New Girl - Advice

[DarwinTaurus]

So, my last girlfriend... we were on and off about three or four times over a 2.5 year period. About a month ago, we had our final argument (well, she had an argument with me), and I came to the conclusion that she is nuts. This time, she doesn't even want to remain friends, so good riddance.

In the meantime, I've moved on, and met someone new... but here's the kicker, she is someone that I never would've expected to be with, as she is from another race, culture and religion. She is from Bangladesh, and is a Muslim; albeit she is secular, the only thing that she adheres to, is not eating pork.

She's smart, she has a Masters Degree, and is a Librarian at a University. Our communication has been great, unlike my previous relationship.

I just wanted to get some advice and anecdotes from other Men here who have dated a Woman from a different race / culture / religion, and how it worked out, and how was your experience?

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

It won't work long term

Tell her that

And she's only gonna want you more

But it really won't work long term

That's my advice

 

[DarwinTaurus]

It won't work long term

Tell her that

And she's only gonna want you more

But it really won't work long term

That's my advice

Any specific reason why you don't think it would work long term?

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

Any specific reason why you don't think it would work long term?

Nothing important in common.

You could both shun your culture, but that alienates you

And women are fickle. On your side one day, not the next

Family is forever

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

Always choose your family over a woman

But that extends to religion, culture etc.

Never give up your heritage for a woman

 

[BaronOfHair]

So, my last girlfriend... we were on and off about three or four times over a 2.5 year period. About a month ago, we had our final argument (well, she had an argument with me), and I came to the conclusion that she is nuts. This time, she doesn't even want to remain friends, so good riddance.

In the meantime, I've moved on, and met someone new... but here's the kicker, she is someone that I never would've expected to be with, as she is from another race, culture and religion. She is from Bangladesh, and is a Muslim; albeit she is secular, the only thing that she adheres to, is not eating pork.

She's smart, she has a Masters Degree, and is a Librarian at a University. Our communication has been great, unlike my previous relationship.

I just wanted to get some advice and anecdotes from other Men here who have dated a Woman from a different race / culture / religion, and how it worked out, and how was your experience?

You snagged a sexy librarian. Enjoy it while it lasts, and don't sweat what may or may not happen weeks or decades from now. All things come to an end eventually anyway, and another chapter begins

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

You snagged a sexy librarian. Enjoy it while it lasts, and don't sweat what may or may not happen weeks or decades from now. All things come to an end eventually anyway, and another chapter begins

Well said.

I'm fortunate to come from a loving family. I wouldn't sacrifice that bond for anything

But i also know that not everyone has what we do

As a man, you have to decide what's best for you. You have a say in which chapters end and which ones begin.

It sounds like you're a smart guy, thinking long-term. And you obviously have reservations about this

Your gut instinct is probably correct

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

I dated a handful of women where it was obvious to both of us that it wouldn't be long term. It was purely transactional

Every relationship is transactional, don't get me wrong, but ultimately family and kids are usually the end game.

If you want a fling, be open with her about it

If you want something long-term, mention the fact that your families probably won't get along.

These are topics that will have to be discussed eventually....better sooner than later

 

[BaronOfHair]

Never give up your heritage for a woman

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

Admit defeat, @BaronOfHair

 

[DarwinTaurus]

We met again today. Had ice-cream under the shade of a tree, down at the waterfront. She is such a lovely woman, compared to my previous toxic relationship.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

We met again today. Had ice-cream under the shade of a tree, down at the waterfront. She is such a lovely woman, compared to my previous toxic relationship.

So far...

Typically people who enjoy toxic relationships usually move from one to another...

Keep your guard up.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It sounds like you're a smart guy, thinking long-term

Flattered as I am by your words, I also have to admit: My assessment, and the life philosophy which underpins it, are the results of my blundering thorough quite a few relations, not exceptional acumen on my part. I'm not on these Red Pill fundamentalists who claims to have access to greater truths which are incomprehensible to only 5% of humanity*


"And you obviously have reservations about this"

Reservations? No. If The OP and this chick are having fun and enjoying each other's company, I salute the two of them. I do encourage him to recognize that

-This probably isn't going to lead to marriage and kids, will be temporary

-Even if it does, that won't be forever either. One spouse will die before the other, they'll both die at the same time(Car accident, Beheaded during a home invasion, etc etc), the missus will decide she needs to "find hersel" then run off to Sedona to live in a commune, etc etc

Everything is impermanent. Enjoy it while it lasts


*Oddly enough, The Manospher swiped THAT notion from a pre-existing cult https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five-Percent_Nation

 

[DarwinTaurus]

So far...

Typically people who enjoy toxic relationships usually move from one to another...

Keep your guard up.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't enjoy the previous toxic relationship, but I will admit that I was blinded by oneitis.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Don't get me wrong, I didn't enjoy the previous toxic relationship, but I will admit that I was blinded by oneitis.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Here is the thing I have realized.

When someone stays in a relationship that is toxic for a long time, it's because on some level they enjoyed it.

Like the women who get treated like crap but yet still stick around or simply go from one relationship where they are treated like crap to another one where they are treated the same way. And when they find someone that treats them well eventually they think something is wrong with them because that's not how they should be treated and leave.

So you say you don't like toxic relationships but on some level you do. Because otherwise why would you stay for 2.5 years?

Think of it this way. If every day I put my hand on a hot stove and it got burned, how long would it take to realize that I don't want to put my hand on that hot stove? Would it take you 2.5 years of doing it to finally say I don't like this anymore?

Hell no! You would stop after the first time you did it.

The reason people stay in those relationships is because it is what they feel they deserve and is tied into their view of themselves which is not a healthy or positive one most times. They feel it's the best they can do and if they leave them they won't find anything better.

And those views of them self don't magically disappear just because they end one toxic relationship. Unless they fix that, they pretty much guarantee they will simply go from one to another.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

So you say you don't like toxic relationships but on some level you do. Because otherwise why would you stay for 2.5 years?

Because it was my first relationship in nearly 20 years, and I didn't know any better.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because it was my first relationship in nearly 20 years, and I didn't know any better.

C'mon man...

You may not know any better the first time you put your hand on a hot stove either but it doesn't take you 2.5 years to figure out it's not a good idea to keep doing it.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

So, this didn't work out. It did seem to be progressing ok, but she wanted to take it slow. I saw her last friday night, and we both said we liked each other. Then the next day she sent me a text saying she didn't have any feelings. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

I ended up blocking her and deleting her contact. I'm getting too old to be wasting time like this.

The past 3 years, especially my last relationship, and now this girl I was getting to know the past few months, communication ends up being ridiculous. Are there any normal women out there? Or are most women crazy to some extent?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So, this didn't work out. It did seem to be progressing ok, but she wanted to take it slow. I saw her last friday night, and we both said we liked each other. Then the next day she sent me a text saying she didn't have any feelings. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

I ended up blocking her and deleting her contact. I'm getting too old to be wasting time like this.

The past 3 years, especially my last relationship, and now this girl I was getting to know the past few months, communication ends up being ridiculous. Are there any normal women out there? Or are most women crazy to some extent?

Meh..."take it slow" translates into "I'm really not that into you, but you'll do for now until I find someone else I am more interested in. I'll just try to delay and limit the amount of sex we will have because I really don't want that from you. But you can take me out to dinner, buy me things and spend time with me while getting little to nothing in return and that's fine."

There is nothing crazy about this women. You simply missed signs that have been there from the beginning that she wasn't that into you. How often were you have sex with her? That's the key determiner of interest level at that stage of the relationship. You should be fvcking like rabbits early on.

If anything, she is probably wondering the same thing about you. "What type of guy stays with a woman who isn't giving him anything in return?"

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Meh..."take it slow" translates into "I'm really not that into you, but you'll do for now until I find someone else I am more interested in. I'll just try to delay and limit the amount of sex we will have because I really don't want that from you. But you can take me out to dinner, buy me things and spend time with me while getting little to nothing in return and that's fine."

There is nothing crazy about this women. You simply missed signs that have been there from the beginning that she wasn't that into you. How often were you have sex with her? That's the key determiner of interest level at that stage of the relationship. You should be fvcking like rabbits early on.

If anything, she is probably wondering the same thing about you. "What type of guy stays with a woman who isn't giving him anything in return?"

In terms of sex, never got that far. We had numerous phone calls and video calls that lasted around an hour, we met around 4 times, I thought it was leading to something.