New job at a gym: sexual chemistry with my "boss".

[Broham]

I am going to be starting a part-time job at a local gym this weekend. I have a full-time software sales job during the week. I'm actually just going for training on Saturday and starting next week. Anyways, the HB8 who I've been working with is a General Manager at the gym. She also owns her own personal training company and she's only 28 (I'm 25).

I've met with her 3 times this week and I've gotten a very sexual vibe from her every time. I was giving her hardcore C&F the first time, then I held back a little the next 2 times. She was quick to give it back to me (in a harmless, flirty way) and play the game. Although I would be her subordinate, I made sure to lead the conversation, neg her a little and make her feel submissive, and I think she loved it. Eye contact, body language (fidgeting on her part), and verbal flirting were there. She even called me "Darlin" a few times. She told me how she gave me great ratings in my interview and that I "made her blush". We even talked on the phone for about 20 minutes about traveling and music.

I even asked her if she had a BF to which she replied no. :rockon:

I am debating whether to ask her out on Saturday or not. Obviously this is not how a normal business relationship would progress. I've been dating more trash lately than Oscar the Grouch but this girl seems like a diamond in the rough and I'm ready for an LTR. I'd love to give this a shot but I'm slightly worried that if she says no it will make things awkward every time I see her. Thoughts?

 

[Vulpine]

There's a buh-zillion threads on the horrors of dipping the pen in company ink.

It could work for you, but, not without a truckload of drama.

Do some searches and read up.

That's my take.

Now, should one of you transfer, or stop working together...

Keep her on the back burner.

 

[Vulpine]

One still loves the hell out of me, she got fired for flirting on the job,

Drama

than my boss had me get a restraining order so she would stop calling.

Drama

I quit my job for other reasons with another two, and the relationship just fizzled.

Drama

I've always kept it professional and NEVER have I flirted during work hours to waste company time.

Drama

 

[Vulpine]

I'm saying there that trying to tiptoe around the office and restrain yourself is a lot of hassle. If you are tapping it outside of work, there is a special little awkwardness AT work that is just more needless and avoidable drama.

You got my point: It's possible, but with truckloads of drama.

 

[MacAvoy]

I've been dating more trash lately than Oscar the Grouch

I love the sesame street reference.

this girl seems like a diamond in the rough and I'm ready for an LTR. I'd love to give this a shot

My friend this is the road to AFC'ville. You haven't even asked her out on a date yet and your already building her up in your mind as LTR material. You need to date her for a couple months before you even consider going into LTR.

With regards to dipping your pen in the company ink, normally I would suggest staying away, but in this case, its only a second part time job and is not your career, so I would so go for it. Just keep it light, spin other plates, and forget about LTR until she brings it up. Remember a DJ never brings up going exclusive.

 

[Vulpine]

IWith regards to dipping your pen in the company ink, normally I would suggest staying away, but in this case, its only a second part time job and is not your career, so I would so go for it. Just keep it light, spin other plates, and forget about LTR until she brings it up. Remember a DJ never brings up going exclusive.

OOp! -I missed that crucial detail.

I would like to change my to Part time job? Pssshhhff.... tap it.

 

[legolas]

You do as you please and read up on this as Vulpine suggested but from my standpoint, this is p/t gig for ya, and she owns her own business (assuming it is not tied to the gym she works at) thus she may be working there to either supplement her income or to get more clients for her business or both.

Also don't make the mistake of building her up in your mind as LTR material. It the shortest shortcut to AFC-ville. I've done it many times and it sucks. My problem is that it is automatic and I seem to have no control over it. But I'm beginning to become aware of it and this is the beginning of your road to freedom.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I even asked her if she had a BF to which she replied no.

NEVER ask a girl if she has a BF.

You may as well have said, "I reallly like you and I'm hoping to apply for the boyfriend position just as soon as you feel I qualify for it." Confirming your own IL for her puts you completely in her frame and there's really no reason for it since she'll readily offer this information if she does anyway. By directly asking this, not only do you tip your hand, you voluntarily give her an 'out' of your approach.

Always operate as if a woman doesn't have a boyfriend. This bolsters her perception of your confidence.

That said, if you don't consider this part-time job as a career move, play ball. My general advice is to never date a co-worker; there's simply too much at risk personally and professionally. But if you don't care if you lose this job then you might consider it.

 

[Broham]

Thanks for the advice guys. I typically NEVER consider a girl LTR material until I go out with her at least 5-6 times, but there was just this natural chemistry that I've rarely experienced in my 8-9 years of dating. That coupled with the fact that I'm sick of the games, bytches and retards that I've dated has caused me to put this chick on a mini-pedestal. Whatever, she has me on a pedestal too.

Rollo- I didn't directly ask if she had a BF. She mentioned where she lived and how she had 2 dogs, to which I replied "oh, you don't live with your boyfriend?" and she replied no. It was just part of the conversation.

I'm gonna ask her out after we're done training on Saturday. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

She mentioned where she lived and how she had 2 dogs, to which I replied "oh, you don't live with your boyfriend?" and she replied no. It was just part of the conversation.

Hehheheh,..and you don't think she was perceptive enough to pick up on this?

Well, it sounds like you're in anyway, just be sure you don't sell her the farm on your first date. It's sounding like you're leaning towards ONEitis. Keep spinning other plates.

 

[Latinoman]

Part time...full time...volunteer...a job is a job and should be approached professionally. After all, you are working for a reason or a need.

I personally discourage possibility of drama at the work place, because I'm a strong believer in resumes. You never know...in a day in which many of the high paying jobs sometimes require some kind of "security clearance" ...things that might impact you in ANY job can mess your chances. Also, many people rely on multiple "part time" jobs.

And if you misread the signals (and MANY men do)...or worst...things doesn't work...then you are not just in an awful situation, but the chances of others knowing are very high. A label that no man wants in his head.

But...that's not the type of advice you are looking for. So, let me tell you a couple things that I noticed about you in this particular case:

1- "chemistry"
2- "LTR"

Chemistry is something that I can see a woman using in her vocabulary. Especially this early in the game.

And the "LTR" reference based on just talking with her? You have not even slept with her...so, what makes her LTR material? You are already reprogramming your brain into "falling in love" with her. In fact, I have not seen you mention ANYTHING negative about her: an imposibility.

I will add

3- "Do you have a boyfriend?"

I don't understand why men even ask that question. If she wants to get laid by you...then who cares? Unless, you want to be her "boyfriend".

Why not get laid (or at worst make out) first and work things from there (e.g. date, girlfriend, etc.). Save you a LOT of time and $$$!

 

[Broham]

Hehheheh,..and you don't think she was perceptive enough to pick up on this?

Well, it sounds like you're in anyway, just be sure you don't sell her the farm on your first date. It's sounding like you're leaning towards ONEitis. Keep spinning other plates.

I'll try to keep the oneitis at bay. I've got an 18 year old freak coming over tomorrow night, but with her I get more mental stimulation talking to a wall.

 

[Latinoman]

By the way...if I was to have a "job affair"...the only way would be to do it in such a fashion that NOBODY falls in love and that we can continue doing our job.

The problem with you is that you are falling in love. You might even get her in trouble. You might get jealous when other men at the gym start talking to her.

No good.

 

[Broham]

I don't understand why men even ask that question. If she wants to get laid by you...then who cares? Unless, you want to be her "boyfriend".

Why not get laid (or at worst make out) first and work things from there (e.g. date, girlfriend, etc.). Save you a LOT of time and $$$!

You are onto something.

Do you think I should skip asking her out to dinner and just invite her back to my place when she gets out of work? She actually drove into my apartment complex the other day, since she's looking to move in my area and I told her about my place.

I also told her I have a pool table so that could be a good in. Normally, I would just ask the girl out for drinks, and if it went well, I'd Fck them. However, these ONSes would never last and I actually think this girl is a lot classier than your typical dumb wh0re.

You mentioned that "chemistry" is a word girls predominantly use. What would you call a state of being when you just click with a girl and the conversation is never forced and both of you have a sexual vibe? Have you EVER had felt that way before Latino?

By the way...if I was to have a "job affair"...the only way would be to do it in such a fashion that NOBODY falls in love and that we can continue doing our job.

The problem with you is that you are falling in love. You might even get her in trouble. You might get jealous when other men at the gym start talking to her.

No good.

Dude, I'm not some p*ssywhipped chump ready to play Prince Charming. I could care less who she talks to, that's part of her job. I'm not even going to be working the same shifts as her.

She's not some goddess either. She's ~10 pounds overweight, has a horrible taste in music and wears these annoying black rimmed glasses.

 

[Latinoman]

You are onto something.

Do you think I should skip asking her out to dinner and just invite her back to my place when she gets out of work? She actually drove into my apartment complex the other day, since she's looking to move in my area and I told her about my place.

I also told her I have a pool table so that could be a good in. Normally, I would just ask the girl out for drinks, and if it went well, I'd Fck them. However, these ONSes would never last and I actually think this girl is a lot classier than your typical dumb wh0re.

I believe you have a great chance to have sex with her. Would I have sex with her under same circumstances? Yes...I would (but keeping in mind the "job" and "boss" issue). I won't discourage that...after all, it is just a part time job. But you still have to be careful (e.g. do things in such a fashion that NOBODY at work knows). This girl might be a lot classier (although, I don't know what's so classy about getting involved with subordinates - I personally find that unethical)...and if that is the case, then that's fine. It happens. Let's assume you then start a LTR....etc., fall in love, etc. But now things get complicated. Why? Because now you would have to consider your LTR girlfriend's well being and how a relationship with you would impact her at her job and for that matter, her reputation. She will have a lot to lose.

You mentioned that "chemistry" is a word girls predominantly use. What would you call a state of being when you just click with a girl and the conversation is never forced and both of you have a sexual vibe? Have you EVER had felt that way before Latino?

I have had that with friends (men and women that became very good friends based on similar interests). I am very rational when I get involve with women. Or even when I talk with them. I get in a relationship; I already identify what might work and what might not. I certainly identify her negative qualities (or what I perceive as negative), that way I can stay focus and alert. That allows me to remain rational and put a check on my emotions.

I strongly believe that men should be around 2/3 rational and 1/3 emotional...and woman around 2/3 emotional and 1/3 rational. That creates a balance in a relationship. But when a man becomes 2/3 emotional (like the woman) and only 1/3 emotional (like the woman)...then you have a relationship that is 4/3 emotional (1/3 excess) and 2/3 rational (1/3 missing).

To answer your question: How would I call it? It depends! If I'm talking to a woman (my partner)...then I might use her language and call it "chemistry" or "connection". They love that and is a term they identify with. I would speak THEIR language. Get them all emotional and stuff.

But if I was describing that to men...I would say, "I met this woman and so far she has exhibit the qualities I am looking in a woman that is LTR material."

Now...if you have been with her for a while (intimate, etc.)...I can see using the term "chemistry" as a term applied with some rationality behind it.

 

[Broham]

Good stuff.

 

[DarkLight]

lol...
Damn I love this forum.
(sh!t is too funny)

...and I say you wax.
You'll fig. things out as they roll.
Def. don't lead her to moving in your apt. complex, or too close!
Enjoy, tap it, and get to see how the dynamic unfolds.
You'll still be in a fair enough proximity/distance to steer things whichever way.

 

[ntssv]

Remember a DJ never brings up going exclusive.

I like this

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Dude, I'm not some p*ssywhipped chump ready to play Prince Charming. I could care less who she talks to, that's part of her job. I'm not even going to be working the same shifts as her.

She's not some goddess either. She's ~10 pounds overweight, has a horrible taste in music and wears these annoying black rimmed glasses.

You might NOT be a pu$$y-whipped ***** in general, but based off the information you've given us about this girl and how you feel, your headed down the wrong path. And honestly, I can totally related to it. Often times guys equate overall value in women based off their looks. Its a proven fact in society that good looking people in general have it easier in just about every facet of life. So its not a surprise that your sprung on this chick since she obviously meets your requirements for looks.

However I think Rollo, Latioman and the others are just trying to help you look at this from a logical perspective. I believe that's what Rollo was referring to with his whole emotional/logical example. Right now your acting too much off emotion and need, rather than attraction and value. Your telling us that your ready for a LTR, and since this chick is hot she qualifies. Furthermore, it seems to me that youv'e come to your LTR conclusion based off your most recent experiences with the wrong women. Don't do that!! While all these methods and tactics can work effectively on most women, every woman is a little bit different. I think as other have said your digging your soul into the path of one-itis.

Examples:

1) Indirectly asking about a bf
2) telling her about your apartment complex
3) complimenting her

If you get the chance to fuvk her, definitely do it. But since she is your boss, and you will see her at work from time to time, I'd wait until you have CLEAR CUT signals before you proceed any further. Oh and being in a relationship with someone you work with is the fast track to disaster, I definitely do not recommend that path.



PIMP