New guy needs some tips!

[kid_gorgeous]

Hi,

I just discovered this forum. I have reached a stage of frustration wherein I considered paying for sex. I havent owing to my perception of self worth, but just to provide context.

I'm almost 26. I have had every privilege in life, nice schools, right address, two degrees, a wonderful family life. I am well dressed, well educated, well spoken-yet I have no luck whatsoever with the ladies.

I have tried online dating, nothing. I have tried bars-but not enough. A bit of success, but closed too few deals. I just cant put a finger on where I'm going wrong.

Without being arrogant, I thought I had most criteria a woman would want, am ok looking, decent shape, educated, urbane, well read etc. I will say that I have tended to set the bar high and like a certain type [educated, middle class girls] but I am at a loss right now.

Help!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Hi,

I just discovered this forum. I have reached a stage of frustration wherein I considered paying for sex. I havent owing to my perception of self worth, but just to provide context.

I'm almost 26. I have had every privilege in life, nice schools, right address, two degrees, a wonderful family life. I am well dressed, well educated, well spoken-yet I have no luck whatsoever with the ladies.

I have tried online dating, nothing. I have tried bars-but not enough. A bit of success, but closed too few deals. I just cant put a finger on where I'm going wrong.

Without being arrogant, I thought I had most criteria a woman would want, am ok looking, decent shape, educated, urbane, well read etc. I will say that I have tended to set the bar high and like a certain type [educated, middle class girls] but I am at a loss right now.

Help!

Well, you are beginning to realize you don't have most criteria a woman would want. It's ok, most of us didn't when we first started learning this stuff. Looks like your problem might be some of the things you are doing to mess up things rather than what you have (material things, etc.).

You don't state how often you socialize, engage, approach, and put yourself out there in situations where you are coming on to women. If you thought all you needed was your background and material posessions, you will find out that is not always the case, unless you have descent game to go with it. The women you are interested in have many offers, from men who have what you have, if not more, and also have some game that helps them distinguish themselves. In other words, they're not going to just fall on your lap or check your resume and coming knocking on your door. Guys like that are a dime a dozen, and those type of women have enough suiters, and men hitting on them, that they don't have to chase you.

 

[moneyisking]

whatever you learn from this website or any other pick up matter, realize that things work when you internalize it by going through experiences and stuff. reading theories will not help you. don't take all the learning to seriously. you do need to read them to be knowledgeable, but disaster comes if you live by those theories. You will realize what i mean, although i hope you don't reach that unfortunate point by being smart. readings are only for you to read. don't walk or talk to girls thinking about all the stuff that you learned. it will only make you nervous. make sure you are out there to shag the hos. welcome and glad you joined us.

 

[Desdinova]

The quickest and easiest thing I can do is tell you to scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the link that says "DJ Bible" and start reading.

 

[kid_gorgeous]

Well, you are beginning to realize you don't have most criteria a woman would want. It's ok, most of us didn't when we first started learning this stuff. Looks like your problem might be some of the things you are doing to mess up things rather than what you have (material things, etc.).

You don't state how often you socialize, engage, approach, and put yourself out there in situations where you are coming on to women. If you thought all you needed was your background and material posessions, you will find out that is not always the case, unless you have descent game to go with it. The women you are interested in have many offers, from men who have what you have, if not more, and also have some game that helps them distinguish themselves. In other words, they're not going to just fall on your lap or check your resume and coming knocking on your door. Guys like that are a dime a dozen, and those type of women have enough suiters, and men hitting on them, that they don't have to chase you.

I don't socialize a great deal post grad school. I live in a town of 130k people, dont have much of a social circle here and work from home as a writer. I tried online dating for that reason but it was just a waste of money.

I know there is something off with me re: women's perceptions of me but I cant pinpoint it. I highlighted what I feel is a key point in your post, what could they be?

 

[marinetti]

My big advice is to learn how to lead. Women want men, and men are guys who know what they want in life and are unafraid to pursue it. Leading a woman from one part of the bar to another is no different than leading her to your house.

Decide what your niche is (are you a club guy, school kid, exercise buff, actor) and then surround yourself with that world. As you define your character through your niche you will start to interest the women interested in that niche. And by doing so you will find that you don't need to do 1000 random approaches (cause it's so random that many of them you won't have anything in common with) but instead, you'll surround yourself with women who like to spend their time the same way you do - and your success rate will skyrocket.

Good luck sir, hope to see you stick around here!

 

[kid_gorgeous]

How do you ID a niche?

I'm a school guy, a book guy. I like sports, but my strength is academia and my interests stem strongly from my studies.

I could do a bit more to keep up appearances, I mean I'm not way out of shape etc but the hair isnt always done etc.

I think having life handed to me on a platter has made me soft in terms of hunting skills. I am not used to not getting what I want, to struggling. There is a feeling that girls would like the guy I am, but its obviously unfounded.

 

[marinetti]

Nothing wrong with a smart guy, but you're still being vague.

What does 'a school guy' mean? If you're studying biology you'd spend time in labs. If you study computer you spend time in... well, computer labs lol. If you study politics you probably have some work of thinktank-esque setting....

A book guy? What does that mean? You spend 15 hours a day in the library? Or just that you like to read?

What about going out? What's your social life like? Cause that's where you're going to learn how to vibe with people, plus that's where the girls who are looking for men are...

There is a feeling that girls would like the guy I am, but its obviously unfounded.

Hold onto that. Don't go into the underdog status that so many guys on here are in. So many men in the world feel like they have to win women over, that they need magic bullets in order to convince girls to give them sex. That's not the case. You sound like a really smart guy who is a little unfocused on who he is. Someone who is inexperienced in simply vibing with other people. No big deal. These are all learnable things.

Answer those questions I asked you and get back to me.