I'm getting better at this stuff, but I've got to the point of getting numbers, but I never can get them to call back, I'll call, try to set somthing up, they either make up an excuse or say they will call back and dont', I'll then call back a few days later and I'll get no pick up or call back. I'm just gettin this off my chest, its frustrating. I think I"m making improvments then it seems like I'm getting no where.
not callilng back
- Thread starter L-I-B
- Start date
Derek Flint
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2002
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Whever I get a number, I always ask "What's the best time to reach you?"
I'm definatly not calling too soon, I'm pretty casual about it actually, its just frustrating. Like lately I've had girls pick ME up, and offer there phone numbers to me, so you would think the IL would be high, but still I get the no call back.
Helter Skelter
Master Don Juan
Girls can be pretty fuuck up
That's why they have this board.
Sometimes, I think the girl who isn't calling back doesn't even know why.
That's why they have this board.
Sometimes, I think the girl who isn't calling back doesn't even know why.
TesuqueRed
Master Don Juan
LIB--don't expect a call back. Some will, many won't.
Those that do are probably take-charge types and don't care what it signifies. Others have high IL or can't restrain themselves (psychos or high IL.)
Those that don't---with or without high IL---do so because it sends too many signals too early, signals that they're not ready to give up for free just yet--such as they're interested, or that you are their ownly option at the moment or....
I have seen this with the women at work (especially young ones)--it is a time of high stress, high interest, tons of speculation and signal reading. They are are on high-alert not to show lack of cool or desperation, or to give up control, or show desperation, or being unfeminine, or of showing desperation, or being a loser. And they don't want to show desperation, too. They're very busy reading all clues they've picked up from you, comparing these notes with other girlfriends, and hyper aware what clues they send you.
Take it as a rule: they will likely not call back. Don't read anything into it.
Just go over some of the basic phone handling skills and proceed anyway. If you can't reach her after 3 or so attempts (that's my magical number) count her as impossible to date and move on. I know of the "hey, what do you have to lose? Call her some more anyway..." stuff--and if you're feeling it, go for it. But walking away from a few of these situations does wonders for your sense of self---as in, desperation goes away because it's telling yourself "that one missed out, so I'm off to better things---I can afford letting this HB and 10 others not happen--I continually develop other options." It jacks up your self-perception and sense of ease, and others pick up on it. Try it.
Anyway--just for review:
--Call 5 days (or whatever works for you) after getting the number.
--Don't leave messages.
--If you don't get her, wait a few days (she has caller ID and knows it's you) and try again. AFC's will leave messages "so she can get my number, know it was me, and call..." She knows it was you, doesn't need your number and is under hightened alert about showing any desperation to you (such as calling.) AFCs make excuses about why she's unavailable, too. Just don't get started down any of those lines--if you don't get her, hang up. Try again days later.
--Prepare what you're going to say before hand with options and escapes.
--Stand up and smile while talking, you'll be more bright and in-charge (posture determines your mood) and it will carry in your voice.
--Keep the call under 5 minutes: some pleasantries (don't hurry) set the date, go.
--If she can't make it, see if she counter-offers.
--Remember, you're busy and have a full schedule, so don't go out of your way to make the date happen, only if it fits in with your schedule. If you have no schedule, pretend that you do.
Those that do are probably take-charge types and don't care what it signifies. Others have high IL or can't restrain themselves (psychos or high IL.)
Those that don't---with or without high IL---do so because it sends too many signals too early, signals that they're not ready to give up for free just yet--such as they're interested, or that you are their ownly option at the moment or....
I have seen this with the women at work (especially young ones)--it is a time of high stress, high interest, tons of speculation and signal reading. They are are on high-alert not to show lack of cool or desperation, or to give up control, or show desperation, or being unfeminine, or of showing desperation, or being a loser. And they don't want to show desperation, too. They're very busy reading all clues they've picked up from you, comparing these notes with other girlfriends, and hyper aware what clues they send you.
Take it as a rule: they will likely not call back. Don't read anything into it.
Just go over some of the basic phone handling skills and proceed anyway. If you can't reach her after 3 or so attempts (that's my magical number) count her as impossible to date and move on. I know of the "hey, what do you have to lose? Call her some more anyway..." stuff--and if you're feeling it, go for it. But walking away from a few of these situations does wonders for your sense of self---as in, desperation goes away because it's telling yourself "that one missed out, so I'm off to better things---I can afford letting this HB and 10 others not happen--I continually develop other options." It jacks up your self-perception and sense of ease, and others pick up on it. Try it.
Anyway--just for review:
--Call 5 days (or whatever works for you) after getting the number.
--Don't leave messages.
--If you don't get her, wait a few days (she has caller ID and knows it's you) and try again. AFC's will leave messages "so she can get my number, know it was me, and call..." She knows it was you, doesn't need your number and is under hightened alert about showing any desperation to you (such as calling.) AFCs make excuses about why she's unavailable, too. Just don't get started down any of those lines--if you don't get her, hang up. Try again days later.
--Prepare what you're going to say before hand with options and escapes.
--Stand up and smile while talking, you'll be more bright and in-charge (posture determines your mood) and it will carry in your voice.
--Keep the call under 5 minutes: some pleasantries (don't hurry) set the date, go.
--If she can't make it, see if she counter-offers.
--Remember, you're busy and have a full schedule, so don't go out of your way to make the date happen, only if it fits in with your schedule. If you have no schedule, pretend that you do.
How long do you wait to call after getting the number?
Irrelevant issue
Take it as a rule: they will likely not call back. Don't read anything into it.
Very true.
--Don't leave messages
I HATE people when they call me and not leave a message. I always leave a message, but make it a funny one - it could be something I made fun of her when she was talking to me, or some in-joke that we shared.
They KNOW you have called anyway (whether you had caller ID activated or not), so why hide the fact that you have called?
--Keep the call under 5 minutes: some pleasantries (don't hurry) set the date, go.
I think 5 minutes is too short. Girls love to CHAT on the phone. 10 minutes is my rule. Then you can show her that you are the same person she met on the night.
I have tried the above, and it didn't work because they figured that if you don't really want to invest in the time to talk to them on the phone, then there is something wrong.
10 minutes is around the amount of time necessary to show congruency, and yet not desperate. You will give her the comfort you will need to see her again.
I'm getting better at this stuff, but I've got to the point of getting numbers, but I never can get them to call back, I'll call, try to set somthing up, they either make up an excuse or say they will call back and dont', I'll then call back a few days later and I'll get no pick up or call back. I'm just gettin this off my chest, its frustrating. I think I"m making improvments then it seems like I'm getting no where.
You must seed in an activity. Something other than "nice seeing you, lets talk again sometime" or "coffee" or whatever everyone else is doing.
When you are talking to a girl, you must demonstrate value to her. This means you must stand out from all the other guys, and show her why it is to her benefit that she should f&*k you. I bet the reason why you are not getting call backs and flakes is you did not demonstrate enough value for the girl to call you back.
She sees you as everyone else who has asked for her number. You must stand out and appeal to her senses.
Irrelevant issue
Take it as a rule: they will likely not call back. Don't read anything into it.
Very true.
--Don't leave messages
I HATE people when they call me and not leave a message. I always leave a message, but make it a funny one - it could be something I made fun of her when she was talking to me, or some in-joke that we shared.
They KNOW you have called anyway (whether you had caller ID activated or not), so why hide the fact that you have called?
--Keep the call under 5 minutes: some pleasantries (don't hurry) set the date, go.
I think 5 minutes is too short. Girls love to CHAT on the phone. 10 minutes is my rule. Then you can show her that you are the same person she met on the night.
I have tried the above, and it didn't work because they figured that if you don't really want to invest in the time to talk to them on the phone, then there is something wrong.
10 minutes is around the amount of time necessary to show congruency, and yet not desperate. You will give her the comfort you will need to see her again.
I'm getting better at this stuff, but I've got to the point of getting numbers, but I never can get them to call back, I'll call, try to set somthing up, they either make up an excuse or say they will call back and dont', I'll then call back a few days later and I'll get no pick up or call back. I'm just gettin this off my chest, its frustrating. I think I"m making improvments then it seems like I'm getting no where.
You must seed in an activity. Something other than "nice seeing you, lets talk again sometime" or "coffee" or whatever everyone else is doing.
When you are talking to a girl, you must demonstrate value to her. This means you must stand out from all the other guys, and show her why it is to her benefit that she should f&*k you. I bet the reason why you are not getting call backs and flakes is you did not demonstrate enough value for the girl to call you back.
She sees you as everyone else who has asked for her number. You must stand out and appeal to her senses.
SexPDX
Master Don Juan
Good post, uniassign.
It looks like many sosuave posters are STILL way off on how to work it on the phone. And the fact that people are concerned about things like how long you wait to call and how much time you spend on the phone are examples of this.
Let's go a little bit futher in examination of what someone means when they suggest that you should set up a date and get off the phone in less than five minutes. To me, that implies that the guy is so inept on the phone that if he spends any longer he is going to step on his own d1ck and degrade rapport with the girl. In some cases this may not be less than accurate but let's stay focused on the purpose of what we are trying to accomplish. Guys should not be here to try to learn to deal with the fact that they suck with women, but to learn to get BETTER with women. Avoiding spending more than five minutes on the phone with a girl not only stems from a mindset of attempting to cope with a lack of ability but if the guy is successful in setting up a date BECAUSE he spent so little time on the phone it creates a false sense of progress with the chick. In other words, setting up a date is fine but if you suck so bad that you are afraid to spend more than five minutes on the phone with her then that begs the question: what the hell happens DURING the date you set up?
The most skilled guys I know (Juggler, LJ, etc.) will spend LONG periods of time on the phone with women. Talking voice over phone is great for rapport-building and seduction. You have to be THAT GOOD. So good that time spent on the phone with her just makes her want to be with you more.
uniassign is also correct that hiding the fact that you called by not leaving messages is unadvisable. To want to do something like that conveys the underlying belief that you don't consider youself worthy of having called her. Same goes for having to wait some X number of days before calling her.
I could explain further but what I am trying to say is that the point of this is to have her be HAPPY that you called, to make her WANT to hear from you. And beyond that, to make her ENJOY the time she spends talking on the phone with you.
Guys around here have been short-changing themselves for too long on learning useless "rules" in lieu of actually taking control of their situation and improving their skills. Let's raise the bar and set some higher standards here.
-PDX
It looks like many sosuave posters are STILL way off on how to work it on the phone. And the fact that people are concerned about things like how long you wait to call and how much time you spend on the phone are examples of this.
Let's go a little bit futher in examination of what someone means when they suggest that you should set up a date and get off the phone in less than five minutes. To me, that implies that the guy is so inept on the phone that if he spends any longer he is going to step on his own d1ck and degrade rapport with the girl. In some cases this may not be less than accurate but let's stay focused on the purpose of what we are trying to accomplish. Guys should not be here to try to learn to deal with the fact that they suck with women, but to learn to get BETTER with women. Avoiding spending more than five minutes on the phone with a girl not only stems from a mindset of attempting to cope with a lack of ability but if the guy is successful in setting up a date BECAUSE he spent so little time on the phone it creates a false sense of progress with the chick. In other words, setting up a date is fine but if you suck so bad that you are afraid to spend more than five minutes on the phone with her then that begs the question: what the hell happens DURING the date you set up?
The most skilled guys I know (Juggler, LJ, etc.) will spend LONG periods of time on the phone with women. Talking voice over phone is great for rapport-building and seduction. You have to be THAT GOOD. So good that time spent on the phone with her just makes her want to be with you more.
uniassign is also correct that hiding the fact that you called by not leaving messages is unadvisable. To want to do something like that conveys the underlying belief that you don't consider youself worthy of having called her. Same goes for having to wait some X number of days before calling her.
I could explain further but what I am trying to say is that the point of this is to have her be HAPPY that you called, to make her WANT to hear from you. And beyond that, to make her ENJOY the time she spends talking on the phone with you.
Guys around here have been short-changing themselves for too long on learning useless "rules" in lieu of actually taking control of their situation and improving their skills. Let's raise the bar and set some higher standards here.
-PDX
Walden
Master Don Juan
Personally I think we are all being had by this 4 days bull****.
Call the next day and you get so much of a better response.
Call the next day and you get so much of a better response.
trevor2003
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2003
- Messages
- 176
- Reaction score
- 0
i had something like this happen to me last week
i dated this girl once, then she went on vacation for a week
i called her exactly two weeks after our first date
we talked for a few minutes and everything was cool
i asked her if she wanted to hang out the next night, she said sure
then i made a joke about how hard she is to reach, i called her a few days earlier and everytime she was at work
then she said since she i so hard to reach that she would call me the day of the date to arrange a place to meet
she didn't call back, but i really don't give a damn,
i have enough women right now, i don't need her
anyways, the point i was making was, when a girl asks for your number and says she will call you, she usually won't
i dated this girl once, then she went on vacation for a week
i called her exactly two weeks after our first date
we talked for a few minutes and everything was cool
i asked her if she wanted to hang out the next night, she said sure
then i made a joke about how hard she is to reach, i called her a few days earlier and everytime she was at work
then she said since she i so hard to reach that she would call me the day of the date to arrange a place to meet
she didn't call back, but i really don't give a damn,
i have enough women right now, i don't need her
anyways, the point i was making was, when a girl asks for your number and says she will call you, she usually won't
wheelin&dealin
Master Don Juan
I understand that you can build rapport over the phone but you are way better off talking to women in person than over the phone. It makes the experience much more real and seductive to a woman when you are using eye contact and kino throughout the conversation as opposed to talking on the phone.
I personally prefer to keep the phone conversations short. I tend to keep the ****y and funny level up while asking her about things that we had in a previous conversation. I will then ask her out after a few minutes of small talk. I find that this way the woman is intrigued more than by a long drawn out conversation and that she'll will be more looking forward to the date.