need to know what I did wrong and learn from it

[FortunaFides]

So I messed up somehow, and I've moved on, but I need help knowing what I did wrong here.

So a few weeks ago, I meet a girl that was a 10 in my book. I asked her out and she ended up coming over to a moving out party I was having with my roommates where she met all my friends. That night we ended up making out on the beach and she stayed the night with me.

The next week, she moved out of ex-boyfriend's house and moved about an hour away in with her Dad. She was giving me high levels of interest, calling me and texting me late nights, and inviting me to come visit while at the same time saying she wasn't looking for a boyfriend.

I couldn't come visit her because I was moving out, then I had to go out of town on business. I stayed in contact but kept some distance because i didn't want to come across needy too eager.

So anyway, when I got back, and tried to make plans to see her, and started getting resistance. I played it cool, didn't make a big deal of it. I tried again a few more time, being patience but persistence, but she time she gave me excuses.

So after three strikes, I'm dropping her and moving on. I'm getting no IOI and she's giving IOI to another guy on facebook so I'm moving on.

I just am not sure where I went wrong. I played it cool the whole time because I've been working on not being needy. Should I have been more aggressive? I feel like if she had stayed in town or if I had not had to be gone for so long, it would have worked out. Was it just bad timing and circumstances? Thinking about it now my gut tells me I should have been more aggressive and sexual after she spend the night with me, but I was trying to play it cool and not scare her off.

Either way, on to the next one!

 

[Scars]

I think you were trying too hard to not be needy and it backfired on you. You're already moving out and being busy, and she should of known that. But if you missed seeing her on days you could have she probably sensed it and got the feeling you were dodging her.

A lot of guys here say NEXT. I say, go NC until she finally hits you up. I've never met any girl that I've banged before that hasn't tried to talk to me later on down the road at least once.

The other dude is no big deal. If you show any jealousy she will sense that too. Just go NC and continue with your life. If/when she comes back just tell her you've been busy, meet up with her and speed seduce her out of her panties. Chances are the other dude is probably gonna screw up too eventually, then she'll go through her contacts looking for replacements. You've already made it clear you wanna see her again and she's being cold, so the balls in her court. Go NC and she'll hit you up again. I'm sure of this.

-Scars

 

[Iceberg]

I just am not sure where I went wrong. I played it cool the whole time because I've been working on not being needy. Should I have been more aggressive? I feel like if she had stayed in town or if I had not had to be gone for so long, it would have worked out. Was it just bad timing and circumstances? Thinking about it now my gut tells me I should have been more aggressive and sexual after she spend the night with me, but I was trying to play it cool and not scare her off.

Either way, on to the next one!

I'll say that I ALWAYS hate a girl sleeping over, but not having sex. There have been so many situations where that killed me.

However I think the real mistake...honestly...is caring. It's one girl. Not a girlfriend. Not even a girl you f**ked. This type of thing might happen to me 10 times per year. It's just part of dating.

Women are fickle and flaky...and maybe you did something wrong, but it's far more likely this is just a situation of a girl being a girl. She liked you for a few days, then she had time to think and get inside her own head, and then she decided that she didn't like you. It's probably not about being too needy or too cool. Too aggressive, etc., etc. It's just a girl doing what they do.

But yeah, I still hate a girl sleeping over without sex. It's just a momentum killer. I don't know why...but it always is.

 

[pinkfl]

Here's what I got out of it: She meant it when she said she wasn't interested in a boyfriend and she didn't want to lead you on anymore.

If she liked you, she wouldn't avoid you without good reason. It doesn't sound like she has one.

I'm sorry, I don't think it's a mistake you made though.

 

[FortunaFides]

update

So I went ghost, 7 days with no contact from me, and late last night I got a text message from her wanting to talk. She get's lonely at night and can't sleep.

I was out, drinking heavily, and with another girl (spinning plates) so I didn't reply. I waited until late the next night, and called. Got voicemail, left a message saying Hey, what's up. Let's catch up.

My head is in a good place, I am not feeling needy or any strong emotions--I feel great. But I do think this girl, despite her problems, it's the kind of girl I could date, so that is why I was making the effort.

I refuse to chase her, it doesn't feel right, but I can tell if I want to get her I am going to have to "pull" her to me.

My question is, *if*, and that is an IF -- a girl doesn't return my call--how do I call her on bull****? I won't be pissed off, or disappointed but I feel it should be pointed out that it's rude without coming across me wanting or chasing her. What's the correct way to say--hey, you are violating my rules?

Thanks guys as always! I finally feel like I'm really learning how to handle myself!

 

[backseatjuan]

The girl is a wh0re low life. She needed another dude before breaking up with ex. You were busy and she finds another guy. Now she's going to find another guy while this one goes to gas station. Nothing wrong you did, just a girl is a wh0re low life.

 

[Greasy Pig]

She was obviously bored or lonely and just wanted some kind of instant ego boost. When you didn't reply, she didn't care because she probably got what she was after off some other guy.
Don't be drawn in to her games.

 

[BeDJ]

I refuse to chase her, it doesn't feel right, but I can tell if I want to get her I am going to have to "pull" her to me.

IF -- a girl doesn't return my call--how do I call her on bull****?

Most guys in this community need to grow a pair and WALK. THE F*CK. AWAY.

Sh!t...

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Logistics is why you failed. Long distance dating never works. She's not going to get involved with a guy who lives an hour away when she's got other guys she can meet up with in only 10 minutes.

Why are you wasting your time with someone who lives an hour away? I wouldn't even bother unless she was traveling to see me. Hit the field and find someone who lives near you.