No Headphones in Public

[Deadly_Ripped]

I realized today, while on the train, in a bus, and out among pedestrians, that my headphones completely disconnect me from everything around me.

Every time I plug them in I prevent anyone from talking to me unless it's urgent. It also prevents me from casually making conversation with anyone, because I've got to take them off in front of a person I intend to speak to, making it seem like a bigger deal to make a comment or ask a question than it'd otherwise be.

From now on, I'm keeping the headphones in my pocket, and making the most out of opportunities to meet women as they arise.

This will also prevent me from using the fact that I've got headphones on as an excuse not to strike up conversation with people on the street or on public transportation.

Thoughts?

 

[prairiedog24]

I agree. Two years ago I met a girl at the airport when our flight was canceled. We hung out for an hour, ended up sitting together on the plane, and I got her number when we parted ways. I ended up adding her on facebook. Haven't seen her since. Fast foward 2 years, her parents moved to my city, and she's going snowshoeing with me over break while she's there.

Had I been listening to music it wouldn't have happened.

 

[Zarky]

I put earphones in for that very reason, most of the time I do not want to interact with the shmucks around me. And I'm not sure if I've ever been approached by a hot woman just out of the blue. Or maybe once in 35 years.

 

[Packers2010]

yeah i do this all the time. i do this cos i DON'T want to talk to people. yeah i am fvucked up

 

[1337]

It doesn't matter most chicks never approach a stranger their romanticly interrsted in by initiating conversations. Headphones or not there's been rare cases. Your better of walking up to her talking about how great your headphones sound,then giving her a sample hearing etc.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I must've miscommunicated something here...

I am not worried that I'm missing out on women approaching me.

I'm worried that I'm missing out on me approaching women or even just having brief interactions with total strangers.

I was on the train the other day with my headphones in, and sat near a very cute girl reading a book. I wanted to ask her what book she was reading, but instead I said to myself "no, you've got headphones in, so now you've got to take them off to talk to her and it'll be obvious to other people that you were taking them off just to hit on this cute girl who might not want to be interrupted from her reading."

AFC? YES FOR SO MANY REASONS

Would I have talked to her without the headphones in? More likely than with the headphones on.

I know that my tendency can be to make excuses not to approach, and so I'm just trying to minimize excuses. By not wearing headphones, I'm eliminating a barrier to communication.

Unfortunately, my headphones don't sound good enough to recommend that someone else listen to my music through them, and they're earbuds, so there's a personal hygiene issue with sharing them withs strangers.

 

[BigJimbo]

The odds of just randomly finding love on the metro, airport, etc. is about one in a billion. Listen to your music. The entire world does these days.

And yes, it is annoying to have some dude chatter non-stop on a long flight. Be polite and respect those around you. Don't yack for 7 hours of a 12 hour flight! That is why you have individual televisions to watch on a plane (Singapore Airlines and Emirates offer the best I have seen). Just one thing. Don't blare your music so that everyone around you hears it! Hearing is a blessing.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

I might not find love, but I might have a good, or even great, conversation with an intelligent cute girl. That alone would be a confidence booster, thereby helping my confidence when I'm in a higher attractive-females-my-age density area. We're talking a major US city, so every time I go out I see a ton of attractive women.

And about the odds... well regardless of what I said about just looking for good conversation to boost my skillz/confidence.... you can't win if you don't play!

 

[prairiedog24]

And yes, it is annoying to have some dude chatter non-stop on a long flight. Be polite and respect those around you. Don't yack for 7 hours of a 12 hour flight! That is why you have individual televisions to watch on a plane (Singapore Airlines and Emirates offer the best I have seen). Just one thing. Don't blare your music so that everyone around you hears it! Hearing is a blessing.

Or better yet, learn the social skills to realize when someone is enjoying themselves and reciprocating or just being polite.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Sure enough, only 1 day after implementing this rule, I already had a very interesting conversation with a South African grad student that I TOTALLY would have missed if I was wearing my heaphones! I wasn't very attracted to her, but it just boosted my confidence a little bit and was good for me to practice some conversational techniques that I just learned recently.

Feeling pretty good.

 

[Zarky]

Actually I think it would look kind of cool if you took off your headphones to talk to a chick. Or lifted one ear. You could play it real cool. Talk to her for a second, then put the headphones back on, etc. I think that's a rather good prop if you use it right.

 

[BigJimbo]

I might not find love, but I might have a good, or even great, conversation with an intelligent cute girl. That alone would be a confidence booster, thereby helping my confidence when I'm in a higher attractive-females-my-age density area. We're talking a major US city, so every time I go out I see a ton of attractive women.

And about the odds... well regardless of what I said about just looking for good conversation to boost my skillz/confidence.... you can't win if you don't play!

Whatever. If you see tons of attractive "women" in any American town I know that you have no clue what you are talking about.

 

[theunflushables]

I must've miscommunicated something here...

I am not worried that I'm missing out on women approaching me.

I'm worried that I'm missing out on me approaching women or even just having brief interactions with total strangers.

I was on the train the other day with my headphones in, and sat near a very cute girl reading a book. I wanted to ask her what book she was reading, but instead I said to myself "no, you've got headphones in, so now you've got to take them off to talk to her and it'll be obvious to other people that you were taking them off just to hit on this cute girl who might not want to be interrupted from her reading."

Don't worry about what other people might think. 99 percent of the people on the train are not paying attention to you. They have their own books, music, handheld devices, etc. that they are engrossed in. Unless you are causing a big commotion they are not going to divert their attention to see what you are doing.

And like Zarky said, it'd look cool. It shows way more investment than not wearing headphones. You actually have to stop what you're doing to talk to her.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

Completely agree that I shouldn't worry about what other people think. Currently, I still do. I'm more focused on not caring what whomever I'm talking to thinks right now, so I'm just trying to make it as easy as possible for myself to start talking to someone.

As far as "tons" of attractive women, I am from a small town where there are almost no thin women, let alone attractive ones, after high school. Recently, I moved to one of the largest cities in the US. Maybe I'm just suffering from small-town-guy-in-big-city syndrome, if there is such a thing. Never seen so many women in one place - not even in college (also went to a small undergrad college).

I really don't want to show investment before she even opens her mouth, and the act of taking my headphones off is a psychological hurdle that I'd rather avoid. I'd also rather not have the bail-out option of putting my headphones back on, because it would just give me an excuse to bail when I otherwise might not have.