Need pointers with Asian lady.

[ZeeOwl]

Hey guys.

Here's the background info:
I "met" this Asian lady (she's 41, never been married as far as I know, no kids) on a personals site. We talked on the phone very breifly Saturday, just about our schedules mostly. I'm going to meet her for a coffee date probably Wednesday (I'll be calling her Tuesday to confirm). She's from Bankok, Thailand. Here on a 1 year visa. Her English is so-so, but definetly not fluent. My Thai is limited to "sawadi ka" (hello).

So any particular approach I should use or things I should look out for here? Because I know this is an unusual situation. I assume I should go easy on the C&F, mostly because she likely won't get most of it. And also, I know some Asian countries are very conservative. Is Thailand one of them?

Thanks for any input.

 

[dionysius_d]

find out.

An "asian" post lol.. gotta love it.

Sorry to say, but its not gonna be easy for you. The one year visa thing, and the fact she's from Thailand complicates things..

Your chief aim should be to work out what YOU want out of it, and what SHE wants underneath all the surface level stuff.

It's just gonna take time to try to sort out:

- is she looking for residency away from thailand (like 80% of other thai women)?
- is she looking for marriage material or just for short term?
- is she a player or is she genuine?
- what do you want out of it.

She's posted on a personal site.. my guess is she wants to meet a western guy for longish term prospects.

Overseas relationships are not easy (long term), but can be great fun short term.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: find out.

Originally posted by dionysius_d
An "asian" post lol.. gotta love it.

Ya, I'm sure I'll get a Pulitzer for originality with that title! lol But since this was a real Asian situation (this woman actually is fresh in from Asia, not just of Asian race, which to me is irrelevant), I thought I could get away with it.

Sorry to say, but its not gonna be easy for you. The one year visa thing, and the fact she's from Thailand complicates things..

I know, why do you think I'm fishing for advice...

- is she looking for residency away from thailand (like 80% of other thai women)?

Probably. She told me she was looking for work here, and was considering applying for citizenship if she found some. Though she missed Bankok and was still undecided. She's a kindergarden teacher. She has some family here (Toronto and Montreal). She's been here 6 months, and her visa expires in December. Strangely, she volunteered all of this info over the phone during our only live convo. I didn't ask her any personal questions. Was concentrating on the scheduling. Should I read anything into that? Never happened to me before...

- is she looking for marriage material or just for short term?

She's not clear about that (profile on site & convo). I'm guessing LTR, like you. Maybe marriage, but for that she can forget this dude. She did ask me if I'm divorced (she knows I have kids from my profile). I just replied "uh-huh", and went back to talking about scheduling. Wanted to stay out of "interview mode", especially on the phone.

- is she a player or is she genuine?

I think she's genuine. Her approach & style/background/situation just don't fit the player profile. But I'm a newbie DJ, so what do I know? lol

- what do you want out of it.

For the moment, dating & DJ skill experience. After that, no specific plan. Maybe STR. LTR if we really connect, though I'm not too keen on that in this case, since we live nearly two hours from each other. Marriage is out (been there ), and so is ONS (don't do those).

 

[ZeeOwl]

Just wanted to revive this thread since the date hasn't occured yet due to scheduling problems. Looks like it's going to go down Monday. So any insight/tips would be appreciated.

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by ZeeOwl
And also, I know some Asian countries are very conservative. Is Thailand one of them?

Umm... you're talking about Thailand? The site of Bangkok, AKA the Sodom of the Orient?

BGMan

 

[ZeeOwl]

Re: Re: Need pointers with Asian lady.

Originally posted by BGMan
Umm... you're talking about Thailand? The site of Bangkok, AKA the Sodom of the Orient?

BGMan

Yeah, I know what reputation Bankok has. But that may be just the seedy tourist district. I'm wondering what the mentality of the typical Thai woman is. Don't forget this lady is 41. She's not a teeny-bopper, so that may make a difference. Have you ever dated a Thai woman?

I'm especially interested in feedback from people with first-hand experience. Either from spending some time over there, or dating a Thai first-generation immigrant.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I'm Filipino, and haven't personally dated a 1st generation Thai woman. But, from the first generation Thai women I know, they love caucasian men. (I'm already assuming ZeeOwl is caucasian)

Most women from Thailand have a high sex drive and are pretty loyal/devoted lovers. Just watch out for her motives. It's very interesting how she devuldged about her citizenship status, her visa running out, and all the other info without you asking for it.

And you met her on an online personals site? I dunno bout this one my friend. I've also known a few Thai women that used American men to marry, get citizenship, divorce, and leave with half the property. Granted they weren't first generation Thai.

The big question is this:

What do you have to lose if you go on a date with this woman? Take her out, have fun, talk life, wine, arts - Be a DJ.

As long as you wear protection and don't marry this woman or sign citizenship papers for her, I'd treat her like any other woman who has interest in you.

Good Luck

 

[ZeeOwl]

Thanks -HPNOTIQ-, that was quite helpful. Coffee date set up for tomorrow (Monday) night, so I'll keep you posted.

And yes, ZeeOwl is caucasian. Canadian-born, with Scottish and French ancestry going back about 200 years.

 

[Ar7]

41 year old from thailand?

Most likely she is looking for marriage or visa...

Generally speaking Thai girls are fun to be with, but when it comes to class *cough* "what class?". Course there are few opposites, good luck, hopefully she is the type that actually counts *fingers crossed*.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Had the coffee date with the Thai lady this evening. It was the weirdest date I've ever been on! lol Mostly because her approach was like... all over the place and didn't make much sense. On the one hand, she told me more than once that she didn't really like it in Montreal (mostly because she doesn't have any friends here, and also the cultural differences), missed Bankok, and wanted to go back. But on the other hand, she was asking me alot of very personal questions. Which made her look like she was qualifying me as potential marriage material. During our convo, I got her talking about Bankok a lot. She confirmed that she was going back in December. Since I mentioned that I liked travelling, and was interested in Thailand, she asked me if I'd like to accompany her when she went back! Huh!?! That caught me a bit off guard, her making an offer like that to a guy she'd been talking to for 20 minutes, when she seems the overly cautious type. I replied, a bit surprised, that December was a little too soon for me, as I wasn't planning on doing any travelling in the near future. Then she mentions that I could meet a lot of sexy Thai women over there (while she did an hour-glass gesture to me). That really caught me off guard. I interpreted it as a test; she was trying to see if I'm a player. I replied that when I travel, it's for the cultural aspect. Though I think my tone of voice showed that I was off guard from that remark. She was really hard to follow. Sometimes she was friendly and laughed at my jokes and teasing. Other times, she became stand-offish and almost paranoïd.

I found out that she was actually born and grew up in the Philipines, and had moved to Bankok a few years ago. Which reminds me that when I arrived (she got there early), I gave her the typical Canadian hug and kiss on cheeks greeting. She told me a little later that was scary to her, as Asian's never do that with a stranger, only shake hands. That's the stuff I would have liked to know about, when I originally started this thread. Anyways, it didn't seem to have spooked her too much, since she was fairly friendly most of the time after that. Doing any kino on her was out of the question. At one point, I showed her she had a small piece of paper stuck to her hand, and as soon as I touched her, she pulled it back swiftly and nervously. How are you supposed to kino a non-westernized Asian woman?

I got the general feeling that she's dating mostly out of loneliness and boredom. Is that what people here mean by a "professional dater"? Though all those very personal questions she asked give a completely different feel...

The other really weird thing that came out, was her current living situation. She is renting the top floor of a duplex, from a Canadian family (Scottish/Irish ancestry). She told me that they are very pretective with her, and usually the woman from this family (Melissa) always accompanies her on first dates as a safety precaution. This was the first time she'd met a guy alone. I told her this was extremely unusual, as chaperones went out of style here in the 1950's. Especially considering that she's 41. She agreed that it's weird, but said that's the way the are...

My feeling was to Next her. I know I could use the dating experience. But I don't think anything more than dating would ever come of this. I doubt I'd ever get any sex from her. Especially since I can't see how I could initiate any type of physical contact without spooking her... That just seems like a conundrum with native Asian women. How can a guy incite one to want to get physical? And this whole chaperone scenario just seems too weird to be possible... Just a strange thought that crossed my mind; could she actually be prospecting for her friend, Melissa? Or maybe just trying to scare me off... Here's how our conversation ended:
Her: "You can call me if you like. Maybe we could go for dinner." (That made an alarm go off in my head, she's looking for a free dinner?)
Me: "Or maybe dancing, that would be fun." (She'd mentioned she loves dancing in our convo)
Her: "Yes. But Melissa would come of course."
Me: "Does that mean that I would have to dance with both of you?"
Her (laughing): "No. She's just a chaperone."
I waved goodbye and left.

How's that for a Twilight Zone date? I'm not sure what to make of it. The only angle that I would think is reasonable (if I decided to call her again), would be to tell her that I'd be willing to meet the family she lives with. i.e. pick her up at her place, and introduce myself. But I don't want Melissa along on the date. What do you guys think? Is that a good way to find out what she's about? Do you think I could gain any useful experience by seeing her again?

 

[dionysius_d]

Hey thanks for that run down.

To be honest, i can picture it exactly. I was very standard.

yeah, i have seen some host families go on with the "protection" bullshyt.. that's not unusual.

The other thing.. i thought you would have known about the body contact on first date hehe..

If you wanna win these kind of chix, you have to act like an "unattainable friend".. friend as in get close and get them interested.. but unattainable cause u are in demand also and have a life.

If they jab you with talk about "meeting other women" just laugh politely but don't take it seriously.. and tell her what I do : "If i want attractive women, there's plenty right here.. i don't need to go overseas".. that puts them on track.

To be honest, most are looking for LTR. And don't believe the shyt about how they miss their country. They might miss their family, but they WANT OUT of those 3rd world countries big time.
(and even others such as Japan, HK or China).

 

[seeVip]

I highly doubt she is testing you. Most asian cultures dont have many books or ideas on game and anything human nature related or psychology. They do but not to the clear extent as we do, and if she has a hard time understanding you it is very unlikely she will start to see if you are figuratively thinking anything, when she is trying to fully understand what is literal.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by dionysius_d
yeah, i have seen some host families go on with the "protection" bullshyt.. that's not unusual.

OK, that's pretty weird to me... So is my idea of agreeing to meet the family, but insisting on going out alone with her a good way out of it? Any other suggestions are welcome. Because there is no way I'm going on a date with a chaperone! lol I've never done that, even on my first date when I was 16, and the girl was 14. I'm 40, and she's 41...

i thought you would have known about the body contact on first date hehe..

Naw, didn't know about it. That's why I title my thread "Need pointers with Asian lady". Any other "obvious" stuff I missed? She's the first native Asian lady I've gone on a date with. The only other one I've known (1 date) was born in Montreal, so there was no major cultural difference. So how (and when) do you kino an Asian woman? And how do you incite one to get physical (get her thinking horny thoughts) with you without touching her?

If you wanna win these kind of chix, you have to act like an "unattainable friend".. friend as in get close and get them interested.. but unattainable cause u are in demand also and have a life.

I think I did a pretty good job of that on the date. The unattainable part anyways. The getting her interested part was tough, because it was very hard to get her to talk about herself, and what she likes. All I managed to get was that she would like to have more fun in her life, and likes to dance. If I see her again, I'm going to have to manage to get her to talk about herself more. Most of the time, she kept trying to get the conversation back into "interview mode", and asking me a bunch of very personal questions. Stuff a typical gal would have never dared ask me, especially on a first date. I dodged it as best I could, but she was asking so many of them that it was obvious I was dodging. Any suggestions on that?

If they jab you with talk about "meeting other women" just laugh politely but don't take it seriously.. and tell her what I do : "If i want attractive women, there's plenty right here.. i don't need to go overseas".. that puts them on track.

Yeah, I thought of that, after the date .

most are looking for LTR. And don't believe the shyt about how they miss their country. They might miss their family, but they WANT OUT of those 3rd world countries big time.

I expected that's what she is looking for. The type of questions she was asking confirmed that. She was just being contradictory with that premise sometimes, and I was wondering if that meant anything...

 

[ZeeOwl]

Bumping this thread back up, since no-one has been able to answer my questions about this particular case yet...

1) How do you kino an Asian lady? She's a "real" Asian, as in actually from Asia (born in Phillipines, lived in Thailand for the past few years). 41, never married, no kids, and only visiting here. So any type of physical contact is seen by her as being impolite.

2) How do you incite an Asian to want to get physical, and get her horny, without touching her?

I'm stumped here guys. And apparently I'm not the only one. Need help...

 

[JustDoItAlways]

While there are cultural differences between women of different countries and there may be differences in how they interact with men, it is always true that Women are Women no matter where they come from.

They all react generally the same way to male strength, DJ tactics, seduction etc. They will throw the exact same tests at you as women from the U.S. or Canada. Women are women the world over.

Just proceed as normal and throw your game at her as normal.

I would have a lot of doubts about a 41 year old Philipino from Bangkok on a six-month visa however. I would wrap that puppy up for sure given the spread of VDs (including HIV) and the degree of prostitution in Thailand.

For the record, I wouldn't believe the Kindergarten teacher story unless I had independent verification and I wouldn't let her have access to my bank account etc. etc.

 

[PEACEDJ]

Don't call her on Tuesday to confirm.. that makes you look desperate, but just because the female is 41.. you have to play your game right.

Remember, she's not in her twenties and she's probably trying to settle down.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by JustDoItAlways
While there are cultural differences between women of different countries and there may be differences in how they interact with men, it is always true that Women are Women no matter where they come from.

They all react generally the same way to male strength, DJ tactics, seduction etc. They will throw the exact same tests at you as women from the U.S. or Canada. Women are women the world over.

Just proceed as normal and throw your game at her as normal.

I agree with you in the general sense. The female brain is wired a certain way, and that's universal. But cultural upbringing has a major influence on that. For example, I know that in Japan, EC from a stranger is considered rude. My main problem is with the kino, and taking things to the physical level. If she were a Canadian girl (even of Asian descent), I'd just kino her and that would be the end of it. But this woman freaked out over a hug. She was nice enough to explain to me that this was not acceptable behavior in Thailand, and it made her uncomfortable. What I'd like is to have some idea of how to approach this like I know what I'm doing, and not having to ask her "is this ok?" all the time, and come off as an ignorant chump.

I would have a lot of doubts about a 41 year old Philipino from Bangkok on a six-month visa however. I would wrap that puppy up for sure given the spread of VDs (including HIV) and the degree of prostitution in Thailand.

For the record, I wouldn't believe the Kindergarten teacher story unless I had independent verification and I wouldn't let her have access to my bank account etc. etc.

That's a given. Though I very much doubt getting any sex from this woman. I can't see how, since I can't get past the "polite conversation" stage.... I don't absolutely want to either, I'd be satisfied with just the dating experience, especially since this is an unusual situation. I have a photo of her teaching her class. Though, honestly, I really don't care what she does for a living. As long as she's enjoyable company, I just want to see how far I can push this...