Neg hit backfired

[Dirtheart]

Damn! There's a girl I've spoken to a few times who is very hot and totally my type. Though quite shy in my presence, she made it very clear she was very interested in me.

However, I neg hit her one day and it seems she took it quite personal. She just made a comment about being bored with a class we were in and I jokingly accused her of distracting the rest of us "wise academics".

I didn't get chance to ask her out before the end of term as she was always with a group, so I emailed her recently, just trying to make contact. The reply I got was very blunt and cold. I mentioned something about organising next year's classes to which she replied "I'm sure you and your intelligent friends will work it out".

I'm not sure if it was my tone or because she felt like I was playing upto the group at her expense, but it seems like she took offence at my comment. If so, it looks like it blew any opportunity I had with her.

 

[Tkman]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
I mentioned something about organising next year's classes to which she replied "I'm sure you and your intelligent friends will work it out".

Calm down, she's just probably playing with you or if not? she's not worth your time.

 

[Caveman]

Yes. You insulted her without knowing it. You made a C&F comment but appearantly she was probably already insecure about her academic skills within that class. This makes your comment hurtful.

That sometimes happens. This is because you never really know what people might be insecure about. Or what sort of things people may have been through. I don't think it can be prevented.

I do not believe she is playing you. In fact, I think you still have a chance by telling her it was actually a joke and that you didn't mean to hurt her. Neg hits are not about insulting.

Even though you shouldn't put women on a pedistal, there's no need to insult them either. So you won't lose your face by apologizing.

 

[Dirtheart]

I'd normally take something like this as a sign of playing hard to get or low IL, but she doesn't seem confident enough to play games and her comment indicated that she hadn't forgotten what I'd said (it was over 2 months ago). I can see what Caveman said, how this might have been hurtful, especially as the group I was with were in fact adept students and I may have been seen to single her out. If she was keen on me, then I guess that made it even more tactless.

While I never thought anything about it at the time, I do remember that she suddenly started to act more studious in the following weeks and started sitting alone in her classes. She also used to make a point of saying hello to me, but that also stopped. I hope I'm reading too much into it, but I think neg hits and C&F should be treated with caution, at least until a girl is familiar with your sense of humour.

 

[NRM]

Be careful with the neghits. If a girl is shy or seems insecure, you might scare them away with them. I would only use them with hot snobby girls who are always used to getting complimented. But the shy insecure ones don't really need it.

 

[Belgium_Freak]

Originally posted by NRM
Be careful with the neghits. If a girl is shy or seems insecure, you might scare them away with them. I would only use them with hot snobby girls who are always used to getting complimented. But the shy insecure ones don't really need it.

i fully agree!!

 

[rjherche]

I would say there's a good chance you delivered it wrong, especially your tone of voice and body language (didn't see you smile while you said it?). Otherwise, she could be insecure or just uptight, two qualities that are big turnoff for me. I know personally that I can at least laugh about my weaknesses when one joking comment is made.

For instance, I suck at bowling and I got cracked on a little bit the other night after my third gutter ball. I still laughed it off though. Definately be more careful with who you use neghits on, and watch your delivery.

Then again, how the heck were you supposed to know that she's sensitive about that stuff?