I was extremely avoidant during my youth due to a number of factors, and I didn't have any friends at one point. I have finally started to turn around this past year or so, thank god. I am starting to make friends, and hanging out with people. I took up mountain biking, and am exercising. What I am noticing is that if you didn't foster many friendships during your youth (Im 26) no one will be there when you are older to share your life with. For instance, I have not been to a single friends wedding, while I hear people all around me talk about weddings they were invited to. Or parties; I haven't been to a party in years. I have never really been on a date. Of course I want these things, because without others life is vacant. Maybe if I go go grad school things will change and I'll meet more people. Anyways I wanted to share this and maybe get some feedback as to how I can improve my situation.
No friends = No life
- Thread starter leoncour
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WestCoaster
Master Don Juan
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Putting yourself out there is the key. You have to reach out. I was lamenting the fact that since I've moved to my town, I don't know enough people. I joined a tennis class and found some people of my ability level and asked them if they wanted to play singles or doubles, so I rounded up e-mails and phone numbers after the last class.
The key is initiative, whether it's dating or trying to make friends. I've found it's really easy to meet people in college and grad school because you're surrounded by people with many of the same goals and you see them every day in class.
But when you get out into the working world, you really have to take initiative and understand that rejections -- be it in dating or just meeting friends - isn't necessarily a reflection on you as a person, it's just that people are busy. Or even if they didn't want to go out, so be it.
You're moving in the right direction with mountain biking and exercise, the key is whether you're in grad school or not, take the initiative. Put yourself out there.
Sounds like you're taking appropriate steps, now just up the effort level a bit.
The key is initiative, whether it's dating or trying to make friends. I've found it's really easy to meet people in college and grad school because you're surrounded by people with many of the same goals and you see them every day in class.
But when you get out into the working world, you really have to take initiative and understand that rejections -- be it in dating or just meeting friends - isn't necessarily a reflection on you as a person, it's just that people are busy. Or even if they didn't want to go out, so be it.
You're moving in the right direction with mountain biking and exercise, the key is whether you're in grad school or not, take the initiative. Put yourself out there.
Sounds like you're taking appropriate steps, now just up the effort level a bit.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
Maybe if I go go grad school things will change and I'll meet more people.
I did and I am, fwiw. Relationships and friendships are built on common ground; sharing experiences with others is the way to begin. Congratulations on the positive changes that you have made in your life. Keep working at it, and good luck.
I did and I am, fwiw. Relationships and friendships are built on common ground; sharing experiences with others is the way to begin. Congratulations on the positive changes that you have made in your life. Keep working at it, and good luck.
Force yourself to get out of the house. Volunteer for stuff; stuff with women in it preferably 
, like anything in the medical field (trust me on that one). The possibilities are endless, just look for them.
Weeks one and two of the Boot Camp can be stretched out, slowed down, and repeated. Nothing wrong with that.
Take small steps, be steady, consistent, don't stop.
, like anything in the medical field (trust me on that one). The possibilities are endless, just look for them. Weeks one and two of the Boot Camp can be stretched out, slowed down, and repeated. Nothing wrong with that.
Take small steps, be steady, consistent, don't stop.
I made the most friends in grad school with the undergraduates from both my classes, and sports. The graduate students really depend on which field you are in, but most are married and live professional lives.Bible_Belt said:
You sound a lot like me. I'm 28, have no friends, have never been on a date, etc. I absolutely agree with you that making friends in adolescence is crucial because you meet friends through other friends. A lot of people in their late twenties are married or in relationships and don't seem to have the time or the desire to make new friends or hang out after work. I get the eerie feeling I would not be in this mess right now if I had discovered this forum years ago.
RedPill
Master Don Juan
This is bullsyt dude. You've got the deadly and contagious scarcity mentality. What are you gonna do about your life situation? Chalking up your lack of social and dating success to a lack of opportunity is loser talk. The opportunities for you don't exist because you won't open your eyes to them. Opportunity is everywhere. Instead of the self-defeating "there's no hope for me" beliefs you have, why don't you take some ownership for your life?Stavrogin said:
WestCoaster
Master Don Juan
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Agree RedPill, I have all kinds of friends, married, single, etc., if you have an open-minded attitude and are willing to put yourself out there, you'll meet people. If you have a self-defeatist attitude, you won't ... and I'm way past my late 20's.
I fear for the American male, I just read articles in the latest Esquire magazine on the state of the American male and future -- where way more women are attending college than men right now -- and it's not good.
Check out the main board, a lot of "men" (I use that term loosely) who are dying for women to complete their lives for them.
Who in the hell raised these guys? Amazing.
I fear for the American male, I just read articles in the latest Esquire magazine on the state of the American male and future -- where way more women are attending college than men right now -- and it's not good.
Check out the main board, a lot of "men" (I use that term loosely) who are dying for women to complete their lives for them.
Who in the hell raised these guys? Amazing.
So where is this mature man bootcamp? I saw the thread at the top of the page, is that it? Talking to girls is easy, but I have no idea how to seduce them or even to make them interested in me in a sexual manner. And I've been looking at this site since Jan 2002.
