Negative Traits: Need ways to get rid of them.

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I need to fix these issues fast. I have most aspects of my life sorted out but these things seem to be a real pain to get rid of. I know most of these are natural human emotions but I think mine are a little too much to handle and hard to hide. Most of these issues stem from my childhood and family background but I do not want to use that as an excuse anymore. I know I have recognized them but need solutions so I can get on my merry way to DJ ways. Heck, everyone needs these solutions.
• Jealousy – I get jealous all the time. I try teach myself to ignore it but it always bites me. I used to see my girl being chatted up and everyone giving her attention as a compliment that I’ve got myself quite a good one but when things start to go down I can’t even keep my cool when I see her chilling with other guys. When a girl sh*t-test me with other guys I sort of walk away because I can’t bear it. I am afraid that one day I’ll get into a real bad jealous rage and do something stupid.
• Emotional Attachment – I am having problems de-attaching from my oneitis ex. I find it hard to move on. She’s been the greatest and most fun girl I’ve been with. Most girls suck at attracting guys with none other than their looks. My ex got me with her energy and personality. I am still emotionally attached to her even though I’ve been involved with other girls. One day I’ll get really hurt when she ends up with another guy and my emotional state just spirals downwards. When she does something wrong we get into a big fight and then break it off and then I can’t stop thinking about her because I did the DJ way of having dealt wit it properly but I can’t walk away because of the fact that I am still in love with her and such.

Also every girl I get involved with there is always some degree of being emotionally attached. Some guys can just walk away but I tend to develop feelings for them straight away. In this website I find that if you have multiple partners then you are far less likely to get attached. Not me I get attached to all of them lol.
• Co-Dependency – One day I will settle down. But very unsure on how things like these pan out and it always become very, very messy
• Neediness in Multiple Dating – If you think oneitis is bad….how about fouritis or fiveitis. I love them all. But I need to detach.
• Stop caring – Most of the time I work against myself is when I start caring for them. Like if I break it off with them I consider their feelings and sometimes put mine aside to help. I can’t just sit back sometimes. Or when I do my conscience eats me up big time. When girls cry genuinely I soften up. Or when my girl has some habits or setbacks which do not affect me but I want to help i.e. need a lift from work, need help sleeping, sore back etc.
• Paranoid with girl cheating – Lately I’ve been hell bent of stomping out any bad signs and stopping things from ever getting loose. Like if a guy likes my girl then I try get him out of the picture. Or when my girl goes out drinking I am restless because I do not trust other people because they might try take advantage of her. We both live in a town with an army base and plenty of miners. (bad) There have been a lot of incidents with them and notorious for it.
• Trust Issues – Once trust has been broken that’s when things go wrong. I keep thinking she will do it again what ever she has done wrong. I hold a grudge but I need to cool down or else I will be too wary and wont have time to do my DJ thing
• Impatience – Is there a guide on how to get rid of impatience?

 

[Nexxus]

jealousy - calm down... if she doesn't want you then too bad, there's always another girl, and besides bros before hoes, be happy for the guy and girl

oneitis - meh I kinda have this problem too... but it never shows, and in a way it's good I mean, I actually end up getting with my oneitis most of the time so in my case this isn't really a negative trait, maybe you got a different type of oneitis which I don't understand

co-dependancy - wtf is that? depend on someone else or on yourself?

neediness in multiple dating - yeah...same here, but I don't see this as a negative so...

stop caring - get ya mind right... she's using you and if you do any useless **** for her then she'll just get less and less interested

paranoid with girl cheating - learn to trust people, and if they let you down once, then get them out of your life

trust issues - same as above

impatience - ??? people say I'm both too impatient and too patient, I mean wtf? It's prolly cuz I can be the most patient man in the world when I know it will help, otherwise i'm impatient as hell

I think your main problems are trust and anger, you prolly get pissed too easily if someone you put faith in ruined the trusty relationship, learn to not care, yeah everythings interlinked, slowly it'll all come together

at least you don't have any problems with looks, money or confidence

 

[everywomanshero]

I could write up a big, long post that would really help you.. Except there is just one problem, unless you trust me you will read it, maybe think about considering it, and then just do whatever you'd normally do anyway. There's nothing I am going to say that's going to give you the insight of having an abundance of women, unfortuantely.

So here is what you must do:

You must gain an abundance of women. At first it will be hard, but over time it will get easier and easier.

Step #1: Newbie mission... go out 4 nights(clubs) or days(malls) a week and really try to get a connection going with a woman. While I do believe in process over outcome, I've seen some guys who (to protect their egos) never actually try to get anywhere. So I say go out with the intention of having a really great conversation, and when that happens, at least try to escalate in some manner.

Step #2: Dating Websites: Send out 10-15 emails per day to women who don't live in your area. Just try to get #s and have a conversation with them. Do not go visit them, but if they want to come visit you and aren't UGs, then whynot? Once you get good enough that your phone is blowing up all the time, then it's time to start emailing local women and meeting some of them.

On the Internet chicks, if you do them a couple of times and then they flake, try to find out why. Just ask them. I've gotten some really good tips from a Pissed off woman who sent me a nasty email. Turns out a couple of the things were actually true and she has helped me get laid more sinse

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Everywomanshero, I would love it if you could write that big post. Its really good to gain an abundance of women too. And I am working on making my collection big ie Best friend gals, just friends, social proofs, pivots etc

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Everwomanshero....could you please write that long post you were talking about?

Anyways....Can anyone explain more about getting rid of jealousy traits?

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

Jealousy - Don't hate it,USE it.It's a great motivator.
For everything else just stop being insecure.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Jealousy....You mean use this emotion and get better?

What if its yor Gf doing something with other people. What if its some other girl trying to make her jealous?

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

If your gf is doing something with others,yes you feel jealousy but the root is one of the following two.
1)She's NOT doing anything (see the stop being insecure part),you're just imagining things or
2)You are not playing her good enough,which means time to step up your game (use jealousy to become better).

For the other part,even though it's not you feeling jealous it it somewhat connected with the previous situation so the same thing applies.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Like when I was with my girl....guys are constantly trying to pick her up...and it bugs me that she is not turning them away but engaging them in conversation.

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

Do you know these guys or they're random? First of all know the limits,don't you talk with other girls? Conversation means ****,but you have to know when he/she are trying to fvck you over,don't be an overprotecting brute but neither a stupid *****whipped doggy.In the end it has nothing to do with them or even your girl,but YOU and if there's mutual respect in your relationship.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Like when I was with my girl....guys are constantly trying to pick her up...and it bugs me that she is not turning them away but engaging them in conversation.

This is disrespectful to you and it has nothing to do with jealousy - did you let her know your displeasure with her disrespecting you?

You seem to be too emotional for a man -- this will be your downfall f you don't get it under control now!!!

I take it deep down inside you are a lonely person and one who needs constant reassurance of his worth.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

There was a time when my ex (I was seeing her at that time but heading towards being serious) went out with her workmate clubbing(a bi girl who wants to sleep wit her, I didnt like her at all). They met these apparent "cool" guys while they were out. They appear friendly and stuff and there's FIVE of them

And then she tells me that she and her friend went over to their house because they "appeared" ok and seemed nice.WTF!!! They were there overnight until 9am in the morning. She told me that she said that no funny business and of course the guys would said no way. How f*ckin naive is that!

At first I ignored her and then revved her when that issue got brought up. Not only I was jealous but genuinely concerned for her safety! There was a degree of doubt whether she was doing the right thing. She told me her clubbing days are over but then I hear this crap. She says she likes me a lot and pulls a stunt like this.

So what if nothing really did happen? Did I have a right to blow up on her like that? I was "seeing" her to a point were me n her are in a proper relationship. Weve been together for over 3-4 months. Sleeping with each other for roughly 2-4 times a week and alternatively sleeping over. So it wasn't just a casual thing. I haven't had many relationship and I don't know what I should have done in this situation.

After that we were unable to come to a compromise. We were still sleeping with each other. We were really close before then and talk and hang out for hours. After that things just went downhill. I couldn't trust her whenever she went out. Whenever there was something about what she did that I didn't know I get edgy. I keep thinking she would cheat on me. I've never been so ugly in person.

Now we've broken up. We used to be best friends. We can't even stay that way or be civil to each other. There was also other times when sh*t went down that was just an example. I dont want to bring it up again it just makes me unhappy and angry and just want to move on. I just couldnt trust girls anymore I thought she was better than my previous ones.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

LMS you are absolutely right. I feel lonely most of the time. I do have a LOT of highs. People couldnt understand why I would be lonely. Im a cool cat with a high energetic personality. Recently got a 9.4 on hotornot.com lol (dont ask). Makes out witha different girl every week. I dont have a reason to feel lonely when you look on the outside. People and friends sees me as one of the most confident guys around.

I sometimes think I have BPD. Had a brief stint with anti-depressants until I kicked the medication cold turkey and felt a lil better than before (2-3yrs ago).

Sometimes I feel I need to constantly have sex to feel good. Like an addiction. If i dont get anything I feel a little lonely and useless.

LMS yes I am emotional for my own good I think. Picked up the habit from family. I dont get to communicate my point or stand up to myself because emotions get in the way. I am constantly trying to find ways to solve this.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Rudy, so far the last two threads that you started I made fairly good judgment calls on you - and that is from just reading a few paragraphs about your situation and not knowing you at all - now surely you must know a lot more than me about yourself - so give it some thought and try to come up with a permanent solution to your woes!

Do past issues need to be resolved? Then solve them!!! Come up with a plan and post here later - don't ask others to do this for you. Do some inner soul searching and solve this now........
and "No", hors are not part of the solution plan!!!

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

It is mainly issues with other people. Like holding grudges. I was bullied for a good half a decade until I broke out and started getting respect. But nonetheless I was very scarred and broken.

Trust Issues are still a major one but working on it. I am planning on spending a whole week tryingto solve issues and such. Hopefully all goes well.

I should forget girls for at least a week lol. They are a distraction.

Got some books and audiobooks to get deep on.

LMS Thanks man....I am good friends with Old Lady Karma...What goes around comes around. Have a good one

 

[BustedKnucks]

Jealousy takes a little time, but is overcomable when you realize you WILL find other women.

Oneitis -- Everyone falls for a girl once in a while, and if she plays the game better than you do, you'll get nexted first, it's a sad fact of life. The ego hit is what is hardest to get over for me, but don't let that slow you down with other prospects. I'm always "chillin" with at least 3 girls simultaneously.

 

[schvanson]

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want!

 

[blinkwatt]

The only one I'm gonna take a specific shot at is the jealousy; Dude if you can't beat them,JOIN THEM! Find what makes you jealous of them and make it part of you if you like it.

Hit the gym and eat healthy and you will see how unique you are as an individual and how it easy it is to better your life,all it takes is a little effort. That will help you to build your confidence,which would help alot of your issues. Good Luck!

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I will definitely get into situations where these traits spring into action and see how else I can manage it.

Then perhaps I can control my own emotions, improve on it and then move on to the next level

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

INsecurity and jealousy sprung up again!!!! Damnit!!

Back to square one...Can't get over my oneitis ATM.