ScottMustaine
Master Don Juan
I don't care guys. I want it for personal benefits. It's part of my personal growth.
I usually start things and don't finish them. What I must do is abstain from my primal urges and FOCUS.
I'm going to meditate ( you see what I'm doing here ? Saying GOING... for like 5 days already and no changes. I'm happy I didn't ejaculate so far. )
Thus I am searching for my inner powers to tap into them. My energy when unleashed is really scary to people. I was as child 'tamed' especially by grandmother because of my impulsive personality.
If somebody would try to harm me I'd drown in fear, then explode and basically go on rampage. I almost killed a kid back then.
So I started inverting and going into myself. All this power is inside of me, and instead of making it useful, it's destroying me.
Depression is one of it. Dad once was abusive. The end result was me making 4 holes with punches in doors. Tearing them out from walls, breaking three chairs and a table. He was afraid of raising hand.
And I was afraid of myself as well.
Now instead of this power residing inside of myself and being awakened in need, I want to tap some of it and use it in everyday life. I don't want to depend on it. I don't want to have hyperactive moments without will. I want to do it when I want to do it.
If somebody knows how to help me on this one. Would be grateful.
Another thing I NOTICED is when I'm in school I got incredible willpower and energy, but I'm distracted of constant noise.
When I come home I feel opposite. It's like my grandmother is sucking the energy out of me. Her moaning all the time really hits me bad and makes me nervous. Everything she says I register as whining and it's killing me basically. No way I can isolate myself thus whenever I come home I'm DEAD. This has been since my 13th year when I would realize what was happening inside of house...
I don't blame her, but she is nervous because of all the sh1t we go through, and throws her tantrums over me periodically.
I usually start things and don't finish them. What I must do is abstain from my primal urges and FOCUS.
I'm going to meditate ( you see what I'm doing here ? Saying GOING... for like 5 days already and no changes. I'm happy I didn't ejaculate so far. )
Thus I am searching for my inner powers to tap into them. My energy when unleashed is really scary to people. I was as child 'tamed' especially by grandmother because of my impulsive personality.
If somebody would try to harm me I'd drown in fear, then explode and basically go on rampage. I almost killed a kid back then.
So I started inverting and going into myself. All this power is inside of me, and instead of making it useful, it's destroying me.
Depression is one of it. Dad once was abusive. The end result was me making 4 holes with punches in doors. Tearing them out from walls, breaking three chairs and a table. He was afraid of raising hand.
And I was afraid of myself as well.
Now instead of this power residing inside of myself and being awakened in need, I want to tap some of it and use it in everyday life. I don't want to depend on it. I don't want to have hyperactive moments without will. I want to do it when I want to do it.
If somebody knows how to help me on this one. Would be grateful.
Another thing I NOTICED is when I'm in school I got incredible willpower and energy, but I'm distracted of constant noise.
When I come home I feel opposite. It's like my grandmother is sucking the energy out of me. Her moaning all the time really hits me bad and makes me nervous. Everything she says I register as whining and it's killing me basically. No way I can isolate myself thus whenever I come home I'm DEAD. This has been since my 13th year when I would realize what was happening inside of house...
I don't blame her, but she is nervous because of all the sh1t we go through, and throws her tantrums over me periodically.
