never try to save a girl

[tatlongxxx]

As i am reading the article "Never try to save a girl" i remember this GF of mine.

She has unfair family background, her parents divorce because her mother cheated on his father. Her father felt down with the situation, he also forgot that he has kids that love him. Otherwise, he put all the blame to his kids. (thats including my GF). After the divorce, my GF auntie and uncle move in to their house. So as not her mother take the opportunity to remain on their house. My GF and his brother maltreated by her Aunt and Uncle and not taking care of them, they also do not understand their situation.. for god sake she was only 12.

I know she's got this problem since we've been together, and i know its true. I know that she dragged me down before, but now i becoming more confidant and i dont know why. I am motivating her that life is really unfair, and she's not the only person that has these bad experiences. Unfortunately, she is starting to have this physco character. She dont believe in God, she only believe in reality of life that all of us people living must suffer from pains and sorrow because that is the truth. And if we had past bad experience, we cannot erase it in our mind and heart.

Could you help me on this guyz, i dont know what to do now... she... her father and mother, including his brother... treating me as a part of their family

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Miserly loves company. Learn to love it or leave it.

 

[So Many Ways]

Help with what?

Do you enjoy paying captain save-a-hoe?

If you don't, you know what to do. There are millions of women out there.

 

[tatlongxxx]

its like i'm betting in a lottery or 50 50 . i dont mind if she dont want me to be his future husband. All i want is to help her for good, i just love it.

If she choose me....good, if not... good.

 

[xian]

i believe im in a similiar situation with you tatlongxxx. I have been trying for the past year and a half to help my GF become a better person, become more confident, all i can say is....the situation has only improved by 1%. so its a lost cause.

You can never change a person.....Change can only take place when the person herself decides to do it. There is no use influencing her.

Seems like you have 2 choices, stick with her , and slowly try to make her see the light ( which might take lliterally forever) or leave her and make her suffer a setback so that she will learn the drive for self improvement herself...

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

you can become her dr. phil..... You are not ur past experiences, you are not the abuse that happened to you...........

Do whatever you feel is right,-- anyway ot goes you will learn somethng.

 

[tatlongxxx]

Originally posted by xian
i believe im in a similiar situation with you tatlongxxx. I have been trying for the past year and a half to help my GF become a better person, become more confident, all i can say is....the situation has only improved by 1%. so its a lost cause.

You can never change a person.....Change can only take place when the person herself decides to do it. There is no use influencing her.

Seems like you have 2 choices, stick with her , and slowly try to make her see the light ( which might take lliterally forever) or leave her and make her suffer a setback so that she will learn the drive for self improvement herself...

She likes me to be his clown or she feels more comfortable and happy with me than to his parents and friends. I still can stand with this situation, I don’t know why I’m doing this maybe because I love music, and the lyrics inspired me like for example the song true colors of phil collins/cindy lauper. Before, I don’t like the song because its very sentimental… but when I heard it played in the radio and it was sung by a girl, I really liked it because of its acoustic sound and the girl voice think is similar with tori amos.

The problem with me guys, whenever I done good things for a person it makes heart perfect and I take it seriously.

 

[DJDamage]

Speaking from my experiences of Captain-Save-a-hoe days: You can never save her. You can only show her what a good time she has with you. Trying to solve her problems will only get you mix with the problems and eventually you will be the PROBLEM!.

You are a nice distraction from her problems, that is why she is with you.

Women with problems would rather choose to try and ignore their problems and live with it day to day then try to solve it and face it head on.

As Francisco said: "Love it or leave it".

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

tatlong, I was in a very similar situation.

This girl seemed normal at first (don't they all?). But she had a very fvcked up family. The dad had Attentiuon deficit syndrome. He was the kind of guy that sometimes would seem pretty cool, and then would need to start an argument when he got bored. Both parents had terrible spending habits. Needless to say, this messed up his kids pretty good.

I'm not going to go into all the problems I had with my girlfriend. But I will say this: if you're secretly hoping that she'll break up with you, you need to break up with her. You can't wait for a "good time" to leave her, because it will never happen!

Remember: in relationships, the weaker one ALWAYS brings the stronger one down.

 

[tatlongxxx]

She's nice and intelligent woman, she’s always take care of me. She’s making all the things a wife always does. Although she's my GF I always put in my mindset that she's just a friend to me. I never put all my feelings with her even though I love her. Sometimes, I think to dump her... but I can't. I know our relationship is worthless but why?

For my own good, I still need a woman to be my wife. I don’t want to ruin my life, so I always finding someone... be friendly with girls unfortunately, I never find one.

 

[Mister Big]

Having a healthy relationship with family is a serious qualifier for me. I am getting divorced and realize now that all my LTRs had serious problems with family. This problem will not go away and will become a festering emotional sore over time. It can be sad if the girl has great qualities, but if she isn't totally disconnected from these problems they become yours. Not my scene.

I'd rather go out with women whose families are a benefit not a negative. This is a harsh rule, but trust me, divorce and wasting much of your time together dealing with her never-ending family dramas is harsher. Think about this, if this woman didn't treat you like a king would you even consider her as a LTR.

Unless she wants to disconnect from these issues and adopt your family. NEXT. Chances are slim as they are the only family she has. Life really sucks for some people who can't initiate a new family cycle for themselves. Most of the time they marry other people with the same problems. I feel sorry for them and their kids, but not enough to ruin my own life. For the long-term relationship, solid family relationships are important. Do not marry a woman like this at all costs. This comes from painful experience.

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by spider_007
It is easy to give advice like this, and great deal of time he is absolutly right. BUT.

What if the gurll is sweet, and nice, and hase humongus tits

not as easy to walk away, is it.

In spiders case, have some initial fun, but keep your options open. If the family crap starts to stink up your relationship. Do the right thing for yourself. NEXT.

 

[tatlongxxx]

Originally posted by Mister Big
Unless she wants to disconnect from these issues and adopt your family. NEXT. Chances are slim as they are the only family she has. Life really sucks for some people who can't initiate a new family cycle for themselves. Most of the time they marry other people with the same problems. I feel sorry for them and their kids, but not enough to ruin my own life. For the long-term relationship, solid family relationships are important. Do not marry a woman like this at all costs. This comes from painful experience.

She is still stuck on her past. Including a small mistake she done, its a big deal to her. I know that i'm wasting my time with her, but as of now i can't help it. Do you think if she's not with any of his parents or relatives, she may forgot all her past miseries?

 

[ogre]

one thing I found is that screwed-up women like to stay that way. they don't want to be saved.

facing one's own negative patterns is extremely difficult. a screwed-up woman can't face them; as her BF all I can do is provide emotional pain-killers and get as much nookie as I can out of her until I can find a replacment.

what doesn't work is arguing with her about all the stupid stuff she does to screw up her life. what might work (I've never tried this) would be to try a reward/punishment thing, that is, punish her bad behavior by going cold on her and reward her for good behavior with sex.

but she better be worth it.....

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by tatlongxxx
I know that i'm wasting my time with her, but as of now i can't help it. Do you think if she's not with any of his parents or relatives, she may forgot all her past miseries?

My opinion is you are wasting your time. I can relate to your helplessness. I have invested my time in similar situations and these relationships are always an emotional black hole. But damn these women can sometimes be so fuking hot. Relationships are difficult without these challenges, so don't feel bad about it.

She will need to transform herself to qualify. This requires a lot of time (months to years) for her to be alone to assess her life and reprogram herself. The reality is this is a long shot and probably won't happen. I implore you to move on.

 

[tatlongxxx]

Thanks for the great advice MR.BIG

I know u r right, and absolutely right.
But sometimes all this problems is altering with happiness. I know her eyes smiles, whenever she treated the right way. I know her pains and sufferings, sometimes I’m totally freaking out. For us DJ's, I know we should not help this kind of girl. I always feel the conscience in my mind whenever I think that I’m in bad relationship. My tear drops whenever I felt to dump her. I cannot totally forget her, so I told her that she could also treat me as her best friend besides of being her BF.

what a nice guy i am....

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by tatlongxxx
For us DJ's, I know we should not help this kind of girl. I always feel the conscience in my mind whenever I think that I’m in bad relationship. My tear drops whenever I felt to dump her. I cannot totally forget her, so I told her that she could also treat me as her best friend besides of being her BF.

what a nice guy i am....

Remember that we all need a sense of self first to be able to share ourselves with others. The selfless man is lost. Although pain when breaking up is a part of life, minimizing pain by identifying and avoiding these types of relationships is simply self preservation. Give yourself time and mourn the relationship. Keep busy doing things you love.

 

[t00dumb]

Originally posted by Mister Big
Remember that we all need a sense of self first to be able to share ourselves with others. The selfless man is lost. Although pain when breaking up is a part of life, minimizing pain by identifying and avoiding these types of relationships is simply self preservation. Give yourself time and mourn the relationship. Keep busy doing things you love.

amen to that