not a good marraige

[walkguy]

I neeed some advice from you guys ,im married unfortuntely for 30 years sometimes good buy recently not as great
but wen is it time to end a marraige or relationship
i get belittled consatntly id say for little things like #1 for volunteering my time for good causes (my wife hates to volunteer )i volunteer for muic ,plays etc she wants nopart of that she said she would have to be paid rather do work free
i do invite her along to join me in thses events to see these mucical or theatre events but she refuses to go out forthem
so am i supposed to give upthis and sit home with her and do nothing by the way as you can imgaine she is not a soclai person as you can tell
she constantly is always puttimg me down for not having a good job she thinks what i do is stupid and never would do the line of work i do , but she certainly enjoys my paycheck though!!
# 3 she is always putting me down for not doing enough for her in the house which i do help alot but its not to her liking or perfection on hiw i do it
so let me know what i should do ?? its not as good as it used to be life is to short to have this problem at this stage of life

 

[Ebach]

RUN! Seriously... it's a little late now. How old are you?

btw, marriage and relationships end when you're tired of one another. Some decent people stay together if they have a kid just for the kid. That was my situation. My parents hated their guts but they stayed for me which I appreciate very much. They had their happy moments but most of the time it's yelling and fights all the time. That's why you gotta pick the woman you marry very carefully and don't jump into anything so quickly.

Comedians usually joke about women acting good until they get that ring on their finger but it's true. They'll play games, act good untill you're married. Once they know they got you they start being ugly -- the real them.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I take it you are over 50 years old. At this stage of your life don't take crap from your woman and put her in her place and go out everyday and live life. If she doesn't want to follow then let life pass her by!

By no means should you sit at home and listen to her disparaging remarks!

A woman should uplift a man's spirit and not tear him down! Try to be understanding of her if she doesn't want to share in your interests but don't let her disrespect you or belittle you!!

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
I take it you are over 50 years old. At this stage of your life don't take crap from your woman and put her in her place and go out everyday and live life. If she doesn't want to follow then let life pass her by!

By no means should you sit at home and listen to her disparaging remarks!

A woman should uplift a man's spirit and not tear him down! Try to be understanding of her if she doesn't want to share in your interests but don't let her disrespect you or belittle you!!

Couldnt have said it better myself.

Just because she doesnt enjoy what you do, doesnt mean you cant enjoy it.

Maybe u are not doing the things for her she likes........for example, buy her a gift every now and then. Give her some QUALITY time sometimes. Take her out on an adventure somewhere.................I dont know. But a LOT of marriages get repetative and boring, and u stop doing the little things that can add some spice to the relationship in later years. I am by no means an expert on this topic, but this is what I gather from what I have read and observed.

 

[WaterTiger]

I'd suggest some serious marriage counceling. Your wife sounds like she thinks your avoiding her by doing all your voulenteer work. (She doesn't realize that by yelling at you does NOT make you want to spend more time with her.)

As for her b1tching about your job? Tell her to go get one of her own instead of eating chips and watching talk-shows all day. In this day and age ANY job is a good job!

Tell her she should be grateful that you do any housework around the house at all. I mean so what if the sofa pillows are a little crooked? So what if you put the coffee mugs in the wrong cabinet? Did the world end? Did the neighbors scream in horror when they came over to visit? I don't think so!

Go to a marriage advisor, even if she refuses to go with you. If nothing else it will give YOU a place to vent your frustrations about the relationship. Please keep us posted.

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
(She doesn't realize that by yelling at you does NOT make you want to spend more time with her.)

I can't imagine any human being over 12 years old who would NOT realize that constant *****ing would make you not like them... well except of course for a woman. Anywho, it sounds like your marriage is pretty much over and she's prolly banging someone else, so go out and get yourself a girlfriend; it'll make you feel better. In the mean time get yourself a lawyer and hide any assets you want to keep after the divorce.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
I take it you are over 50 years old. At this stage of your life don't take crap from your woman and put her in her place and go out everyday and live life. If she doesn't want to follow then let life pass her by!

By no means should you sit at home and listen to her disparaging remarks!

A woman should uplift a man's spirit and not tear him down! Try to be understanding of her if she doesn't want to share in your interests but don't let her disrespect you or belittle you!!

Hell yeah bro! I have the same view. If she wants to stay home, then that's her problem. Do your thing.

If she belittle's you, it's because you allow this to happen. There is no way in hell I would put up with that. I don't mean to pack up your stuff and leave, but let her know you will NOT put up with it, period.

 

[Phrozen]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Maybe u are not doing the things for her she likes........for example, buy her a gift every now and then. Give her some QUALITY time sometimes. Take her out on an adventure somewhere.................I dont know. But a LOT of marriages get repetative and boring, and u stop doing the little things that can add some spice to the relationship in later years. I am by no means an expert on this topic, but this is what I gather from what I have read and observed.

Does this sound like a woman who deserves gifts? She belittles him at every opportunity. Buying gifts as a remedy to a bad situation is like bandaids on a bullet wound. It sounds like a nice thing to do, but its only going to buy him a few of days of peace max.

Calmly tell her that you like volunteering and you are going to continue to do it. If she wants something to change she should offer a solution or a compromise before she makes disparaging remarks.

The same goes for your job. If she isn't going to be supportive of your breadwinning, then she shouldn't be involved in the spending. As it stands right now shes not doing anything for you except making you miserable.

Try a few weeks of modifying your behavior and tightening up with the spending. Make sure that whenever she does something discouraging that you let her know how that makes you feel. Do it calmly and suggest that she offers an alternative or a compromise before criticism. If you're not making progress in a few weeks then I think counseling could be good for the two of you.

 

[Kidquick]

I agree with everyone above - marriage is a two-way street, a husband and wife should compliment each other, not conflict...if you think your marriage could be saved by all means see a counselor, otherwise it's never too late to start a new life on your own...your only other option would be to endure another 30+ years...

 

[NewMan]

Buy her the book...

The proper care and feeding of husbands. By Dr Laura.



Where are you from?

 

[rjherche]

She has to want to save the marriage, remember? Marriage counseling is great, but it won't work if she's completely lost interest, nor will all the self-help books in the world.

Give those options a try, but if she's hardened herself then it may just be too late.

 

[Click Here]

Smack her. Hard. Then say "wheres my dinner *****?".

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Walkguy, where are you? Your old lady ain't letting you on the computer?? Does she think you are propositioning younger women on the internet?

Forget the marriage counseling suggestions - 'counseling' seems to be the 'new age' marriage cure all.

Don't let your wife ever talk down to you expecially when you are doing positive things - leave the house for longer periods and don't tell her where you are gping. Tell her "The home should be a man's refuge and not a prison shackled by a woman's harsh tongue!!

Return respect once it is displayed until then save yourself from indignities!!

30 years is a long time to be with a woman!! I don't think I could ever take it unless she is a helper and submissive to my dictates, as a woman should be!!

 

[MetalFortress]

walkguy, if you tolerate disrespect like that from her, you might as well be digging your own grave. That is the killer there.

 

[dietzcoi]

Sh1t PR_L, 15 years is a LOOOONG time to be with a b1tch, let alone 30 years! Murderers do less time!

Dietzcoi

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Yeah Dietxcoi, weren't you married for 15 years - you are talking from experience!

Actually if a woman carried out her 'proper' role as a woman and a wife she would be tolerable for a season; however, the masculine hors today have deviated from their feminine nature and are artificially acting out of their true character.

Instead of being a 'helper' and a comforter to the male as intended, they now have become an obstacle and a hindrance!!

At 16 I had the premonition that I would never be married - because I didn't like what I saw - it has only gotten exponentionally worse with time!

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Yeah Dietxcoi, weren't you married for 15 years - you are talking from experience!

Actually if a woman carried out her 'proper' role as a woman and a wife she would be tolerable for a season; however, the masculine hors today have deviated from their feminine nature and are artificially acting out of their true character.

Instead of being a 'helper' and a comforter to the male as intended, they now have become an obstacle and a hindrance!!

At 16 I had the premonition that I would never be married - because I didn't like what I saw - it has only gotten exponentionally worse with time!

PRL just out of interest, have u ever thought maybe you are the one who needs to adapt to society? Maybe you have missed an opportunity with a good woman who wont cheat, because ur morals and values of woman are preceeding the current crop of woman?

Like the saying goes, only the strong and the fit survive, and that does not mean physically. It means those who can adapt to their environment the best............... just a thought.................?