Ever get jealous with your girl?
Ever worry that she'll cheat on you?
Thats normal, but if you don't deal with it properly, it will eat away at you and your relationship. If you feel those things, its VERY dificult to just ignore them. Whats the answer?
Quite simply: forge strong relationships with everyone around her. Really extend yourself into her life, push your social abilities to the max and reach out to as many people that are close to her. Don't be smarmy, but be genuinely friendly. That means: asking about them, paying attention, caring about what they've been up to.
This is the golden rule: never smother her, never dominate her time or her body, and never lavish physical affection on her when there's "her people" around. Dropping all the couple-stuff means you can ALL BE EQUAL and so all get on as friends. Save the kisses and hugs for the bedroom. This way you will be accepted and integrated as a couple AND as an individual into the social setting (friend, family, whatever.) PLUS, your girl will lap up the way you respect everyone, and like you more, and get increasingly moe desperate for your affection - perfect indifference. This is the golden rule.
HER GIRLFRIENDS.
- If they find you attractive, its easy. Don't try and charm them or come on to them (!) but just be very open and friendly. They will be flattered and will inevitably develop some loyalty towards you.
- If they don't find you attractive, be more open and more friendly... find that common ground. Learn how to deal with them.
- If they don't like you... well, don't let that happen. If they already do for some past reason, you need to repair that damage ASAP. Whatever it takes.
- ALWAYS put the friends before yourself. If there is choice betwen you and them, suggest your girl go with them 99/100 times. Everyone, your girl included, will love you for this. Can't lose. MAKE SURE THE FRIENDS ABSOLUTELY KNOW YOU DO THIS. Try and have them around whem you suggest it. The situations will arise for sure, now that all you guys are hanging out like friends (cos youre so damn friendly!)
- When you all go out or do stuff together, try and put slightly more effort into the unattractive friends than the attractive ones, and more effort into the friends than the girl (be careful not to overdo it!)
HER GUYFRIENDS.
- Find common ground and bond with them on that. Push yourself - its harder to want to befriend random guys, but youve got to.
- If theyre deisrable in some way - your gf might have a DJ or goodlooking guyfriend - up the effort factor times 10. Read on...
-If one of them likes your girl, or they've had "history", or worse you suspect they might like each other in some way.... YOU MUST MAKE 150% EFFORT WITH HIM. This is a billion times more effective than beating on him, or calling him out on it; he won't understand. Don't set up sides that your girl will then have to choose from! You may not like the answer - esp. if he's been around longer.
IF you do this right, he won't be ABLE to seduce your girl, because:
(a) he'll like you - you try cheating on someone you like (really like) - only the most heartless mfs could do it.
(b) your girl will like you too much, since your so damn friendly, secure, and not jealous.
(c) your girl realises you and him have a "GUY LOYALTY" now that cant broken. She cant take any chances any longer.
You've broken up a potential "get-together"... with nothing but friendship. You've basically undermined their little "attraction", you've hustled them both... and COME OUT SMELLING LIKE THE BEST GUY IN THE WORLD.
FAMILY.
- Get off on the right foot early. Find out the family background. Are they religious? Are they evil overlords hell-bent on world domination? Depending, upon meeting them, follow social etiquette. Appear traditional and respectful - shake the fathers hand (if he's around!), perhaps a gentle peck on the cheek of mom (depends on MANY factors of course - she might have a dragon for a mom, religious etc.) Either way; you must gauge what's appropriate and act in that way without hesitation. Appear confident, but not ****y.
- Ask questions, find out as much as is polite. Make every effort to converse fully. Find common ground; if you have knowledge of or interest in things that they do, you're more than half-way there. Focus on the family and not the girl. AGAIN, this is the key.
- Don't take their little girl/sister away from them. As with friends, always suggest your girl puts her family first, and make sure they know this (say it when theyre around.)
- That ties in with taking it slow. Demonstrate respect for your girl and her family by limiting the number of "sleep-overs" till the time you've forged stronger relations with the family. Once they like and trust you (they will - remember, you're a great friendly guy) they will be supportive of your relationship and you, so that they are much happier if she's with you over anyone else. Get their full blessing.
"WHY WILL THESE THINGS SEVERELY REDUCE THE CHANCE OF HEARTBREAK?"
1) Because it is virtually impossible for a girl to cheat on you when you are fully integrated into her life, when all her friends like you, when her guy friends (or potential "cheat-targets") like and have some guy-loyalty to you, and when her family likes and supports you. Apart form the actual practical difficulty of doing so in these circumstances, she is sensible enough to realise if she did cheat with a guy (she'd have to be out by herself - unlikely), you would now find out from any number of people. She would not be able to tell anyone - virtually impossible for a girl. I think I'll call this theory "DRIVING A FRIENDLY WEDGE".
2) You are a "great guy" that everyone likes - your are the catch.
3) You are so busy being friendly to everyone in her life that you are not all over her, smothering her or boring her.
4) You will be MUCH less jealous because you've got allies - lots of them. Less jealousy = better you = better relationship.
Ever worry that she'll cheat on you?
Thats normal, but if you don't deal with it properly, it will eat away at you and your relationship. If you feel those things, its VERY dificult to just ignore them. Whats the answer?
Quite simply: forge strong relationships with everyone around her. Really extend yourself into her life, push your social abilities to the max and reach out to as many people that are close to her. Don't be smarmy, but be genuinely friendly. That means: asking about them, paying attention, caring about what they've been up to.
This is the golden rule: never smother her, never dominate her time or her body, and never lavish physical affection on her when there's "her people" around. Dropping all the couple-stuff means you can ALL BE EQUAL and so all get on as friends. Save the kisses and hugs for the bedroom. This way you will be accepted and integrated as a couple AND as an individual into the social setting (friend, family, whatever.) PLUS, your girl will lap up the way you respect everyone, and like you more, and get increasingly moe desperate for your affection - perfect indifference. This is the golden rule.
HER GIRLFRIENDS.
- If they find you attractive, its easy. Don't try and charm them or come on to them (!) but just be very open and friendly. They will be flattered and will inevitably develop some loyalty towards you.
- If they don't find you attractive, be more open and more friendly... find that common ground. Learn how to deal with them.
- If they don't like you... well, don't let that happen. If they already do for some past reason, you need to repair that damage ASAP. Whatever it takes.
- ALWAYS put the friends before yourself. If there is choice betwen you and them, suggest your girl go with them 99/100 times. Everyone, your girl included, will love you for this. Can't lose. MAKE SURE THE FRIENDS ABSOLUTELY KNOW YOU DO THIS. Try and have them around whem you suggest it. The situations will arise for sure, now that all you guys are hanging out like friends (cos youre so damn friendly!)
- When you all go out or do stuff together, try and put slightly more effort into the unattractive friends than the attractive ones, and more effort into the friends than the girl (be careful not to overdo it!)
HER GUYFRIENDS.
- Find common ground and bond with them on that. Push yourself - its harder to want to befriend random guys, but youve got to.
- If theyre deisrable in some way - your gf might have a DJ or goodlooking guyfriend - up the effort factor times 10. Read on...
-If one of them likes your girl, or they've had "history", or worse you suspect they might like each other in some way.... YOU MUST MAKE 150% EFFORT WITH HIM. This is a billion times more effective than beating on him, or calling him out on it; he won't understand. Don't set up sides that your girl will then have to choose from! You may not like the answer - esp. if he's been around longer.
IF you do this right, he won't be ABLE to seduce your girl, because:
(a) he'll like you - you try cheating on someone you like (really like) - only the most heartless mfs could do it.
(b) your girl will like you too much, since your so damn friendly, secure, and not jealous.
(c) your girl realises you and him have a "GUY LOYALTY" now that cant broken. She cant take any chances any longer.
You've broken up a potential "get-together"... with nothing but friendship. You've basically undermined their little "attraction", you've hustled them both... and COME OUT SMELLING LIKE THE BEST GUY IN THE WORLD.
FAMILY.
- Get off on the right foot early. Find out the family background. Are they religious? Are they evil overlords hell-bent on world domination? Depending, upon meeting them, follow social etiquette. Appear traditional and respectful - shake the fathers hand (if he's around!), perhaps a gentle peck on the cheek of mom (depends on MANY factors of course - she might have a dragon for a mom, religious etc.) Either way; you must gauge what's appropriate and act in that way without hesitation. Appear confident, but not ****y.
- Ask questions, find out as much as is polite. Make every effort to converse fully. Find common ground; if you have knowledge of or interest in things that they do, you're more than half-way there. Focus on the family and not the girl. AGAIN, this is the key.
- Don't take their little girl/sister away from them. As with friends, always suggest your girl puts her family first, and make sure they know this (say it when theyre around.)
- That ties in with taking it slow. Demonstrate respect for your girl and her family by limiting the number of "sleep-overs" till the time you've forged stronger relations with the family. Once they like and trust you (they will - remember, you're a great friendly guy) they will be supportive of your relationship and you, so that they are much happier if she's with you over anyone else. Get their full blessing.
"WHY WILL THESE THINGS SEVERELY REDUCE THE CHANCE OF HEARTBREAK?"
1) Because it is virtually impossible for a girl to cheat on you when you are fully integrated into her life, when all her friends like you, when her guy friends (or potential "cheat-targets") like and have some guy-loyalty to you, and when her family likes and supports you. Apart form the actual practical difficulty of doing so in these circumstances, she is sensible enough to realise if she did cheat with a guy (she'd have to be out by herself - unlikely), you would now find out from any number of people. She would not be able to tell anyone - virtually impossible for a girl. I think I'll call this theory "DRIVING A FRIENDLY WEDGE".
2) You are a "great guy" that everyone likes - your are the catch.
3) You are so busy being friendly to everyone in her life that you are not all over her, smothering her or boring her.
4) You will be MUCH less jealous because you've got allies - lots of them. Less jealousy = better you = better relationship.
:crackup:
