to trick off money on them.

I agreed, so this is why I had to text her the next day. It was the last night her friend was gonna be in my city.

After being on this site for 5 years, you couldn't be that f*cking stupid.

In the end it was me and four 23 years old females, (all from cute to hot) and I think all of them liked me, we had a lot of fun, so it turned out pretty well.

How many pounds did you trick off on them?

Now, about "mistake" #6...you know, if I spend all night with a chick, we have fun, makeout etc, and she hugs me and holds my hand and by the end of the night she's feeling sick...I think it is perfectly ok to text her the next day to ask her how she's feeling. For me it would not make any sense to not text her when you've seen she was feeling ill. Besides, she and her girl friend were going on a trip that evening so I did 2x1.

Do you text your mother when she's feeling ill to see how she was feeling? You didn't text her out of a genuine concern for her health, you did in it some supplicant beta male attempt to hit that ass. You're nothing to this girl and conveying so much concern early on is comes off as weird, strange, borderline stalkerish, and implies to the chick that you have sh*t else going on in your life, but thoughts of her. It seems to be after being on this site for 5 years and contributing frequently to this forum that you should already know that.

I did not show TOO MUCH CONCERN, I just text her:
me: "hey, how are you feeling today? still that funy voice? (she had stuffy nose) I hope you two have a good trip."
her: "hey!! I am feeling better today but not totally ok. My throat is sore so I cannot talk too much which is very difficult for me! thank you so much!! enjoy the week! )"

Yes you did show too much concern. Ole girl is a stranger to you.

I am not dying to see her again or anything, I do not have any urge to text her. I'd like to see her again, that's all. If she doesnt want to meet so be it, if she does then great.

Yes you do because otherwise, you wouldn't have made the thread. pyros, the game just isn't in you bruh. You keep doing the same thing over and over again, coupled with asking remixed versions of the same tired old questions, but expecting different results. You should be banned from the forum just as a matter of principle.

 

[pyros]

Maximus Rex,

you dont understand a **** man. You must go to the psychiatrist asap. But I guess you're already pursuing therapy. You are paranoid, creepy, rude, weird, stubborn, and stupid.

I explain myself and then you go and say everything I wrote is not true, and you know the 'real' story. Nice.

I did not have to pay for anything, just my own meal and a cheap rum bottle for everyone, what on Earth are you saying? We didnt have to pay to enter the club because one of the chicks knew the manager.

You project your own paranoia onto other people, that is for sure.

YOU should be banned for life. And I hope you never ever comment on my posts again, because really, it is not worth reading it. And if you do, I will take action.

 

[GS750]

Contacting again to set up a date 3 days later is slightly rushed. You know the situation best and you seem to have a fairly good grasp on things. But I think waiting another day or two would be better. After the third day of no contact she's more likely to miss you and wonder if she's made a mistake by not reaching out.



Her willingness to reach out is usually proportional to her desperation and/or how far above her in value you are. It's not necessarily bad if she doesn't reach out. She also may be the type who expects to be chased and will make a point not to initiate anything no matter what.

This. No need to over analyze. I say do what you want, but do it in an outcome independent manner. Don't act pushy or needy and you'll do alright.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Exposure Time

Maximus Rex,

you dont understand a **** man.

Bang Foreign Girl Before She Leaves! http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196205
Date: 07-23-2012

Date with Girl: She Brings her Friends, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=200727
Date: 12-23-2012

Girls Taking Forever to Reply/Don't Initiate Texts http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=219918
Date: 10-01-2014

Asking Her Out Several Times, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=220839
Date: 10-15-2014

Waiting for her Reply, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=227883
Date: 07-11-2015

You're right. I don't understand how a dude can be on seduction message board for five years and after getting well thought and succinct advice from dudes that have experience in the game, you kept doing the same sh*t over and expecting a different result.

You must go to the psychiatrist asap. But I guess you're already pursuing therapy.

For argument's sake, let's say that's hundred per cent true. What the f*ck does that have to do with you being on So Suave for five years and asking questions about the same sh*t over and over again?

You are paranoid, creepy, rude, weird, stubborn, and stupid.

This coming from a dude that has an unhealthy preoccupation with women's sexual history and lives his life as if a real life version of Ground Hog Day.

I explain myself and then you go and say everything I wrote is not true, and you know the 'real' story. Nice.

Due to experience and human nature it's quite easy to fill in the blanks.

I did not have to pay for anything, just my own meal and a cheap rum bottle for everyone,

And why did you even buy that? It isn't about the dollar amount, but principle of the matter. Again, (and I'm going to keep harping on this fact,) you've been on this site for five years, however during those five years you don't seem to have grasp on certain basic concepts. Why did you buy that bottle of cheap rum? What message were you trying to convey and what was your end goal?

We didnt have to pay to enter the club because one of the chicks knew the manager.

You don't seem to want to accept the fact that you were just loitering around those chicks. Unless you were trying to parlay that into some menage action, it made absolutely zero sense for you to be loitering with her and her friends. Unless you were using them as social proof, which you clearly wasn't because you didn't mention trying to holla at other women while you were in the club.

You project your own paranoia onto other people, that is for sure.

Really?

YOU should be banned for life. And I hope you never ever comment on my posts again, because really, it is not worth reading it. And if you do, I will take action.

:crackup: What kind of action? For telling the truth. Be serious. Instead of calling yourself getting offended at me, why don't you do an introspection to find why you keep experiencing the same problems over and over again.

 

[pyros]

You need professional help...

 

[ubercat]

Pyros true what harry said.

Firstly bloody well done for approaching and getting girls to dates.

I once picked up a great tiny HB 8 blonde. This being my blue pill days I the n proceeded to fcvk it up by paying her too much attention and hanging out with her friends. This is stuff u can risk 4 mths down the track. Don't try it while yr still in the preliminary elimination rounds. Remember she s not invested yet and will screen u out for too many beta behaviours

 

[Harry Wilmington]

@Maximus Rex: Daaaaaang, bruh - you went and found PROOF of him repeating the same actions?? That's what's up - like, I clicked on the first one and it was like:

I met this croatian girl which is 23 some days ago in a club. She was there with two girl friends... Yesterday I called her and we set up a date but she said that she was going to bring her two girl friends also. I agreeded because she actually does not know me, she just met me last night, so I guessed it was ok to bring her girl friends.

And that was 3 YEARS AGO!! *bravo*

Anyway... look, guy: you come to these boards with your situations asking for our advice. And, while not everyone that comments on your posts is all that great at dating, SOME of us are. SOME of us used to do the things you did, and stopped doing it, and started getting better results. SOME of us are in long-term relationships, and thus know what you should and should not be doing to attract these women. And SOME of us have a great skill at analyzing situations and seeing EXACTLY what is being done wrong. I don't know if it's just ego or what, but for whatever reason you're not able to see the advice we're giving as stuff that may actually work - instead, you continue to do the SAME things that are NOT working and seem surprised when you get the SAME results. Isn't that the definition of "insanity?"

I mean, even your sequence of events that you think you did right isn't correct:

I got her number, I texted her, I took them to a club, I initiated the kissing...and the next day I texted her

The only part you got right was the number close and the kissing part - everything else: you texted too soon, you took them - i.e. MORE than one, i.e. TOO MANY PEOPLE - to a club when it should have been a date, and then you texted too soon AGAIN to do a beta check on her health (seriously - people get colds all the time and live, you asking her if she was okay was not necessary).

We're just here to help, man - if you don't want it, you could always just talk to yourself in a mirror; that way you'll have someone that agrees with you all the time, lol

 

[G_Govan]

I'm gonna go against the grain.

I think everything you did up to this point is fine and it sounds like she's into you. I don't see anything wrong in texting her after a couple days to set up a date.

What happens next will determine her true level of interest.

I don't get all the criticism. You hung out, escalated like a man when the opportunity presented itself and she reciprocated.

I see nothing wrong with going to a party, especially WITH a bunch of chicks. I think all the mistakes pointed out by others doesn't fit the context of how all of this played out.

 

[amazingswayze]

I don't think he made many mistakes, definitely not 7. If he did, those aren't reasons for the chick to NEXT him. He did well with the makeout. It could've been more sexual but I guess pyros likes to take his time. Guru once wrote about a concept called 'buyers remorse' and it seems to make perfect sense. It isn't terrible to hit a girl up the next day after a date. It depends on the situation. There is a time and a place for everything.

What do I know though?

 

[pyros]

Harry,

those girls I met three years ago, when I knew little to nothing, dont have anything to do with the girls/situation from a few days ago.
Anyway, just because that story has a couple of things in common with the current one (foreigner chicks met in a club) I do not think it is me "repeating over and over the same mistakes".

Just to clarify, see this:

story from 3 years ago:

1 met three foreigner chicks in a club.
2 made out with one of them.
3 got her number.
4 they were leaving the country in two days.
5 I texted her the next day (no more time available, read # 4).
6 she agreed to go to dance salsa with me and her girl friends.
7 once there, I made out some more, danced with all of them etc.
8 she told me to text her the next day.
9 I did and she took several hours to reply and said she left to see her ex bf in another city, and that they were flying back home the next day. Thanked for everything blah blah.
10 the end.


current story (I hope you can spot the differences):

1 met two foreigner girls G1, G2 in a club.
2 talked to them, I got G1's number. G2 suggested to go to party the next night.
3 next day I texted G1 to arrange everything.
4 Another two girls, friends with G1 came along. So it was me an four chicks.
we went to have dinner, to drink and to a party in a club.
5 G2 was leaving the country in two days, and they were gonna visit another city the next day.
6 once in the club, I made out with G1, grinded, etc. She seemed very into me. I suggested to go to her place but she didnt want to leave her friends.
7 I danced with all of them, had fun, etc.
8 next day I texted to ask how she was feeling and to wish her a good trip with G2.
9 she replied, thanked me, blah blah, and wished me a good week.
10 the end.

Yeah, I am doing the same errors over and over...lol.

* In the first story when I asked the chick out, she said that she wanted to bring her friends along. Since they were leaving the country in two days I had to 'agree' if I wanted to see her.
Besides, this chick eventhough she made out with me...did not seem THAT much into me. And she even told me that she went to see her ex bf the next day lol
- In the recent story one of the girls suggested to go to party the next night, which is totally different. It was a good sign. It is an indirect way to be able to see me another day, and an occasion for G1 to get to know me, have fun, and see where it goes.
This chick made out with me like crazy, and seemed super into me.

* In the first story, after that 'date', I texted her and she took several hours to reply and they left the country the very next day, forever.
- In the recent story, she replied in a few minutes. Her girl friend has probably left the country by now, but the one I like lives here.


P.S.

hey, if you spend all night kissing etc a chick, she has a cold and feels so-so and you dont want to ask her how she's feeling the next day...good for you.
I could have asked how she was feeling the next day as I did, or in a few days, I dont see any thing wrong here , really.

 

[pyros]

I'm gonna go against the grain.

I think everything you did up to this point is fine and it sounds like she's into you. I don't see anything wrong in texting her after a couple days to set up a date.

What happens next will determine her true level of interest.

I don't get all the criticism. You hung out, escalated like a man when the opportunity presented itself and she reciprocated.

I see nothing wrong with going to a party, especially WITH a bunch of chicks. I think all the mistakes pointed out by others doesn't fit the context of how all of this played out.

yeah! :rockon:

 

[marmel75]

Harry,

those girls I met three years ago, when I knew little to nothing, dont have anything to do with the girls/situation from a few days ago.
Anyway, just because that story has a couple of things in common with the current one (foreigner chicks met in a club) I do not think it is me "repeating over and over the same mistakes".

Just to clarify, see this:

story from 3 years ago:

1 met three foreigner chicks in a club.
2 made out with one of them.
3 got her number.
4 they were leaving the country in two days.
5 I texted her the next day (no more time available, read # 4).
6 she agreed to go to dance salsa with me and her girl friends.
7 once there, I made out some more, danced with all of them etc.
8 she told me to text her the next day.
9 I did and she took several hours to reply and said she left to see her ex bf in another city, and that they were flying back home the next day. Thanked for everything blah blah.
10 the end.


current story (I hope you can spot the differences):

1 met two foreigner girls G1, G2 in a club.
2 talked to them, I got G1's number. G2 suggested to go to party the next night.
3 next day I texted G1 to arrange everything.
4 Another two girls, friends with G1 came along. So it was me an four chicks.
we went to have dinner, to drink and to a party in a club.
5 G2 was leaving the country in two days, and they were gonna visit another city the next day.
6 once in the club, I made out with G1, grinded, etc. She seemed very into me. I suggested to go to her place but she didnt want to leave her friends.
7 I danced with all of them, had fun, etc.
8 next day I texted to ask how she was feeling and to wish her a good trip with G2.
9 she replied, thanked me, blah blah, and wished me a good week.
10 the end.

Yeah, I am doing the same errors over and over...lol.

* In the first story when I asked the chick out, she said that she wanted to bring her friends along. Since they were leaving the country in two days I had to 'agree' if I wanted to see her.
Besides, this chick eventhough she made out with me...did not seem THAT much into me. And she even told me that she went to see her ex bf the next day lol
- In the recent story one of the girls suggested to go to party the next night, which is totally different. It was a good sign. It is an indirect way to be able to see me another day, and an occasion for G1 to get to know me, have fun, and see where it goes.
This chick made out with me like crazy, and seemed super into me.

* In the first story, after that 'date', I texted her and she took several hours to reply and they left the country the very next day, forever.
- In the recent story, she replied in a few minutes. Her girl friend has probably left the country by now, but the one I like lives here.


P.S.

hey, if you spend all night kissing etc a chick, she has a cold and feels so-so and you dont want to ask her how she's feeling the next day...good for you.
I could have asked how she was feeling the next day as I did, or in a few days, I dont see any thing wrong here , really.

Harry is just upset you didn't follow his "rules" and take her out on a $150 a plate dinner beforehand...you know since she spent $1,000 getting ready to go out that's the least you could have done. LMFAO!

I for one say good job Pyros. You went at her like you had some fvcking balls and tried to get what you wanted. Sometimes it doesn't always work out but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

 

[pyros]

Harry is just upset you didn't follow his "rules" and take her out on a $150 a plate dinner beforehand...you know since she spent $1,000 getting ready to go out that's the least you could have done. LMFAO!

I for one say good job Pyros. You went at her like you had some fvcking balls and tried to get what you wanted. Sometimes it doesn't always work out but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

yeah!

you know I thought I did pretty well until the critics materialized :crackup:

 

[old_skoolr]

Sick burn!!

Bang Foreign Girl Before She Leaves! http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196205
Date: 07-23-2012

Date with Girl: She Brings her Friends, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=200727
Date: 12-23-2012

Girls Taking Forever to Reply/Don't Initiate Texts http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=219918
Date: 10-01-2014

Asking Her Out Several Times, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=220839
Date: 10-15-2014

Waiting for her Reply, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=227883
Date: 07-11-2015

You're right. I don't understand how a dude can be on seduction message board for five years and after getting well thought and succinct advice from dudes that have experience in the game, you kept doing the same sh*t over and expecting a different result.



For argument's sake, let's say that's hundred per cent true. What the f*ck does that have to do with you being on So Suave for five years and asking questions about the same sh*t over and over again?



This coming from a dude that has an unhealthy preoccupation with women's sexual history and lives his life as if a real life version of Ground Hog Day.



Due to experience and human nature it's quite easy to fill in the blanks.



And why did you even buy that? It isn't about the dollar amount, but principle of the matter. Again, (and I'm going to keep harping on this fact,) you've been on this site for five years, however during those five years you don't seem to have grasp on certain basic concepts. Why did you buy that bottle of cheap rum? What message were you trying to convey and what was your end goal?



You don't seem to want to accept the fact that you were just loitering around those chicks. Unless you were trying to parlay that into some menage action, it made absolutely zero sense for you to be loitering with her and her friends. Unless you were using them as social proof, which you clearly wasn't because you didn't mention trying to holla at other women while you were in the club.



Really?



:crackup: What kind of action? For telling the truth. Be serious. Instead of calling yourself getting offended at me, why don't you do an introspection to find why you keep experiencing the same problems over and over again.

 

[old_skoolr]

Pyros after following your posts for ages, I'll give you this advice.

Choose over two options:

a) Text her tomorrow and watch her interest in you dwindle minute by minute, text by text and then come to this site and ask us all what you did wrong.


b) Cut off all communication from her and see if she actually likes you. If she doesn't text you in a week, she wasn't interested and you were used for a good night out.

Your problem is you get a lil action and you jump on straight away. Take a step back, its not that we dont condone taking a chick out, but be more selective of where you take them and who you take.

You make the same mistakes over and over and as much it is amusing to us, its your lack of inner game and understanding that's holding you back and not your outer game.