negative traits reframed

[organizedconfusion]

i firmly believe that EVERYONE has their own unique
archtype that they may NOT be aware of.
Something you might see as a weakness or something
the top PUA or teachings might be against- may be your
greatest asset in becming a great PUA of DJ.

things that i see that are discouraged, like
being introverted, a loner,shyness, or being into certain things that may be classified as nerdy or dorky.


here's the way i see it.
most guys that get into the PUA or DJ scene i am assuming are
natural introverts. and what message is being drilled into
the peoples minds about being successfull with woman?
being alpha, being extraverted, being talkative and
trying to gain social value in front of a girl, CONTROL and
DOMINANCE of both the situation and her.
right?

it seems like thats all i hear about when i view products
from DYD or RSD. it's about gaining DOMINANT characteristics
in order to be successfull with woman.

SO what if you are naturally NOT alpha , or NOT socially
savy or a NOT people person?
what about how you NATURALLY ARE AS A PERSON?
those traits that make you UNIQUE and DIFFERENT from the
rest of the pack?
pretty soon,everyone's gonna be NEGGING,using CF
running sets and pulling routines.
what about the saturation point? and everything has been
said and done and you are now just the "next guy" that
tried to pull something off?


i say the DYD and RSD info is priceless and they have
their place...BUT i must remind everyone NOT to forget about their
original characteristics and personalites that they may have
deemed dorky or anti-social.
When being "yourself" may just be the best thing you could do
for yourself...

heres what i mean-


*anti-social or socially awkward-
are you simply just intensly aware of yourself in public?
Do you think that people are staring at them when they
really aren't, could it also mean that you are attractive and
that people are attracted to you?
could it be that you are highly attuned to other peoples
energy?

instead of being a dork or uncomfortable, and giving your
power away- could it be possible to keep the power
to yourself and conciouslly "break rapport" being being
indifferent and unresponsive to people?
allowing them to naturally feel magnitzed and drawn in
to you by your presence.

superheros and most iconic images of heros are
most likely then not...LONERS.
the romantic hero,the secret agent,the cowboy...
they were ALL LONERS.
some people (myself included) actually PREFER being
ALONE. And it took me forever to realize that it was okay...
COOLNESS,INDIFFERENCE,HIGH VALUE
BY BREAKING RAPPORT

*being shy and reclusive-
could it be that it could also be seen as mysteriousness
and "quiet confidence"? most people are open books,
by saying less you could possibly be more interesting and
alluring then a big mouth,because you don't say much
people may assume what is not said and they may
idealize and fantasize about you.NOT always sexual,
but naturally form images of you in their minds.

kinda like when you see someone and you could imagine
the type of person that are, you can get a "sense"
of who they are.

"quiet confidence" is often mistaken as meekness
and loud brash arrogance is often looked as "alpha".
could it be that the opposite is actually true?could it be that
the one that is confident has nothing to prove, so he/she
remains aloof and detatched while the insecure are
actually the ones acting loud and looking for attention?
MYSTERIOUSNESS,INDIFFERENCE, HIGH VALUE BY BREAKING
RAPPORT

*introverted and passive-
again the cold coquette approach with myseriousness
and indifference.You are soo into your head that it's hard to
communicate and interact with people?
could it be possible to keep communication short and
efficiant? or simply NOT sharing alot.Keeping the power
to yourself and NOT looking for reconition or approval
for your achivements and acomplisments in life?
being indifferent to other peoples opinions and suggestions?
STILL WATERS RUN DEEP.
ALOT OF STARS ARE INTROVERTS.
MYSTERIOUSNESS,INDIFFERENCE, HIGH VALUE BY BREAKING
RAPPORT



*a nice guy-
could it be that you are nice and you could easily make a
girl feel comfortable with you?
do you naturally enjoy giving and doing things for people?
could it be that you are naturally a GIVER?
and that by being a TAKER you are going against
your very nature?
be nice , but ration it and give it discriminantly.
replace needy clingyness and insecurities with genuine
kindness and sincerity without looking for approval or validation,reliabilty and solidness in nature..
and you become a..a gentlemen.
a "real man" as some girls would call it.
SEDUCER,CHARMER,GENTLEMEN


*being negative-
why is it that when someone dosen't show us approval
or reconition of us , why then do we feel compelled
to win them over , even drawn to them?
why do we sometimes feel anxious or nervous around
someone we precieve as "negative". someone says
something to push your button, whats your first response?
you wanna get them back? or you tell yourself
that you know better but still harbor negativity inside
towards them?
being negative can be highly seductive, sadly-
ALOT of girls have that part of them that is ingrained
in them to fall for someone who is "broken" and it
opens a part of them up that all woman have..
a mothering , womanly, nursing instinct.
Most woman have a nuturing side to them and some
actually "prefer" guys that are down and out on themselves.
sometimes not giving a flying fuk about anything really does
work to your advantage
LOVEABLE LOSER,"BAD BOY" ARCH-TYPE

*comics,video games ,D & D, nerd $hit..


NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER MAKE EXCUSES FOR WHAT
YOU LIKE OR ARE INTO

keep in mind that the frame here is that YOU are still
in control and that you are who you are and you make
NO excuses for it... some may say, you're too shy
or you're too nice, it's better just to respond with something
smart like- "who made you god?" " who died and made
you 'judge judy'?" rather then make excuses or having the
need to explain who and how you are.
or just be like-
"you look like a tree stump"
"you look like a gopher,whats your excuse"
"you have a big nose, no ones perfect"
anything that communicates, "who are you to judge?"

basicly just making your weakness into your strength
by reframining it and delivering it differently so that
it works for you instead of against you...


the main point is that if there is ATTRACTION,
ANYTHING CAN AND WILL WORK.

ANYTHING CAN WORK FOR YOU IF YOU KNOW HOW TO
REFRAME IT AND MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU.

YOU CAN BE THE BIGGEST LONER,PRICK,INTROVERTED,
GEEK,BOOKWORM,PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ,SHY PERSON IN THE
WORLD..BUT IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TURN ON THE
ATTRACTION KNOB...YOU WILL GET GIRLS..
MORE GIRLS THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE.

you could be a big dork, but think and act cool and like
a prize and you will become one...

how did i come up with this view point?
because i have been and am ALL OF THE ABOVE
and i HAVE made it work for me.

AND YOU COULD DO IT IN A WAY THAT IS THE MOST NATURAL
AND PERSONAL TO YOU...IF YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO
GET THE RESULTS YOU WANT...

YOU CAN GET THE GIRLS JUST AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW...
AS LONG AS YOU KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND MAKE
YOUR WEAKNESS WORK FOR YOU ...NOT AGAINST YOU.

by being who you naturally are ,you naturally attract
people and woman who will naturally get along with and
are right for you.
How would you feel if the sweet nice school girl you met
was actually a selfish self-centered snob?
she really wasn't who she projected herself to be and
she just learned a bunch of stuff to cover it up?





Universal negative qualities to AVOID
ANYTHING THAT TRANSLATES INTO BEING PATHETIC
*abusive/clingy/needy/wussy behaviors
*jealously
*possessive/obessessiveness
*whigning..about ANYTHING
*communicating that she's the queen of the
universe or that you're useless without her

Why?
because it all communicates WEAKNESS

 

[DonMEgaHoss]

Wow, A new view point other than all the other sterotypical cookie-cut out tips. I thought this was a great tip to post. Yeah Im a introvert and sort of a loner with a few goods friends. Which is better than half-friends that are using you for their own gain and dont give a fluck about what happens to you.

This year I had a rough time in pratically every aspect of life. But being as I am I dont tell others about my hardships.. And when they are interested/attracted to me. Yeah Cause the less people know about you and they find out you could use it to advantage.

I have had a few girls that were pretty damn hot that would do anything for me. After finding out some of my past from another party.

Cause girls like men with a lot of layers. So they feel 'special ' when they peel a layer away. Thus they feel ' connected ' which is that much closer to getting the booty that you want.

 

[organizedconfusion]

..i just think it's about time people just became comfortable
with who and how they are.
everything from being introverted,lonerish,anti-social,
and all the other aspects most guys would probaly
try to "weed out" of their personality in place
for something more "alpha" or non-AFC.

I have only been into the whole PUA thing for about 6 months
and i have hovered on this board and other boards online
for the last two months, and i notice that ALOT of people are
desprestly trying to change themselves and beating themselves
up over stupid trivial things-should they call, what does it
mean if she says so and so, is this "alpha".

who the fuk cares?

yes, i am a loner, yes i like being alone.
yes ,i am anti-social and i dispise just being around people.
i personally don't like Alphas and i have no plan on ever
becoming one..just to get girls.

does this mean i am an AFC of a another push over?
hell no. i'd stomp the hell out of an "alpha" or any one
of their "pak" if they ever tried to mess with me.
does it make it right?
NO, but it does make ME feel better.


don't be brainwashed into the believing that only alphas
get all the girls.
the truth is anyone can get girls if they had the balls to
not care and just roll with it.
the reason the biggest a$$holes or the meanest
jerks and the queerest EMO's get chicks.
they really don't care. DUh, old news.

this is the type of mentality that they teach on the
DYD,RSD and most other type of dating material out there.
it all sums up to not really caring and doing your own
thing.
not taking $hit, making no excuses and not giving a fuk
about trivial things. laugh it off when you'd rather scream,
and keep your power to yourself.
thats what it's really all about...
everything else will take care of itself, from body language,
to communicating effectivly to whatever...
it all develops naturally through your character and
personality traits.

i'd rather be a loner/anti-social and be true to myself rather
then a sell out PUA/ALPHA WANNABE.
i may not be able to talk my way out of a paper bag
or smooth talk the panties off of a girl -but at
least i know that i don't feel the need to seek
validation from every single woman that i encounter.

 

[penkitten]

yay something new worth reading.:cheer:

 

[SuPaF1y]

very good, but lets say

you know who you are

and what you want is to have:

GIRLS in awe
and guys want to be you.

well thats what im going for and i do exactly what you typed.

the girls go crazy literly and its gotten to the point when it really is no big deal anymore.

and in some cases the guys do think i am a chump because i dont prove myself to anyone but myself and they see me in the ways you described i think. i know im on the right track when i have all the girls hanging on me. so how do i finish what i want to do and get all the guys to respect and want to be who i am.

do i pretend prove myself and act like i want them to be my friend when i really dont care or somthing?? i know there has to be a way. or do i just not take **** and flip off on everyone that says otherwise.

thanks bro, you have good posts

 

[SuPaF1y]

basically what im saying is

my goals are:

(1) love myself - accomplished
(2) have all the girls i want to love me to love me - accomplished
(3) have all the guys be in awe of me and respect me - STILL working on.

^ now with (3)

????

how to do that while still being the ways you desribed and not feeling like you need to prove to anyone.

 

[organizedconfusion]

who cares what people think?

i wasted alot of time on trying to gain approval and validation
from guys also, so i understand where you are coming from.
it all started as a kid , never really gaining respect and
validation from my father. So i looked for it elsewhere,
from being the "cool guy" to wanting everyone to "like me".
I got the opposite effect for a LONG time, not only til i
gave up and not cared anymore did i finally achieve the
desired effect.
Now,by NOT needing it in the first place- i got the desired outcome.

(3) have all the guys be in awe of me and respect me - STILL working on.

when i used to get AMOGed-
i'd give people power by letting them effect me negativly,
now i just flip the script and rag on them as hard as they
rag on me.And i ALWAYS HAVE A BETTER ANSWER/NEG
towards them and also keeping my cool.
indifference is the best reaction-not even worh my time...


sometimes you need to work on the cause of wanting awe &
respect from guys-in reality all it is is seeking approval/validation
from them.Try to figure out what the root & cause of that
paticular issue is and you have your answer of how to overcome it. For now, i'd suggest to NOT need approval from anyone.
Even if it means ALOT of people NOT liking you becasue of it.
In the end you'll weed out the fake people from the
genuine people in your life.

i treat people like i need nothing from them and i can do
without them,took me a while-but it was worth it.

 

[SuPaF1y]

so are you saying that i should just basically be INDIFFRENT with everything that happens around me and not just indiffrent with the ladies???

and isnt talking **** back not indiffrence but insecurity because it shows you were effected by the person talking ****??

sometimes you need to work on the cause of wanting awe & respect from the guys

the cause for me was i looked up to a family early in my life and all the girls loved them and all the guys respected them. everything they did seemed perfect and from the moment i saw that i knew thats who i wanted to be like in life.

For now, i'd suggest to NOT need approval from anyone. Even if it means a lot of people not liking you because of it.

a few months ago when i acted like i WANTED approval from the guys and girls i GOT the approval. i was 1 of the coolest guys in school and friends with everyone but when i realised i couldnt get girls this way i stopped.

now i get all the girls but what i just quoted is what happens with the guys.
and i dont like that feeling at all. i know i could go back to the way i was wanting approval and being super cool but getting no girls like i am now.

see what im saying??

thanks bro appricate the help

 

[DonMEgaHoss]

Its really one or the other you know. I don't think its in our being as males to admire another male and wish to be them.

They would rather spite you for you success with women. Cause you come off as a threat to their game when your around. So Therefore they act stand-offish with you.

As long as you have your true friends ( of eithe sex ) why worry about it?

Face it men are more competitive then women and though they my hate on you for your success, witch in is a form of respect becuase that means their jealous of you.

 

[Visceral]

There's nothing wrong with being a loner, pessimistic, shy, awkward, etc. The argument against them is simply that they're not what women have sex with.

If you're a loner and prefer to spend your nights at home alone, then you're not going to get any because you're not even trying.

If you're a pessimist and see the worst in everything or don't enjoy anything, then you're not going to get any because no-one will enjoy spending time with you.

If you're shy and never say or do anything to get attention, then you're not going to get any because probably no-one even knows you're there.

If you're awkward and can never say or do anything right, then you're not going to get any because you don't impress or people laugh at you.

Being extroverted, dominant, sexual, an "alpha", etc. aren't God's Commandments or anything like that, they're just what works. We are all free to do different things, but we must accept the consequences of our choices. No-one's saying that you're not allowed to be a shy, pessimistic, loner dork, only that you shouldn't if you want to get laid.

If you're talking about being happy with yourself, being comfortable in your own skin, then what organizedconfusion suggests is probably the best course of action, getting rid of the arbitrary standards society has placed in your mind. Just don't complain when your social and sex lives don't improve.

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by Visceral
There's nothing wrong with being a loner, pessimistic, shy, awkward, etc. The argument against them is simply that they're not what women have sex with.

Being extroverted, dominant, sexual, an "alpha", etc. aren't God's Commandments or anything like that, they're just what works. We are all free to do different things, but we must accept the consequences of our choices. No-one's saying that you're not allowed to be a shy, pessimistic, loner dork, only that you shouldn't if you want to get laid.

If you're talking about being happy with yourself, being comfortable in your own skin, then what organizedconfusion suggests is probably the best course of action, getting rid of the arbitrary standards society has placed in your mind. Just don't complain when your social and sex lives don't improve.

you are seeing things from the 'outside in' from a stand point
and through the looking glass that these are still 'weaknessess'.
you are still seeing these as weaknesses and not strenghs
being reframed. the point of the thread is these characteristics
BEING REFRAMED into strengths and having them work in
your interests.

you're also assuming that a loner,introvert,shy whatever "negative trait" a person may have is keeping them from meeting girls or having an enjoyable life.

Thats the "classic" image of a loner,nerd ,geek,whatever
correct?

* the lonely 'woe is me' guy staying home damning society?

*the shy guy wanting to talk to the girl but walking away instead?

*the negative person who would rather talk smack to a girl instead of gaming on her?




Or is the type of shy guy that may be too shy to approach but was clever and smart enough that he knew and figured out to use sublte cues and body language to attract a girl from across the room- so he gets noticed 'first' and HE gets approached.
he didn't even have to say a word or even be in her immediate
area.

Or is it the mysterious loner guys that walk in and 'own the joint',
dosen't really talk to anyone, drinks alone,makes no excuses,comes and goes as he pleases and makes girls go wild with just a 'look'.
knowing that he gains value by conciously breaking rapport
with everyone,it makes him disconnected from the crowd and
ups his social value,because he dosne't need validation or
approval-people seek his.

He chooses becauses his in his own reality and
everyone else is a guest-he choose who he wants in his life.. Rick H

or the a$$hole that takes no $hit from no one,
dosne't make no excues , takes no prisoners ,and use
CF on not just girls...but on EVERYONE.
He may not be the most positive person in the
world be he is blunt,gets to the point and cuts through the
$hit. He really dosen't care what you think or
what the world thinks of him.
He gets girls because , by not caring-it gives him the
advantage over the guy that typicly freaks out over everything.
Not caring , you're actually more .....free.
NOt caring is in not caring about being rejected,being judged,
seeking approval or validation.


being 'COOL' is not doing what everyone else is doing,
being 'COOL' is doing the things that make you -
'YOU'.


the main point is that if there is ATTRACTION,
ANYTHING CAN AND WILL WORK.

ANYTHING CAN WORK FOR YOU IF YOU KNOW HOW TO
REFRAME IT AND MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU.

YOU CAN BE THE BIGGEST LONER,PRICK,INTROVERTED,
GEEK,BOOKWORM,PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ,SHY PERSON IN THE
WORLD..BUT IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TURN ON THE
ATTRACTION KNOB...YOU WILL GET GIRLS..
MORE GIRLS THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE.

you could be a big dork, but think and act cool and like
a prize and you will become one...

how did i come up with this view point?
because i have been and am ALL OF THE ABOVE
and i HAVE made it work for me.

AND YOU COULD DO IT IN A WAY THAT IS THE MOST NATURAL
AND PERSONAL TO YOU...IF YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO
GET THE RESULTS YOU WANT...

YOU CAN GET THE GIRLS JUST AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW...
AS LONG AS YOU KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND MAKE
YOUR 'WEAKNESS' WORK FOR YOU ...NOT AGAINST YOU.




..key phrase.

AS LONG AS YOU KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND MAKE
YOUR 'WEAKNESS' WORK FOR YOU... NOT AGAINST YOU.

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by SuPaF1y
so are you saying that i should just basically be INDIFFRENT with everything that happens around me and not just indiffrent with the ladies???

and isnt talking **** back not indiffrence but insecurity because it shows you were effected by the person talking ****??




the cause for me was i looked up to a family early in my life and all the girls loved them and all the guys respected them. everything they did seemed perfect and from the moment i saw that i knew thats who i wanted to be like in life.



a few months ago when i acted like i WANTED approval from the guys and girls i GOT the approval. i was 1 of the coolest guys in school and friends with everyone but when i realised i couldnt get girls this way i stopped.

now i get all the girls but what i just quoted is what happens with the guys.
and i dont like that feeling at all. i know i could go back to the way i was wanting approval and being super cool but getting no girls like i am now.

see what im saying??

thanks bro appricate the help

you should'nt really care if anyone likes you.
that dosen't mean go out and activly try to get people
not to like you- you could if thats just how you are.
sadistic.

by wanting and needing approval soo badly you only
push it away from you.

how would you live and act like if it was already so?
if you were the type of guy you wanted to be and
having that life you wanted to live?
how would you act?
how would you carry yourself?
how would you interact with girls/guys?
how would you think?

those ARE your answers...


imagine who you look up to and see as an awesome
role model for you.
could you imagine them needing approval,validation or
answering to anyone?...

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by SuPaF1y
so are you saying that i should just basically be INDIFFRENT with everything that happens around me and not just indiffrent with the ladies???

and isnt talking **** back not indiffrence but insecurity because it shows you were effected by the person talking ****??

becoming indifferent towards others takes time and practice
just like anything else.
it stems from having a high sense of self-
no, not arrogance,but a strong sense of identity and
NOT needing peoples approval but also respecting
people as they are.
flaunting and making announcements of independence
is NOT being indifferent either...
you're doing it to spite people.

do what you want,who cares what people think...

in the beggining i used to rag on people right back , while
being humorous was a way for me personaly to reflect
the negs off of me.
i had to do it conciously until i didn't feel the need to any longer,
people will find different coping strageties that works best for them.

but from experiance , the best way for me was to be "cool"
with everyone but remain disant at the same time.

'cool' as in laid back, respectfull, going with the flow,
staying chill...

not 'cool' as in designer sneakers , saying 'yo yo yo' alot,
trying too hard or bragging/ looking for approval...
which unfortunantly alot of people i meet still do.

 

[SuPaF1y]

i found what works best for me is

the attraction mechinisim 24~7
(makes me hot and attractive to ladies)
+
thinking im the hottest and coolest 24~7
+
being INDIFFRENT to everyone and everything 24~7
(makes me cool)


basically those things done all the time make me the person i want to be while still being myself in the process.

also SLOWING everything down helps a lot and keeps you focused and not ansey or worried

 

[SuPaF1y]

just wondering.. does anyone get into a "mood" were they dont think straight and it feels like everything is working againsed them. i get in those moods a few times a week but not for longer then a few hours. i was wondering how to "SNAP out of it" and regain myself

 

[SuPaF1y]

how would you live and act like if it was already so?
if you were the type of guy you wanted to be and
having that life you wanted to live?
how would you act?

Like i was the ****

how would you carry yourself?

HIGHLY all the time


how would you interact with girls/guys?

Jokingly and fun

how would you think?

Life is great

those ARE your answers...

nice but i want them to come naturally and work toward them not try to
"put them on" ive tried that and its not as stable as true wisdom

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by SuPaF1y
nice but i want them to come naturally and work toward them not try to
"put them on" ive tried that and its not as stable as true wisdom

understandable...but only through concious effort 'first'
can it ever come out naturally.
basicly you have to start somewhere ,even if it means you
have to actually 'try hard' to get the desired effect.
just like anything else in life, you get better and better
by doing it more often-always learning ,chopping & changing-
until you get the desired effects.And those desired
effects/reactions come out naturally and on it's own.

it all comes down to keeping a habitual mindset of greatness-
sounds arrogant,but if thinking highly of yourself was a crime;
i'd get a life sentence.

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by SuPaF1y
just wondering.. does anyone get into a "mood" were they dont think straight and it feels like everything is working againsed them. i get in those moods a few times a week but not for longer then a few hours. i was wondering how to "SNAP out of it" and regain myself

i get that feeling all the time...
like everything sucks and it's like me against the world.
i came to understand now that it's just a mood and thats
it.
i basicaly do anything to stay busy. i conciously try NOT to think
about anything , because in that state of mind everything
sucks and i would'nt want to make things worse...

a bad mood can kill everything you are fond of

 

[organizedconfusion]

Originally posted by SuPaF1y
i found what works best for me is

the attraction mechinisim 24~7
(makes me hot and attractive to ladies)
+
thinking im the hottest and coolest 24~7
+
being INDIFFRENT to everyone and everything 24~7
(makes me cool)


basically those things done all the time make me the person i want to be while still being myself in the process.

also SLOWING everything down helps a lot and keeps you focused and not ansey or worried

keep those belief systems NO MATTER WHAT!!

TRUST ME. SUCCESS STARTS IN THE MIND!!
try this-
before going to bed and upon rising imagine the person you
want to become and see it as in much detail as possible-
connect as much excitement and positive emotions as you
can to it.

http://www.durbinhypnosis.com/maltz.htm

your thoughts are the 'blueprint' for your future...

 

[i am me]

I like this man, its postive thinking. There's a limit to those things but for most people who need a confidence boost, this could be a good thing to remember