Need some advice

[muddy_waters87]

There's this girl in my class. She just turned 20 a couple of days ago, and I am a couple years older than her (22 going on 23). I always crack jokes (which I think are extremely lame), and she almost always laughs at them. Today in class, she hands me her iPod so I can check out some videos she has on there. I did the kino test by letting my arm rest against her, and she did not pull back, but instead she let it linger there.
Yesterday, I promised I would help her submit her project (on AIM), and today on my way to school she texted me asking me if I will be there on time to help her since she could not stant youtubing instructions on it anymore. She is the only attractive girl in my class, and I am facing some competition (mostly from an overweight older dude in our class), but I get a strong feeling that she is into me.
My buddy gave her a birthday card today (since she wasn't in class on her birthday, based on my suggestion), and I have made one for her as well, but I forgot to bring it (this is totally not important btw). I told her I had something for her but that I forgot it at home and will bring it tomorrow.
We talked for a while during break and it turns out that she likes most of the same crap I watch on tv (shows like Family Guy, Simpsons, How I Met Your Mother, Boy Meets World, Chuck, Supernatural...). What I'm wondering is whether or not I should make the move, or if I should try to test the waters a bit more. The thing is that I don't want to make things between us extremely awkward by coming on too strong, since I will have to face her for the rest of the school year, pretty much every day.

What do you suggest?

 

[iliketennis]

make a move duh

 

[Radharc]

I suggest you talk to her, build confort and ask her out.

I also suggest you to stop thinking about your "strong feeling that she into me", that means nothing if you dont act upon it, even if you act that might mean nothing as one of the easiest things in this world to happen is for a girl who is "into you" to stop being into you - you will learn that extensively if you stick around. So dont overthink wether or not she´s into you, what matters is wether or not you think she´s worthy of you being into her.

Also who cares if she likes the same tv shows you do? Millions of ppl have similar tastes in tv shows.

The reason I´m being so blunt? It´s because the last thing you need is oneitis and worrying about making things awkward, with a chick you barely know, because you made a move that is absolutely normal for any man to make when he´s interested in a girl.

Or you can keep overanalyzing every small detail and spend the rest of the year "testing the waters" until you are absolutely sure "she´s into you". Only by then she´ll be fvcking the overweight older dude.

 

[ken chang]

Actually you probably already do have oneitis, since you refer to her as the only attractive girl in your class.

Just ask her out. If she says no, try again at a later time. If she says no again, next her. PERMANENTLY. No rejection, no awkwardness.

 

[the305]

You need to start flirting - but what i call, on the fence flirting, where it never crosses that line of "hitting on her".

examples:
-we would just never work out because my favorite family guy charatacter is stewie and yours is the father, i need a stewie type girl =D
-you always laugh at my jokes, even the non funny ones.. you're such a sweetheart and at the same time mean as hell!!

You need to bounce between being fun/funny and serious - that combination builds connections, have a mindset of, she is just a really cool girl, and the more you talk to her, the more you figure out she has the qualities you look for in a girl, and you just cant help but notice the little things

THAT is what girls fall for, when its a higher power driving you, not whats in your pants.

 

[Ease]

You need to start flirting - but what i call, on the fence flirting, where it never crosses that line of "hitting on her".

examples:
-we would just never work out because my favorite family guy charatacter is stewie and yours is the father, i need a stewie type girl =D
-you always laugh at my jokes, even the non funny ones.. you're such a sweetheart and at the same time mean as hell!!

You need to bounce between being fun/funny and serious - that combination builds connections, have a mindset of, she is just a really cool girl, and the more you talk to her, the more you figure out she has the qualities you look for in a girl, and you just cant help but notice the little things

THAT is what girls fall for, when its a higher power driving you, not whats in your pants.

A good rule to go by is that whenever 305 posts something, you do the opposite of what he says. Here he is saying some retarded crap that i didnt even read, so you do the opposite.

In this case you have to ask her out. I missed out on a lot of chances back in your age by not making a move. You might get rejected, but this one sounds like a sure thing.

 

[the305]

im actually flattered that i get so much attention - im not really an attention hoe at all but when someone takes the time out respond to every one of my posts, i get this feeling of importance! awesommee!!

 

[muddy_waters87]

Actually you probably already do have oneitis, since you refer to her as the only attractive girl in your class.

Just ask her out. If she says no, try again at a later time. If she says no again, next her. PERMANENTLY. No rejection, no awkwardness.

Actually she IS the only attractive girl in my class. I'm taking computer engineering, and all the rest of the chicks in the class are either from India, or not even worth a look at. There's 4 Indian chicks, and this other white girl that I wouldn't touch with a 50 foot pole.
By the way, I almost always sit close, if not next to this chick, and from what I've seen so far I'm pretty sure I have a decent chance with her. I'll make a move and let you know how it went.
Also, I like to stay fit by going to the gym a lot, and she seems to respect that, unlike most of the other girls I have ever dealt with. I always go with my buddy (every other day) before class, and by the time we get there she always asks us how our workout was. Also, she gave me her # without hesitation, although I asked her indirectly (by asking my firend for his, and then her), since we had just met that day, on the first day of classes.
Thanks for the advice!

 

[Radharc]

You need to bounce between being fun/funny and serious - that combination builds connections, have a mindset of, she is just a really cool girl, and the more you talk to her, the more you figure out she has the qualities you look for in a girl, and you just cant help but notice the little things

What the hell are you talking about? Fooling her into thinking you have that mindset and she falling for that? Or actually having that mindset and pre-qualifying the girl even before you actually know it?

Girls fall for that? How much sucess you had with that?

No offense mate, but seems a bit delusional - if thats all the game you have, that is.

 

[muddy_waters87]

Well, she's not here today. She texted me before class and said she won't be coming in today because she had a bad day and that she doesnt feel like coming to class. I wished her a happy birthday, and a good weekend saying I would see her on monday. How should I "ease into this" so to speak. I don't want to spook her out at all.

Thanks guys!

 

[the305]

What the hell are you talking about? Fooling her into thinking you have that mindset and she falling for that? Or actually having that mindset and pre-qualifying the girl even before you actually know it?

Girls fall for that? How much sucess you had with that?

No offense mate, but seems a bit delusional - if thats all the game you have, that is.

Who said anything about "fooling" and 'pre-qualify" ?

I told him to start flirting, get to know her a bit more, then bring up the little specific qualities that he notices about her, that he values in girls, have fun, be silly, and also be serious, this will lead to creating a connection if done right.

So your asking me if creating chemistry and a connection 'works' ?

 

[Radharc]

Who said anything about "fooling" and 'pre-qualify" ?

I asked which one it was.

When you say "have a mindset of, she is just a really cool girl, and the more you talk to her, the more you figure out she has the qualities you look for in a girl, and you just cant help but notice the little things" you are pre-qualifying the girl. What if she doesn´t have those qualities? You are trying a priori to find qualities in her regardless of who she really is.

I told him to start flirting, get to know her a bit more, then bring up the little specific qualities that he notices about her, that he values in girls, have fun, be silly, and also be serious, this will lead to creating a connection if done right.

So basically you are telling her - as soon as you meet her and start to flirt - that she is really great, she has a lot of the qualities of your dream girl and you are allready falling for her. Do you realize how afc that is?

And what is wrong with "crossing the line of hiting on her"? So you just keep afc-flirting and telling her how great she is and dont make a move because that would be hitting on her? And then she falls head over heels for you?

So your asking me if creating chemistry and a connection 'works' ?

What I´m asking is if that creates "chemistry", in your experience, that is.

 

[muddy_waters87]

I don't know if I mentioned this, but the other day I promissed her I would help her with a project since she was struggling with it. Now, she could have asked any other guy from our class, since they all know their $hit when it comes to computers, so to speak, but she waited for me to get there so that I could help her. Does this mean anything, or am I reading into this too much?

 

[muddy_waters87]

Also, on Tuesday, I promissed to her that I would help her out with a project. We met up in class right before the lecture started. Now, she could have just as easily asked any one else in the class, but she actually wanted me to help her. What I'm wondering is if she waited for me because she asked for my help in the first place, or was there more to it. What do you guys think?

 

[theunflushables]

Flirt, tease, push and pull, throw some negs at her, be ****y funny and charming. And on top of all of this run kino escalation! You cant just assume because your arms were touching that you're in. After class, grab her hand and say "let's go get some______" (whatever coffee shop, cafe, eatery, etc. is extremely close by).

At each step of kino you can see where her comfort level is at. If she withdraws her hand back off on the kino but continue to run comfort game and try another hand routine later like palm reading, ring routine, that old kids game "this is your driveway, this is your house, this your pool" (Note: Do not actually spit in her hand when you get to the pool part) or some other some fun game involving hands.

When she is comfortable with that level continue to proceed to the next level. If she pulls away, back down again, run comfort, try again later. Repeat until you get your desired results or she shoots you down.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Also, on Tuesday, I promissed to her that I would help her out with a project. We met up in class right before the lecture started. Now, she could have just as easily asked any one else in the class, but she actually wanted me to help her. What I'm wondering is if she waited for me because she asked for my help in the first place, or was there more to it. What do you guys think?

Bro your issue is really simple:

You lack self confidence.

Because of this, you over-analyze; this over-analysis creates doubt in your head and makes you continue to "wait" for the "sure sign."

In the mean time, days go by, you build up this situation, the girl and can't seem to strike while the iron's hot. If you end up losing, it will create more over analysis, more doubt and more careful calculation.

----------------------------------------------

Let me ask you this... when your hungry and your stomach starts growling, you know your hungry right? You don't hear one grumble from your stomach, then wait for several more just to confirm your hungry right? I didn't think so.

Well its the same thing here.....


This girl is interested in you, she enjoys your company and you need to STRIKE while the iron's hot!!! Were talking engineering here!!! Zero competition....

Man up, ask her out and don't worry about all the self doubt in your head.

Concurrently, start working on your inner game and self confidence, because THIS is what's preventing you from getting tons of @ss. Once you over come your fear, you'll get tons of girls with half the effort and thought.





PIMP

 

[the305]

I think the issue you have is you're trying to fit what im telling you into some cliche pickup categories and when it doesnt add up from the material you read/understand you say it... doesn't work - there nothing that "doesnt work" its all about understanding WHY things work.

rules of thumb, that you probably wont read in the lastest pua newsletter or whatever:
1. you dont hit on a girl until she is ready to be hit on.
2. creating chemistry is creating moments, such as giving her a nickname, having inside jokes, role playing that shes your bff or future ex wife.
3. you cant create chemistry and connections, without rapport, you build rapport by NOT HITTING ON HER.
4. You make a move and up the attraction when the time is right, but you need to CREATE the right time, it doesnt fall out of the sky]

Hope you understand now.

P.S. since when is telling a girl, you actually noticed her unique qualities that most guys just overlook a "AFC" thing?

I asked which one it was.

When you say "have a mindset of, she is just a really cool girl, and the more you talk to her, the more you figure out she has the qualities you look for in a girl, and you just cant help but notice the little things" you are pre-qualifying the girl. What if she doesn´t have those qualities? You are trying a priori to find qualities in her regardless of who she really is.



So basically you are telling her - as soon as you meet her and start to flirt - that she is really great, she has a lot of the qualities of your dream girl and you are allready falling for her. Do you realize how afc that is?

And what is wrong with "crossing the line of hiting on her"? So you just keep afc-flirting and telling her how great she is and dont make a move because that would be hitting on her? And then she falls head over heels for you?



What I´m asking is if that creates "chemistry", in your experience, that is.

 

[Kailex]

Who said anything about "fooling" and 'pre-qualify" ?

I told him to start flirting, get to know her a bit more, then bring up the little specific qualities that he notices about her, that he values in girls, have fun, be silly, and also be serious, this will lead to creating a connection if done right.

So your asking me if creating chemistry and a connection 'works' ?

The time he takes to start flirting, get to know her a bit more and eventually ask her out is time wasted.

That'll get him FZed quicker.

I don't get why it's so hard to JUST ASK A GIRL OUT.
It saves him ALL the time and the effort of trying to "create a connection". He can do that AFTER he says to her: Hey, we should go get a drink at XXX on XXX-day.

He can create that connection AFTER he's seen whether there's a shot at going further. What you're suggesting him to do is to waste weeks trying to get somewhere that could lead nowhere fast. What if in that timeframe of "creating a connection" before asking her out and just flirting with her in class, someone just comes out of nowhere and asks her out first. What then to make up for that?


All he needs to do is BALL UP and MAN UP and just TELL her that they are going out. He can work on flirting and anything like that AFTER the fact.


"On the fence" flirting? WHY? That's beta talk.
You should ALWAYS flirt with someone that you want to go out with unless it's a co-worker and could qualify as sexual harassment. Other than that, why hold back?

 

[the305]

READ THIS: When you approach a girl right off the bat (especially a girl you see everyday) without knowing her or her knowing you, and you attempt to ask her out or get her phone number, you just put ALL the power in her hands. Shes going to look at you, figure out if she is physically attracted to you and then analyze the situation at hand and make a decision, if shes comfortable or not with it or not.

verses building rapport, over a few days which would DRASTICALLY increase your odds at the SAME time, you gather information on.. if she has a bf.. what shes into and where you can take her. at this point YOU are the one with all the power. LETS say you guys DON'T click and have chemistry, you STILL have a new girl friend, you can hangout with, and maybe even meet her friends, and NOT some awkward moment everytime you two see each other because she rejected you.

What your saying is for someone to basically not study for their final exam in college, they should just MAN UP and take it, who cares about studying, it takes weeks, and its wasted time, because they can fail anyways....

ALSO friendzone has little to do with not "making a move" and has ALL to do with making the WRONG move.

Can I ask you a serious question.. where are you getting your information from?

P.S. you may have missed my post explaining the key points, full out flirting is NOT a good idea unless its the right time.

1. you dont hit on a girl until she is ready to be hit on.
2. creating chemistry is creating moments, such as giving her a nickname, having inside jokes, role playing that shes your bff or future ex wife.
3. you cant create chemistry and connections, without rapport, you build rapport by NOT HITTING ON HER.
4. You make a move and up the attraction when the time is right, but you need to CREATE the right time, it doesnt fall out of the sky]

The time he takes to start flirting, get to know her a bit more and eventually ask her out is time wasted.

That'll get him FZed quicker.

I don't get why it's so hard to JUST ASK A GIRL OUT.
It saves him ALL the time and the effort of trying to "create a connection". He can do that AFTER he says to her: Hey, we should go get a drink at XXX on XXX-day.

He can create that connection AFTER he's seen whether there's a shot at going further. What you're suggesting him to do is to waste weeks trying to get somewhere that could lead nowhere fast. What if in that timeframe of "creating a connection" before asking her out and just flirting with her in class, someone just comes out of nowhere and asks her out first. What then to make up for that?


All he needs to do is BALL UP and MAN UP and just TELL her that they are going out. He can work on flirting and anything like that AFTER the fact.


"On the fence" flirting? WHY? That's beta talk.
You should ALWAYS flirt with someone that you want to go out with unless it's a co-worker and could qualify as sexual harassment. Other than that, why hold back?

 

[Kailex]

305: Beta talk at its finest. You're the kind of person who believes in love at first sight, initial attraction leading to something on a level beyond the physical... destiny and all that crap.

You want to take that route? Fine.

Where do I get my information? Years of experience, not only through my eyes but through those of others. I've seen the situations unfold in my own life and by watching others operate. I've been that guy who tried to create attraction and build comfort. I always seemed to lose out to the guy who wanted to just dive in and get a number.

without knowing her or her knowing you, and you attempt to ask her out or get her phone number, you just put ALL the power in her hands. Shes going to look at you, figure out if she is physically attracted to you and then analyze the situation at hand and make a decision, if shes comfortable or not with it or not.

Junk.

I have all of the power because I am actively interested enough that I asked her. If asking her out or for her phone number is putting all of the power in her hands... how is waiting WEEKS any different? You're eventually going to ask the SAME question, but wasting a LOT more time. You will have invested a LOT more by waiting MORE. I'd rather get the answer now rather than play that game. It's those that wait in the wings that lose out to those that don't.

verses building rapport, over a few days which would DRASTICALLY increase your odds at the SAME time, you gather information on.. if she has a bf.. what shes into and where you can take her. at this point YOU are the one with all the power. LETS say you guys DON'T click and have chemistry, you STILL have a new girl friend, you can hangout with, and maybe even meet her friends, and NOT some awkward moment everytime you two see each other because she rejected you.

More hogwash.

Few days? And while I build this rapport without declaring a clear intention, I leave the door wide open for anyone else to swoop in and ask for her number and ask her out. And what you are talking about isn't a few days, but a few weeks. Again, how are YOU the one with all of the power if you eventually have to ask the same question that SUPPOSEDLY gives all the power away ANYWAY. You don't escape that moment.

I don't want new girl "friends". More beta talk.

Social proof? Fine. But I'm past that stage now. It's either women as interests or women as co-workers, none of this, I can use this woman to meet other women.

If the moment is awkward, then its YOU that's making it awkward. I'm perfectly fine with being turned down for a number. And that's what men on this website need to learn. You get rejected, fine, you walk away, but this forum is chalk full of posters who regret not having asked sooner or taking a chance. What you are advocating is to wait even LONGER.

What your saying is for someone to basically not study for their final exam in college, they should just MAN UP and take it, who cares about studying, it takes weeks, and its wasted time, because they can fail anyways....

You are comparing women to final exams???
Please, at least use a valid analogy.

You CANNOT compare these two and expect to get away with it.

1. you dont hit on a girl until she is ready to be hit on.

We always assume attraction, so you almost always assume she is ready to hit on unless she is displaying classic signs of "Don't approach me" (I.e. Woman on a bus wearing an IPod and reading a book).

2. creating chemistry is creating moments, such as giving her a nickname, having inside jokes, role playing that shes your bff or future ex wife.

Those are things you do AFTER the first date. NOT before. All of those things are a path to pedestalizing if you haven't even asked her out yet. It's the beta's path to disappointment.

3. you cant create chemistry and connections, without rapport, you build rapport by NOT HITTING ON HER.

You're kidding, right?
You JUST SAID to NOT hit on a woman you are interested in.
Are you female?

4. You make a move and up the attraction when the time is right, but you need to CREATE the right time, it doesnt fall out of the sky

The time is ALWAYS right.
There is no special moment. More beta talk.
"I just want to wait for the perfect time to get her number. All of the stars will align, there'll be no rain and flowers will be in bloom."

Please.

Anyone that listens to anything you post is surely taking a beta's path to anguish.

What you are saying MIGHT work in the movies or maybe 1 out of every 100 attempts, but you ARE WASTING TIME.

Days... weeks... months, just trying to get to know a girl before you go out with her??? I'll pass.