nice guys are...okay? revelation

[dynamicallyidle]

I know this is not the usual viewpoint on the forum. Everyone says to kill the nice guy in you or you do not have a chance with women. And this is true...some of the time!

Look at all these posts of nice guys saying they got dumped by their g/f. We've all heard the story a million times over. And yet...what are all these women doing with these nice guys in the first place?

Nice guys may be the most common boyfriend out there. The thing is, nice guys have certain aspects which are appealing to women!

Nice guys are respectful to women. However, it is only with time that it becomes evident to the woman that their nice guy respects her more than he respects himself! That is the turn-off point.

They make it obvious that they truly appreciate a women by giving them gifts and shows of affection. Initially, this feels nice to the girl...but they overdo it.

In fact, nice guys do a lot of things right...they just overdo it. They always push but they never pull, or vice versa. They don't know how to change the rythmn or pace of the game.

A lot of guys get dumped for being nice guys and they try to overcompensate by being jerks. But they really don't need to try so hard. Nice guys...just turn down the niceness a few notches, but don't lose it. You will be surprised with the results.

 

[cyp6]

why did you wirte this post?

 

[SDBmania]

I think this is an interesting topic.

Nice Guys have a bad reputation, mostly because most of them are wussy. I think that is the fundemental reason Nice Guys get screwed figuratively, but not literally.

Nice Guys try to be something they are not, often lying to to make a woman happy. They try so hard to impress women and that's part of why they fail.

I have a lot of fun with women thesed days and I'm starting to notice women notice me more now that I am confident.

You need to be yourself, by that I mean be you. Not someone else. Pretending to be a Jerk isn't nessisary. You have to figure out who you are. Then you need to build your confidence in yourself. Once you get to the point where you love your self, then you are ready for a relationship.

People get confused by the advice, "Just be yourself." That doesnt help much. Treat women like you would treat you guy friends, that really has helped me with taking to women. It also has helped me feel more confident around them.

Don't care what women think about you. More importantly, don't care what anyone thinks about who you are. If someone insults you, let it go. If you worry all the time what people's opinion is about you, it's going to make you look paranoid. If you are secure with who you are, then it doesnt matter if everyone likes you. Do it for YOU! Not for everyone else and I mean when it comes to your image and how you present youself.

Being successful with women doesnt mean you have to treat them like dirt. Teasing is fun, just don't go to far. Insulting women won't work unless they like that kind of thing.

Some guys laugh at nice guys, because most of them are weak. Whether you think of yourself as a nice or good guy, the key is to be real. Treat women like you will want to be treated. The golden rule eh? A real Nice Guy is a good guy at heart, but can stand up for himself. He's strong emotinally and is very confident. That's at least how I think of "Nice Guys."

I feel sorry for men who fit the sterotype of the Nice Guy. I used to be that. I'm still nice, but I also stand up for myself and have a lot of confidence.

I hope my post helps.

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

I agree with these posts
being afraid of their sexuality is also a big problem.

I've noticed recently that teasing isnt effective to attraction unless theres sexuality, and yes, nicely and compassion, mixed with it

good thread

 

[blinkwatt]

Nice Guys try to be something they are not, often lying to to make a woman happy. They try so hard to impress women and that's part of why they fail.

Do you mean by flatering them,instead of the occassional compliment?

 

[SDBmania]

Do you mean by flatering them,instead of the occassional compliment?

Yes, some what. They lay it on too thick. Sort of like trying to, "buy love," in a way. It's best to compliement a woman here and there. Doing it too much makes you look desperate and that you are tying to hard. Flattery works, but only in short bursts, so I feel that's a fine line.

Also, complements shouldn't be about her physical appearnce all the time. Most of it should be more about her personality or job for example. Just use your best judgment.

 

[cr2]

I agree with these posts
being afraid of their sexuality is also a big problem.

I've noticed recently that teasing isnt effective to attraction unless theres sexuality, and yes, nicely and compassion, mixed with it

good thread

LOL teasing is always affective in attraction no matter what...every girl ive ever met has likeed it

 

[THE_ADDMAN]

LOL teasing is always affective in attraction no matter what...every girl ive ever met has likeed it

of course, they do love it, and it should be used. But without sexuality, it doesnt go anywhere.


lots of guys I know tease girls, but because they are insecure and dont know what else to say to them. so they default to teasing, but they never progress. by the time they get the balls to progress, she isnt interested, and they're just teasing-friends

 

[Ace of Flames]

Also, complements shouldn't be about her physical appearnce all the time. Most of it should be more about her personality or job for example. Just use your best judgment.

Tell the beautiful ones they're smart, and tell the smart ones they're beautiful. The point is, don't compliment them on the junk they hear everyday.

 

[Delta]

"most common boyfriend" yes - most common boyfriend is the boyfriend of the most common chick... which is... common... average... about 6... and that makes him... yep... just about an "AFC". right?

"most common" is easy. right?

what i wrote in another post:

nice can be a cover. it can be manipulation in disguise.

you try to be so nice that no one is allowed to dislike you. in a sense, they come to "owe" you.

and behind it all is not necessarily the interest of the well being of others but FEAR and self centeredness... and in the end, it is all quid pro quo so that others will be nice to you.

fear and self centeredness = not truly, altruistically, nice.

delta

------------------------------------------

nice can be mere OBSEQUIOUSNESS in disguise.

appeasement.

"please don't hurt me".

nice is only nice if it comes from a position of strength and plenty and genuine concern for others.

if it is driven by SELF CENTEREDNESS, if it is about quid pro quo, if it is about WHAT DO I GET?, it is not anywhere near genuine nice.

and let's face it - most guys that are nice are nice to get something because they're insecure and because they're afraid of being ostracized.

delta

 

[cr2]

of course, they do love it, and it should be used. But without sexuality, it doesnt go anywhere.


lots of guys I know tease girls, but because they are insecure and dont know what else to say to them. so they default to teasing, but they never progress. by the time they get the balls to progress, she isnt interested, and they're just teasing-friends

lol no teasing is flirting in a sense...its will get you everywhere

 

[Cableguy]

I think there is a difference between being a "good guy" and a "nice guy."

A good guy has a life of his own and doesn't depend on womens' approval to feed his self esteem. He opens doors, he pays for dates that he initiates, he makes a women feel safe and secure. He doesn't, however, supplicate and try and earn a woman's affection because he's a good catch and realizes, wait, he KNOWS there are hundreds of other women out there.

A nice guy does some of the above but it's the little things that turns women off. The repeated failing of shyt test after shyt test and focusing on each women he dates like she's "special" that precipitates his demise. Hell, I'm one of these idiots who would run out and get a chick food because I thought it would make her like me. Excuse me while I projectile vomit.

I can't find it in my nature to be a jerk and I refuse to be a nice guy so a good guy is what I'm shooting for. I must say, it's working beautifully.

I've been dating a girl as of late who has begun to shyt test me regularly. Now, 6 months ago I would have completely blown it. After taking the red pill I see things much differently. I don't tell her I like her, I don't need to. I spend time with her when I have the time, I don't make time. She doesn't take me for granted because of this. When we're together I make her feel like the sexiest women on earth but she knows she has competition.

A good guy can date a woman, compliment her sparingly and in order, give her affection, **** her silly, and still be a man's man. A nice guy can't. He'll be too busy buying her presents, writing love poems, and telling her how wonderful his life has become since he met her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think there is a difference between being a "good guy" and a "nice guy."...

Good guys are on a supplication free diet.

 

[SDBmania]

I really like the ideas in this post.

I concider myself as the "Good Guy." I definetly do not fit the Nice Guy steryotype anymore.

 

[brenbaus]

I think there is a difference between being a "good guy" and a "nice guy."

A good guy has a life of his own and doesn't depend on womens' approval to feed his self esteem. He opens doors, he pays for dates that he initiates, he makes a women feel safe and secure. He doesn't, however, supplicate and try and earn a woman's affection because he's a good catch and realizes, wait, he KNOWS there are hundreds of other women out there.

A nice guy does some of the above but it's the little things that turns women off.

I can't find it in my nature to be a jerk and I refuse to be a nice guy

A good guy can date a woman, compliment her sparingly and in order, give her affection, **** her silly, and still be a man's man. A nice guy can't.

couldn't have said it better myself